Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
EILY
“I’m so sorry I’m a happy slut.”
“ S o, tell me the craziest thing you’ve seen working in a sex shop.”
I should have better manners. I’m talking with a mouth full of candy. But Redix and Cade got me hooked on Lemonheads, and now I’m obsessed with their sweet, tart crunch.
I also read that citrus fruits help with fertility, which means citrus candy, too.
One can hope.
And it is Halloween week.
“The craziest thing?” Blair tugs at her Atlanta baseball cap. “From working at Delta’s? That’s tough to say.”
Beau calls over his shoulder, “Tell her about the guy and the vibrator.”
“A guy ?” Silas casts his fishing line, standing next to Beau, who’s doing the same.
It’s a gorgeous, sunny, cool day on the water. We’re moored at the marina, patiently waiting for Colton .
So, Silas whipped out his long rod–no, the fishing one–and gave one to Beau, too.
And all I know is … they better NOT catch our dinner.
Do you want to see a grown woman look like a complete dumbass?
That’ll be me, losing my shit, squirming and squealing whenever one of those slimy creatures flops around.
Silas has tried to cure me of my fear of live fish, but not today, Satan. I swear, their unblinking eyes are the gateway to hell.
But at least, while we wait for Colton, I have more time to score the tea on Delta’s.
Do I want to know crazy stories about that fancy sex store?
Ehhh, is water wet?
Do I want to know about my villain, too?
Ehhh—confession time.
I sorta, kinda don’t know the villain’s name. His contact on my phone is SEXY SATAN.
All I know is he’s filthy gorgeous, stinking rich, and maybe a criminal.
Just a smidge.
That intel? I got it from his chiseled face, his ruby and platinum signet ring, his Patek Philippe watch, and the cross tattoo … or was it a dagger … on his ring finger? I clocked a lot of ominous ink he’s hiding under his starched white shirt.
But if I met him at Delta’s. If the criminal has a key to the place. If he’s really hot with good taste in expensive clothes … he can’t be that bad. Right?
Again, one can hope.
And, yeah, again, it’s Halloween. If you’re gonna play with devilish dudes, it’s the holiday to do it .
Just in case, maybe Blair knows him. Maybe she’ll let something slip.
“Yeah,” Blair answers Silas, “a guy . He came into the store, all preppy, like he left a golf course, and said he wanted to buy the best vibrator in the store.”
I scoot closer to her. She has my full, short attention span.
“Which is?”
I’m the consumer reports on sex toys. I’m taking mental notes, always on the search for the best pussy products.
“Depends on the clit.” Blair chuckles. “Some like a hummingbird, some like a woodpecker.”
Passionately, I nod.
“I like a lap dog.”
Silas snorts, winding his reel. “Eily Van de May, you’re my water bowl for life.”
“Thank you, baby,” I call out to my husband before nudging Blair’s flip-flop. “Now, back to the guy and the best vibrator.”
Blair continues her story.
“So, I showed him the popular models. Clitoral massagers. Little bullets. The ol’ reliable wands.”
I pine, “I love wands.”
“And I told him when it comes to sex toys, orgasms are priceless. And he agreed. He said cost wasn’t the issue.”
“Smart man.”
“Wait for it…” Beau warns with laughter edging his voice.
“What?” I shove my sunglasses up my nose. “He wanted the vibrator for himself, didn’t he? Like for his ass, but he was too shy. Aww, poor guy. There should be no taint on teasing taints.”
“No,” Blair hums, “that wasn’t it. He said he’d pay any price, up to ten K , for a one-of-a-kind vibrator, and I was like, ‘Uh, I can order one in gold for you.’ And he was like, ‘No.’”
Blair touches my knee. We’re side by side on the padded bench over the stern. Wearing sweatshirts, we’re in shorts and flip-flops, too. What can I say? It’s Southern autumn attire.
“Get this.” She pauses for effect. “He said, ‘I’ll pay any price for a used vibrator.’”
“Used!” I start rolling. “By you ?”
“Yep.” She pops her lips. “I got all kinds of propositions working in that store. Lots of couples in particular. I was their unicorn.”
“A unicorn?” I lean in. “No judgment. But so … horse and horn kink is a thing, too?”
KABOOM!
Did you hear that?
That’s my mind getting blown once again by new sex intel.
I can’t keep up. I can barely remember a password.
Blair laughs. “Yeah, for a few. But a unicorn is a bisexual woman that casually joins another couple.”
“What’s a bisexual man who seriously joins a couple? Like Silas first did with Redix and Cade?”
“A stallion,” Silas boasts.
Blair shrugs. “I’ve never heard that term, but sure, why not? It’s not like there are rules for people like us.”
I lower my voice, my eyes darting to Beau’s broad back before I side mutter, not wanting to get Blair in trouble, but I’m dying to know.
“Did you ever … you know … sprinkle your unicorn glitter with a couple?”
“Uh, yeah, she did,” Beau proudly answers for Blair. He doesn’t even turn around. “She’s a pro. She’s still teaching me and Colt things.”
“I’m not a pro. ” Blair shakes her head. “I’m a romance author. It’s called research .”
Beau glances our way. The man has a pussy-licking smirk.
“Well, then, lucky me and Colt,” he says. “We’ll be your Wikipedia of Whoopee for life.”
Blair bats her lashes at him. “Promise?”
“We gave you two rings to prove it, kitten.”
I glance down, temporarily blinded by the ice stacked on Blair’s ring finger. A clear, twelve-carat diamond. A band of emeralds, rubies, and sapphires in rare colors. Like a million-dollar rainbow band.
Her rings are stunning. They’re sentimental, I can tell. Just like the indigo sapphire and diamond ring Silas had made for me.
“I did research,” I share. “Well, using romance novels and porn. And I’m glad I did. I was literally gonna blow giving a blow job.”
Blair laughs. “I sure did, giving my first one! I didn’t know better.”
“See? So, I wanted to learn because I knew Silas was a pro. Not like paid to fuck. He’s just an expert at it, and I didn’t want to blow my chance. Pun intended. But he was so patient with me. He taught me everything I know. I was a virgin before him.”
Silas sets his rod in a holder, chuckling, “My beautiful virgin? Yes. A gifted prodigy, horny to learn and quickly surpassing her master in sex skills? That’s my hot wife.”
His lips lean down for mine.
I blush at his kiss and praise.
Lately, Silas has been the poster brute for cavemen. He’s all grunty and fucky and possessive with me, and … okay … I kinda love it.
I know he’ll mellow. I know once— if —we have a baby, his possessive streak will become protective. Silas will be the perfect father.
Besides, he fucks me like an animal lately, and I’m not submitting a one-star review on that.
No, those are five-star fucks.
And sorry, Starbucks, for ripping down your paper towel holder. I just really like your pumpkin spice lattes and fucking my husband in your bathroom.
Grabbing a beer from the icy cooler, Silas acts like he’s serving me first, but … he presses the cold can against my neck.
I crook it, squealing, “You’re getting me wet!”
He pops the can open, pecking my lips as he hands it to me. “Wasn’t that my wedding vow? To love, honor, and get you wet?”
“Take notes, Beau.” Blair accepts a beer from Silas, too. “We’re putting that in our vows.”
“Gotcha, kitten,” he replies.
“When’s the big day?”
“Valentine’s at The Mercier. Your invitations are in the mail.” Blair flutters her feet. “I’m so excited. That’s where it all started. Well, between me and Beau. He and Colt have been in love since high school.”
“Bullshit,” Beau laughs. He secures his rod before accepting a beer from Silas, too. “You and me started in college the day you sent a fantasy football stroker to my dorm.”
“Like a masturbator?” Silas pops his can last. Even drinking beer on a boat, he has manners. “Like the one Luca used on Daniel last night? ”
“Yeah.” Beau takes a gulp. I’m chugging my beer, too. “But this was a football on the outside and a fake pussy on the inside. I got so much shit from my roommates and team, and then?—”
“ Then I sent football strokers to his teammates, too,” Blair adds. “All with Alabama thank you notes from Beau.”
Beau laughs, “The joke was on you. I’ve never seen a locker room so full of happy men. It became my stroke of genius.”
They tell us more stories about their college pranks, making us laugh, which makes me pop off impressive beer burps.
Yeah, Beau’s eyes widen that a little thing like me can belch like a trucker.
If only it were an Olympic sport. I’d finally be an athlete. In that, or sex.
After our one and only round, the guys return to their rods.
Me? I’d rather them play with the rods in their pants than the ones with tack and bait because it makes me anxious.
Silas keeps casting and reeling, casting and reeling. His rhythm, with its zzzzzz and click-click-click , makes me fear the inevitable.
Soon, he’ll catch a shiny little monster. It’ll be on the boat, flopping and staring straight into my soul like Murderer and Fuck you and your tartar sauce. And its eyes won’t blink, its scales all slimy, getting closer to me and?—
Eily Van de May, stop freaking out! You’re a grown woman, bigger than any fish.
Wait.
No, I’m not.
Have you seen a swordfish? A tarpon? Have you ever stared down a giant catfish? With their creepy, thick whiskers?
Yeah! See? They’re demon creatures!
Distract yourself. Distract yourself. Don’t pee your shorts.
“So, uh, who were your favorites at Delta’s? Like your loyal customers? Other than us?”
I hope the anxiety in my voice doesn’t make Blair uneasy. I hope I don’t sound like a nervous ninny, though I am. Fearfully, my eyes dart to the tip of Silas’s fishing pole.
Is it bending? Does anyone else hear the JAWS theme music?
“Oh,” Blair says, “you want to know about the third floor? About the black door?”
Stop the panic attack.
Blair’s onto me.
“Uh, I mean...” I pick at my indigo nail polish. “Any floor. Any door. I just like the stories and?—”
Blair nudges my foot. “It’s okay. I honestly don’t know. That room used to be where customers could privately shop our online store for larger purchases. Stacey made demonstration videos they could watch, too. She and her husbands loved making them. But right before I left and moved to Atlanta, she?—”
“She what ?”
Great.
Silas is eavesdropping.
My sweet, sexy husband can’t mind his business from five feet away.
“She moved all the furniture out and locked the door,” Blair tells him. “And it’s a big, beautiful space, the former owner’s bedroom with a private view to the back courtyard. It’s a waste to be empty, so yeah, she definitely put something in there. ”
“You mean someone in there.” Silas winds his reel up … and me. “That’s where Eily met her villain.”
“Okay,” I huff. “We vowed to love, honor, and, yes, you always make me wet, but that doesn’t mean you can read my mind. Silas, that’s just freaky.”
He laughs, getting ready to cast again. “Baby girl, never work for the CIA. That was too easy.”
“Is he right?” Blair wonders. “Did you meet some strange guy at Delta’s? In that room?”
“Sorta, but I didn’t see inside it. I just figured if Stacey can trust him, I can.” Blair nods. She agrees with me. To her, I’m a kindred, kinky spirit. “I mean, this guy looks evil but in a hot way. So, I asked him to sneak over and scare us. You know … to spook us. But he said he was busy until tomorrow. So, I don’t know who is?—”
Like a giant sea squid lurking in the dark water behind me, its long tentacles suddenly emerging from the depths, something wet flops , landing in my ponytail.
It’s dripping. It’s salty. It’s…
Squirming !
“SIIILLLAAASSS!!!”
I jump up. Suddenly, my body knows every cultural dance. Suddenly, Mariah Carey is in my throat. “Eeeek! Eeeek!” I’m whistling screams in double E . Suddenly, my hands can snatch out every long hair attached to my skull.
“The devil’s in my hair! The devil’s in my hair!” I tug at my rainbow scrunchie. I speak in tongues. “Cast ye out, demon! Cast ye out!”
Finally, being a preacher’s daughter comes in handy.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Silas rushes my way. “It’s my worm. A fishing worm. Settle down.”
A worm?
In my hair ?
Settle down?
No, fuck this! I can scream louder. The entire marina can hear my distress call. I’m cracking glass everywhere.
Sorry about your windshield.
“Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord!” I wiggle and jiggle like I got a feeling in Flashdance. I’m a retro fan, but I fucking hate this!
“Silas, kill it! Kill it! Die, fucker, die!”
He laughs, trying to hold me. “Be still, and I’ll get it.”
“I can’t be still! It’s gonna crawl in my ear and infect my brain! I’ll start craving manure, laying eggs, and having dirt dreams!”
“You already have dirty dreams.” He laughs, hooking his arm around my waist, lifting my kicking feet off the fiberglass. “Hold still, and I’ll find it. Ouch! Quit kicking my shins.”
I slam my eyes shut.
“What do you mean, FIND it?”
I can’t watch. This is death by invertebrates. And death by embarrassment. I told you this would happen.
“You got thick brown hair to your waist.” He lifts my strands. “It blends in. Just a second.”
“Oh, Lord,” I pray. “I’m so sorry I’m a happy slut. I promise I’ll go back to being a miserable prude. I’ll never fuck again if you help my husband find this heathen worm.”
Silas’s chest shakes, laughing against mine, his fingers searching my hair.
“How did this happen?”
I hear Blair ask what I’ll be putting in the police report, too.
“Aw, I didn’t hook my worm on right.” Silas holds me tight, and I can almost endure this. “When I cast, it flew into her hair. ”
I cry against his chest. “Silas, I’m gonna pee then die if you don’t find it.”
“You ain’t dying on me,” he says. “But you can pee on me.”
I mutter, “That’s not my kink.”
“No,” he says, kissing my forehead. “But that’s our love. I got you, baby girl. Hang on.”
I soften a bit, lowering my freak level to DEFCON 3. I’m always safe with Silas as he lifts the back panel of my hair, combing his fingers through. “There’s the little rascal.”
“Get it out! Get it out!”
With a flutter through my strands, Silas frees his hand and the worm.
Of course, it starts squirming by our feet, and I scream a lot … and maybe pee a little.
“What do we got here?”
A baritone voice drawls, deep and Southern like ours. It turns my terrified stare to find Colton Hawke standing on the dock in his black joggers, a fitted white tank, his hair in a knot, and lots of sexy ink, with his overnight bag slung over his hulking shoulder.
“Just a little excitement.” Beau reaches out, taking his other fiancé’s bag. Plopping it down in the boat, he reaches for Colton’s massive hand next. It’s just to steady his jump down into our boat.
“What’s the ruckus?” Colton lands. “I heard someone cursing bloody murder and worms from the parking lot.”
“Sorry,” I mutter. “That was me.”
He greets me, then Silas, and then he kisses Beau and Blair while Silas scoops me up.
Cradled in his arms, he brushes his lips over my ear. “I didn’t mean to scare you. You okay?”
“No,” I pout because I can .
“Are you gonna pee on me now?”
“No.”
“I was kinda hoping you would. Not like to be kinky. But like trusting me with your body because I’m gonna be there with you, Eily, catching our baby. I won’t be one of those men who freak out about birth and pass out. I can’t wait to share everything with you.”
I rest my head against his bare chest, closing my eyes, feeling his heartbeat and wishing for it, too.
I sigh. “I’ll always trust you, but you better slay that vile little creature, or I’ll kill you, too.”
“I will.” He kisses my strands. “I’ll eat the worm for you.”
“Eww! No, you won’t!”
“Yeah, I will.”
He sets me down on the padded bench before plucking the wriggling beast from the boot deck, lifting it to his full lips.
“Silas, don’t!”
He lets it dangle over his mouth before grinning and tossing it overboard.
And that right there, folks, is why I love Silas Van de May. He loves me, saves me, teases me in all the right ways, and the cute gross ones, too.
“Phew.” I slump. “If you had eaten that nasty worm, I’d never kiss you again.”
He falls over me, bracing his arms by my side, laughing, “You saying you don’t love me and my little worms?”
“Your worm is not little, and they’re tadpoles .”
“No, they’re yours . Now, give us a kiss.”
He’s got me there. Hell, he’s got me everywhere.
I pucker tight, providing minimal lip-to-lip contact, still mad about my mortification, but he goes for it, taking my full kiss.
Will I forgive him? Maybe. Does he love me like a scandalous prince? Thank you, Jesus.
We turn to our new guest and tell him what happened, and Colton quickly fits right in.
I give up my seat on the bench and stand with Silas at the helm so Colton can nestle between Beau and Blair on the ride back to Indigo Island.
They catch up, congratulating him on winning the game last night.
But after a few minutes, Colton draws back, suspicious, eyeing Beau’s neck. Then, he lifts Beau’s gray T-shirt, inspecting his torso.
“What the fuck?” Colton laughs. “Did y’all have an orgy with leeches last night?”
“No.” Blair wraps her legs around his. “We played Love Bites.”
Whoops!
I almost forgot.
Glancing down at my thighs, I can’t see my neck, and I don’t need to lift my shirt like Beau to admire how I’m covered in hickeys, too.
“Love bites, huh?” Colton nods. “Just how did that work?”
We can hear his voice booming over the boat’s engine. Besides, Silas is going slow. It’s a no-wake zone.
“Luca was Dracula, and Beau, Eily, and Daniel were our blood dolls,” Blair tells the story. “The rest of us were vampires. We tied them down and fed on them with this red oral gel. It was so hot. I took the biggest bite of Beau while others just nibbled on him.”
“Nibbled?”
“Nibbled,” Beau assures Colton. “We said we’re not crossing some boundaries.”
“Yeah, but did you get to bite Daniel Pierce?”
“Oh!” I love it. “Are you hot for Daniel?”
Colton proudly admits, “Who the hell isn’t? He gave me my first wet dream. And my second, third, and fourth.”
“Same.” Beau slings his arm around Colton, joking, “Wet dreams and balls were one of the many things we bonded over.”
I sigh, “I wish women could orgasm in their sleep.”
“We can.” Blair piques my interest.
“How?”
“Baby girl,” Silas calls out, “I make you come all day, and now you want to do it in your sleep? You’re gonna wear that kitty out.”
“Speaking of wearing things out.” Colton salutes me. “I gotta thank you for that video you made of my finacés on their first night. I don’t know what cleaned my pipe more: my woman licking another woman’s nipples or my man getting a handjob from a superhero. I enjoyed it several times.”
“You’re welcome,” I chirp. “I love making deposits in my friends’ spank banks.”
Colton laughs while Beau grins from ear to ear. “Damn, Silas,” he boasts. “I swear we’ll be married to the same woman.”
Blair blows me a kiss. I catch it and smack it against my kitty. “Backatcha, bitch.”
We make the guys shake their heads, chuckling before Colton wonders, “So, what’s tonight’s game?”
“I don’t know what the trick is, but it’s Stacey’s turn.” I bounce my brows. “Expect to get your freaky spook and spooky freak on.”