Halo #3
“Do you ever get scared when you and your brothers…you know.”
We were seated and given water by our waiter. Me and Story needed a few minutes to decide what we wanted.
“I feel like I can speak for my brothers when I say we never get scared. Swear you won’t run outta here when I say this next thing.”
“Halo, if I haven’t run by now then I won’t.”
“Good because I’d trip yo; ass and make you sit right back down.” I was dead ass. She wasn’t going anywhere.
“Fear isn’t what comes to mind when we are on a job. Now I’m speaking for myself. Since I was ten, I have felt like I couldn’t control anything. It was a lot of emotions that I bottled up and kept hidden.
When I’m on a job that’s when I felt that I controlled the narrative. I was in charge and the last few seconds, minutes, sometimes hours of someone’s time were in my hands. Although it did not help with my trauma, it gave me an outlet. It silenced my mind.”
Our waiter came back and we placed our order.
“Wow babe, it’s so sad that you carried all of that. What you and your brothers do is intense and for the life of me I’ll never understand how y’all can do it. But I do understand the need to have an outlet. Hopefully, what you and I have is an escape as well.”
I grabbed her hand from across the table. “Boo what we have is more than an escape. I love you, Story.”
Her one dimple went in deep from her smile.
“Don’t make me cry before our food comes.”
That was all she said to me yet again telling her I love her. This was starting to get to me because it’s been two months and she still hadn’t said the words back. It made me think of the advice Golden gave me. The waiter came and put our food in front of us and we started eating.
“You know what I’ve never asked you?” I questioned after I swallowed the bite of my bacon cheeseburger.
“What’s that?”
“How long had you been single before me?”
Story poured some A1 sauce over her steak tacos. “For a year. My ex was the one who took my virginity. We broke up because he got a scholarship at UCLA and we decided to break up. But his plans changed because he got hurt. He uh…kind of got a girlfriend and we still…you know.”
“Fucking. Y’all were still fucking?” I turned my nose up and wiped my hand.
“I know it sounds bad, but I was so comfortable with him I was single.”
“But he wasn’t. That was fucked up Story.” I barely called her by her name.
When I did this time, her face changed and she got mad. “Oh, excuse the hell out of me. Am I the only one sitting here with flaws? Because should we revisit what it is you and your brother do? How can you sit and judge me in any kind of way.”
I felt bad instantly because she had a point. “I’m sorry boo, for real. You’re right, I’m trippin’ and I shouldn’t be. It’s not what you were doing it’s just the thought of you fucking anybody but me does something to me.”
She giggled, “Halo, you knew I wasn’t virgin.”
“Yeah, I did but still, I’on wanna know some hoe ass nigga had you that locked that you kept fucking him.” That was real, I had some jealousy come out because I don’t want to think of her being with anyone else.
“Relax babe, I broke that toxic chain the day I moved here. Now that I have you, even when I go home and visit my family. My ex and I would never cross that path again.”
“Not unless you want me to kill him.” I bit my burger again.
“Goodness Halo, you sound psychotic.”
“And here I was thinking I sound romantic. Were you in love with your ex?” This was what I needed to know.
“Yes, I did but not anymore.”
I watched her eat and I assumed she’d say more. So, I continued asking questions.
“Do you see yourself falling in love again?”
“Of course I do silly.” She giggled and finished eating.
This conversation did not help me at all. All I wanted was for her to tell me that she loved me. I couldn’t help it at all. It was all I thought about. What the hell was holding her back!? It got me to thinking again about Golden’s advice about me getting female friends.
“You know how I had a problem with Hendrix in the beginning?”
“I’d never forget how you thought he’d crawl in my room at night and take advantage of me.”
“Can you blame me. But I got to know him and he’s cool. I trust him around you and like y’all friendship.”
She smiled at me, “That’s really good babe.”
“It got me to thinking, I normally fall back when I’m out with my brothers and I might want to switch that up.”
“Meaning what exactly?”
“I don’t have any friends. I mean I did when I was younger, but I isolated myself a lot when that bullshit happened to me. It’s time for me to just switch it up, you know.”
“Oh, I see, you want friends. Babe, I think that’s good for you. Nothing wrong with being more social.” She was so supportive.
Everything I planned to say was in my mind but the minute I opened my mouth and it all just faded.
I left out the ‘female’ friends’ part because I wasn’t trying to have, her mad again.
I damn near made her come close to cussing me out when she told me about her ex.
We finished eating and talking then we went back to my place.