Chapter Thirty-Three
Raven
Just tell me you’re okay because I’m kind of freaking out.
Macy’s message sat on my phone, taunting me and twisting the guilt that churned like acid in my belly. She was worried about me and not knowing was eating her up.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard on screen, desperately wanting to respond but knowing if I did, I would get sucked back into a life I wanted but couldn’t have.
That thought was why I’d snuck out three days ago after breakfast, before the clubhouse was fully awake and bustling with activity.
I’d thought long and hard about it, but in the end, I knew I couldn’t stay.
Part of me wanted to talk to Hades, to hear what he had to say, but the way he paused when my brother confronted him told me everything I needed to know.
He was always going to choose his best friend, and I couldn’t stay and watch Hades move on and find another woman, fall in love with her.
I couldn’t stay and watch the fracture I’d created between my brother and his best friend.
So, I packed my two meager bags and walked a few blocks away from the Steel Demons property and called a rideshare that took me to a shitty motel packed with tourists too cheap—or too smart—to pay Vegas prices.
In the chaos of crying children, elderly tourist groups, and harried parents, I started cobbling together a new life.
That new life began with a place to live, which was how I’d found Bettie.
She was a seventy-eight-year-old widow who lived in a big house where she’d raised four children who now lived all over the country.
She was lonely and liked to rent out rooms for cheap just to have a little bit of company, and that suited me just fine.
“We’re having pasta salad today,” Bettie said, her soft voice cutting through my thoughts. “Want to make the dressing?”
I smiled and nodded. “Sure. Do you like creamy dressings or a vinaigrette?”
Bettie shrugged her delicate shoulders. “Surprise me!”
I smiled. Bettie was the grandmother I’d never had but always wanted. She was a petite firecracker of a woman with a kindly smile. We’d gotten to know each other a little over the past few days, and her presence steadied me. Made me think that maybe I could do this, rebuild my life.
Again.
I spent all day looking for work and sketching out plans for the future. I had no fucking clue how I’d work and take care of a brand new baby, especially with my limited work history. But it had to be done, which meant I had to figure it out. Alone.
I made a creamy dressing for the pasta salad and tossed it while Bettie pulled the salmon from the oven. She set two cups of fresh strawberry lemonade on the table while I set out the flatware, and minutes later we were seated at the table with a feast before us. “This looks delicious, Bettie.”
She beamed proudly and picked up her fork. “I love to cook and for the past few years I haven’t had many people to cook for.”
I frowned. “Your kids don’t visit?”
She shrugged. “They each visit two or three times a year, and I go crazy in the kitchen,” she laughed to herself. “But it’s not the same as cooking meals daily for the people you love.”
I took a big bite, savoring the flavors. “I’ll bet your family loved it. You’re a damn good cook.”
She blushed. “My Arnie loved to eat, he had such a passion for life… and for me,” she added with a conspiratorial whisper.
Her eyes glazed over as if she was staring at the past. “Oh, he was a handsome devil and an outrageous flirt. Hooked me from the first wink.” She sighed as if she still saw him in her mind’s eye.
“No wonder you miss him. A man like that is a unicorn.” He loved her so good she still missed him a decade after his death.
“What about you, Raven? Do you have anybody to love you?”
I laughed, but the sound was bitter even to my own ears.
“I have a brother, and there was someone… only I don’t think he felt the same.
” Over the next twenty minutes, I spilled my entire ugly life story to the kind old woman who listened with wide, shocked eyes.
“I’m rebuilding here,” I said, trying for stoic and failing miserably.
“Oh, you sweet girl!”
My cheeks heated and I held my face in my hands, completely humiliated. “Oh my god, Bettie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to unload all of that on you.” I shook my head and pushed away from the table. “You’re so easy to talk to and I’m, I guess I’m just emotional.”
Tears pooled in her eyes as she reached out and laid a hand over mine. “You’ve been through more than any one person should be expected to endure, and you’re still here. Still standing.”
I offered a sad smile. “Wobbling, but I’m trying to get back to standing.
Your ad was just what I needed.” I didn’t tell her that it was perfect because I didn’t need a background or credit check, which would make it harder for Slate to track me down if anyone decided to come looking for me.
I kind of left that bit out of my story. Along with the dead Russians…
“I’m happy to pay some of my good fortune forward, honey. You and the baby can stay here as long as you need.”
I gasped. “How… how did you?” I couldn’t finish the words, my mind raced to think of what I’d done to give away my secret. “I won’t disturb your life, I promise. I’m looking for a job so I can find a place before the baby comes.”
Bettie grinned. “I was pregnant six times in my life and gave birth to four children. I know pregnancy when I see it.”
I nodded and looked away when tears welled in my eyes.
The doorbell rang and Bettie perked right up. She loved visitors so much she’d had a thirty minute conversation with the mailman yesterday. While Bettie went to the door, I cleared the table, ready to make myself scarce, while she traded stories with someone else.
I heard her voice from the hall. “My aren’t you a tall, handsome drink of water.”
I smiled and shook my head. Guess Arnie wasn’t the only outrageous flirt.
But then I heard a familiar deep voice respond, “Now, ma’am, I’ll have you know I’m spoken for. That’s if she wants me.”
Hades.
How had he found me? My mind raced as I packed away the leftover pasta salad, ready to head up the back staircase and hide in my room when Bettie’s voice sounded behind me.
“You have a visitor. A very handsome visitor.” She moved aside as if I couldn’t see Hades’ giant, looming frame behind her.
My gaze slammed into his and my breath stopped in my chest. He was just as gorgeous as ever, but the pained look in his eyes nearly knocked my knees out from under me.
Instead, I steeled myself against those soft feelings and squared my shoulders.
“How did you find me?” I crossed my arms and waited.
And waited.
Hades studied me. “Did you think I was gonna let you go? Do you really think I wouldn’t look for you?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “That’s exactly what I thought.” It didn’t matter that I dreamed he might come after me, because those were just fantasies of a little girl. “What are you doing here?”
He crossed those giant arms, mirroring my defensive stance. “I’m here for you.”
I stood a little taller and rolled my eyes. “As you can see, I’m fine. Learning to stand on my own for once.”
His brows shot up and pride flashed in his eyes. A second later, his posture relaxed, his arms fell to his side and his expression softened. “You hate me now, Raven?”
I shook my head. “No,” I answered softly. “It would be a lot easier if I did.”
He got to his feet, crossing to me and trapping me against the sink between his thick arms. “Good, because I don’t hate you either. I love you, Raven. I fucking love you.”
Don’t be swayed, I told myself as my eyes slid shut. I wanted to hear those words from his mouth, but more than that I wanted those words to be true.
Hades kept going without any input from me. “I was a coward, and I’m so fucking sorry for that. Your brother is my brother, and his friendship means a lot to me, but not more than you. Nothing matters to me more than you. You never gave me a chance to explain.”
I couldn’t look at him because I knew if I did, if I saw the same emotions in his eyes that I heard in his voice, I’d crumble.
I’d give in. I wanted to give in because I loved the big idiot, but I knew the truth.
He felt guilty for hurting me, which was just another reason to love him.
But guilt wasn’t love. “You’re here now because you talked to Falcon and he’s okay with our relationship. ” It wasn’t a question.
He shook his head. “No.”
“So you didn’t talk to him?”
Hades said nothing.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I shoved his chest, but he didn’t budge because he didn’t want to.
“No,” he said, his voice firmer this time. “I told him that I was in love with you. I didn’t ask for his permission or even his fucking blessing, because I don’t care if he gives it. I’m here because this is where you are that is always where I want to fucking be, at your side.”
I closed my eyes again, trying really fucking hard to be unaffected by the words I was desperate to hear.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you. Yes, I wanted your brother to know, and I wanted him to be happy with us being together. But if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t give you up.”
He was saying everything I wanted to hear.
He continued, “I talked to him because I needed to let him know I wasn’t just fucking around with his baby sister.
That it was serious.” He tucked my hair behind my ear.
“The truth is that I was trying to work up my courage to talk to you when Macy came freaking out because you left. You fucking ran away.” He sounded hurt and that caused another ache in my chest.
“I needed space. I needed…” I paused. “I don’t know what I need.”
“You need me and I need you,” he insisted, gripping my arms firm enough that I couldn’t walk away. “I fucking love you and I want this to work. I want to make it work so I can go to sleep with you in my arms and wake up to your smiling face the same way.”
My breath hitched, making it hard to swallow.
“I mean it,” he answered quickly, pressing his forehead to mine. “I mean every damn word.”
“I’m pregnant.” I blurted the words out before I lost my nerve. “I figured you should know. In case it changes how you feel.”
“It does,’ he said, and kissed me with the ferocity of a starving man. “I wasn’t planning on giving up on you, on us, anyway. But now, fuck, this changes everything Raven. Everything.”
“It does?”
“Fuck yeah, it does, darlin’. I want you to come live with me in my house.”
I stood open-mouthed at his request.
“There are two extra bedrooms so you don’t have to stay in my bed, though I’m hoping you will. Eventually.” His smile was so hopeful, so fucking earnest my breath got stuck in my throat.
My head was swimming at the rapid change of circumstances. I expected him to reject me and the baby, to tell me he wasn’t ready, or worse. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect him to be happy about it. My heart was screaming ‘Yes!’ but was it enough? “I need to think about it.”
“Yeah, of course,” he whispered, kissing the corners of my mouth. “Move in and think about it there. I promise to give you the space you need to decide what you want and need from me.”
“I want that…” I started. I saw the hopeful look in Hades’ face.
I had to be strong, though. This was my future—our future—that was at stake.
“For the last three years I’ve been hiding, running away from a past I couldn’t escape from, because even if I was out of his control, Viktor was still in my head.
Now I can start to live again and think of the future.
I have to think of the future for the baby’s sake.
I just need some time to get my head around all the changes, and being with you or at the clubhouse, isn’t gonna let me make peace with what’s happened,” I paused, hoping he realized this wasn’t me running away, just taking a step back.
“When you left the Army did you feel lost for a while?”
Hades looked thoughtful, “I guess…”
“It’s like that. It’s not that I don’t want to see you, you can come and visit me here if Bettie says it’s okay. It’s just I need a few days to decompress, okay?”
“A few days?” he asked.
“Just a few days. I’m not talking weeks or months.”
He let out a sigh. “Yeah, sweetheart. Okay, if that’s what it’s gonna take.”