Chapter 19
DI Harrison was tired and, to top it all, she could feel the beginnings of a migraine coming on.
Her desk was right next to the window, which combined with the inadequate heating and ventilation of the police station to ensure that she consistently froze in winter and boiled in summer.
Today was typical; the hot sun had blasted her relentlessly from the moment she’d arrived this morning, and was undoubtedly a contributing factor to the pain building in her head.
‘Have you got a minute, Ma’am?’ She looked up as DS Rogers spoke.
Unlike her, he looked crisp and comfortable in his shirtsleeves and tie.
Maybe she should pull rank and get him to swap desks with her.
The problem was that the window desk was seen by everyone as the best one because it came with a view, even if said view was only over the car park, and her complaints about the temperature had fallen on totally deaf ears.
On the one occasion that the sun was so strong she’d closed the blind, there was such an outcry from the other occupants of the office that she’d been forced to open it again.
‘Sure, what’s up?’
‘We’ve had a call from uniform. There’s a crime scene they’d like us to go and look at.’
So much for her plan to slip away early and spend the rest of the day in the cool darkness of her bedroom, with a box of paracetamol and a jug of iced water. She rummaged in her desk drawer for the box that she kept in there, only to find an empty blister pack inside. Great.
‘Fine,’ she sighed as she got to her feet. ‘Let’s go. You’re driving though, OK?’
Although I’m trying hard to concentrate and the words are coming, after a fashion, my mind is firmly on the situation with Finn.
We walked into Saint-Antonin-Noble-Val as usual this morning and, on the face of things at least, everything seemed normal.
We chatted about both his show and the next part of my story.
But something was off. An elephant has crept into the room and it seems neither of us quite know what to do with it.
The moments of exuberance yesterday have passed and, although I certainly want to talk about what happened, I’m still processing how I feel about him and my conversation with Liv.
He also doesn’t seem in any rush to talk about anything other than our usual subjects, so I don’t have a clue what’s going on in his head either.
I try to immerse myself back into the story, but I’m disturbed by the ringing of my phone. I’m surprised to see it’s Liv, and my heart misses a beat. Something must be wrong for her to be calling during the day when she’d normally be at work, and my instant thought is that it’s to do with Meg.
‘Hi, Liv, what’s up?’ I ask, trying to keep my voice light.
‘Sorry to call you, but I’ve got a bit of a situation here,’ she says, her voice tense.
‘Is Meg all right?’
‘She’s fine. It’s, umm, Angus.’
‘Angus?’
‘He’s here.’
‘What’s he doing there?’
‘I’m looking for you, what do you think?’ The voice and accent are familiar, but I’m surprised by the anger that surges through me on hearing him and his critical tone.
‘Why?’ I ask.
‘Because I came back to find someone else in our flat, my dog missing, you nowhere to be found and I couldn’t help wondering what the hell was going on. I tried to call you but it kept saying number unobtainable.’
‘I’ve moved out of the flat, Angus.’
‘Where’s all my stuff?’
‘Storage. Pay me the back rent on the unit and I’ll happily give you the key so you can go and get it.’
‘And Meg?’
‘Doggy daycare.’
‘So you just dumped her on some stranger?’ He sounds outraged. ‘Tell me where she is and I’ll go and get her.’
‘No, Angus, you won’t,’ I tell him firmly. ‘What are you doing? Why aren’t you on the cruise ship?’
‘It’s a break between voyages. I thought I’d come home, but it seems you’ve decided to cut me completely out of your life. Where the hell are you, anyway?’
‘France. On a writing retreat.’
‘What? But you always said you’d rather drill holes in your head than go on one of those.’
‘Yes, well, I changed my mind.’
‘It seems like you’ve changed your mind on a lot of things since I’ve been gone.’
‘Don’t try to play the wounded innocent here, Angus. You were the one that walked out. I’m just trying to make the best of my life, OK?’
‘But Meg—’
‘Meg is absolutely fine. Liv’s taking good care of her and she’s enjoying the daycare. I’m not having you pitching up out of the blue and unsettling her, do you understand? Liv, are you still there?’
‘Yes,’ Liv’s voice says. ‘Kind of hard not to be, given that Angus is in my kitchen.’
‘Whatever you do, don’t let him anywhere near Meg, OK? She’s just starting to get used to life without him, and I’m not having him waltz back into her life only to waltz out again and set her back.’
‘Understood.’
‘You can’t do that,’ Angus says, sounding mutinous. ‘She’s my dog just as much as she is yours.’
‘No, she isn’t. You walked out on both of us, and with that you forfeited any rights you think you have. I mean it, Angus. You’re to stay away from her.’
‘So that’s it, is it? Just like that, you’ve moved on.’
‘Can you hear yourself?’ I ask in disbelief. ‘You left, Angus. What did you expect me to do?’
‘I just thought the ten years we had together might have meant a bit more to you than they did. Evidently, I was wrong.’
‘You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that?
’ My temper has finally deserted me. ‘You made it abundantly clear that we were over when you buggered off. And now you come back and dare to challenge me because I’ve moved on with my life?
Fuck off, Angus. Leave me alone, leave Liv alone and, above all, leave Meg alone. You’re not welcome, do you understand?’
‘And where am I supposed to go, exactly? That flat was my home too.’
‘I honestly don’t give a shit. Like I said, you can collect your stuff from storage whenever you like, once you pay the back rent on it, and then you can fuck off back to Glasgow for all I care.’
‘Wow. You really hate me, don’t you?’ His voice has lost its petulant tone and he just sounds sad all of a sudden.
‘Do you blame me?’
He sighs. ‘I guess not. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Laura.’
‘It’s a bit late for that, Angus.’
‘Well, good luck with everything, yeah? Give my love to Meg when you see her.’
In spite of myself, I can’t help wishing him luck as well before we end the call, but I’m fuming as I put the handset back on the table.
Did he honestly think he’d come back after all this time and find me waiting for him?
What an arrogant prick. After a couple of minutes, I grab the handset again and call Liv back.
‘Has he gone?’ I ask her when the call connects.
‘Yup. He looked like he’d had the stuffing knocked out of him.’
‘Serves him right. I can’t believe he did that, and I’m so sorry you got caught up in it.’
‘Oh, don’t worry about me. Drama like this is like water off a duck’s back.’
‘Don’t let him anywhere near Meg, OK? I meant what I said. She’ll be so excited if she sees him, and then it will break her heart all over again when he goes.’
‘Laura, I love her, but once again I think you’re giving her more complex emotions than she actually has.’
‘Remember how she moped when he first went?’
‘OK, fine. I’ll call Donna and make sure she doesn’t let anyone other than me collect or see Meg. I don’t think she would, but if it puts your mind at rest.’
‘It does. Thanks, Liv. And good luck for tonight. Keep me posted.’
‘I will. What about you? What have you decided about the enigmatic Finn?’
I sigh. ‘I don’t know. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about it, and I haven’t found a way to broach the subject either.’
She laughs softly. ‘It seems you’re quite the siren lately with all these men fighting over you.’
‘They’re hardly fighting, Liv. I still can’t believe Angus thought he was just going to pick up where he left off.’
‘Yes, I admit that was odd.’
‘And Finn? I have no idea what he’s thinking.’
‘You need to talk to him. Don’t let this fester. Do it now.’
‘I don’t know what to say though, Liv. I’ve realised he’s an attractive man and we’ve shared a couple of, as you put it, PG-rated kisses. That doesn’t mean we have a future.’
‘You definitely won’t have a future if you don’t talk to him. What’s the worst that can happen?’
‘Another disaster?’
‘Look. Angus is behaving like a tit, we can both agree on that. But don’t write off an entire ten years as a disaster just because it ended.
Shit happens, Laura. People you thought were going to stay together for life unexpectedly divorce after years of marriage.
It doesn’t mean the marriage was a disaster, just that it’s run its course.
Maybe you and Finn have a future and maybe you don’t. But remember Liv’s life lesson.’
‘It’s always better to regret something you’ve done than something you haven’t,’ I parrot.
‘Exactly. Now, go and talk to him, OK? I’ve got to get back to work. Love you.’
‘Love you too.’
When she ends the call, I sit for a while just staring into space.
It’s easy for Liv to say ‘just talk to him’, but the risk of getting it wrong and just making things incredibly awkward is huge and, quite apart from the fact that I really enjoy Finn’s company, I don’t want to lose my only ally here.