Chapter 3
Chapter Three
May
Round four hundred and thirty-two of my dating experience.
I didn’t know the exact number of first dates I had been on, but that sounded about right.
Brian sat in front of me with a sweet smile as he spoke about his job. He was a pediatric nurse who worked long hours and loved children.
We had hit it off immediately, given our interests in the development and well-being of children. We smiled and laughed over our desire to enrich our lives and the lives of the children in our care.
We were careful not to talk directly about those under our wing, aware of privacy issues, but there were certain stories we could share. Anecdotes that let me know more about Brian.
His dark hair was swept back from his face, slightly graying at his temples. He had kind, bright blue eyes and a square jaw that looked strong.
He was gorgeous, his skin a light brown. He’d told me that he tanned easily whenever he was in the sun but that he hadn’t done much of the outdoor thing lately due to the demands of his job.
That might be a con on my list of pros and cons because dating would be difficult if we never had time to spend with each other, but he was also starting a new job soon that would cut back on his overtime hours.
“You’re okay with that? I don’t mean to pry.”
He smiled at me. He had such a great smile.
And that spark? Oh. I felt it. Or maybe I was trying too hard.
Either way, there was something here. Something that hadn’t been there on my previous dates.
I’d really only felt something like this once before.
But I wasn’t thinking about that. It had been adrenaline and confusion. Not a spark.
“I’m excited about this new phase. I loved the hospital, but it was hard for me to step away when I needed to.
With the way they’re restructuring, it’s going to be great for the children, and now I’m able to work with this new practice.
Yes, it’s still long hours, but not so many that I forget what my bedroom looks like—or not have time to actually show someone else.
” His eyes widened, and he spluttered. “I did not mean to sound as creepy as I did just then. I’m so sorry.
I’m not saying that I want you in my bedroom.
Not that I don’t want you in my bedroom.
But this is a first date. And now I’m rambling. ”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “At least I’m not the only one who gets rambly and awkward on first dates.”
“That makes me feel a little better. I’m sorry I put you on the spot there. Back to the subject. I know this practice well, and I’m happy to start working with them. It also means more time for other people in my life.” He smiled as he said it, and something in me warmed.
That was another pro. He was kind and excited to have time for others. Yes, he seemed to put work first, but so did I. Finding the balance was key, and he looked to be trying. That was a plus.
“Anyway, how did you like the fish? I can’t believe they got grouper all the way out here.”
“I know, right? The best I ever had was near Clearwater, Florida. A friend took me to a place on a pier. I don’t remember how we got there or what it was called, but I had the best fish tacos there. And everyone kept pointing down, saying they just go out and pluck the things from the water.”
He smiled. “Considering the size of grouper, I don’t really know if that’s quite accurate.”
“That was exactly my worry. I remember one time when I was in the Atlanta aquarium—did you know you can go scuba diving in the big shark tank?”
His eyes went wide. “You went scuba diving in the big shark tank?”
I shook my head, laughing. “Not even close. I am certified, but considering we’re in a landlocked state, I don’t use it very often.”
“I’m certified, as well, though I don’t use it that often either, like you said.”
I smiled, thinking that a trip with friends could be fun.
But that was far off. We hadn’t even made it to a second date.
I needed to stop thinking so hard. “Anyway, my friend went into the tank and said the sharks weren’t hostile.
They didn’t even bother them. But the guide said they had to be careful with the grouper and had a stick of some sort to keep them away from the divers.
I don’t know if they bite or try to drown you. Either way, it always put me off it.”
“And now, here you are, eating grouper in Denver, Colorado because they got fresh fish overnighted.”
“Sounds a little bit like payback to me,” I whispered. “And now I feel terrible for even thinking that. I used to be fully vegetarian, but I eat meat on occasion now.”
“I tend to like a good steak. I don’t eat meat every day, though. That’s something I’ve changed over the past few years.”
“Same here. The family I work for is trying, as well. We have vegetarian family dinners. Sometimes even vegan.”
“So, you eat with them?”
I held back a wince, wondering how much to reveal.
Not everybody understood what it meant to be a nanny.
But he was a pediatric nurse. He should understand.
“Sometimes. Though I work for this family solely because of the time commitment at the moment, we share the cooking duties depending on how late they work. It just makes sense for us to do that so nobody goes hungry.”
“And I know you teach a few classes, do training, and countless other things in the field. I read one of your papers.”
I blinked. “Seriously?”
Brian smiled softly. “I have. Which now makes me sound like a weird stalker.”
I shook my head, my mind going in a thousand different directions. This was the thing. That moment. The one that could lead to a second date because he wasn’t making me feel weird. Self-conscious. Or like there was nothing more between us than friendship.
We talked some more, shared a dessert because we were too full from dinner, and walked to the park, where old-fashioned light poles lit the walkway, and couples walked hand-in-hand.
“This has been a really great night,” he said after a minute, and my stomach filled with butterflies.
“I agree.”
We stood under one of the lamps, and he turned toward me, studying my face. Our hands were linked, and he looked down at them, then at me. He seemed to be waiting for something, as if he wanted an answer. Only I wasn’t sure what the question had been.
Then he lowered his lips to a breath above mine before cursing.
My stomach twisted, the butterflies escaping with an exhale. I leaned back, studying his face.
He cringed and took a step back.
Cringed? Why would he do that?
I swallowed, pressing my hands together in front of me. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
I didn’t think I had. Did my breath smell like grouper? Was that a thing?
Shame coated my tongue, and I ducked my head, my cheeks blazing red. He had nearly kissed me and cringed before stepping away.
He looked at me then, his arm outstretched as if he wanted to touch me but wouldn’t.
Couldn’t.
“I’m sorry. I’m doing this all wrong.”
I frowned. “Doing what all wrong? I thought tonight was going wonderfully, Brian. You didn’t take advantage of me or anything.”
“That’s good to know. But I can’t do this, May. This was a mistake.”
My heart shattered, though I knew that wasn’t quite right. Perhaps it was shame and horror that came instead. “What do you mean?”
“I’m in love with my ex. She looks a little bit like you, and I got my wires crossed. I’m sorry, May. I have to go.”
At that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me standing under the light, wondering exactly what I had done in a past life to be cursed like this.
I looked around, grateful that everybody seemed to be focusing on their lives and not me.
Humiliation hit hard, and I just wanted to go home, duck under the covers, and give up.
My aunt had set me up on this date. She likely would’ve known about the ex—ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, ex-fiancée. She was a hunter when it came to information like that.
But she had missed the fact that he still loved her. I looked enough like her that he had leaned into the date either to get over her or because he had misread the situation and thought I was a replacement for her.
I didn’t know. What I did know was that I was tired.
And alone in downtown Denver, though I was grateful we had driven separately.
I looked around, clutching my purse tighter to me, feeling a little raw.
I was only a block away from my favorite street in the city, the one with the original Montgomery Ink and a few other businesses owned by Leif’s family.
I would go there, find something familiar, and then go home.
Alone.
My lot in life.
I crossed the street as soon as the light changed and kept going, ignoring the looks from a few drunk guys as they made their way from bar to bar.
One called out to me, and I kept moving, grateful I’d worn flats rather than heels tonight. That reminded me of my broken shoe at the park and the fact that Leo had fixed it with a paperclip of all things.
I would never forget the fear of not being able to find Luke when he ran off because he saw Leo.
His parents had given him a verbal lashing when we got home, even if it had been in soft tones with the lesson involved. But when I told them about the incident, they were just as scared as I was.
I was so grateful that Leo had been there and that it hadn’t been some strangers who could’ve plucked Luke out of the park without me seeing—all because I had been too slow with my broken shoe.
So, I was wearing flats now and walking into Taboo, a little café I adored.
It was late enough that the owner, Hailey, wasn’t working. She was probably home with her husband and kids, all of them enjoying their evening together. I liked the woman and everybody who worked here. Taboo was welcoming, homey, and part of the Montgomery family—like I felt I was slowly becoming.
“May?”