THIRTY-FOUR
My ancestors named our estate Journey’s End.
I never understood that before today. Probably because I’d never been away from it for this long.
It looks exactly like my memory of it. The same low stone walls separate the fields leading to my family’s home, freshly tilled and ready for spring planting.
Thin green shoots are already pushing stubbornly through the soil.
The same olive trees line the gravel drive.
Even the air smells the same. The house’s limestone facade glows in the honey-gold morning light, showcasing every crack and weathered patch.
As usual, the shutters need repainting and several of the roof tiles are missing.
But everything has changed.
My siblings are waiting by the door. Well, Andry and Isidore. Broderic is nowhere to be seen. As soon as they spot me, they start to wave. Andry jumps up and down like I might miss him. He looks taller. I wave back, something swelling around my heart, a bubble of joy that feels too fragile to last.
Especially, I suspect, once Bishop arrives.
Convincing him to give me some time alone with my family was damn near impossible. He insisted on a sword as my travel companion for the two-mile trek to my family estate.
At least we can compromise.
I grab the sheathed sword and jump out of the carriage before it’s fully stopped.
The driver slows just enough for me to send him back for Bishop at the outpost. The request is barely out of my mouth before both my sister and brother attack me.
I only stop hugging them long enough to fasten the baldric over my shoulder.
“Is that real?” Andry gawks at it. Even Isidore’s mouth falls open for a second.
“Can’t be too careful.” I force a smile, feeling a bit silly to be entering my family home armed.
“Awesome!” Andry stares at it longingly.
Since him with a sword is a very bad idea, I change the subject.
“Where’s Broderic?” I glance around like he might jump out from behind a bush.
Isidore sucks air through her teeth. Her hesitation tells me enough.
But Andry kicks a rock with the toe of his boot. “He’s with her,” he says, the final word flat with disapproval.
“Her?” I look at Isidore.
“His fiancée.” She twists her hands together, and suddenly I understand her jitteriness.
For a moment, I can only stare. “He’s getting … married?”
“He proposed at Twelvetide.” She gives me a sad smile. “The wedding is this summer, but she’s already moved into the house.”
He’s given up on Miranda, then. That’s no surprise. But this …
A good match will stabilize the estate. Though I can’t help feeling like I’ve lost my older brother.
At least the one who used to climb onto the barn roof with Kieren and me, the one who accidentally burned down that barn when a dare went wrong.
The bubble in my chest pops, taking any hope I had with it.
I try to keep my disappointment tucked behind a smile as they drag me toward the back entrance.
Andry runs ahead, off to get whatever latest obsession he’s dying to show me.
“You already started dinner?” I ask, my stomach growling at the scent of baking bread. There’s a pot simmering on the stove, and for just a moment, I feel like I’m home.
“Not me.”
Before I can ask who, I stop in my tracks, spotting an armed guard in the hall. An ache spreads where the bubble was moments ago. They replaced Kieren. It’s not like my best friend was ever truly our guard, but seeing someone occupying that position …
“Laurel’s personal bodyguard,” Isidore whispers. “Her uncle insisted. Because Damalis is so dangerous.”
Maybe not before my Kindling. I swallow the thought.
Surprise takes its place. Clearly, someone is cooking. I hadn’t expected Broderic to land someone so … domestic.
“And who is her uncle?” I ask Isidore, my fingers trailing along the grooves in the kitchen door where we used to mark our heights.
She hesitates, but she knows what I’m really asking. “Patron Velesont.”
I can’t help thinking of Patron Velesont’s cruel interest the night the king died. How he lobbied to have me executed. And Broderic was in the room when he called for my execution. Now he’s marrying into his family?
“Is she …” But I trail away as Andry returns.
He’s holding a wooden sword. It looks remarkably like the ones issued to new conscripts for training. “Laurel brought it for me. She’s always bringing new things home.” He waves it erratically, nearly knocking over a vase of daisies on the nearest table. “It’s just like the ones Order Marius uses.”
He’s young enough to still dream of being a hero. I hold out my hand. “Let me see.”
He passes it to me. “There are lots of soldiers in Damalis now. Laurel says I can join up if I want.”
I’m already sure I won’t like her.
“Did she?” I say, forcing a smile. “I have something for you, too. From Kieren.”
I reach into the satchel I brought from Vennaro. There are only two pieces of him left.
They belong here with them.
I fish the letter out and offer it to my sister. “It was addressed to you. He must have forgotten to send it.”
Isidore takes the folded paper carefully, as if she’s afraid it might dissolve in her hands. “There’s no envelope.” She looks up, searching my face. “You opened it?”
I hesitate. She doesn’t need to know why I threw the envelope away. Neither of them do. “I didn’t read it.”
She stares at the letter but doesn’t open it.
Turning, I press the pegasus token into Andry’s palm.
“He never went anywhere without it,” I whisper.
Andry’s fingers close around it like it’s something alive.
Something precious.
But it’s another thread cut loose so Kieren’s soul can move on.
“I’m going to put it in my room.” He scrambles down the hall.
Isidore is still staring at the letter. “I think I’ll put this away, too,” she says softly. “I’ll be right out.”
I trail behind them until I reach my own bedroom’s door.
Pushing it open, I find the bones of my childhood wearing different skin.
The flowered paper my mother hung is gone, the walls now painted deep crimson.
The small daybed I slept in until I left for my Kindling has been replaced by a large canopy bed with thick curtains.
There’s not a trace of my old life, but I step inside anyway, trying to ignore the slight throb in my chest.
I left this place behind. It was my choice.
That doesn’t make it any easier. Not when this room held all my dreams. My mother tucked me into bed in this room. I cried myself to sleep in it when my first love broke my heart. I stared at the moon out that window.
I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to hold the memories in.
It’s not about the wallpaper or my things being gone.
It’s about the hole their loss carved in my chest. The one that makes me feel like a little girl standing in the middle of a life that doesn’t exist anymore, looking for the bed where her mother used to sit with her.
But there’s no bed. No mother. There’s not really even me here anymore. It’s just … gone.
“What are you doing in here?” a harsh voice interrupts.
I spin around and find a woman standing there.
Her brown curls are piled like a crown on top of her head, diamond earrings dangling from her ears.
The silk overcoat she’s wearing probably costs as much as every stitch of clothing I’ve ever owned.
But it’s the sneer she’s wearing that tells me she’s a Velesont.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know the room was being used. ”
“Who …” She trails away with a blink. Instantly, her face rearranges into a smile sweet enough to choke on. “You must be Arden. Broderic told me you might be coming for the equinox.”
My mouth is open to correct her when Broderic strides into the room, eyes on the shiny new astrolabe he’s carrying. “I suspect that your uncle—”
“We have company,” Laurel cuts him off, hooking an arm possessively through his. “Your sister is here. Isn’t it wonderful?”
Considering the way she’s digging her fingernails into Broderic’s arm, I don’t think she means it.
My brother doesn’t smile when he looks up. “You came.”
“I sent word.” Not that he responded.
“I suppose …” But he doesn’t finish the thought.
Laurel’s smile is beginning to crack, but she turns the flattery back on me. “You must come to dinner this evening. We’ll have a little party.”
I shoot a confused look at Broderic. “Tonight is the equinox,” I remind him.
“I know that.” His tone is clipped.
The words slide through me, hollowing a space in my chest.
“It’s Kieren’s Evensong,” I add. He can’t have forgotten, which means …
“The guard who died?” Laurel asks, smiling like I’ve made a joke. “You came for that?”
I bristle, heat climbing up my throat.
Broderic has the grace to wince. He withdraws his arm, patting her hand. “Can you give me a moment with my sister?”
“Of course.” She plants a kiss on his cheek, eyeing me over his shoulder as she leaves the room like I can’t be trusted. She doesn’t close the door behind her.
“Did you receive my message?” I ask. Bishop told me he sent it, and it’s not as though Broderic is surprised to see me.
No, it’s more like he was hoping I would change my mind. He shifts on his feet, pocketing the new astrolabe, and I realize that everything he’s wearing is new and much too fine for a farmer.
“You are welcome to perform an Evensong.” He finally meets my eyes. “But we won’t be attending.”
I feel like I’m falling into that pit he’s opened in my chest. He can’t do this. Not to Kieren. “Seven hells, you’re not,” I snap. “You have to be there. We were his family.”
“No, we were not.” Broderic folds his arms over his expensive new vest. “Kieren left this house without word after he stole from me. That is not how family behaves.”
I shake my head, feeling a little dizzy. “He wouldn’t do that.”
“He took the astrolabe. Not that he responded to any of our messages.” Broderic’s eyes flick away, disgust twisting his mouth.