Halo #5
Golden looked down at the table, breathed out of his mouth then looked at me.
“I did not want a faggot for a brother. It’s fucked up but I didn’t even though I kept telling myself that it did not matter.
Lowkey, it did. So, I threw pussy at you and wanted you to catch it.
When Story came, I thought she was like a beard for you to hide behind.
I got in your head and wanted to turn you into me.
Halo, I apologize for it all. Story was and still is good for you.
Seeing how you are without her and knowing I played a part in it is messing with my conscience.
That’s why I cockblocked her when this lame tried to push on her at Blake’s cabin party.
You are my brother Halo, and I do not care who you are with or what you decide to do with your life. I’ll be the big brother you deserve. You and Greek are the good parts of me.”
My brother had me dumbfounded and I needed a second to process it. Then I thought of how real he was with me. It was time for me to open up with him and Greek. But I had to first acknowledge his apologies.
“You and Greek are the good parts of me too. I’ve admired you both, I get why you did what you did. Although it was foul, I know you love me and got my back. I still made choices that I shouldn’t have, especially when it came to Story. I don’t want beef with you bro, we cool.”
Golden stood up with me and gave me a brotherly hug.
“If you don’t mind. I want to call Greek down and tell you both something.”
Golden agreed then I went to get my phone and called our brother. Greek arrived in a few minutes. The three of us were in my dining room and I told him that me and Golden were back good. He was glad and praised us for the reconciliation.
“Before I say what it is I need to. I want to first express that there was nothing either of you could do. I’m telling you because it’s been a secret of mine for too long. I just ask that it stays between us.”
“It won’t leave this room.” Greek agreed first.
“On my life.” Golden added.
Never would I think I would tell my brothers this secret. When I told Story I was shocked, but I could not fix my mouth to tell them. But it was time for them to understand me better than they already did.
“When I was ten, two months before mama and dad died. I uh…shit.” I sat back in the chair and rubbed my hands down my face.
“Halo, it’s us brother. We got’chu.” Greek reassured me.
It helped because I continued. “I was molested by a teacher.” I started telling them what went on for months.
I told them the day it happened, details of what me and her did and how long it lasted. Then I admitted that I felt like a punk for being a boy who felt violated over an older woman doing that to me. I explained how I used to sneak and watch porn.
How I became consumed with watching sex between a man and woman. It was a perverted feeling that would wash over me every time I finished watching it. I thought I was broken so I just allowed myself to fade.
Then I told them when I opened up to Story and that she was my first. It was all out and I left no stone unturned. It was ill to look at them when I was finished but I had no choice.
“Halo, brother.” Greek spoke first.
Golden got up and walked towards my window then he came back with his mouth shaking his head.
“All this time. The way you used to yell in your sleep. Wake up and get into one of our beds. One time I asked you to tell me what your nightmare was. When you told me it was about a monster who smelled. That’s what you were talking about? ”
“Yeah. We never kept secrets but that was one I couldn’t tell. It ain’t shit a man should---
“A man. You weren’t a man Halo. You were a fucking kid! We wouldn’t have thought you were a punk. What we would have did was told mama and daddy. The teacher would have died on the spot. Got damn brother.” Greek expressed then he got up and walked around the room for a minute.
The silence was long and needed but I had to break it.
“Look, it was a long time ago and I can’t change it. But I am done carrying it so that’s why I wanted to tell you both. I’m good now, swear on that. That’s why I don’t even want to tell y’all her name. Because it doesn’t matter, I wanna move on.”
Part of that was true. A few times I have wanted to look Ms. Toll up and find out where she was. But the second I thought about doing it, I could smell the cigarettes and Burberry Britt. Telling my brothers was all the closure I needed.
Greek walked over to me, and he gave me a hug then he kissed the top of my head.
“How about you let your big brother cook your favorite. Chicken fajitas with Spanish rice. I’ll make those fried donut balls and caramel sauce you like too.” Greek suggested then he told me he was about to run to the store.
“Pick out some of those cornball movies you like too. As long as one of them have that fine lady from Pretty Woman in it. I’ll get some blankets and pillows.” Golden added next.
I knew this was their way of letting me know that they understood me on another level. I loved my brothers so hard and for the first time since Story.
My trauma did not break me down anymore than what it did in the past. It cemented yet another relationship in my life. I was ready to move on from it completely. But this world had other plans for me.