Chapter 7 #2
I opened the door quickly, fumbling with the locks. I watched Jennifer play with her fingers and bite her lip—those luscious lips that I’d tasted, still craved.
“Jen. You’re here.”
“I could have asked Daisy for your new number, but then she would have asked why, and she kind of already knows. I just want this to be between us for now. Which is probably a lot in retrospect. I thought it was finally time we have that talk.” She let out a breath.
“And I’m saying a lot of words all at once without really letting you respond.
Are you okay? Do you want me to let you be? ”
I quickly reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to my side. Just the heat of her, the feel of her, did things to me. I was a goner, and I didn’t even know when it happened. Was it the first time I saw her? The first time I worked with her?
I closed the door behind her and just stood there, feeling awkward as hell. I wasn’t sure what to say, let alone how to feel. But I wanted to feel something. I loved this woman. I had for months, and I hadn’t even realized it.
I just needed to figure out exactly what to do with that feeling.
There was no going back now. We were beyond that.
“Can I get you something to drink? Do you need to sit down? Are you feeling okay? What about morning sickness?” I kept asking questions, my voice pitching higher with each one.
She smiled at me and shook her head.
“I’m kind of glad I’m not the only person freaking out right now. Because I’m really freaking out.”
“Oh, good. So, we’re in the same position. That is good to know.”
“None of this is what I expected. I was trying to get over you, and now here we are, doing this.” She pressed her lips together, and I felt triumphant. But I figured that probably wasn’t the best way to get her to stay still for one minute and talk with me.
“Let’s sit down and think. Because it’s been a busy few days.”
“Tell me about it. Once I’m done here, I get to go into work and have a discussion with the crew and figure out what the hell I’m going to do.”
I faltered as we sat, ignoring the twinge in my shoulder. “With work? Or in general?”
She gave me a small smile and swallowed. “That’s the thing. I don’t want to be out in the field if I’m a liability or could hurt the baby.”
A sense of relief hit me so hard, it must have shown on my face. Because she narrowed her eyes. “I can handle anything, Gus. I can take care of myself. And I know that’s something you’ve had trouble with in the past.”
I scowled. “I know you can handle yourself.”
“Do you? Because you’re constantly pushing me out of the way or trying to take over things to help me.
And while I appreciate that somewhat as a partner, I feel like you sometimes forget that I can handle things myself.
That I’m trained just as much as you. We’ve always butted heads like that.
And it’s not just because I’m a woman. You don’t do those things with Daisy. ”
“Because I don’t feel the same things for Daisy.”
She stopped, and I realized I might’ve actually said the right thing this time.
“I want you, Jen. I’ve wanted you for a hell of a long time.
It took me way too fucking long to realize that, to get the words out.
But I do. I want you. And the only reason I stayed back, the only reason I wouldn’t let myself say how I felt for as long as I did was because I respected you.
I respected who we were at work. We thought it was too complicated for us to be together while working.
But the problem is, I don’t want to wait anymore.
I want you, Jennifer. I want to figure this out.
Ford and Noah can figure it out, why can’t we? ”
“Ford and Noah are the bosses. They make the rules.”
“And both of them told me flat-out that we could be together.”
She whirled on me before standing and beginning to pace.
“You talked to them about this?”
“I didn’t tell them anything, not that we’ve been together, and especially not about the baby. But I assume Daisy knows.”
“I made the same hand movement that I did to you. She put two and two together. I don’t know if the guys know, but they will as soon as I have that meeting. But first I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing.”
“Okay, then let’s figure out what the hell we’re doing.”
“We?”
“Of course, we. I want you, Jennifer. We could make sure we don’t work side by side if it’s a problem. Then I wouldn’t have to choose between you and the client because I wouldn’t be beside you. Though it will kill me not to be able to protect you.”
“Again, I only need you as my partner when we’re on a job. I don’t need you to protect me.”
“But I want to. Just like I want you to protect me. That’s what partners do.”
“But it gets complicated when you add feelings into it.”
“We’re not automatons. Of course, there’s going to be feelings.”
“Then we need to make decisions past that. Figure out what those feelings mean.”
“I’m sitting here. Looking at you. No—wanting you.”
“And this baby? It changes everything.”
“You’re right, it does.” I stood up and faced her. When I pushed her hair back from her face, she sucked in a breath.
“Gus, I’m worried.”
“About what?”
“This is already going to change everything. I don’t want to lose you as my friend.”
“We’re having a baby, Jennifer. I think everything’s going to change no matter what. But I want you. I want to be with you. Let me be with you. Let me show you that, yes, the complications are hard, but we can make it work.”
“Okay.”
I stood there, blinking as I tried to absorb exactly what she’d said.
“Did you just say okay?”
She burst out laughing and took a step back. I slid my hand down her shoulder, taking her fingers and squeezing.
“Yes. Okay. Do you realize how hard it’s been this past year wanting you and not being able to do anything about it? I thought we were just friends.”
“We are friends. And maybe that’s the problem.”
“True. We have this chemistry and connection, and I want to see what happens. But I don’t want to screw everything up at work. And the fact that—oh, my God, we’re going to be parents. This doesn’t even seem real.”
“It doesn’t feel real.” I paused. “Did you make an appointment with your doctor?”
“Tomorrow morning.” She bit her lip. “Do you want to go? I mean, everything’s up in the air and I don’t know what we are or what this is, but—”
I didn’t even let her finish the statement. I took her face in my hands and pressed my mouth to hers, cutting her off. She tasted of sugar and spice. She moaned against me, and I wrapped my arms around her, ignoring the pain in my shoulder from my stitches.
I’d craved her from the moment I saw her, and this felt like a promise.
I didn’t want to stop.
When I finally pulled away and pressed my forehead to hers, I let out a shaky breath.
“Okay.”
“We’re going to do this backward.”
“What do you mean by this?” she asked, humor in her eyes.
I threw my head back and laughed as I held her.
“Maybe that, too. First though, I want you. I want to be here. I want to figure out what the hell we’re doing. At work, with this baby, everything. So, I want to take you out on a damn date.”
“I guess we sort of skipped that.”
“We’re friends, and I’ve wanted you forever.”
“Same.”
“Then let me show you what I feel for you. Let me prove to you I can do this.”
“Okay. So, tomorrow. Baby’s first appointment.”
I paled. “Holy hell, it’s real.”
“It is. I guess we should make sure we don’t screw it up.”
I pushed her hair from her face and leaned down, taking her lips with mine again.
“We’re not going to screw it up. We’re going to overthink it, we’re going to make it complicated, but we’re going to make it real. I promise. I’m going to be there for you, Jennifer. As your partner.”
“Just not on the job.”
I kissed her again, ignoring the ache in my heart because we made good partners. We were the best. But if that’s what it took, I would step back. I would work with others.
I needed her to trust me.
I needed her to love me.
Just as much as I loved her.