Nick
Four Months Later
“Do you think she’d want the pink dinosaur?” Grady looks between two tiny toy T-Rexes in his hands.
“I think she would, partner.” I blink away the burning behind my eyes. “And it would match her flowers. Did you see that?”
He grins up at me through the gap where his two front teeth used to be and nods. “I want to leave it for her.” He turns the figurine over, inspecting the purple spots along its back.
I squat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “I think she'd really like that.”
He carefully crawls forward through the grass and sets the dinosaur on the marble headstone next to the flowers I picked out yesterday.
I hadn't intended on doing this with Grady today, but when he saw the bouquet of pink roses, he asked if they were for Leah.
Then he asked if he could visit with me.
I normally come alone, usually in the quiet of the morning before it gets too crowded. And we just chat. About life. About family. Even Angus. All the pieces of my life I wish she was here for.
I don't think my guilt will ever go away, but I'm learning to welcome it, to treat it like something else entirely. Maybe it was never just guilt. Maybe it was all the love I still had for her, with nowhere left to put it.
My fingers trace the etching on the faceplate, as if I can reach through the stone and touch her. Hold her.
Delicate hands settle on my shoulders before her fingers work into the tight muscles along my neck.
“You okay?” Leah whispers against my ear before kissing my temple.
I reach back for her hand and press a quick kiss to her palm. “Yeah. I am.”
“I think Grady will treasure this. Meeting his older sister.”
“I don’t know.” I glance up at her. “You don’t think he’s too young?”
She shakes her head. “No. He’s curious. And this lets him understand it in a way that isn’t scary.” Her voice drops. “Besides, he’s got a pretty weird family tree, and he’s taken all of that in stride. He’s pretty resilient.”
I grin.
He really is.
I check my watch. “Hey, partner, we need to head out. Vera and Birdie are gonna be waiting for us at the trampoline park.”
He dusts the grass from his knees and hurries over, reaching for my hand. “Can we bring flowers again?”
My fingers grip his. “Sure. Whenever you want.”
We load up in the truck, Grady climbing into his booster seat and fastening himself in.
Leah stares through the windshield, lost in her thoughts. She fidgets with the edge of her cardigan while the charms on her bracelet tinkle softly with every movement.
I start the ignition. “You ready?”
Her eyes find mine, and she forces a smile. “Ready or not, I guess.”
I slip my hand in hers, and she instantly squeezes tight. My thumb gently strokes across her knuckles.
I shift into drive and ease us onto the road.
***
Leah’s knee hasn’t stopped bouncing since we sat down.
I keep her hand locked inside mine while she worries the edge of her thumbnail between her teeth, staring at the closed door.
My own heel taps against the floor before I catch myself and stop it.
Neither of us says a word. There isn’t a damn thing left to say or pray.
The door opens, and her gynecologic oncologist walks in with a smile.
“So, I have our results.”
Every muscle in my body locks. My heart pounds harder, each beat climbing into my throat until I can hear my pulse inside my skull.
Leah’s fingers squeeze mine as her watery eyes find mine.
Please.
It has to be gone.
Please let it be gone.
“Well, your scans look excellent. I’m not seeing any residual disease or evidence of metastatic disease. At this point—” a bright smile crawls across her face—“you have no evidence of disease.”
The room stops, like we're suspended in motion and afraid to exhale.
Leah stares at the doctor. “I-I’m sorry.” Her voice shakes. “What did you say?”
The doctor’s smile grows. “Your body responded to treatment, Leah. There are no signs of cancer in your body.”
“Really?” She chokes on a sob as her chest starts to heave. Her hand reaches out for me.
I'm already standing, waiting for her.
I pull her to my chest, her arms wrapping around my neck. I bury my face against hers, tears slipping between our cheeks.
“You did it, darlin’.” I kiss her temple. Her cheek. The corner of her mouth. “You did it “
She’s okay.
My girl is okay.
Leah pulls back just enough to look at me, tears dripping from her chin, and this beautiful, disbelieving laugh bubbles out of her.
“I don't have cancer.”
I cup her face between my hands.
“You don't have cancer.”
We walk out of the office hand in hand, neither of us saying much.
Everything feels different. Without the constant unknown looming over our shoulders, somehow the world feels brighter, smells sweeter.
Cancer will always be part of our story. There’s no undoing what it took from Leah, what it carved out of both of us. There will be more scans. More appointments. But today, cancer isn’t part of our life.
I open the passenger door of my truck and help her inside, but before I can step away, she catches the front of my shirt, pulling me close.
My mouth finds hers, and I kiss her slowly, my hand sliding behind her neck as she smiles against my lips. For a few seconds, we do nothing but breathe each other in.
After we break apart I round the truck and climb behind the wheel.
I stop.
A sparkly white gift bag sits on my seat.
Raising an eyebrow, I give Leah a knowing look. I take the present and climb into my seat. “And, uh, where the hell did this come from?”
She shrugs, but her giggle gives her away. “I wasn’t sure how today was going to go. So, well … just open it. It’s just a little something.”
I playfully narrow my eyes and peel back the tissue paper, pausing when a familiar cover comes into view.
Yes Day.
A furrow my eyebrows. “I don't get it.”
A wicked grin pulls across my face. “Open the cover, silly.”
I open the cover to find a sweet, simple note, written by her.
To the love of my life,
Whatever you want today, it’s yours.
Just ask.
I’ll say yes.
Love,
Forever Yours
I look from the note to her. “Darlin’ … does this mean …?”
Her lips curve, coy as hell. “It means … exactly what you think it means—” she lifts a shoulder—“whatever you want.”
“You sure you wanna give me that kind of power?”
Her eyes soften. “Maybe I’m counting on you to use it.”
I kiss her hard enough to steal the smile off her lips before forcing myself back into my seat.
I start the truck.
She giggles. “Where are we going, Cowboy?”
I take her hand, kissing her knuckles as I pull onto the road.
“First stop? To make you my bride.”