Chapter 16 – Mindy #2
“I still have that ugly shirt. Most of the writing came off the first time I washed it.” I give her a half-smile before continuing.
“Since we were staying at an all-inclusive resort, I wanted to go back there for lunch so we didn’t spend any more money.
But Roger and Rose insisted on eating at some little diner one of Rose’s friends told her about. ”
Caroline makes a retching sound, and I laugh. “The place was horrible.”
“Worse than Waffle House after midnight?” Aubrey inquires, and I’m suddenly hit with a memory from seven years ago. From that night. With that guy.
“I actually love a late-night Waffle House run. You never know what’s going to happen,” I say fondly before getting back on track.
“Anyway, the place didn’t appear to be the most hygienic.
There was food crusted on the menus, and the water was this yellowish color with little flecks floating in it. ”
I shake my head and nibble on another chip. “Rose ordered beef enchiladas while Roger and I got chicken parm.”
“You ordered chicken from a gross restaurant?” Aubrey scolds in her nurse voice. “Never, ever, ever get the chicken. You wouldn’t believe the stuff we see in the emergency room from badly cooked or stored chicken.”
“Yeah. I know that now,” I remark dryly. “I’ve only started to be able to eat chicken again in the past few months.” I rub my stomach. “Vomiting for days made a lasting impression.”
“Tell her about your ass exploding,” Caroline says as the waiter walks by our table with quick steps. Poor dude. I’m not sure I can ever show my face in this restaurant again.
“She’s a nurse,” I reply. “I think she can adequately deduce the things that were happening in our digestive tracts. Suffice it to say, we stayed in bed for the remainder of the trip. And when I say in bed, I don’t mean that in a sexy way.
Rose was amazing though. She came by several times a day and put cool cloths on our heads and tried to make sure we were drinking enough. ”
“That’s the least she could do since it was her fault your entire honeymoon was ruined,” Caroline points out.
“Can we go back to your anniversary tonight?” Aubrey asks, and I nod, done with the hideous memories. “Why can you only have sex when Rose is gone? I mean, is she elderly and just wanders into the room while Roger is going to town on you?” She giggles at that last part.
“No, she’s only fifty-two. Roger’s just not comfortable doing it while she’s home. He’s afraid she’ll hear us.”
“So what?” Caro pipes up. “Again, let me remind you that you’re married. Has she complained about you being too loud during sex?”
The server chooses that moment to reappear with our food, and I make a mental note to leave the guy a nice tip to put toward his therapy fund.
“Rose is so sweet and polite that she would never mention it if she did hear us. But I wouldn’t know for sure because we’ve actually never had sex with her in the house.”
“Never?” Caroline’s head jerks forward, and she’s rewarded with a face full of thick, brown hair.
She pushes her tresses behind her ears and blinks at me in astonishment.
“You’re telling me that in three years, you’ve never once had sex with your mother-in-law in the apartment? Not even some sneaky morning sex?”
“Rose is an early riser,” I explain.
My friends share another look, which is honestly starting to annoy me. It’s like they’re having a secret conversation about me right to my face. “This is worse than I thought,” Aubrey says, picking up her wrap. “What are we going to do about it?”
Caro wiggles her eyebrows. “Yeah, we need a plan of attack for tonight.”
Burying my head in my hands, I groan, “Nooo, not a plan!”
Ignoring my protest, she jabs her fork into her salad and pauses with a mass of lettuce right in front of her mouth.
“Yeah, definitely need a plan.” She sticks the food into her mouth, her eyes going heavenward in thought.
“You need to be irresistible tonight. Let’s see…
what do I have that you can wear?” As she chews, I can see her mentally flipping through her closet.
“Caroline, I already have my outfit picked out. I’m wearing my blue dress.”
Her face scrunches up like I’d told her I was going to wear a dirty potato sack. “Do not wear that old frock if you’re wanting to get your ass spanked while Roger rides you like Secretariat on the homestretch.”
“I’ll just leave your check here,” the server says, placing the folder on the table and backing away like there’s a bomb on our table.
“That poor man knows entirely too much about our sex lives,” I comment with a woeful shake of my head. “And what’s wrong with my blue dress? I think it’s nice.”
She makes a face. “Okay, boomer. If you want to look like an elderly librarian who’s never seen a dick before.” Sucking a cherry tomato from her fork, she chews thoughtfully before her full lips curve up into a wicked smile. “I’ve got it! My Black Dress.”
Aubrey’s deep gasp sucks the air from around the table. “The Dress?”
We all know which one. The Black Dress that is so awe-inspiring it has its own title, complete with capital letters, like it’s the Pope or something.
Caroline pokes her fork in our direction as I sit dumbfounded.
“The very one. The Black Dress that convinced Brayden to take me to Hawaii for two weeks. The Black Dress that has him sitting up and begging like a dog whenever I wear it. That dress is fucking magical.” She arches her fork through the air like a rainbow.
“And way too expensive,” I counter. “I would be scared to death I would bend over and pop a seam.”
My friend waves her hand dismissively. “It’s stretchy.
You’ll be fine. Though I do have some rules.
Number one, while wearing it, do not eat creamy or buttery sauces of any kind.
Number two, the dress must come off before the penis makes an appearance.
That goes back to the creamy sauces rule.
” She grins. “Brayden’s dick has been known to spontaneously ejaculate when I have it on. ”
I choke on a piece of turkey and blot my mouth with my napkin. “TMI, Caroline.” Though Roger drooling over me in The Black Dress is a tempting thought. Honestly, it’s been a while since he drooled. “You really think I can pull it off? And what about shoes?”
“You can totes pull it off. With that gorgeous hair and your hazel eyes? Shit. Not to mention your poppin’ ass. Roger will be pissing his pants.” She gives me two snaps. “And you can wear my red whore heels.”
“I’m an eight in shoes, and you wear a seven and a half.”
She dismisses me with pursed lips and a head tilt. “Then fucking hobble. It’s not like you’ll be walking much. Just in and out of the house and the restaurant. Trust me, you may not even make it out of the restaurant. Roger will probably try to defile you right at the table.”
Biting my bottom lip, I grin, liking this idea very much.
It’s been a while since I’ve been defiled.