Chapter 17
Letting Go
Hannah wasn’t ready to let go. Over the last few weeks she had finally begun to realize that she was more than just a sister, a caretaker, a farmer, and a housekeeper. She was a woman. A woman with her own dreams for the future.
Dreams she had let go of the very day she learned her parents had passed away. For years she had carried the burdens alone, protected her sisters and provided for them. She had worked the farm until her shoulders ached, her skin was burnt from the sun, and her hands were as calloused as most men’s.
Then Daniel had arrived. She had fought so hard against his help because she had feared exactly this. She had feared depending on him, feeling relieved of the burdens she had carried alone for so long, and feared opening her heart to the possibilities of a future.
And now, all her fears had come true.
She stirred the pot of soup with a little more force than necessary, feeling her emotions were building towards a storm she couldn’t stop from happening.
When he had left the farm a little more than an hour ago to go and look at the Hostetler farm, it hadn’t felt as if he was leaving for a short while before dinner. It felt as if he was leaving for good. If her sisters had noticed her emotional distress, they didn’t mention it.
Instead, Miriam set the table, while Lydia buttered rolls. Hannah didn’t have to ask to know what Daniel’s decision would be. She knew without a single doubt in her heart that he would lease the land his father had worked before and his father’s father before him.
She also knew that he would tell her that it wouldn’t change anything between them, but it did. It changed everything. She fought back her emotions and carried the pot of soup to the dining table, just as Daniel stepped inside.
“Hullo, I’m back,” Daniel greeted her with a warm smile.
Hannah quickly looked away.
“Hullo, just in time for dinner, jah?”
Everyone took their seats and enjoyed the soup.
There was little conversation as the tension between Hannah and Daniel could be felt with a stick if you poked the air.
She barely ate, as she tried to prepare herself to find the right words to say when he told her it was official.
How soon would be be leaving to farm on his family’s land?
When supper was over, Miriam insisted that she and Lydia would do the dishes. Instead of Lydia’s usual complaints, she eagerly agreed and hurried Hannah out onto the porch.
“I’ll bring you some tea.”
Hannah excused herself and went to sit on the porch. She glanced up at the night sky and prayed for guidance.
Gott, I come before you fearful for the future.
Afraid that I might not be able to carry all these burdens on my own again.
Gott, please don’t let me hold Daniel back from what he is meant to do.
Instead, give me the wisdom and the kindness to wish him well with his future.
Please, Gott, I beg of you, I will not have him blame me one day for holding him back. I want to ask…
Before she could finish her prayer, the screen door opened, and it was Daniel who stepped outside with her tea, not Lydia.
Hannah drew in a sharp breath. He was here to tell her his decision; she could see it in his eyes.
She accepted the cup of tea, biting back the tears that were threatening to roll over her cheeks.
“Denke.”
“I think we should talk,” Daniel said, taking a seat beside her.
Hannah nodded.
“Jah, I think it would be for the best to get it out of the way.”
She set down her cup of tea and turned to Daniel.
“Please do not apologize for choosing to farm your familye’s land.
It is where you belong. I understand that, and I’m happy you get the chance to return home.
As for… us… we both have our own responsibilities now, so it would be best if we continue as friends. ”
Hannah’s voice almost broke, but she finished her sentence before it did.
She quickly reached for the cup of tea, hoping to hide her emotions by staring into the cup.
She had thought losing her parents was hard; she had admitted that caring for her sisters and the farm was hard, but she had never imagined for a minute how hard it would be to turn her back on her feelings for Daniel.
It was the hardest thing she’d ever done.