Chapter 14 #2
So what did she expect from him? What did he expect from her?
Could this whirlwind of sex and laughter, late-night snacks and hours of talking be sustained and translated into something deeper, something that could last?
Or was he just one more person who was destined to pass through her life, for the second time?
Poppy moved away from the door and touched the wall, then the lantern-shaped newel post; the solidity of the house grounding her.
The noise from the construction workers upstairs faded, and to Poppy, it seemed like the inn exhaled around her, and its weight of familiarity and comfort settled her jangling nerves.
Yes, this place had always been her safety net, somewhere she could retreat into her bubble. But it wasn’t hers, it was simply familiar. It was a comfort she’d never earned, a place of protection, a place she ran to because she couldn’t cope with what the world threw at her.
She loved the inn, loved that so many important moments of her life had happened in this house and on this land. But she didn’t own it, and she couldn’t claim it as hers. It wasn’t her place to shelter. She could say the same about Thom—he was solid, steady. Safe. And being with him felt good…
Mostly. But sometimes, like today, even if unintentionally, he made her feel … less-than. Not big enough, confident enough. Not enough. Period. She still found herself wanting to shrink, to be his perfect girlfriend, lover, housemate.
Poppy sat on the bottom step and cradled her coffee cup, watching the way the sunbeams from the open front door played tag with the dust motes on the floor.
She didn’t want to distance herself from Thom—why should she, she was having so much fun with him—but it was time to grow up.
She was hiding out here, standing behind him instead of next to him.
She’d manipulated him into letting her stay, using her grandparents and their old friendship to her advantage.
And there was the other thing—still unspoken, still gnawing at her.
Nobody knew she hadn’t realized Benji was cheating until after she’d run.
She didn’t even know how to admit it, not to her friends, not to her family, not to Thom.
The words felt impossible, like they would make her seem foolish, careless, weak.
It was time to confess, but she didn’t know how. It might also be time to claim something that was hers because she chose it, not because it was always there, like Solstice Deep and—she grimaced—Thom were.
She’d never lived on her own. She’d always gone with the flow: roommates, boyfriends, then Benji—desperate to make the people she lived with happy and comfortable.
Living like that had diminished her. And hearing Thom take complete command of that meeting brought all her feelings of being inadequate and small to the surface.
She was tired of feeling both. And she was the only person who could change that.
Moving out of Solstice Deep was the first step.
She had savings, and she was being paid to draw the maps—she’d had other requests for commissions, too.
If she needed money, she could start embroidering more FU cushions or take on a part-time job.
If she wanted to live a creative life, then she had to claim it, fight for it, stop coasting.
Most importantly, she had to start believing her talent was viable and not a quaint quirk.
From the library, she heard Thom’s slow, rich, deep chuckle, and she half-smiled.
When she told him she was moving out, she needed to explain, as clearly as possible, that this was about her, not him.
Or them. That this ache she’d lived with all her life—the old wound that made her crave acceptance and validation—was hers to heal.
Resolve would be required, even more bravery. Could she do it? She wasn’t sure. But she knew she had to try.
Ruby
Ruby stood in front of Poppy and waved her hand in front of her face.
Nope, she was too deep in her thoughts to sense the presence of three ghosts.
Pity. When Poppy was like this, physically present but mentally miles away, she couldn’t read her.
What was she thinking? What was she planning?
Why did she have a weird look on her face?
Humans. Seriously.
Lila was draped over the banister, and Naomi hovered in front of the oversized hall mirror, pulling faces at her ghostly reflection.
“She’s going to make a call,” Lila said, and Ruby pulled her eyes back to Poppy, who was now scrolling through her phone.
She cocked her head, and because Poppy put the call on speakerphone, they heard Luna’s booming “Hello, baby girl” echoing in the empty hall. The house did have excellent acoustics.
“Luna, do you have a minute?” Poppy asked, gripping the bridge of her nose.
“Always for you,” Luna replied. You had to give the old broad some credit: when one of her “chicks” called, she dropped everything to pay attention.
“How’s your stalker?” Poppy asked. Ruby could answer that question: currently Cedric was in his office at the archives, digging up dirt on the town’s original settlers.
There was a rumor about why they were booted out of Salem—something to do with them recreating the Exodus bible story and using livestock and the town’s water supply to reenact the parting of the Red Sea.
Luna wanted it to be true because she had the mad idea to recreate that event at Thanksgiving…
Because, really, what could go wrong?
“He’s having a moment, men do. It’ll pass eventually.”
Ruby shook her head at her insouciance. “A ghost is in love with you, Luna,” Poppy pointed out.
“So?” Ruby easily imagined Luna’s shrug. “Many men have been in love with me, darling. They all, bar one, survived. Dying, obviously, is not something Cedric has to worry about.”
Poppy lifted her eyes to the ceiling and shook her head. “I don’t want to know any more in case it incriminates me.”
Good call, Poppy. No one, not even the ghosts, knew how far Luna would go. “You give me far too much credit, darling. No, it was simply a misunderstanding about a ghost, a diamond ring and a too fast car—”
“La-la-la-la-la,” Poppy chanted, shoving her fingers in her ears. After twenty seconds she dropped them and spoke again, her tone serious. “Lu, can you ask around and see if anyone has a cottage, or a one-bedroom apartment to rent?” she asked, her voice quieter than usual.
“For whom?” Luna demanded, instantly suspicious.
Poppy hauled in a deep breath. “For me. I need to move out of Solstice Deep.”
What?
Ruby looked at Lila, then at Naomi, and her shock was reflected in their faces. Right, so this was unexpected.
“Why?” Luna asked, her voice calm and steady. “Did you have a fight with Thom?”
“No, we are good.”
Luna didn’t respond, and Ruby was equally confused. Poppy loved this place. Why did she want to move on? “I don’t understand, baby girl. You and Thom are together; if you aren’t fighting, then why leave? Especially since it’s your favorite place.”
“That’s why I have to leave, Luna. Because I love it so much.
” Poppy pushed her hand through her hair and rubbed the back of her neck.
“I can’t stay here. I need to figure out who I am, and I can’t do that living here.
There are too many memories… It’s too easy to be here.
I don’t think easy is what I need. I need to live on my own for a while, I need to figure some stuff out. ”
Ruby waited for Luna to speak, assuming she would ask a barrage of questions that would make Poppy wanting to leave a lot clearer. But Luna, for the first time, didn’t speak for a couple of beats. And when she did, it wasn’t what Ruby expected. “Okay, I’ll ask around.”
Poppy closed her eyes, relief on her face. “And will you keep this between us until I find a place? I don’t know how to—”
“Explain?” Luna completed her question for her. “We’ll keep it between us, baby girl.”
Poppy thanked Luna, told her she loved her—humans tossed “love yous” around like confetti these days!—and placed her phone on the stairs beside her. Then she rested her forehead on her knees.
Moving out? Poppy? Ruby hadn’t expected this.
Her chest tightened with something like awe and something sharper—was it fear?
Was Poppy finally stepping out from under the house’s, her family’s and Thom’s shadow, to stake a claim on her own life?
To work out exactly who she was and what she wanted?
It was something Ruby had never been able to do, never thought to do, and never realized was an option.
She had always measured herself by the men in her life and in her bed—through their presence first, and then through their approval.
The thought of being alone terrified her.
Poppy was toying with the idea that her self-worth wasn’t tied up in Benji, or in Thom.
And where did her family fit into this? Could she step away from them, too?
Ruby didn’t know if Poppy was being brave or stupid.
Whether she was making the right decision—walking away from Thom, one of the good ones, from everything he could give her emotionally, mentally, even financially—to “discover” herself.
What if she realized she wasn’t all that, and had made a huge mistake?
Would Thom take her back? The risk was enormous…
Would she find herself? Could she survive it?
All Ruby knew for sure was that she wouldn’t have had the guts to do something so drastic. Because choosing herself would never have occurred to her.
Thom