Chapter 18 – Remington
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Healing
Remington
“You’re awfully quiet this evening,” Aster says from across the table. We’re having dinner at a posh restaurant in downtown London.
“I’m always quiet,” I say, picking at my beef Wellington. She’s silent for an uncomfortable moment, and I finally look up at her.
Aster is a beautiful woman, blonde and curvy, and we spend time together occasionally. And by spend time, I mean we fuck.
“Do you want to go back to your place tonight?” she asks, and I roll my lips between my teeth.
“Not tonight, sweetheart. I’m not in the mood.” I finally eat a bite of the pastry-wrapped beef.
“You’ve been different since you returned from your brother’s wedding in April,” she notes casually, taking a sip of her Pimm’s and eyeing me over the rim of her glass.
I nod in affirmation. It’s been three months, and I haven’t been with Aster—or anyone else—since before that trip.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
She strokes the back of my hand soothingly. “It’s alright, Remi. I know what we are.”
“Thanks,” I say, grateful for her easygoing attitude.
“Did you see her?” Aster inquires, and my eyebrows pinch together.
“Who?”
“The woman who had you all tied up when you arrived in London.” A small, knowing smirk crosses her lips. “You’ve never told me her name before. I simply think of her as ‘Remi’s girl.’”
“Minnie,” I say, returning her smile because I like that. Remi’s girl.
Aster and I don’t talk much about our personal lives. The first time we met, we were both shit-faced drunk and shared that we were hung up on someone we couldn’t have. No details, just a common thread we decided to pull.
Aster is the one who introduced me to tantric sex. When I need to feel a certain connection, we get together, and I reciprocate when she’s needing it. Though it lacks the deep emotional pull I had with Minnie, it’s the closest thing I’ve found to replicating it.
Tantric sex is intense, and it’s easy to develop actual feelings for your partner due to the nature of the practice, but neither Aster nor I have to worry about that.
Both our hearts are already taken, and we use each other to fulfill certain needs.
It’s why we get along so well… no threat of one person falling for the other.
I’ve fucked other women over the past seven years, but it’s always just a means to an end. Sating my physical needs.
Picking up my mug, I take a long pull of ale, letting the bubbles trickle down my throat. “Do you want to tell me your guy’s name?”
Aster’s red lips curl upward at the corners. “Cynthia.”
My eyebrows lift a fraction. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”
She slices into her chicken breast. “No worries. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned I’m bi.
” Taking a bite, she chews slowly before swallowing.
“Cynthia’s family didn’t approve of our relationship, and she ended up choosing them over me.
They’re very wealthy.” She says it casually, but I can read the pain in her blue eyes.
“It hurts to not be chosen,” I remark. “Do you ever see her?”
Aster’s blonde curls bounce when she shakes her head. “No, it’s the reason I moved from Liverpool to London. She’s married to some pretentious dickhead now. I’m torn between wanting her to be miserable and hoping she’s happy.”
“I have no idea where Minnie is now. We only spent a night together, but she brought out a side of me I’ve never seen. Then she ghosted me.” I shake my head. “I know it sounds stupid compared to what you had with Cynthia. It was only a—”
Aster stops me with a raised fork and a stern look. “No. Don’t say only. It minimizes your feelings.” Her voice softens. “Tell me about Minnie.”
And I do. Throughout the rest of dinner and dessert, we talk about Minnie and Cynthia.
The only other people I’ve told about that night are my brothers and Serena.
Well, and Antonio, of course, since he did his best to help me find her.
My brothers have their own lives, and Serena thinks I’m insane to be holding onto this pipe dream after seven years, so it’s been a while since I’ve talked about Minnie with anyone. It feels good… validating even.
As we leave the restaurant arm in arm, Aster asks, “Do you think you’ll ever go back to the States?”
Antonio opens the door for us, and we climb inside the towncar. “I will but not until my father retires. I think he’s planning to stay on as CEO for another five years or so.”
“Your place?” Antonio asks, taking his seat in the driver’s side and looking at me through the rearview mirror.
I turn to face Aster. “What do you want to do? I know I said I was going home alone earlier, but if you need me…”
She shakes her head and rests a hand on my arm. “I actually feel better after talking through everything with you tonight. I think I’ll go home and take a long bath.”
I look up at Antonio, who’s still awaiting my response. “We’ll take Aster home and then head to my flat. Thanks, Antonio.”
Once we reach her place, I walk Aster to the door and kiss her cheek. “Thank you for everything.”
Her eyes hold mine. “Why do I feel like this is goodbye?”
“It’s not. I think I just need time to process. I’m all in my head after my last visit home.”
She nods and squeezes my arm. “I’m here if you need me, Remi.”
“I’ll give you a call. We’ll get together soon.”
As Antonio and I head to my place, I feel like tonight’s conversation healed something inside me. Or at least transformed it.
Because instead of the longing I’ve felt for so long, all that’s left is a deep and abiding anger. Yes, at Minnie, but also at myself for allowing this obsession with a one-night stand to continue all these years. For allowing her space in my head and in my heart.
Well… that ends now.