Chapter 26 Then #2
“Nothing,” I say, the closest to a lie I’ve ever told him. “Just nervous.” That, at least, is the truth. I am nauseatingly nervous.
Alex reaches for my hand, threading our fingers together. “We don’t have to do this. If you’re not comfortable—”
“I’m good.” I squeeze his hand. “Promise.”
He searches my eyes for a beat, then lets go of my hand. “Okay, then let’s do this.”
We throw open our doors at the same time, me hugging my coat around my body, Alex seemingly impervious to the brutal cold, leaving his jacket in the back seat.
Huddled together, we rush onto the sidewalk, then up the steps.
The Putt-Putt place looks lively, vibrating with music as we near it.
It’s in the Terminal, a place in The Strip District, where I’ve gone with Alex to visit his favorite spot for cheese and cured meat, Pennsylvania Macaroni, and dozens of other specialty-food stores.
The Terminal, Alex explained, used to be the place where all the grocers and suppliers docked and unloaded their goods.
Now it’s been “revitalized” or, probably more accurately, gentrified, filled with upscale restaurants and vendors that appeal to the twenty- and thirty-somethings who’ve filled the new condos on the other side of it, along the Allegheny River.
When we matched with our dates—Kate, for Alex; Nate, for me—Alex suggested we offer to meet them at the same spot; that way, if I got a bad vibe from the guy, he’d be nearby, ready to whisk me away.
I tried to point out that this might harsh the potentially good vibes with Kate, but Alex only waved a hand and said, “If that were to happen, and she couldn’t be cool with my being there for my best friend, then she’s not worth it. ”
“Maybe,” I told him, “don’t lead with the fact that your best friend is female. Could be a deal-breaker.”
Alex just frowned and said, “Maybe I should have put that in my bio, too.”
He turns toward me now as we stand outside the door. I’m shivering from nerves, from the cold. “You sure you want to do this?” he says.
“Yes!” I try to infuse as much enthusiasm as possible in my voice. “It’ll be a good time. We’ll flirt and have fun, play Putt-Putt and maybe putt out, if you know what I mean.”
Alex shakes his head, fighting a smile. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be cracking dumb-dad jokes.”
“You really do not deliver on that front,” I tell him as he opens the door. “I’m just making up where you fall short.”
“My most heartfelt gratitude,” he quips, setting his hand on my back, guiding me in. Just that momentary touch, the heat of his hand seeping through my coat, sends a wave of calm rushing through me.
As soon as we step inside, he drops it. I feel like I’ve been thrown out in the middle of the ocean without a life raft. Which isn’t fair. I encouraged this. I led us here.
Time to put on my big-girl panties and find a life raft of my own.
Alex leans in as we stand behind a group of people who can’t seem to make up their mind about where they’re going or what they’re doing. “Ted,” he says quietly.
I peer over at him. “Hmm?”
He smiles softly. “You look smokin’. Just so you know.”
Pleasure spills through me. “I was thinking that about you, in the car.”
His smile deepens. He rocks back on his heels. “I thought so.”
I smack his chest. “Smug is not a good look on you.”
“But a sapphire-blue crewneck sweater is, isn’t it?” he teases.
I roll my eyes but can’t help the smile that tugs at my mouth. “Yes, it’s a very good look.”
His smile fades. “Remember what I said—just text if you feel uncomfortable, if you need anything, okay?”
Surrounded by the crowd, hidden from Kate and Nate, who might be here, I clutch his hand with mine and squeeze. “Thanks. You, too, okay? I took, like, two sessions of karate, twenty years ago, and I’m not afraid to use what I know. I will defend your honor, if called upon.”
Alex squeezes my hand hard, then presses a kiss to my hair, the first he ever has. It unravels me.
“Good luck, Ted.”
His hand slips from mine and he wends his way through the crowd.
Nate is a nice guy, if a little handsy. Then again, I did say in my bio that I was here for a good time, not a long time, which Alex warned against, so maybe I’m just getting back from the universe what I put out.
Which, speaking of, as of right now, I do not plan to put out.
Still, I’m trying to roll with it. I haven’t gotten a text from Alex, and I can’t see him right now, around the Putt-Putt setups, the countless heads filling every free space around them. I’m going to hang in there. For Alex.
And probably because this will make Lauren laugh when I call her and tell her about it later.
“So Thea,” Nate says. He’s leaning against the small bar staked at the entrance of every Putt-Putt station, his gaze raking over me. “Talk to me about what you’re looking for.”
I’m focused on my putt, adjusting my stance, trying not to spend too much mental energy attempting to reconcile the not-red-flag bio and photos in his profile with the man standing a little too close me.
And now, behind me.
I angle myself away, resetting my stance. “Oh, you know,” I start to say, not really knowing where I’m going with this. “I’m looking for fun. Something low-key and chill.”
That sounds plausible. If a little floozy.
Not that there’s anything wrong with being floozy. I’m just not sure I’m feeling floozy. All the lust that’s plagued me for months seems to have shriveled up the moment I saw Nate and he drew me into a very enthusiastic, near-butt-groping hug hello.
“Gotcha,” he says. His gaze dances away, lingering somewhere for a moment, then back to me.
“What about you?” I ask, before I swing. The ball sails up the ramp, then down, headed straight for the hole, but then a windmill blade knocks it away. I groan.
“Same.” Nate steps closer. “Low-key and chill.”
I hand him the club, which Nate takes. Then he opens his arms and says, “Why don’t you and I putt this one together.”
My eyes widen. I can picture exactly how that setup is going to go, Nate bent over me, caging me in. I don’t like that picture at all. “I couldn’t take your putt!” I wave him forward. “It’s all you.”
Nate gives me a coy look, like he thinks this is some game we’re playing, like he thinks I’m actually enjoying it. “You sure?” he says. “I mean, I find that, when it comes to this stuff, the more the merrier. Makes it more fun. What do you think?”
I tip my head, trying to parse his emphasis, but coming up short. “Um… in some situations, definitely. A good, you know, group effort, can be a game changer. But, with Putt-Putt, I think it’s pretty much a solo gig.”
He grins. “Solo gigs can be solid foreplay,” he concedes, before turning to putt.
I dive into my skirt pocket, then pull out my phone. At first, I’m relieved to see there’s a text from Alex, but then I’m not. Because the text just reads SOS.
My head snaps up, and like I’ve conjured him, Alex is right there, staring at me, wide-eyed, like a deer in the headlights. On his arm hangs a woman who is either well on her way to shit-faced or deeply disinclined to stand on her own two feet.
“Kate!” Nate says, chucking the club aside. “Great to see you! Who do we have here?”
“This,” Kate says, “is Alex.” She swivels my way, her gaze raking down me. “And who is this?”
“Thea,” Nate says proudly, like I’m his to introduce.
“Well,” Kate says, “isn’t this fun!” She detaches herself from Alex long enough to attach herself to me, curling her arm through mine. “You are adorable.”
Nate sets his hands in his pockets, glancing between Alex and me, looking pleased. I have no idea what’s going on. I turn to Alex, who’s searching my eyes wildly. I widen mine. What is it?
He widens his. What is going on?
I realize that Alex doesn’t know I was about to send an SOS myself. Which means, I think, he’s sticking with this totally weird situation because he’s assuming I’m somehow interested in it.
I extract my arm from Kate’s carefully, lifting my phone. “Sorry, I tell her, “just need to check in on the dog with the sitter.”
“Take your time,” Kate purrs.
I type SOS TOO to Alex, then hit send.
“So,” Nate says to Alex, “how long have you two been on the scene?”
Alex frowns as he feels my text reach his phone, buzzing in his pocket. “What scene?” he asks.
Kate laughs and throws herself at him again, slowing his progress as he pulls his phone from his back pocket. “I love it when they act innocent. It’s totally my kink.”
Nate glances from me to Alex, then grins. “Mine, too, babe.”
“Babe?” I blurt, my gaze darting between them. “Did you just call her babe?”
“No need to get jealous,” Nate says, easing toward me. “There’s plenty of lovin’ to go around.”
Everything clicks in a millisecond. “Oh shit.”
“We’re out of here,” Alex says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dragging me with him.
“No need to be shy!” Kate calls. “Though, really, that’s a kink of mine, too.”
“Alex,” I gasp as we rush toward the door. We’re practically jogging. “They’re swingers!”
“No shit,” he mutters, nearly shoving someone aside, out of my way.
“They, like, planned that!”
“Yes, Ted.”
“How!” I yell as we stumble out into the biting-cold air outside.
“In the past ten seconds that I’ve had to try to come up with an answer,” Alex says, rushing us toward his car, “I’ve only come up with one possibility. Your picture.”
I frown up at him. “My what?”
“The picture,” he says, “that you included in your profile? The one with all my family and me at Dad’s birthday party in December?”
We throw ourselves into the car. My door’s not even fully closed before Alex starts to peel out.
“I don’t get it,” I tell him. “Why would that—ohhhh.”
“I was in it,” he says. “And I have my arm around your shoulders.”
“We agreed that would inspire a healthy, nontoxic level of advantageous jealousy in a prospective suitor.”
He lets out a little disbelieving, high-pitched laugh. “Why are you talking like that?”
“I don’t know, I read a lot of historical romance! That’s beside the point. So you’re saying they work together—”
“They’re swingers, Ted, not hit men. But yes, they strategized, and based on our bios, I guess assumed we’d be up for some…”
“Group effort,” I say miserably.
Alex glances my way. “Yeah. Pretty much. You okay?”
“Nope. I am not. I mean, he didn’t do anything gross. But I just… wow. How are you? Are you okay? Kate seemed really handsy.”
Alex shudders. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I bite my lip, adrenaline starting to ebb in my body, the comforting hum of the car rolling down the road, Alex’s familiar scent suffusing the air. “That was a disaster.”
“Yep,” he says.
“No knocks on swingers,” I tell him. “Because, you know what, everyone deserves to have consensual fun and intimacy however works for them.”
“Yep,” he says again.
“So I’m not disparaging their lifestyle,” I add. “But I am saying, I don’t think I want to use the dating apps until I figure out how to not have that happen again.”
Alex snorts as he guns it through a yellow light. “Good for you. I, however, don’t plan to use the dating apps ever again.”
“What about your… loneliness?”
“Oh, that won’t be a problem for quite some time,” he says. “Kate made sure of it. I think my balls hid so far from her groping hands, they’re somewhere up near my tonsils. Who knows if I’ll ever get them back. They might be lost forever.”
A laugh bursts out of me. I slap my hands over my mouth as I blink over at Alex.
He peers my way, a crooked smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. His Thea smile. Part exasperation, part affection, all love.
Friend love, yes. But it’s his love for me.
That’s all I need. All I want from him.
And I’ll hold on to it with both desperate hands, until the shock fades, until the loneliness comes back, until Alex once again realizes he wants more than what we share, more than I ever want to take a chance on us becoming, all the right it could cost us if being more than friends went wrong.
But I won’t think about that down-the-road day today, or tomorrow.
I won’t think about it for as long as I possibly can.