32. At Home Alone – Cameron
Chapter thirty-two
At Home Alone – Cameron
Now that the danger was over, I had time to reflect.
But maybe I shouldn’t have. I enjoyed the attention and the blow job, but I was still a little sad and hurt that he hadn’t trusted me in the first place.
Now that those feelings were creeping up out of their box, I couldn’t shove them back in, and I didn’t know what to do with them.
First, Everett thought I was fucking with him, and second, he never mentioned his fling.
The rational part of my brain thought I was being ridiculous about it, but my vulnerable side felt like Everett simply didn’t trust me.
Not at all. Not from the start. And that didn’t make a good start to a solid relationship.
And was that where we were going? We’d waffled back and forth too much and never defined anything.
I wasn’t ready to talk about it, still so unsure of these overwhelming feelings, so I drove home with the excuse that I had an early morning.
Sure, a big part of me wanted to spend the night with him, love on him some more, and make sure he was alright.
But the logical side of my brain took over and started spinning.
Where were we going with this? Was I giving up because I had nothing left to prove?
What exactly was he expecting now? Was he even attracted to me?
Okay, maybe it wasn’t being logical; maybe it was being emotional and more than a little jealous.
I didn’t have enough experience to answer these questions or even know if I was asking the right ones.
Dating? It hadn’t ever really happened. I went to the city every now and then for a hookup but that was it.
I knew everyone, not only in Foggy Basin, but in the closest towns surrounding it, and in the outlying areas.
Hell, I even knew half of Fish Springs. It made dating any of them awkward at best. At worst, it would feel like dating family.
Like Brock and Jackie. No, no, no. I couldn’t see myself with anyone I knew.
There were some other folks in and around, but they were either too young or too old.
Most of the time, I felt fulfilled with friends and found family, so why did I even need a boyfriend?
What did I see in Everett anyway? He was a grumpy jerk most of the time.
He hadn’t trusted me. He didn’t listen. He was headstrong, but that was a good thing most of the time.
He was eager to succeed in his chosen business and took it personally when he didn’t.
I actually admired him. He knew what he wanted and went after it full force.
Unlike me. I dilly-dallied. I railed against the machine.
I didn’t want responsibilities that pulled me down, anchoring me to one particular future.
That’s why I picked up short-term jobs, knocked them out, and moved to the next.
I probably could open my own business, but I didn’t want to be in charge of paying people.
This carefree attitude had always done me good.
But alone in my room, I was actually sad and lonely.
I could admit, sitting there in the dark, that I was missing something.
It might have been companionship or conversation.
It could have been a lover. But with Everett on the back burner, it felt worse, like an empty hole in the center of my being.
I didn’t like that feeling. It was so different than anything else I’d known in my life.
Well, that was a lie. It was like something else, something I didn’t want to think about. Cassidy.
I snuggled under my blanket, wondering what the hell I was going to do.
I sure didn’t know. It would be easy to pick up where we’d left off, except we hadn’t actually left off of anything.
People were already calling us boyfriends.
The rambling of my brain had me tossing and turning all night until I heard Bill Gearhardt’s rooster crowing from down the road.
Even though it was still dark out, I got up and got ready with a shower, dressing, and breakfast. I had a job site to go to, and maybe if I got to work, I could ignore the rest of my life. At least for a little while.
On the way to the site, I called Noel and got on a crew he had going out toward Fish Springs.
They were building a large apartment complex between there and Foggy Basin, and it would be months’ worth of work or maybe longer.
They’d be starting soon, and it would keep me out of town and away from Everett.