Chapter 34 Xade #2
I watch Avalynne as she scours the papers.
The color bleaches from her cheeks as she does.
It's all there—her grandfather's explicit instructions, all intended to make his granddaughter atone for her so-called sins.
She sets the pages down slowly and starts to turn away, but I can't lose her again.
A week was too long. Another day will kill me.
"Wait." I grab hold of her hand. "Stay."
She looks back over her shoulder at me.
"Why?" she asks.
"Because I want you to stay," I tell her.
Because I need you to.
At my words, she winces. "You made it very clear how you feel about me, Professor."
I circle my desk, and up close, she smells like sugar, too sweet for this place, too innocent for me, but I can't let her go.
I. Can. Never. Let. Go.
I need her to understand!
"I'm sorry, Avalynne." I lift my free hand to brush stray hair away from her face.
"I'm sorry for everything. I thought I was …
I thought if I said that shit to Georgina, I'd be able to protect you, that she'd let it go, but …
fuck," I shudder with the memory of that damned heretic's fork, "I made everything worse. I'm so sorry."
I step even closer to cradle her face in my hands. Her skin is frost-covered roses beneath my fingertips. "I wish I could take it back. I should have kissed you the moment I read your list, and you called me an asshole—for the second time. You aren't pathetic, Avalynne. I am."
Her breath hitches, and I see it written across her face. She doesn't believe me.
"I lied, Avalynne," I continue. "I lied because I thought I was protecting you and, if I'm telling the truth, because I wanted to believe the lie.
God knows, it would be easier if I didn't care for you.
But like it or not, you occupy my every thought.
I need your smartass tongue in my classroom, in my life, challenging me at every turn.
I need your beguiling mind, galvanizing me to be a better man.
I need you. You walked into my office tonight, and for the first time in a week, I feel like I can breathe. "
I tug her closer until her front skims my middle. I look down at her, and she up at me as one second passes. Two seconds. Three.
I should let her go, but I can't.
She sucks in a breath through her perfect, pursed lips. A second stretches into an eternity.
"Professor Thatcher …" she begins.
It sounds like I'm begging because I am. "Please, Avalynne, call me Xade."
She blinks up at me. "You … hurt me, Xade."
"And I will regret it until my soul turns to stardust."
It's not enough. I know it's not.
Fuck it.
I sink to my knees.
"What are you doing?" she blinks, surprised.
"Begging your forgiveness," I tell her.
She goes utterly still, shocked. She should be. I am never on my knees, not for the Lord Almighty or otherwise.
"Tell me what I have to do to earn your forgiveness." I hold her hand between my own.
"I don't …" The sentence dies on her tongue.
I stay on my knees and peer up at her. "Give me a chance to make it right, Avalynne. Please."
She sucks in a quick breath, her bottom lip falling open.
"You said what you did to protect me." Her words are slow and measured.
"Yes, and I wish I could take it all back."
I watch the gears churn behind her beautiful eyes.
"You were trying to keep me safe," she continues.
"Yes."
"You lied when you said those horrible things."
"Yes."
"You told my grandfather to bring me home."
"Repeatedly, even though it would kill me for you to leave."
"And you are asking for my forgiveness."
"I'll do anything."
"Stand."
Immediately, I rise to my feet and tip forward, letting my mouth feather her forehead.
"I am consumed by you, Avalynne Immorier.
You annihilate my best intentions and every one of my plans.
You have the power to devastate me with a single look and bring me to my knees at a moment's notice.
You are everything, and I am begging you to please forgive me. "
She inhales sharply as my phone dings.
Goddammit. Not now.
I ignore it. It dings again.
"Are you going to get that?" she murmurs, her warm breath hitting my open collar.
"No."
"It could be important."
"You are important."
It vibrates this time, and I nearly throw it into the hearth.
Goddammit, how many times is it going to remind me of the unread message?
"It could be about me."
Not releasing her, I curse and slide the thing out of my pocket. I blink down at Ezra's text over her shoulder.
Meet me in the crypt.
No apology. No mincing of words. No anything.
Of-fucking-course.
"Let me prove it to you," I plead, pocketing my phone and stepping back just enough to look down at her.
I watch her think it through.
Please, Avalynne, please.
Slowly, she swallows and nods. It's enough. It has to be.
"Do you need anything?" I ask quickly. "Food? Water? Something stronger?"
"I wouldn't say no to any of that."
"Bottom left desk drawer," I tell her. "Help yourself. Just stay here, please. Wait for me."
I turn and stride to the door.
"Where are you going?" she asks.
I look over my shoulder at her and commit the vision to memory. She's breathtaking even at her worst, ashen flesh speckled with dirt and red rimming her ocean eyes.
"I'm going to make sure Georgina never touches you again." Then I leave my office, closing the door behind me.