41 JANIE
JANIE
“I take it back, should’ve gone with the short one,” Ben says, squeezing my hand as we enter the sprawling country club.
“We both agreed the short dress was too informal. And you said this was the sexiest dress you’d ever seen in your life,” I say, looking at him. He doesn’t meet my eyes.
“It is, therefore, you should only wear it in the bedroom. Let’s go back,” he jokes. It’s a light joke but his tone’s not quite right. I smile and pull at the plunging neckline of the sparkly black dress in question.
I keep pulling, adjusting. Because I am nervous as hell. He’s trying to distract me, I know, and I appreciate it. Especially when things between us are different. Not tense but not relaxed. Unsure maybe?
But I can’t think about us right this second. We flew all the way out here and Skye is waiting inside. There’s no going back now.
I inhale deeply and let the air out as we move through the grand lobby, nearing the double doors that hold the Canton Christmas extravaganza.
Even though we’re in Tulsa, Oklahoma, or, as Skye would say, smack dab in the middle of fly-over country, everything around us is opulent.
This is a gorgeous building that, while probably not that old, screams old money.
And the holiday party is even more over the top this year than previous years because Skye’s oldest sister used the room for her vow renewal ceremony just before this event started tonight. It’s going to be gorgeous in there. Classy and Christmassy. And crowded. And…judgy, I guess.
“Remember,” Ben stops us right before we’re in view of any of the party-goers. “You stick with the truth, I’ll bang on with all the made up little details. And Samantha is here. You know she’ll’ve already told them our entire life stories.”
“I…it’s not even that. We convinced your dad, we’re only about a week away from sealing the deal before January first. It’s…I…”
“Skye.”
“Yeah, isn’t that stupid? I mean it’s not like she’s an ex-lover or something. Why am I so nervous? Do I look nervous? Oh, man, it’ll be like blood in the water for her if I walk in upset and—”
“Janie,” he says, and I wonder if he had to stop himself from calling me my name, his pet name for me.
“I don’t understand exactly what’s happening here, a girl thing, I suppose, but you look bloody fantastic.
No nerves, no insecurities. I mean, look at you,” He says, stepping back and looking me up and down.
Normally he’d be all confidence, undressing me with his eyes, but those big blue gems have sadness in them.
He tries to hide it. “I recall all those times, you always walked into these things so gorgeous, so unaffected, so bloody cool, you know? Intimidating. And that’s exactly what you’re going to do tonight. ”
“But—”
“But nothing. She gave up your friendship. She let go of one of the best things that ever happened to her. She’ll probably dash over to us and beg to make it right with you…or she’s a wanker.”
That gets a laugh out of me. “I didn’t know women could be wankers.”
He reaches out and barely touches my ear, straightening one of the tear drop ruby earrings he gave me to go with this dress.
His voice gets scratchy, “Anyone who loses you is a wanker.”
I look away from his beautiful too-easy-to-read face, breathe in again and nod.
“Okay, thanks, I, I think I’m ready,” I say, and with a squeeze of my fingers, he leads me forward.
Our entrance isn’t as dramatic as I feared it would be.
The crowd doesn’t hush, only a few people stare, and mostly at Ben.
Though he’s rich and famous, so are a lot of the guests here.
Ben is approached by a few men right when we walk in, and I’m grateful for a way to stall.
He introduces me and makes jokes and I wait. But not long.
“Janie! Ben!” Sam calls as she approaches. “C’mon! Everyone’s dying to see you guys in person finally!”
Ben politely excuses us and we follow Samantha to the front corner where all of the Cantons are gathered. Susan is in a stunning white gown and all the others, Sadie, Sally, Sam, and Kat, are in champagne dresses in different, chic styles. And so is Skye.
All of the women, with varying shades of blonde to light brown hair, wavy and styled to perfection, and their husbands, crowd us for hugs.
They congratulate and scold us in equal measure, on our wedding and then for keeping ourselves scarce since.
Everyone has hugged me, even Jon Canton, their sweetheart of a dad, until, finally, Skye approaches.
“Congratulations,” she says stiffly as she leans in for a hug. Her dress is exactly what I would have expected, short and edgy. Her hair is a darker caramel than when I last saw her, and her hazel eyes sparkle with mischief. A stab hits me in the chest. I really, really missed her.
“Thanks,” I reply, just as awkward.
“So, you’re really married, huh?” She says, looking between Ben and me.
“We really are,” Ben says, putting his hand on my waist and clutching me to his side. He kisses my temple, “Took some convincing but even she caved to my undeniable charm.”
Skye and I both make the exact same scoffing sound. We lock eyes after that, and I know what she’s about to say.
“Want some air?”
I’m about to say sure, ready to rip the Band-aid off. Skye and I have never been small-talkers. There's no beating around the bush with us. But my sweet, protective, temporary husband squeezes my hip.
“We just had air, didn’t we, Janelle? Loads of it,” Ben tries to help. I wonder if everyone can hear that his voice is a bit off. There’s a happy-go-luckiness that’s absent. Because of me.
I’m still studying him when Skye asks us, “Janelle?”
“Isn’t it adorable? Just like his brother, Emerson always calls me Samantha, never Sam. So romantic,” Sam sighs.
“I thought you hated your name,” my former best friend pushes.
I shrug, “I did, but not anymore,” I look up at him and smile. I try to silently thank him for healing one tiny piece of me. His eyes go all soft and he uses the moment as an excuse for a quick, hard kiss. Samantha squeals. Again.
I pull away and look at Skye, who is trying to rein her younger sister in, and agree, “Air sounds good.”
“K,” she motions with her chin for me to follow her.
We walk out a side door of the ballroom onto a big marble patio that wraps around this part of the country club.
It’s dark now and there are pretty lit trees around, but I bet the view at sunset of the greens is stunning.
There are heaters above us but it’s not all that cold out.
One good thing about middle America, no North East winter weather.
“So, it’s contractual. Right?” She gets right to it.
“Huh?” I screech. “N-no, I, we—”
“Come on, Janie,” she crosses her arms and pops a hip, “Please. I’m your best friend.”
I cross my arms right back, “Oh, are you?”
“What?” She says the word like she was just punched in the gut.
“Be so for real right now, we are not friends anymore.”
“Because you bailed on me! You freaking ghosted me, saying no to everything like we do with other people but never with each other!”
“I bailed on you?”
“Yes!”
“Skye, my brother was in trouble with the mob. The! Mob! Like actual organized crime in New York. I was trying to save him from prison or getting stabbed or worse, and you were like,” I twist my face and my voice, “ Classic Janie always bailing everyone out.”
“It was classic! I’m just waiting for you to admit how you’re helping Ben with your sham marriage!” She points back toward the party.
“How I’m helping Ben? I’m helping him? Fine,” I stalk toward her and lower my voice, “Yes, okay? Yes, it’s contractual.
I needed the money so badly I signed on the line,” she rears back, like she’s a little surprised to be right.
“Yup. I moved back to Juniper Falls, did you know that? No, you didn’t.
I moved Gran into memory care, did you know that?
No, you didn’t! And right after I moved her to the best care facility in the county, my brother didn’t call, no, he couldn’t call because his mouth was freaking duct-taped, Skye! ”
“W-wha—”
“Yeah! So then I’m on the phone with some Mr. Bonetti who says my brother is five hundred thousand dollars in the hole and if I don’t pay half immediately, they’ll have to take care of it.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” she says, holding up both hands. “Bonetti like the diamonds?”
“Hell if I know! When I met them for coffee it was two good looking men who seemed so normal. Just like Lori’s freaking books! Just two hot guys in suits talking about it like he was going to let me finance a damn car payment or something.”
“You met with them!?”
“What else was I supposed to do?! Let them off my brother?”
She shakes her head, “This can’t be real. That doesn’t happen in real life.”
“You are so oblivious, you know that? This,” I gesture around, “Is not real life. Not for most people. People are barely making it, barely scraping by. People have vices, addictions. People are desperate for hope. They gamble and sometimes they lose. I’m not saying these guys would have actually killed him but they could have made him an indentured employee, trafficked him to work for them overseas.
They made it clear I could’ve never seen or heard from my brother again. ”
“I—”
She tries but I keep going, “Most people are in soul-sucking, crippling debt, so excuse us if we don’t want to go to your VIP museum experience with your five-course wine-tasting party that costs hundreds of dollars a plate!”
“Listen, I was being honored as a featured artist that night and I needed you there! I would’ve paid for you, Janie, hell, I would’ve paid Jack’s debt if I’d known, why didn’t you say something? Anything?”
“Because this is your life! It was always your life, since we met. And it’s not your fault, I get that, your family is successful, your grandpa started it in a garage, I get it, like, congrats to you guys and all, but from the beginning, since the day we met, you and I were different. Theo and I were already in debt.”
“You were?”
I chuckle a bitter laugh and my eyes sting as I go on, “I knew that would surprise you. And it’s embarrassing, I’ll admit it, I was embarrassed. The queen of spreadsheets can’t manage her credit cards? A numbers wiz living so far in the red she couldn’t eat or sleep?”
“Janie...”
She steps toward me, her voice cracking, but I hold up a hand.
“The thing is I was managing it. I had a schedule, a plan. The interest rates were disgusting. I would get nauseated and couldn’t eat the days I paid bills.
But then Theo left me and he took his bigger income with him, his apartment, his actor friends who got us tickets to everything, his chef friends who hooked us up to eat for free.
He took so much,” my voice is trembling now and I have to sniff before I go on, “But I’m me, so I sat down and worked the numbers.
Again. Got a smaller apartment and more roommates and sold some things so I could keep up the payments on Gran’s room. And then Mr. Bonetti called.”
She lets out a breath, blowing hard and puffing out her cheeks. She’s having trouble processing this, I think, and I get it.
“Yeah. I sold everything I own to make up the two fifty. All but a few pairs of shoes and basic clothes. Moved to Gran’s place and my plan was to eat and use as little as possible and ask for favors around town to fix up her townhouse and sell it.
Got a job in town because I couldn’t afford the city anymore, even remote.
The food, the trains, the rent, utilities, even just keeping my freaking wifi. ”
“That’s why you went to Mellman’s.” She says, like it was one of the missing pieces of a puzzle in her mind.
“Ladies,” Ben’s voice surprises both of us. As does the look on his face.