Chapter 2
Josie looked out the window over the Atlanta skyline and took a long sip of her wine. Craig was running late, which wasn’t unusual. As a successful attorney, he was always busy with clients, phone calls, and trials. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever thought she’d end up engaged to a man like him. Her childhood hadn’t allowed her to dream that big. When Craig proposed, in this very restaurant, she felt like a princess for the first time in her life. She thought he was the answer to all the crap she’d been through. He was her prize for not going crazy along the way.
“Will Mr. Townsend be joining you?” She looked up to see April, their normal server, standing beside her.
“Yes. He’s just running a bit late. Can you bring a glass of that Chardonnay he loves so much?”
April smiled. “Of course.”
As she walked away, Josie turned her attention back to the skyline. She often played a game with herself where she wondered what people were doing in all those high-rise apartment buildings and offices. Who were they? What problems did they have? Were they like her, with unruly teenagers and difficult work situations? Or were they perfect with beautiful homes, wonderful marriages, and adorable kids?
“Sorry I’m late,” Craig said as he rushed to the table. She tilted her face up, waiting for the quick kiss he usually gave her when they saw each other at the end of a long workday, but he sat down instead. He must have had a stressful day like she had.
“No problem. Busy day?”
He took a sip of the wine April had set on the table. “Always. One partner is out because of knee surgery, which puts stress on the rest of us. The Abernathy case is a mess. Linda ordered lunch from the wrong place, the one with the bad health score...”
Most of their conversations were about work. He rarely asked about her daughter, having had no kids of his own yet. She knew that should bother her, that he didn’t ask about Kendra, but the truth was that her daughter was almost an adult herself. She couldn’t base her love life decisions solely on her daughter.
“Wow. Sounds like you had quite a day.”
“What about you? How’s that new client coming along?” He looked at her, his dark-brown eyes boring into her soul. Craig was intense. He was good to her, but he had a forceful personality.
“Well, not great.”
He tilted his head slightly. “Oh? What happened?”
“I got fired.” She blurted it out just to get it over with so she could stop feeling the drunk butterflies in her stomach.
“You got fired?” he repeated. “Why?” She could almost feel the disappointment in his voice.
“It was ridiculous, really. Sandra seems to think I don’t work well with others.” She rolled her eyes and took a bite of the bread she’d been holding.
Craig sighed and looked out the window. “Josie, I don’t know what to say.”
“What do you mean?”
“This isn’t an isolated incident, you know. Your inability to trust other people has been a problem before.”
“Trust people? Oh, come on, Craig. First of all, I trust you. Second of all, you can’t just blindly trust people. I’ve found that people are largely untrustworthy.”
He looked at her. “That’s your childhood talking.”
“Maybe it is, but this wasn’t my fault. I can’t help it if those people weren’t strong enough to work with me. You’ve told me a million times how tough I am, and how you admire that.” Craig was a go-getter. He was someone who never took no for an answer and had big plans to climb as high as the ladder of success would allow.
“I’ve told you that getting out of your hometown and working your way up in your career is admirable, Josie. But walling yourself off from other people and being difficult to work with isn’t something I admire.”
She felt like the air had been sucked out of her chest. “I’m difficult?”
Craig didn’t crack a smile. He didn’t reach across the table to take her hand. He just looked at her like she was at a job interview. “You can be.”
“What’s with you tonight? I thought I could lean on my fiancé after losing a job I loved, but you’re making me feel worse.” She took a sip of her wine and looked out the window again.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but I’ve got a lot on my mind. This dinner...” His words trailed off like he didn’t know how to finish a sentence.
“This dinner?”
“Well, let’s just say this dinner has bad timing. Unfortunately, I can’t delay it any longer.”
“Delay what?”
Craig sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I love you, but... this just isn’t working for me anymore.”
She stared at him like she didn’t understand the language he was speaking. Craig was her person. He was her rock. He’d believed in her when no one else did. She saw her whole life laid out in front of her, and he was beside her, fighting the good fight. They were a team.
“What?” She tried as hard as she could to stop it, but her face flushed and her eyes welled with tears.
“I don’t want to marry you.”
Josie had never understood what people meant when they said something felt like a knife through their heart... until right now. She could literally feel pain in the center of her chest. “I can’t believe this.” Suddenly, she felt the coldness of the metal on her left ring finger.
“I’m sorry, Josie. I really am.”
“What did I do wrong?” she choked out.
“It’s not that you did anything wrong. I just know what I want, and this isn’t it. We’re not a good match.”
“But you know me, Craig. You’ve known all along who I am. Why am I suddenly unacceptable to you?”
He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and then cleared his throat, not making eye contact. “Do you remember that time I helped you pick out paint colors for your living room?”
She worried for a moment that he was having a stroke or something given the sudden change of topic. “Yes...”
“You wanted that grayish-blue color, and we painted a big section of the wall with it. Then, you went to the paint store and saw this robin’s-egg blue that you loved, and you had me paint a big section of that next to it. Remember?”
“It was last year, Craig. Of course, I remember. What are you getting at?”
“I remember you saying how you were convinced you wanted the grayish-blue color. You’d watched home decor shows, made Pinterest boards, and cut out magazine articles with that color. Your devotion to that color was admirable. Then, you were so shocked when you painted the robin’s-egg blue on the wall because you loved it way more. Until you saw them side by side, you didn’t realize what you were missing.”
“And your point?”
He looked at her. “You’re my grayish-blue, Josie.”
She paused for a moment, trying to decipher what he was saying. Then it hit her.
“Who is she?” She could feel her blood boiling.
He shook his head. “I’m not doing this, Josie.” He looked around like he was scared she was going to cause a scene, and he definitely should’ve been worried about that. She was highly skilled at causing scenes when needed.
She leaned over the table slightly, talking under her breath. “Three years, Craig. We’ve been together for three years. You proposed a year ago. We’ve been planning a wedding. We’ve been discussing honeymoon trips. And now I’m just grayish-blue to you?”
“I love you, Josie. A part of me always will. But the longer we’re together, the more I feel like I can’t be what you need, and you can’t be what I need.”
“And what is that?”
“I need... and want... a woman who is open, trusting, kind, laid-back...”
“So, like a golden retriever then?”
He leaned his head back and rubbed his hands over his face like he was about to pull his skin off. She sometimes had that effect on people. He looked back at her, his expression emotionless. “I’m in love with someone else.”
“I gathered that.” Why didn’t she feel sad anymore? She felt angry, but that was her “safe” emotion. Her go-to emotion. She had that one down pat. But there was no sadness. Her eyes were now dry, and her insides were in a rage.
“I met her a few months ago at a dinner party.”
“The one I couldn’t attend?”
“Yes.”
“Wow. I never pegged you to be a cheater, Craig.” Trust issues were the theme of her life, and this was yet another example of why.
“I didn’t intend for this to happen.”
She gulped down the last of her wine, took off her ring, and slid it across the table. “You want me to be more trusting and then you cheat on me. Do you see the irony in that?”
“I do.”
Josie stood up, determined to walk out of the restaurant with her head held high. “Goodbye, Craig.”
“I’m sorry, Josie,” he said, grabbing her hand for a fleeting moment. “I truly wish you the best in life.”
Laughing, she walked out of the restaurant.
* * *
Melody’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “He dumped you?”
Josie plunged her hand back into the giant bag of chips and retrieved the largest one she could find. She crunched down, not caring that the crumbs fell onto her chest. This was her life now.
“He sure did. In the same restaurant where he proposed.”
“What a jerk!”
Josie shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t even care right now. I need a job.”
Melody leaned back against the sofa and stuck her hand into the bag of chips, grabbing a few. “Sandra is already interviewing people for your job.”
“Seriously?”
“She has a stack of résumés on her desk.”
Josie groaned as she stood up and walked to the kitchen. She opened the freezer and retrieved a pint of butter pecan ice cream, taking two tablespoons from the drawer before returning to the sofa.
Melody was her only real friend in town, a good enough friend that she’d insisted on coming over when Josie called after dinner. But she wondered if their friendship would last now that they didn’t work together anymore. Still, she was glad to have someone to commiserate with on one of the worst days of her life.
She handed Melody one spoon and popped the top on the ice cream, digging into it. “Well, she didn’t waste any time, did she? Just like Craig, I guess.”
“So he’s dating someone else? He cheated on you?”
“Yep. He found his robin’s-egg blue and left his old grayish-blue in the dust.”
Melody stared at her. “Huh?”
“Never mind. It’s not important. What is important is that I’m now a single, unemployed woman with no job prospects and a daughter who might give me a stroke. Don’t be too jealous of my fabulous life.”
“Single? You and Craig broke up?” Josie turned her head to see her daughter standing on the stairs, that look of teenage disgust on her face.
“Yep. Just the cherry on top of an already sucky day.”
Kendra descended the stairs and stood in front of her mother, her hands on her hips. “What did you do?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, he had to break up with you for some reason, Mom.”
Josie stood up. “And it’s automatically my fault?”
“Usually,” she said, rolling her eyes and walking toward the kitchen.
Josie followed. “I’ll have you know he cheated on me with someone else!”
“That doesn’t mean he didn’t have a reason,” she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee. It was decaf, so Josie didn’t comment.
“There’s never a good reason to cheat on someone, Kendra,” Melody interjected.
“Maybe not, but I’m still sure he had his reasons.”
Josie couldn’t form words. There was a time when she and Kendra were as close as a mother and daughter could be. Then she had a birthday that added the word teen to the end of her age, and suddenly her daughter had turned into a different person.
“So you think it was okay for my fiancé to cheat on me because he must’ve had a good reason?”
Kendra sighed. “Mom, you can be a little...”
“Difficult?”
“Yes! Difficult.”
Josie wanted to run out into traffic. “Go to bed, Kendra. You have school tomorrow.”
“Whatever.” Kendra walked back up the stairs and slammed her door.
“Yikes. Were we that bad as teenagers?” Melody asked, taking another bite of ice cream.
Josie laughed breathlessly. “I probably was.”
* * *
Updating her résumé wasn’t supposed to be on Josie’s schedule this morning, but here she was. Most of her life was a series of unexpected—and often unfortunate—events that she had to overcome. Sometimes she overcame them, and other times she just pushed past them but continued dragging them through the rest of her life.
She took a long sip of her coffee and sighed. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she had put herself in this position by being difficult and untrusting, but who could blame her?
Josie had spent most of her childhood being batted around between houses in a small South Carolina town called Happy Harbor, situated between Myrtle Beach and Charleston. For the first few years of her life, she and her mother, Diane, had lived with Josie’s grandmother, Adeline, who owned a restaurant on the riverfront.
According to Adeline, Diane had been troubled from the start. She had gotten into alcohol at a young age and found herself pregnant with Josie when she was sixteen years old. She gave birth a couple of weeks after her seventeenth birthday, but soon started leaving her baby with her mother to continue her partying ways.
In fact, for most of Josie’s life, Diane had been in and out of her world. Her grandmother always stepped in and filled the gap. After Diane moved out, there were a few times when Josie was able to go live with her in a small apartment or a room she’d rented. Those were the short moments in her life when her mother was clean. They never lasted, and she’d end up back at her grandmother’s house again.
Though mostly a refuge, Adeline’s house also served up bad memories of Diane coming back drunk as a skunk or making promises she couldn’t keep. At school, the embarrassment of everyone knowing her mother was the town drunk was horrifying. Tales about Diane Campbell sleeping on park benches, streaking across the field during local high school football games, and passing out in line at the DMV were always floating around. She was the butt of many jokes, and Josie was always the recipient of the stares. Her grandmother had told her to “turn the other cheek” but that often just got her punched. She got bullied until she learned how to stand up for herself. Maybe she should’ve been thankful for those jokes and stares as they gave her a thick skin once she was an adult.
Happy Harbor was what one would call quaint, but Josie found it boring during her adolescence. She was constantly getting into trouble, probably in an attempt to get her mother’s attention. Plus, if people were going to stare at her, she figured she might as well give them something to stare at. Her mother’s reputation had ruined hers, and so she started living up to it.
Of course, she drank a bit and tried some illicit substances, but Josie’s biggest issue as a teenager was anger. Everything made her angry. Then there were the times that Diane tried to come back and be her mother after months or years away. She would just show up, say she was clean, and try to discipline her wayward daughter. Of course, Josie didn’t accept her authority, didn’t trust her, and she surely didn’t respect her.
Her poor nana tried to keep her in line, but Josie would fight anyone for anything at any time. Maybe some of that had carried over into her adulthood, but she wasn’t sure what to do about it now. There was a lot of water under that bridge.
Just as she was finishing up her résumé, the front door opened. She looked up to see Kendra standing in front of her, a look of sheer disgust on her face.
“Why are you home? It’s not even lunchtime.”
Kendra groaned. “I hate that school.”
“What happened?”
“I got sent home for smoking in the bathroom, okay?” Josie looked down at her phone and saw three missed calls from the school. She’d forgotten to turn her ringer back on after her meeting with Sandra.
She stood up. “Kendra! Are you just trying to ruin your life?”
Kendra laughed. “Oh, please, Mom. Smoking a cigarette between classes will not ruin my life. Everybody does it.”
“No, they don’t. Where are they?”
“Where are what?”
“The cigarettes.”
“Relax. I don’t have any. This girl gave me one.”
Josie stared at her. “Do you think I just fell off the turnip truck?”
“The what?”
“Never mind. Let me see your bag.”
“No!” Kendra backed up. “Haven’t you ever heard of privacy?”
Josie laughed. “Honey, you don’t get privacy until you can support yourself. Hand them over.”
Kendra growled like a wildcat. “Fine!” She opened her messenger bag, pulled out a pack of cigarettes, and handed them over, not making eye contact with Josie.
“Now, go to your room. Oh, and hand me that phone. And don’t even try connecting through your laptop because I’m turning off the Wi-Fi.”
“Ugh! I hate you!” She stomped up the stairs and slammed her door.
Josie walked to the kitchen and unplugged the router, then fell face-first onto the sofa. Why did life have to be so hard lately? Was she being tested? If so, she was failing miserably.
Her cell phone buzzed on the kitchen counter, and she forced herself to get up.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Bug.”
The sound of her beloved nana soothed her soul. Josie didn’t feel peace very often, but when she talked to her grandmother, she exhaled.
“Hey, Nana. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today. How are you?” She’d been a little worried about her nana for a while now. Her voice sounded smaller, more frail. Sometimes it was shaky. She was still spry and feisty, but getting older.
“I’m still above ground today, so I suppose I’m good as can be.” She giggled at her own joke. For as long as Josie could remember, her nana’s response to “How are you?” was always “I’m still above ground.” She thought of herself as a regular comedian.
“Is everything okay?” Josie couldn’t take much more bad news.
“Everything’s fine, my dear. Just wanted to hear your voice is all. You sound a little frazzled.”
“Raising a teenage daughter. You know how it is.”
She chuckled. “I surely do, but don’t you worry. Things always have a way of working out.”
“I wish I could see you right now.” Josie longed to put her head on her nana’s shoulder. It always made her feel better, and it had been so long.
“Is something else going on?”
Josie wanted to be honest and tell her she’d been fired and dumped, but it would only worry her, and she didn’t want to do that. Nana had spent her life worried about others, and Josie wasn’t going to add to it.
“No, just typical teenager stuff. Kendra’s been a little defiant lately, and she hates school.”
“Sounds very familiar.”
Josie smiled slightly. “I was a handful, wasn’t I?”
“You were, honey. But you know what? It was all worth it to see the woman you’ve become.”
Her grandmother gave her way too much credit. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I hope you can come visit soon.”
Josie’s eyebrows furrowed. She hadn’t been back to Happy Harbor in years. The memories of her tumultuous childhood were just too triggering for her. Using her busy work schedule as an excuse, she’d instead met up with her nana in Charleston to treat her to dinner and shopping. And they did video chats at least a few times a month.
“I will, Nana. I promise. I’ll find a way.” She really should visit, even though it was painful. For Nana, she needed to do it, to make a way.
“Darlin’, you’re a good mother. One of the best I’ve seen. Don’t let those teenage hormones get you down. Stay the course. Love Kendra, and do what’s best for her, okay?”
“I will.”
“I’m proud of you, Bug. Always have been, always will be. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done. You know that?”
“Why are you being so sentimental today, Nana?”
She laughed. “Old people tend to do that, honey. We sit and think a lot. Life goes by so dang fast. I guess you just realize how much of it was plain old nonsense.”
“You’re right about that. A lot of it is nonsense.”
“Well, I’m getting a little tired, and I still need to water my rose bushes. I love you, Bug.”
“I love you too.”
“Call me soon, okay?”
“I will. Goodbye.”
“Bye, sweetie.”
As she hung up, Josie sat down on the sofa and let the tears fall. She missed her nana. Her North Star. Her only cheerleader. But did she miss her enough to go home and face her demons? That was a hard question to answer.