Forty-Nine
Bay
Waking up to an empty bed had been unsettling, but I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep. I replayed every moment several times before finally getting up and going to the bathroom to clean myself.
I wanted to see Hale. Be near him again. I took extra time brushing my hair and then debating on what to wear, as if he hadn’t already seen the four outfits I had with me. Still, it was different. Everything felt different.
Smiling, I pulled on the yoga pants and cropped top he had seemed to like the best and studied myself in the mirror. My cheeks were still flushed, and my eyes…they seemed happy. As if there was a light that had been turned on I hadn’t known was there. I laughed quietly at myself. I was being silly.
Footsteps on the stairs caught my attention, and I spun around, joy already filling my chest at the thought of seeing Hale. He’d felt it too. Hadn’t he? One person couldn’t experience something like that and the other not, right?
Ransom Carver appeared in the doorway, filling up the small space. That was not the face I’d expected to see.
Panic seized me. Hale! Something was wrong.
“Get your things together. You can go home,” Ransom said.
I blinked. What? Had I heard him right? Go home?
“Where is Hale?” I asked, confused.
He wouldn’t have sent Ransom to come take me home. Not after what we had just done.
“He’s gone. Business. He sent me to get you and your things and take you back to DC.”
He was speaking, but his words weren’t making sense. That wasn’t right. Hale wouldn’t just leave. If I was supposed to be sent home, he’d talk to me, ask me about it, make plans. Right?
“I’ll be waiting at the bottom of the stairs to get your suitcase when you’re ready,” Ransom told me, then turned and left.
He was to get my suitcase.
But…how…why…we had just…
Heavy realization slowly began to sink in. What I had thought was finding somewhere I belonged hadn’t been the same for him. He was done with me. He’d gotten what he wanted, and I was being sent away without even a goodbye.
I placed a hand on the wall to steady myself. I’d wanted nothing more than to be free of this place when I arrived, and now it felt as if leaving was going to shatter my soul.
Was I that needy for connection? Had I not seen it before? Ignored it because I hadn’t wanted it with anyone else?
Hale was right. I was naive. Because I was broken. I always had been. I just hadn’t understood it or truly recognized it until now.
As if in a fog, I began to gather my things, the little I had here, and put them back in the suitcase I had packed so many times before.
A numbness settled over me, and I welcomed it.
I was getting what I’d wanted. I was going back to the life I’d made for myself.
The one where I belonged to no one. I had no family. I just existed.