Chapter Twelve
Hades
It was the middle of the night and she was wide awake. For the third night in a row, Raven was up and pacing. She tried to be quiet, but only a small hallway separated our rooms, and I was entirely too fucking aware of her not to notice.
Every night, she got out of bed around two in the morning and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
Then she moved to the large windows overlooking the lake and stayed there for a few minutes before she went back to her bedroom and paced.
Back and forth she went, burning a hole in the pine floors before she slid back in bed and—presumably—stayed awake until the sun came up and it was time to start the day.
Not tonight.
I let her grab her water and soak in the beauty of the lake, but as soon as she started pacing, I shot out of bed and headed to my door, yanking it open and knocking on hers.
The pacing stopped and nothing but silence met me on the other side of the door for several long moments.
Eventually the door opened and there she was with disheveled hair, tired eyes, and a tank top that showed off a perfect handful of perky tits with diamond tipped nipples.
Her brows furrowed and her lips pursed when she saw me standing there. “Hades. What’s wrong?”
“Come with me.” The words came out harsher than I planned but the sight of her in those tiny shorts was too fucking much.
“Where are we going? Did you hear something?” Her voice followed me down the hall and into the living room.
I kept the lights off so we could see the lake, lit by the moon.
“Hades?”
“Nothing is wrong,” I finally answered, taking a seat on the sofa. “Sit.”
“What’s going on?” She sat on the middle cushion, which surprised the shit out of me, not that I minded.
“Nothing other than the fact that you aren’t sleeping.” I watched her, waited for her to deny it just to be contrary.
Her brows crinkled. “My bad. Did I wake you?”
I shook my head. “I don’t give a fuck if you wake me. Why aren’t you sleeping?” I knew the answer, but I needed to hear her say it.
“I don’t sleep much.” That was all she said. Four fucking words.
“I hear you at night, Raven. Walking around. Pacing. Keeping your mind busy.”
Her arms wrapped around her middle. “If you don’t want an apology, then what are you after?”
I turned back to the water. “Answers. Talk to me.” Our gazes collided, holding for so long I almost got lost in those obsidian depths.
She held her breath for a long time, weighing her options before she nodded.
“I don’t sleep much,” she said again, but she wasn’t finished.
“It’s why I like being at the clubhouse.
I know I’m safe there, but even then, I get three, maybe four hours of sleep.
If I’m lucky. Been that way since I got out. ”
She said it like she was in prison, serving a sentence. “You mean since you escaped. Survived.”
Her eyes softened. “Yeah, that.” She offered a smile but no more words and I knew if I wanted her to open up, I had to do the same.
I stood and went to the kitchen, grabbing two cold bottles of beer because somehow beer made it easier to talk.
“When I was discharged from the Army, I was lost. I felt fucking useless. I thought that would be my whole fucking life, at least my whole career, and then it was gone and I was… I don’t know, aimless.
” I spoke words to her I never said out loud to another human and here I was sharing them with my best friend’s sister.
“And then I met Falcon and he introduced me to the Steel Demons.”
“And you found another purpose?” There was a smile in her voice, and I couldn’t help but turn to look at her. I loved it when she smiled with her whole face.
“Something like that. The MC isn’t all that different from the Army. Brotherhood. Fighting. Protecting interests.”
“Only it’s more tangible. You know who and what you’re fighting for.”
“Exactly,” I grinned.
Silence fell between us again, peaceful and comforting. “I was stupid to believe that job was anything more than too fucking good to be true.” She shook her head, hands balled into tight fists in her lap. “I mean, what kind of job pays that much money and gives you a place to stay? Stupid.”
“No, don’t do that.” My voice was calm but intensity snaked through every syllable. “You couldn’t have possibly known a basic housekeeping job would end up like it did. Now you know.”
“Yeah,” she sighed and rolled her eyes. “I feel guilty sometimes, you know, about surviving. Not just because other girls didn’t.” She started to speak again and then filled the silence with a sip of beer.
“Why, then?”
“Because…” she sighed. “I was lucky, if you can call it that. The only perk that came with being Viktor’s pet, his favorite property, was that I was only with him.
” She shuddered like she was reliving her time with him, and I hated that shit, so I reached out and laid my hand on top of hers.
“So many girls escaped and when they came back their punishment was to be rented out to whoever was willing to pay, sometimes for sex but also torture, beatings or whatever else someone wanted to pay for.”
As she spoke, I thought of all the ways I would make Viktor Kozlov and his men pay. I’d do whatever it took to make sure the whole fucking organization paid for what they did to Raven and those girls. “I’m sorry, Raven. So fucking sorry.”
“Thanks.”
It wasn’t enough. I wrapped my hand around hers and squeezed it. “Just do me a favor and stop blaming yourself. All of that shit was horrible and none of you deserved it. Having it less bad is fucking relative.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I’m working on that.”
“Good.”
“Are my emotions making you uncomfortable?” She grinned, always teasing me even when we’re talking about seriously dark shit.
“Hell no,” I grunted, releasing her hand and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “I think vulnerable is an unnatural state for you, Raven. You are entirely too fucking tough, too much of a smartass, too strong to let anyone make you vulnerable.”
She let out a shaky sigh before laying her head on my shoulder. “I like that you think so, but most days I feel like a fucking fraud.”
“That’s because you had a few tough years and some assholes made you forget, but you have no problem giving me shit so I think maybe you just forgot for a little while.”
She let out a watery laugh and elbowed me in my side. “It’s so easy with you.”
I wasn’t sure if she realized what she said but those words sent a steel cupid’s arrow straight to my fucking heart.
I couldn’t think straight for a full minute, not with all the shit racing through my mind as she laid on my shoulder, trusting me with her weight and her secrets.
It was stupid, feeling this way about Raven.
She was Falcon’s sister. She was under my protection.
She was in a vulnerable position and I couldn’t—wouldn’t—take advantage of that shit.
“It’s easy because that girl you think is lost is still in there.
Don’t let these assholes make you forget that. ”
“You trying out a side hustle as a motivational speaker?”
I laughed, holding her tighter. “Nah, that’s just for you.” Being close to her like this was playing with fire and I knew it, but having her in my arms like this only highlighted what I’d been lying to myself about.
I liked her. I fucking liked her a lot.
“Because I’m such a mess?” she asked in a quiet voice I barely recognized.
“Nope.”
“Then why?”
“Because I love it when you give me shit. And because when you’re vulnerable it makes me want to kill people. A lot of people.” That was too much and I knew it, but it was the truth.
“That’s sweet,” she whispered, letting out a watery laugh.
“Haven’t you heard? I’m a real fuckin’ sweetheart.”
Raven laughed again and wove her arms around my waist, laying on my chest as we watched the moon and the lake outside the window.
It was the most peace I’d known in a long time, and I relished it.
I relished holding her in my arms with her scent invading my nostrils, locking itself in my brain permanently.
We stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other physically but separately lost in thought. Eventually, Raven’s breathing evened out and she fell asleep. Finally.
I let her sleep where she was, glad she was finally getting some rest. At some point before the sun came up, I fell asleep too. With Raven in my arms.
Where she belonged.
As I drifted off to sleep, I knew I had a decision to make. Risk Falcon’s wrath by making her mine or keep my distance and lose her forever.