Chapter 17 #2
Then, as the band and Den appeared, one by one, on the screen before her, her heart thumped at her chest and her palms grew clammy.
Josh’s face appeared and he looked jittery.
He didn’t seem to want to look at anyone and that made her sad.
She just wanted to go to bed, cuddle up with Scrappy and catch up on sleep; maybe forget the world and recent goings on for a little while too.
‘Hey, everyone. It’s good to see you,’ Heath said, smiling into his camera.
‘I hope you’re all enjoying the much-needed, and long overdue, break.
Thanks for making time to join the call.
’ If Angelia didn’t know better, she’d be forgiven for thinking he looked nervous.
He was chewing his lip and kept glancing off to the side where, she presumed, his pregnant wife Agda was sitting with their wee son.
‘Before you start, Heath, can I say something?’ Josh interjected. He too had been very fidgety since he’d appeared on camera, and Angelia wondered what he could possibly want to say that couldn’t wait and that justified his interrupting Heath.
Heath sighed. ‘Sure, go on.’ He hadn’t hidden his annoyance; his flared nostrils were a dead giveaway, that and the fact his lips were pressed together as if he was trying to stop himself from saying something he might regret.
Josh grinned into his camera. ‘Cheers, bro. So… I’m excited to tell you all… I’m getting married!’ he blurted, and Angelia’s heart plummeted to the floor. ‘I asked, and Nancy said “yes”! So, we’ve set a date for a spring wedding next year. Obviously, you’re all invited even with… well, you know…’
Even with what? Angelia thought absently.
And no, she didn’t know. Although she couldn’t ask because she was fighting tears.
A hard lump of emotion had lodged in her throat, and she had to force a smile and join in the applause that Den had instigated.
If Josh considered her such a good friend, why was she finding out like this?
And why had he been so absent from her life lately when she needed him the most?
‘Ooh, I love a good wedding, me!’ Den said in his broad Leeds accent, beaming, his skin a little more orange than normal in the run up to his annual holiday, and the fact he was in California, of course.
The band had agreed, long ago, that their manager was addicted to tanning, whether fake or otherwise.
Heath, however, was silent and Angelia felt sure he was looking through his camera and directly into her mind.
He closed his eyes briefly and she thought she saw an infinitesimal shake of his head.
Evidently, he didn’t approve of Josh’s delivery of his news.
She recalled the conversation she had overheard between Heath and Josh at her London apartment, and how after hearing Josh had feelings for her, Heath had informed Josh that he needed to get his head straight about her and not mess her around.
She had been grateful that Heath had cared enough to stand up for her.
And clearly now Josh had ‘got his head straight’ on what he wanted; it wasn’t Angelia, after all. She supposed she should be relieved.
Eventually Heath cleared his throat and said, ‘Congratulations, Josh and Nancy. Although what she sees in you, I’ll never know.’ Angelia sensed a barbed undercurrent of truth in his words.
‘You know you love me really,’ Josh said rather more jovially than if he too had noted the same bitterness. Luckily for him, he was oblivious. ‘Anyway,’ Josh added, ‘I just wanted to share my news. You can crack on with your thing now, H.’
Heath nodded. ‘Okay.’ He paused for a moment, and Angelia watched as he inhaled a long, deep breath and released it. ‘Now this hasn’t been an easy decision to make and I’m not sure how to tell you all other than to just…’ He shrugged. ‘Say it… So… I’m quitting the band.’
There were a couple of gasps and then a heavy, stunned silence descended on the call. Angelia felt the tears she had been fighting spill over and tried, surreptitiously, to swipe them quickly away. So, it was over after all; just not in the way she had anticipated.
Apparently sensing the shock, Heath added, ‘Look, guys, I’m sorry to be so blunt about it but…
I have a family now and the touring’s just too much.
As you all know, Agda is pregnant with our second baby, and I want to be around this time.
We’ve just found out we’re having a girl.
’ He smiled and his eyes sparkled with tears of joy. ‘I hope you can all understand.’
‘Shit, Heath, I thought you were going to tell everyone the tour was cancelled but not this!’ Josh said, running his hands back through his hair. No mention of Heath’s exciting news; Josh really could be a selfish prick.
‘I was getting to that, Josh, but thanks for beating me to it,’ Heath almost snarled. So, there had been conversations behind the scenes about the tour, and Josh had been made privy to certain things. His earlier comment now made sense.
Den held up his hands. ‘Obviously, I knew about this because Heath and I have had to discuss things,’ he said, a resigned expression washing over his face. ‘If I’m honest, I was expecting it long before now. He’s a father and wants to be there for his kids, hopefully, you can all understand that.’
Anouk cleared her throat. ‘Congratulations, Heath and Agda, on your wonderful news,’ she said and a rumble of assent travelled as the other members of the call added their congratulations.
When things had quietened down again, Anouk added, ‘Although girls can be trouble, can’t we, Angel? ’ she said with a wink and a smile.
Angelia laughed lightly. ‘Speak for yourself! Angel by name and Angel by nature,’ she said, placing her hands under her chin and fluttering her eyelashes. Everyone chuckled along.
‘Actually,’ Anouk continued, ‘I had the same announcement, about leaving the band. It feels like fate has other plans for us all now. Things happen for a reason; I’m a great believer in that.
I’ve been working on some solo projects, and I would really like to give them a shot before I’m too old to have any success. ’
‘Do you need a manager?’ Den asked, clearly only half joking. ‘Because this trip to bloody LA has been a damp squib. I’m telling you it’s getting harder to find raw talent. I think you lot are a dying breed.’
Bear ran his hands over his face. ‘Erm… you’re not going to believe this but?—’
‘You’re quitting too,’ Josh said, shoulders slumped, with a shake of his head and a deep sadness in his eyes.
Bear nodded. ‘I’m tired, guys. So bloody tired.
I want to buy a smallholding and just keep chickens, and shit like that.
I’m in my forties, for feck’s sake, and the rock star lifestyle is taking its toll.
Let’s face it, we’ve all got enough money now and there comes a point where you can have too much of a good thing.
Let’s leave things on a high instead of doing what so many bands do and going on long after we’ve drawn our pensions.
I’d like to settle down, meet someone and maybe do the whole marriage thing before I look like Keith Richards.
And before you say anything, I know I’ve got to find someone who’ll put up with me first.’ A few chuckles could be heard.
‘Angel’s diagnosis made me really think things through, you know?
We lost Lorelie too young, and this all goes to show you never know what’s around the corner.
I don’t want to wait any longer to start having a normal life.
Well, as normal as it can be for people like us. ’
Great, so her diagnosis had now caused the band to split.
Heath must have noted the regret in her expression because he leaned closer to his camera and addressed her directly.
‘Hey, Angel, none of this is your fault, okay? From the look on your face, I can guess what’s going through your mind and you need to stop that line of thinking. ’
‘Oh, hell yeah, you do,’ Bear added, eyebrows raised. ‘I didn’t mean to sound like I was blaming you, because I’m 100 per cent not, matey. I just think it’s the right time. It sounds like we’re all ready for this to end.’
‘Not all of us,’ Josh said in a surly tone. ‘I can’t understand why you’re all making such rash decisions.’
Anouk was shaking her head and said, ‘To be honest, Josh, I’ve been thinking about this for over a year but there was never a good time to say anything.
We’ve been so busy and I didn’t want to ruin things for everyone, so now does seem like the best time to call it a day when the majority are feeling the same. ’
‘Majority?’ Josh scoffed and Angelia continued to remain silent, unsure how she felt and what to say.
‘Dom? You’re awfully quiet, mate,’ Heath said.
Dom exhaled a long, loud breath. ‘Sorry… I think I’m a bit shocked, but to be honest…
relieved. Me and Rio have been thinking about getting married, too, and maybe adopting a wee ’un and we’re not getting any younger.
Plus, the lifestyle we currently have isn’t really conducive to adoption.
I’m not sure a tour bus and hotels are acceptable homes for a baby.
So… I think maybe the time’s right to say goodbye to Angel and the Fallen.
’ His voice broke and he dabbed at his eyes.
‘We’ve had a bloody good ride though, eh? ’ Most nodded in agreement with him.
‘So, the tour’s already cancelled?’ Angelia managed to ask with a wavering voice.
Den nodded. ‘Aye, love, it is. We couldn’t, in fairness, hold the venues to a contract when we weren’t sure how you’d get on singing again.
And the last thing we wanted to do was pressure you.
We know how much of a perfectionist you are and how anything less than 100 per cent wouldn’t be good enough for you.
And we knew if we discussed this with you, you’d be racked with guilt, something we didn’t want to happen, so we had to make a difficult decision.
So… the plan is, there’ll be a best of album using current recordings, and some of the unreleased tracks, and maybe some fan meet and greets around Europe on release, next year, for those of you who want to do that.
And then… you all get to go and raise babies and chickens and whatever the hell else retired rock stars do.
All we ask is that you keep this to yourselves until we’ve put out a press release.
Let’s keep our united front, Josh, I’m looking at you. ’
Josh didn’t speak, instead he clenched his jaw and glared at the screen as Angelia wondered what was going through his mind.
* * *
When the call ended, Angelia sat in stunned silence for what felt like an age.
The screensaver on her laptop rotated photos of her and the band in candid shots, and it finally began to sink in that her singing career, as she’d known it at least, was over.
A range of emotions vied for dominance but the one she hadn’t expected was relief.
She no longer had to figure out what to do about the band.
Nor did she need to feel guilty or responsible for the other members.
She just had to figure out what to do with the rest of her life.
She picked up Scrappy and sank her face into his fur, letting the tears fall until the dog’s coat was damp. He tried to lick the tears from her cheeks and wagged his tail, almost as if willing her to cheer up. But this was it. The dream was over.
Eventually she made her way downstairs and into the living room where her mum and dad were watching a film.
‘Hey, love, what’s wrong? What’s happened?’ her dad asked as he stood and walked over to envelop her in his arms.
‘It’s over,’ she sobbed. ‘The band has split.’ She collapsed into her father’s arms as the sadness and sheer relief she felt overtook her whole body and she succumbed to it.