Chapter 4 #2
She and Linny both ordered a virgin mojito, and Keely and I got lemon drop martinis as soon as the waiter approached our table.
Keely leaned forward, a twinkle in her eyes that I was immediately suspicious of. “So, Mae. I’m dating this guy right now. He has a brother who recently went through a divorce. I showed him a photo of you, and he was immediately interested.”
Putting my hands up, I vehemently shook my head. “No way. Nope. Not happening. I told you I’m not interested in ever dating again.”
Malena took my hand in hers. “One bad apple doesn’t mean the whole batch is off.”
“I’m not even divorced yet.”
Keely scoffed. “That didn’t stop him.”
“Guys, I love you. From the bottom of my heart. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you in my life. But please, hear me when I say this: I do not want to date. I do not want to have another man in my life.”
Vance’s face flashed through my brain at my words, mocking me. Weird that he was the first person I thought about when dating came up. Not that I would ever date him. Or that he would ever want to date me. He was so far out of my league I couldn’t even see the tips of his shoes.
Our drink orders arrived in delicate long-stemmed glasses. We didn’t waste any time picking them up in a toast. “To friendship.”
“And kicking cheating husbands to the curb,” Keely added.
I swallowed too much in my excitement to take a drink and bent over, coughing. Linny jumped up, her arms out as if she was ready to perform the Heimlich maneuver. Waving her off, I composed myself. I needed to get out more. I was not fit to be in public.
Should have had a small sip instead of emptying half the glass. Especially when the last time I’d had a drink was at Christmas.
The alcohol went straight to my head. My limbs went pleasantly numb, thoughts of the kids only popping up every few minutes instead of every few seconds, and my cheeks heated.
Linny sat down again but perched on the edge of her chair, ready to jump up at a moment’s notice in case she had to perform first aid after all.
I gave her my best I’m-not-drunk-even-if-you-think-I-am-after-one-sip grin. “I’m totally fine. My drink just went down the wrong way.”
She draped her cloth napkin over her lap. “If you’re sure.”
“Absolutely. Now, let’s talk about Nora’s trip to Italy.”
Anything to take the attention off me.
Dinner went on without any other incidents, but I did have three more lemon drops. They were the perfect mix of sour and sweet, and if ever there was a right time and place to indulge, it was tonight. My friends would get me home safely.
“You can’t tell Thad, but I pay the neighbor’s kid fifty bucks each week to wash my car.”
We were on to the sharing part of the night.
This always happened when we caught up and no little ears were around.
Everything that had been weighing on us was put out into the open.
It was more expensive than therapy since it was always accompanied by copious amounts of food and drinks, but it was equally, if not more, successful.
And usually we met up at one another’s houses since we could rarely line up babysitters at the same time.
I realized how much I’d missed going out to a place that wasn’t one of our houses and not having to listen out for the kids.
Linny laughed, taking another sip of her soda water. “Why would you not just ask Thad?”
“We had a disagreement about what roles men and women should take on in the household. I was making a big deal about having to clean the house. He said he’d be happy to do it.
And then I somehow said I’d wash the cars each week.
But I hate it. So I secretly pay Dale to do it every Saturday morning when Thad is at the gym. ”
Keely finished her drink, signaling the waiter for another. “I can guarantee he knows but hasn’t said anything.”
Malena bit the inside of her cheek, nodding. “I know. Guess I’ll have to suck it up and actually wash the damn cars.”
We all laughed, but Linny was the one to speak up next. “Or you could tell him you hate it and swap chores again.”
Keely waved her drink in front of her, and we all watched with wide eyes as the liquid sloshed back and forth. “Why are you doing chores anyway? You can afford a housekeeper.”
Malena narrowed her eyes, nose scrunched. “No way. I want to clean my own house.”
“Yet you chose to get into an argument about it and now have to do a chore you abhor. One that Thad doesn’t mind doing, I might add.”
She downed the rest of her juice, glaring at Keely. “Shut up. I hate it when you make sense.”
“Now, let’s move on to Mae. She’s been awfully quiet all night. What are you going to share today, buttercup?”
“I call Hank ‘Cockalorum’ in my head and his fiancée ‘the walking accessory.’ Or ‘human bling.’ And I don’t miss him at all, since our marriage has been over for years, but I refused to accept it until it affected the kids.
Which finally made me ask for a divorce.
Only he’d already been planning on moving in with his child bride, so our separation was only a matter of time. ”
I slapped a hand to my mouth, shocked by the words that had come out. Bad lemon drops.
After a moment of stunned silence, everyone hooted with laughter.
Malena was the first to find her voice again. “I always thought you were being way too nice about the whole thing. Good to know you’re human after all.”
I blinked, then finished my drink. “I can’t believe I just said that. I’m such a bad person.”
Keely leaned forward, ready to impart her drunk wisdom.
“You are the best person in the whole wide world. No offense to anyone present. You’re all awesome, or I wouldn’t be friends with you.
But Mae is so good it makes me sick sometimes.
” She turned to face me, leaning close enough that I could smell the lemon on her breath.
“You care about others. You would give anyone the shirt off your back. Having bad thoughts about that toad is totally normal. Healthy even. I’d be worried if you weren’t. ”
“I don’t like this side of me.”
Linny slapped the table, gaining our attention and that of most of the people around us.
“Nobody can be good all the time. Now, that being said, I agree with Keely. You’re the best person anyone could wish for in a friend.
For God’s sake, you hold an umbrella over your dog when it’s raining so he can go out to pee without getting wet. ”
“Orange hates the rain,” I defended myself.
Keely rolled her eyes. “He’s a dog.”
“He’s part of the family.”
Knowing there was no winning that particular argument, I threw up my hands and switched to water. The food was starting to look slightly blurry. “Whatever. Let’s move on to you, Keely. Anything you want to share with the class?”
“I’m dating a guy who likes it when I call him Daddy. As in, he doesn’t even want me to use his name. I don’t know how I feel about it yet. So I’m going with it for now.”
Again, silence, then hooting laughter.
“Nothing wrong with that. I say good for you, trying something different,” Malena said, still chuckling.
After that, we ordered dessert. When my eyes were drooping and I rested my head on Linny’s shoulder, we called it a night.
Dinner had been amazing, and the lemon drops had made my body feel pleasantly warm and my head fuzzy. I had a dopey smile on my face, feeling happier than I had in a long time.
My pleasant state only lasted halfway through our walk out of the restaurant. I stopped without warning, causing Malena and Keely to run into me. If there was ever a chance I’d commit murder, it would be tonight.
“Oh no, he didn’t.”
There was Cockalorum and the walking accessory, out on a date on the one night he had the girls.
The table was only set for two, telling me that he’d left the girls with a stranger.
His parents lived a ten-hour drive away and hadn’t been to visit for years.
That only left the paid variety of childcare.
The kids could have been with me. But he was such a petty human paperweight, he’d rather pay a babysitter to watch them than leave them with their mother.
Balling my fists, I only made it one step in their direction before arms engulfed me from both sides.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Malena pressed out through her effort to hold me back.
Keely was on my other side, steering me in the direction of the exit. “You’re the one who wouldn’t even let us talk about his girlfriend. Now we’re going to be the ones to save you from making a big mistake.”
“Fiancée.”
Linny, who’d been leading the way, looked back at me with a frown. “What?”
“They got engaged.”
Keely muttered under her breath, but the only word I understood was “jackass.”
Malena flinched at my words. “He does know it’s illegal in Colorado to marry more than one person at a time, right?”
The cool night air hit me as soon as we stepped outside, and so did the alcohol. Head fuzzy and limbs not entirely obeying my commands anymore, I tripped my way through the parking lot. “He’s hoping for a quick divorce.”
“It could have been if he hadn’t made demands all of a sudden.”
Malena’s words barely registered when I spotted the shiny midnight-black Mercedes sitting in the lot a few rows down from Malena’s car. I beelined for it, holding on to whatever I could grab along the way so I wouldn’t fall over.
Everyone followed, Malena and Linny making attempts at stopping me but failing.
Coming to a halt in front of his Mercedes, I went through my purse. I found the screwdriver I’d been looking for and whooped in triumph. Before anyone had a chance to stop me, I punched it into his tire. Which didn’t deflate. This shit was harder than it looked in the movies.
But not one to give up that easily, I punched again, finally getting somewhere when the screwdriver sank into the rubber.
Linny blinked at me, then at the tire.
The screwdriver was stuck, despite me turning and twisting it every which way.
Malena pulled me away from the tire, looking as confused as Linny. “I don’t know if I’m more surprised by you committing a crime or that you’re carrying a screwdriver around in your purse.”
My hand flew to my mouth when I realized what I’d done. “Oh my, oh my, oh my. Please tell me I didn’t just stick a screwdriver in Cockalorum’s car tire.”
Keely cleared her throat. “Sorry, babe. It definitely happened. Now, I’m all for being honest and admitting when we do something wrong, but maybe we should walk away. Fast.”
We made it a few rows before blue lights illuminated the parking lot.
The police cruiser stopped next to us, and two officers got out. “Everything okay out here? We got a call about suspicious activity.”
Keely looked at Malena with wide eyes, who gave the same look to Linny, who was rubbing her belly like it was a scratch-and-sniff sticker.
Having every intention to confess, I stepped forward. “I can explain. It was—”
A firm hand shoved me to the side. “What she meant to say was we were on our way to the car to go home and didn’t see anything.”
I reached out for something to stop my momentum, my hand landing on a side mirror. It broke off from the force, and I stared at it with horror, still swaying on my heels, still holding the mirror.
One of the officers stepped forward. “Did you just break off a mirror?”
I threw up my hands, losing hold of the mirror. It sailed through the air, hitting the officer who’d spoken in the head.
The second officer didn’t waste any time getting out his cuffs. “You’ll have to come with us to the station, ma’am.”
“It was an accident. I swear. I didn’t mean it.”
“You not only damaged someone else’s property, but you also assaulted a police officer.”
Malena, who’d pushed me to the side, stepped closer. “Since the car is mine, the damage is not an issue. I was the one who pushed her, after all. And as for the assault, it was clearly an accident.”
They weren’t having any of it, though. Especially since I was obviously swaying on my feet. “Then we’ll take her in for public intoxication. But she’s coming with us either way.”
Next thing I knew, I was placed in the back of a police car.