Chapter 44 – Remington
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
A scaredy-cat man who’s afraid of his feelings
Remington
I fucked up.
That refrain burns through my brain as I stare at the closed door. It doesn’t quit when I finally trudge to the master bedroom and enter the bathroom. The voice grows louder while I’m scrubbing my hair in the shower.
And it’s positively screaming at me by the time I wrap a towel around my waist and stare into the mirror. The reflection looking back at me is accurate, appearing just as miserable as I feel.
I already miss her.
I lean forward and slam my palms against the vanity, dropping my head because I’m unable to even look at myself anymore.
After an entire minute of deep breathing, determination of steel straightens my spine, and when I return to my bedroom, I don’t stop.
My legs carry me out the door, down the hallway, and to the bedroom where Mindy is.
My fist raises to knock, but after hanging in midair for a few seconds, I drop it to the door handle, grateful to find it unlocked. My eyes scan the shadows bathing the room and find the bed on the far wall.
“Mindy?” I ask quietly, and I see her head lift.
“Remi?”
A tiny chunk of my anxiety is lifted when her voice doesn’t sound like she’s been crying. I’d probably toss myself out the window if I found her in tears. But I was still a dickhead, and she didn’t deserve that.
Crossing the dark room, I sit on the edge of the bed, not touching her though everything inside me wants to.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I shut down on you, and that wasn’t fair. I don’t have an excuse except that I was feeling overwhelmed by you.”
I see her dark form lift onto her elbow, facing me. “You wouldn’t even get naked with me.” The censure in her voice shames me.
“I know. I wanted to more than anything, but…” I release a heavy breath. “I didn’t want you to see.”
I can practically hear the wrinkles forming on her forehead. “See what? Do you have a scar or something? Because I don’t care about that, Remi.”
Jesus, she can be so fucking sweet.
“I’m turning on the lamp. Watch your eyes,” I warn before reaching over and flicking it on, coating the room in a soft yellow glow. “I didn’t want you to see this.”
She blinks as I shift my body so she can see the ink covering the entire right side of my torso. Her hand hovers over it, so close I can feel her warmth.
“You got a white owl tattoo?” Her eyes radiate confusion when she pulls her gaze up from the bird surrounded by a dark forest.
“You told me during our first night together that the white owl was your spirit animal.” I take her hand and press it against my ribs, over the inked skin. “You were touching me right here when you told me that.”
Mindy’s lips part as her fingertips trace the intricate lines and curves of the beautiful bird. “It’s absolutely beautiful. Why wouldn’t you want me to see this?”
Gathering my courage, I admit, “Because I didn’t want you to figure out how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”
Her fingers fit between the ridges of my ribs, stroking me exactly how she did all those years ago. When her gaze lifts to my face, I can read the confusion there.
“And how is that?”
I can’t hold myself back from touching her anymore and cup the side of her face in my palm.
“I started falling for you that night, Mindy, and I don’t think I ever stopped.
Then when you came back into my life, I just kept on falling, day after day.
” My teeth scrape against my bottom lip as I hold her hazel gaze. “I’m in love with you.”
When she inhales a jagged gasp, I cover her swollen lips with my thumb.
“I don’t want you to say it back right now.
I want you to take your time and say it when you’re ready.
It’s taken me almost eight years to admit it.
” An anxious thought infiltrates my brain.
“I know you might never feel it, and that’s okay.
It won’t change the fact that you are the first and last woman I’ll ever love. ”
Mindy blinks at me and shakes her head. “This is… a lot. The tattoo and what you just said.” Her eyes narrow on me. “Did you get hit in the head with a golf ball today?”
A laugh bursts from me, and I press a kiss to her mouth. “I feel like I’ve been hit with a meteor, and it’s the best feeling in the world.”
She smirks. “A love meteor?”
“Exactly.” I brush her mussed hair behind her shoulder. “Only you could say something so goofy and still make my heart do a flip.”
“Because you love me,” she says, still sounding skeptical.
“Because I love you,” I affirm, finding it easier and easier to say the L-word each time.
“Tell me why.”
I rearrange us until her head is resting on my thigh and my fingers are sifting through her hair.
“I know this seems out of the blue since I only found you again four months ago, but honestly, it’s been building for years.
” My shoulders lift and fall in a slight shrug.
“Some of it is unexplainable. Feelings are feelings and they don’t always make sense.
I think that’s what I had the most trouble coming to terms with.
I like to deal in logic, and falling for someone the first time you meet them is not logical. ”
“I fell for you that night too,” she admits quietly. “After that, it was two years before I even went on another date.”
That makes me simultaneously happy and sad. “I’m sorry, baby. I know that was a hard time. I wish I’d been there for you.”
“Me too,” she murmurs, burrowing her cheek against my towel-covered thigh.
My cock does not understand the importance of this conversation and wakes up at her proximity.
Mindy notices the growing bulge and lifts her eyes to me.
“Did you just want me laying in your lap in the hopes I’d put your penis in my mouth? ”
“No, but if you’re offering…” I say with a cheeky grin, earning me a pinch on the thigh. “Ow, woman. See? This is another thing I love about you. You take my shit and give it right back to me. I find that shockingly endearing.”
Mindy rubs her fingers up and down my white owl tat again, almost like she’s mesmerized by it. “Even when I call you names?”
I boop her nose. “Especially when you call me names. I look forward to it every morning.” My index finger traces her delicate features. “Or maybe it’s just because I get to see this face as soon as I walk in.”
Her eyes soften around the corners. “You’re a smooth talker, Hale. Tell me more.”
Chuckling, I say, “Romantic talk isn’t something I’ve ever been very good at, but here goes.” Mindy is wearing a soft little white pajama set, and I drag the hem of it up a little, drawing a line down her back. “First of all, let me just get the obvious one out of the way.”
“Cookies?” she guesses with a knowing smile.
“The way to a man’s heart is through his sweet tooth.”
Mindy lifts an eyebrow. “I don’t think that’s how the saying goes.”
“I make my own rules,” I reply mildly, making a number two on her back with my fingertip. “Second, I love your tenacity and strength. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman who knows her worth and accepts nothing less.”
I draw the number three near her spine. “The third reason is one of those intangible things that’s hard to explain. It’s about how you make me feel.” Opening my mouth, I close it again and concentrate to find words that are even remotely adequate.
“I guess the best way to explain it is that you make me feel like myself. When I’m with you, I’m more than Remington Hale, CEO.
I’m not just a brother or son or uncle. I’m a man who can let loose and laugh without any heavy expectations on my shoulders.
I can simply be a guy in the presence of a beautiful woman.
I can be vulnerable and not worry about being judged. ”
Mindy is quiet for a moment before rolling to her back, head still resting on my thigh. “That last one is the hardest for you, isn’t it?” she asks softly, those pretty eyes full of understanding.
My head bobs in a nod. “It is. And that’s what happened earlier on the couch.
When I was so deep inside you, with our eyes locked together, everything clicked and I realized what I was feeling was love.
I felt more connected to you than I have ever felt with anyone…
like I was ripping out my soul and handing it to you on a silver platter.
” I exhale a long breath. “I freaked a bit and closed myself off from you, and I’m so sorry, Mindy.
I should have trusted you more than that. ”
Her soft hand rises and holds my cheek, the touch almost undoing me. “I’ll always take care of your soul.”
And just like that, I’m a goner. Because I believe every sincere word from her lips. I tilt my head and kiss the silky inside of her wrist. “And I’ll take care of yours.”
Mindy sits up and climbs onto my lap, straddling me and wrapping her arms around my neck.
“For the record, I like rough sex sometimes. And I really like when you take me from behind, so that didn’t bother me at all.
I was just a little confused when we were sharing a moment earlier and then you totally changed course in the middle of it. ”
With this beautiful woman on top of me, my cock rises to the occasion, and she rocks against it.
I wrap her in an embrace, tilting my forehead to hers. “I want to make love to you the right way this time. I promise not to… you know…”
“Be a scaredy-cat man who’s afraid of his feelings?” she fills in with a teasing smile.
“Are you never not going to give me shit?” I grumble.
With a coquettish crook of her lips she rolls her hips over my erection. “What do you think, Mr. Hale?”
I twist our bodies and lay her back on the bed, stretching out on top of her. “God, I hope not.”