Chapter 26
twenty-six
HANNAH
Half the bottle of champagne was still full. I drank my share. As did Beau.
Which had surprised me.
“I didn’t take you for a man who enjoyed the finer things,” I teased.
He looked at me pointedly. “I like the finest of things. And I’ll drink champagne only when the taste is mixed with the flavor of my woman’s pussy.”
I reveled in response to the casual way he spoke, even as my hips instinctually tightened, reverting to the fight-or-flight mode I’d been in my whole life. I’d never truly relaxed. Most certainly not while in a man’s presence.
Beau noted the stiffness in my body, because he’d made it his mission to learn my body. Every inch of it. In the short time we’d been carnally acquainted, he’d become an expert.
I was impressed by his stamina, given he was much older than me—as he liked to remind me—and it was obvious he hadn’t used any pharmaceutical aids to come three times in the space of a few hours.
I was worn out. It was the wee hours of the morning, so we should’ve been sleeping. But we were still here, tangled up in each other’s bodies, sipping expensive champagne. I’d planned on having sensible conversations that night, not multiple orgasms.
Not that I was complaining.
But my worries were unable to be quieted, even after the best orgasms of my life, even under the influence of the most expensive champagne I’d ever consumed.
Beau’s eyebrows bunched, and his arms flexed around me when he sensed my mood change. He didn’t speak, though. Didn’t ask questions. He waited. Patiently. For me to decide to say something, for me to find the words.
“This is very hard for me,” I eventually admitted.
Beau traced the line of my collarbone. He was seemingly obsessed with the space around my shoulder blades. Which I certainly didn’t mind. I loved his constant touch. But it seemed like a benign area to be so fascinated by when the obvious choices were so close.
“How easy this is,” I clarified. “You’re giving me all I could ever want from you. More than I could ever want. Like the perfect boyfriend embodied.” I winced at how cheesy I sounded, how young. Inexperienced.
“I’m not perfect, Hannah.” Beau’s tone was harsh. “I’ve been so far from perfect with you it’s a fucking joke. You know that better than anyone.”
He delicately held my chin, tilting it upward so I could meet his gaze.
“Honestly, I’m trying to be on my best behavior.
I’ve been the worst version of myself to you, yet you still want me.
I want to prove to you that I’ll treat you with the respect you deserve.
I want Clara to see that the woman she loves is also cherished by her father. ”
Though the words were everything I wanted to hear, everything I should’ve heard, I didn’t let myself take them and ignore all the other details.
“Clara.” I held on to the anchor I needed to hook me to the proverbial ocean floor. Without it, without her, I’d be washed away in the tides of us.
“She’ll be going to kindergarten in the spring.” I verbalized information he already knew. Information that I knew he obsessed over, questioned on a semi-daily basis.
“And my job will technically be done,” I continued carefully, picking my cuticles.
Beau stiffened. “This is not your job. And you’ll never be done with us.”
My body curled around the words like I was a cat, and they were a warm fire.
“But it is. My job.” I hoped he heard my sincerity in my tone.
“Not that I consider it that. Not that I’ve ever really considered it that.
I’m going to keep looking after Clara until spring.
Hopefully long after then too. And hopefully not as her nanny.
” I took a deep breath; it was hard to express even small wishes aloud.
“But that’s the future. Right now, you deposit paychecks into my account weekly.
” I looked at him. “You’re not going to stop doing that, are you? ”
Beau frowned. I mapped the dark ring around his irises, something you couldn’t spot unless you were this close. “No, Hannah. I am not going to stop doing that.”
I clamped down on my bottom lip, hating that I was not too proud to tell him he didn’t have to pay me. Hating that I was too desperate to do it for free.
I had been counting on the money, every penny to get me through school, pay off debts, and set me up for my future.
Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have to pay for housing once I was in school. And maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have to pay for long after. But Beau had a mortgage, utilities.
I nodded. “And I’m sleeping with you.” Again, pointing out the obvious.
“I’m not paying you for that,” he growled.
I smiled a little, despite the thorny conversation. “I know, if anyone should be paying anyone here, it should be me to you.”
Beau shook his head, the corner of his own mouth turning upward.
“So we’re clear, the money you pay me is only for nannying services, and … extracurriculars are free of charge?” I was teasing. Kind of.
Beau’s partial smile wilted. “I’ll admit this is not a situation I enjoy. Part of the reason why I didn’t bend you over and take you the second I saw that heart-shaped ass.”
His hand moved down to the ass he was describing, squeezing it before slipping close to the area I’d always considered off-limits. But the rush of wetness between my legs hinted it might not be entirely off-limits anymore.
I made a mental note to explore that at a later date.
Beau removed his hand, as though he could sense my need to have a practical discussion.
“That and the age gap,” he continued, posture tensing once again, eyes darkening.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re not that much older than me, Beau.” I forced my tone to be light, dismissive, because I knew this was the biggest sticking point for him.
“Give or take twenty fucking years, Hannah,” he growled. “I’ve lived half a life more than you, I’m settled here. I’m a father. I’m a grumpy bastard.”
I smiled as he listed those qualities … in a very grumpy tone. Yet he still traced impossibly delicate lines on my skin. “I know all of these things.”
“I know you do.” He stroked my jaw. “And I know that you are a spectacular young woman I greedily want here, now, with me and Clara. When you’re just truly starting your adult life.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Christ, you’re only just divorced from that asshole.”
I could see Beau spiraling, feel the change in his body, the roughness in his tone. He was holding me tighter. Almost to the point of pain.
“I know all of those things about me too.” I spoke calmly, softly. “I also know I have never wanted a big life. I’ve never wanted to sow wild oats.” I grinned as I trailed my fingertip down his chest, marveling at the way it dipped into the rock-hard ridges of his abs.
Beau let out a roar when I slid my finger down the length of his cock. It stiffened under my touch, despite our earlier antics. He was almost a medical miracle.
“Plus, no oats I could sow would measure up to what you can show me, old man. With your years of experience.”
I waggled my brows, and Beau shook his head, pressing my body to his with a groan of pleasure.
“You, Hannah Morgan, will be the death of me.”
I lifted my cheek from his chest, gazing at him in faux concern. “Heart attacks don’t normally hit at this age, but you are old so…”
Beau chuckled, the sound low, rumbly. I’d never heard him chuckle before. It was officially one of my favorite sounds.
He yanked on me to place a rough, open-mouthed kiss on my lips.
“You’re not leaving when Clara goes to kindergarten in the spring,” he declared when he was done kissing me.
Though that made my heart soar, it almost prodded in tender spots I’d long since ignored. Men making decisions for me. Even when they were the decisions I wanted made. “And you’re the final word on that?” I asked him, my throat tight.
Beau truly was saying and doing everything I could want him to. But it was hard to trust it.
He regarded me seriously. “Do you want to leave when Clara goes to kindergarten in the spring?”
He was really asking. He wanted my honest answer. Before speaking, I knew Beau would honor my wants. He’d made his own clear, but he would not force them on me, not guilt me. Not Beau.
“I do not,” I whispered quietly.
“Thank fuck.” He exhaled loudly. “I was going to have a really hard time being noble and respecting your wishes.”
He laid his lips in my hair while I toyed with the comforter.
“But I’ll have to see if I can transfer my final year to the university thirty minutes away.” Nerves rippled through me as I spoke the words out loud. “I can’t be sure if my credits will transfer, if the financials—”
“We’ll sort it,” Beau interrupted me, kneading my breast.
I instinctively arched into his touch.
“Beau,” I protested. “Those are not things you can grunt or alpha or grumpy into fruition.”
“I can be very convincing when I want to be,” he mumbled into my neck, his scratchy beard lighting up my synapses.
His fingers tweaked my nipple.
I struggled to keep my thoughts on practical matters when I ached to lose myself in Beau.
“It’s not your problem,” I argued.
Beau stopped to look at me, very seriously, even while his hand danced along my inner thigh.
“Your problems are my problems,” he corrected. “And anything that ensures you’ll stay under this roof, in my bed, is certainly my problem.”
He leaned in to kiss me, as if the matter were closed. I used all my restraint to hold on to his face to stop him.
Beau looked surprised, but he stayed there. He honored my wishes, even when they went against what he wanted.
Proving to be a miracle of a man yet again.
“Beau, this is fast,” I whispered. “The moving in together—”
“We’ve been living together for the better part of a year.”
“Not like this,” I disagreed. “And you’re talking about forever when you don’t know—"
“I know.” Beau circled my wrist with his hand.
I opened my mouth to protest.