Chapter 39 I Love This Man
i love this man
RILEY
This time when I move in with Hayden, it’s for good.
I know in my heart he won’t let me go. He won’t push me away. The way Hayden Hale loves is unique and unexpected. Piper says she never thought he’d turn into such a simp, while Hunter laughs and says he’s always had it in him.
It drives Hayden nuts that they talk about him like that, but it helps to keep his ego in check. If he knew half of what Story says about him, though, her praise for Uncle Hayden would inflate his ego to the size of the Empire State Building.
Nastya agreed to help me pack, but said she’d block me if I moved out again. I told her “never,” and once the word left my mouth, I knew I meant it. I’m here to stay.
We spend as much time together as we can, visiting our friends and taking walks like we are today. The sun is out, and it’s warm for October, so we’re taking advantage of the weather and spending time with Ines and Santi.
Santi chatters about the park the whole way, and when we finally reach it, Ines and I sit on the bench.
Hayden, being Hayden is on the playground with Santi, gently pushing the swings.
As Santi swings back toward him, he says something, and the little boy laughs, loud and contagious.
This sight makes my heart sing and my imagination run wild with possibilities for our future, when it will be our little girl on a swing like that.
“You’re glowing,” Ines says, pulling my attention away from Hayden. “And not just because you’re pregnant. While your baby bump is visible now and you look gorgeous, this glow is simply because you’re happy.” She searches my face. “And loved.”
Cheeks heating, I lower my head. “Thank you.”
“I’m just stating the obvious.” Her dark brown eyes sparkle. “And I can’t wait to get you two into the studio. I have so many ideas for your photoshoot.”
A tingling sensation breaks out at the base of my neck. “The pictures you sent me as inspiration blew my mind.” I sneak a glance at Hayden, and then lean closer to Ines. “Hayden was at loss for words when I showed them to him.”
“Is he backing out?”
“Nope.” I shake my head. “Says he’s all in.”
“Good boy,” she says with a smile.
A burst of laughter springs out of my mouth. “He sure is.”
Ines tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear and glimmer in her eyes dissipates. She lifts a cup of coffee to her lips, but instead of taking a sip, she lowers it again, muttering, “Sorry. My mood swings are something else.”
I move closer, a sharp pang piercing my heart, and take her hand in mine. “You don’t need to be sorry. I understand.”
“I’m trying to build a life. For Santi and for me. I think…I think Owen would’ve wanted this for us. But there are days when I-I don’t know if I’m doing any of this right.”
“It’s not easy, but you’re doing everything you can for your little boy. Hayden told me how much Owen loved you. And you’re honoring that love every day. You’re an amazing mom.”
I wrap my arm around her, pulling her to me.
She puts her head on my shoulder and sighs.
“I wouldn’t have made it to this place without Hayden.
I was so lost and my life was shattered, but he held my broken pieces together even though he was falling apart himself.
He did it for me, for Santi and for Owen too.
” A strong shudder rolls through her body, and I tighten my hold on her.
“I’m so happy he has you now. Because you’re bringing him back.
Every time I see him, I notice more glimpses of old Hayden.
Of the guy I met when I started working with Sabotage.
And it gives me hope…that maybe one day I’ll find that too. ”
“I’m sure you will.” Sniffling, I scan the playground, until I’m met with a familiar pair of green eyes.
They’re full of intensity, but also understanding.
He misses Owen. He talks to him from time to time when he thinks no one is around.
It breaks my heart, but it also fills my body with warmth and tenderness.
Because it shows me just how deeply he loves. How deeply he cares.
Everything about Ted Lasso brightens my mood. It’s fun and light, and the characters are so complex and full of life.
Hunter rolled his eyes when Hayden mentioned that we’re watching it, but even he admitted the soccer parts are surprisingly accurate.
When the episode ends, I stand and pick up the empty mug off the coffee table, but before I can head to the kitchen, Hayden catches my arm. “Where are you going?”
“To wash my mug, and load the dishwasher before bed.”
He gives me his best puppy dog eyes. “The pile of plates and mugs won’t go anywhere. I’ll do it tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll do it now.” I gently pull my hand out of his grip.
“Ry…” He stands too and wraps his arms around me. “It’s late. Let’s go to bed.”
I chuckle. “You go to bed. I’ll join you soon.”
He cradles my face, looking at me with so much longing, that my resolve starts to disappear. Then he leans in and presses his lips to mine. This kiss is full of tenderness and love, making my heart beat faster.
Eyes closed, I let myself melt into his embrace. He brings out the strongest emotions in me. Some days I wonder if it will be like this after our daughter is born. What if my feelings are heightened because of pregnancy hormones?
He gives me a small peck. “Let’s go to our bedroom.”
“Ten minutes top.” I bite my bottom lip. “Please.”
He shakes his head, the corners of his mouth tipped up “Okay. But if you aren’t in our bedroom in ten minutes, I’ll bring you there myself.”
“Hmm. Maybe I should be late on purpose.” I giggle, stepping back from him.
He watches me, a cocky grin on his lips, as I pad into the kitchen. I put the mug into the sink, but before I can load the dishwasher, his strong arms wrap around me from behind.
My back is pressed to his naked chest, the heat of his skin seeping into mine. His hot breath fanning over my neck makes me shiver.
“Hade…”
“I can’t get enough of you,” he whispers. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can during my hiatus.”
“If I continue to monopolize your time like I have been, everyone will hate me,” I murmur.
“Nah,” he says, his lips brushing my neck and sending a shiver down my spine. “They will understand. And if they don’t, I don’t care. They’ll have to learn to accept it.” He takes my earlobe into his mouth, drawing a moan out of me.
“You’re making it very hard for me to concentrate.” I grip the edge of the sink, still pressing myself into him. Because who am I kidding? I don’t want him anywhere but beside me, even for a moment.
“Sorry. I can’t help myself. You’re so damn irresistible.”
I let out a short laugh. “And you’re a kiss-ass.”
That earns me another kiss on my neck and a light slap on my ass. Then he steps back, taking his warmth with him. “Ten minutes.” He throws over his shoulder as he strides out of the room.
As I load the dishwasher, I reminisce about my past. I find myself doing it a lot recently. Even in my wildest dreams I couldn’t have imagined that Hayden Hale would ever notice me, never mind that there would ever be a day when I would call him mine. Yet, that’s my reality.
Hade is loving and caring, and he’s not afraid to show his feelings for me, regardless of who’s around. Last week, when he told me I know more about him than even Piper, my little heart pitter pattered and the butterflies in my stomach totally lost their minds.
I blink, returning to reality, and load another plate into the dishwasher. What I know for certain is that he keeps his promises. So I put the last glass on the top rack, close the dishwasher, and hurry out of the kitchen.
I find Hade in nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. Fresh out of the shower, droplets of water still running down his torso. It’s like he’s taunting me on purpose.
Trying to ignore the growing warmth in my lower abdomen, I snag a set of PJs from the dresser and head to the bathroom.
“You barely made it before your ten minutes were up,” he teases as I walk past him.
“But I did.” I pause at the threshold. “While you took a shower without waiting for me to keep you company.”
His jaw unhinges and his towel slips lower, so it barely covers his groin.
It takes all my willpower to proceed with my plan to go to the bathroom. The damn man is enticing. “Well, I need ten more minutes,” I say and close the door.
The booming laughter that follows puts a smile on my face.
I love this man.
As I step out of the bathroom, I find Hayden tucked under the blanket with a book open in front of him and a serious expression on his face.
I slip under the covers and wiggle, searching for a comfortable position.
Without taking his eyes off the book, The Empire of the Wolves—a recommendation from me—he snakes his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close.
Am I that predictable?
“You were right. This book is more than just interesting,” he murmurs, glancing down at me. “Though, it’s also very dark.”
“I read it twice. I’m glad you decided to give it a try. Maybe I’ll eventually talk you into reading other books I love too.” I snuggle closer, closing my eyes. Mmm, he smells delicious.
“Maybe,” he says. “You want me to turn the lamp off? It’s been a long day. You must be tired.”
“Lately I can barely make it past nine, and it’s almost ten.” I yawn. “You can keep reading if you want. You’re not bothering me.”
He chuckles, closing the book. “I love falling asleep holding you in my arms. No matter how much I like the storyline, I will always choose you.” He tips to one side, setting the book on the nightstand, and turns the lights off. Then he holds me tight, his warmth lulling me to sleep.
I’m on the border of losing consciousness when a sudden thought rears its head.
“Hade?”
“Yeah?” His raspy voice in my ear sends shivers down my spine.
“Ines mentioned something today that made me think about us. So there’s something I wanted to ask you.” I stammer a little, my heart rate spiking.
He hums, shifting so we’re eye to eye. “Why do you seem so apprehensive to ask?”
I take in a shaky breath. “It’s just maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Maybe it’s too early.”
“Let me be the judge here, okay? I’m listening.”
“I’m due in March.” I blurt out.
He snorts. “Dr. Bell mentioned that.”
“Ines told me how much it meant to her to have Owen there when she had Santi. How much it helped to have his support.” I worry my bottom lip and peer at him through the dark. “So I was wondering…would you be there with me?”
Immediately, I second-guess myself. I should have waited to ask. It’s too soon.
His expression remains serious. “By ‘there,’ you mean the delivery room?”
“Uh-huh.”
He shifts, hovering over me now, his eyes locking with mine. “Did you really think I wouldn’t want to be there? That I’d be okay missing our daughter’s birth?”
My heart flutters, warmth spreading through me.
“Of course I’ll be there. For you. And our little girl.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he murmurs.
I put my hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face down until our lips meet. The kiss is slow and gentle, making my skin hum. Only when it feels like I might faint due to lack of oxygen do I move away.
With his forehead pressed to mine, Hayden exhales. “Never hesitate to talk to me. About anything. I love you, and I will do absolutely anything for you.” He plants a kiss on my nose. “And for our baby girl.”
“Okay,” I whisper, turning to my right side. “Can you please hold me?”
A throaty chuckle leaves his mouth as he pulls me to his chest, his palm resting on my belly from behind.
“Love you, Ry baby.” He kisses the crown of my head.
“Love you too.”
Drifting off to sleep while feeling absolute happiness? With Hayden it’s something that I feel all the time.