Chapter 17 Xade, Age 7
Today was the day Mommy went away forever. My eyes are sad and watery now, but Daddy says I need to be brave like a superhero. He made me wear a scratchy black suit that feels like sandpaper on my skin. I just want to hide under my blankie and cry until all the tears run out though.
We said goodbye to her in the morning. There were pretty purple flowers on the rock where she sleeps now. The sun was shining so brightly like it wanted to make us feel better. And everything looked really nice, just like how Mommy liked things to be.
The church where we met with family was big and echoey.
My shoes tapped on the hard floor as I walked up to see her one last time.
She looked like she was sleeping in a fancy box full of big white pillows.
I wanted to wake her up, but Daddy said she can't ever wake up again.
That made me start crying all over, and Daddy squeezed my hand, even though he was sad, too.
After we left the church, we drove to the graveyard in Daddy's big black car.
Mommy had a special ceremony, and the sun was shining down from the clear sky, just how she liked.
It was so pretty, but I couldn't stop crying because I missed her so much.
Daddy said she left us in an accident at work, but everything feels wrong now.
It's hard to hold my little brother without feeling lost.
Mommy brought him home one day and said he was my new baby brother, Jonathan.
He's not mean like our dad says. I thought maybe after Mommy came back, they would be happy again, but now, she can't come back ever again, and Jonathan doesn't understand why.
He turns four soon, but I don't think that will make things better.
Mommy was supposed to be here, but she had to go away forever. Daddy cries a lot now, too, which is weird because he never used to cry. But nothing makes sense without Mommy here with us.
After the funeral, Jonathan and I played in my room, but he started to cry again. His cries were in my ears as I held him. He didn't understand why he was sad, but I did. Mommy was gone.
I yelled at him, hoping to make him stop, but it only made him cry even harder. He shook with each sob, but after a while, he went back to playing with his toys on the floor, pretending they were real cars and making vroom vroom noises.
We were still playing when the front door crashed open, and Daddy stormed into my room, his black suit still on from Mommy's funeral. He grabbed Jonathan hard, making him yelp in pain. I tried to hold on to my brother, but Daddy ripped him away from me.
I begged Daddy to stop and leave Jonathan alone, but he kept pulling him, ignoring my cries. I could smell the yucky drink on Daddy's breath when he yelled at me to let go.
"Dade," my brother called out to me through his sobs. "Dade, help!" His little hands reached for me as Daddy dragged him down the hall.
"I'm coming!" I yelled back, chasing after them as fast as my feet could carry me. My father dragged my brother toward the front door, and I ran after them. My socks were slippery on the shiny floor.
"What are you doing? Stop it!" I pleaded with Daddy, grabbing his arm tightly. Jonathan kept crying and reaching for me, his little face all red and wet with tears.
Before I knew it, a sharp, stinging pain spread across my cheek. Daddy raised his hand again, but it hurt so much I stumbled backward, my cheek burning.
"Stay out of this, Xade," Daddy yelled at me.
"Jonathan!" I shouted, tears turning my vision fuzzy.
Daddy ignored me and shoved Jonathan out of the house. He slammed the front door shut behind them, but I ran to the door, pulling on the handle with all my might. I pounded on it with my fists, but the door wouldn't open.
The house felt so empty and quiet without Jonathan there. I slid down against the door and cried into my hands. I wanted Mommy and my brother to come back home. I wished I could be brave like a superhero and stop Daddy from being so mean.
I looked out the window, but I couldn't see Daddy's car anymore. It was getting dark outside, and I wondered where they went. My tummy rumbled loudly, and I was so hungry. I wanted Mommy to make me mac and cheese, my favorite.
I wandered around the house looking for the phone so I could call for help, but Daddy must have taken it with him.
I started to cry again and pulled my blanket off the couch.
I curled up in the corner with it, trying to get warm.
I hugged my stuffed elephant close, the one Mommy had given me on my birthday last year.
"Where are you, Mommy?" I whispered to it, my voice small and sad.
I touched my sore cheek where Daddy had hit me. I didn't understand why he was so mean lately. I just wanted things to go back to how they were before Mommy went away.
I closed my eyes tight, hoping it was all just a bad dream and fell asleep on the floor. I dreamed about our family all together again—me, Mommy, Daddy, and little Jonathan. We were happy, but then I woke up and remembered nothing would ever be the same without Mommy.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I pulled the blanket tighter around me and waited in the dark house for Daddy. The silence was so loud, broken only by the faint ticking of the clock on the wall, and I hugged my stuffed elephant tighter.
I wrapped the blanket around myself, trying to block out the noise, but it only seemed to get louder. As the night wore on, I went to sleep again, my dreams filled with images of Mommy and Jonathan. In my dreams, we laughed and played like we used to.
The sound of a car pulling into the driveway woke me up, and I jumped off the sofa, calling for my brother.
But Daddy stumbled into the house alone, reeking of the stinky stuff Mommy didn't like him to drink.
He collapsed on the couch without a word, and I watched him for a while, hoping he would say something, do something to make things better.
But he just laid there in the dark.