16. ~Nyx~ #2
Despite her pulling away, it still hadn’t seemed like her to be that unfeeling. There was a difference between that and having a wall up like she did.
Not just that… this was great for Kai.
He needed to know that she did truly care, that she was thinking about him while he was suffering in bed sick, when he’d almost fucking died.
My smile fell when I recalled what she’d been saying to herself, how she’d been talking to herself so brutally.
She put the holoscreen down beside her, and then she started drawing patterns with her silver magic in the sky again.
But when she was only part way through, she’d then sweep them away with her hand in a burst of frustration.
“Fuck! No! It’s not the one. Fucking do it! Get a grip, you fucking failure! Argh!”
I couldn’t take it.
I could relate.
And I guess that was part of the issue.
Part of it, because the rest was strangely about her.
I’d taken a liking to her. She’d kind of made that impossible with acting as my secret bodyguard after what had happened in the Cafeteria.
Vorzyr had told me that she’d been watching out for me more than I’d even registered.
She had some sweet stealth skills—or stealth spells, more likely.
I dropped my shadow magic and teleported in a burst just a couple of feet in front of her. “You’re so very far from a failure, Halo.”
She started at my sudden appearance and slapped her hand to her chest. “Shit.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I came in too hot. My bad.”
She frowned as she studied me. “ Halo?”
“Right, sorry. That’s what I’ve taken to calling you in my mind sometimes. You know, angel? Halo? You being my bodyguard lately like an angel of vengeance defender?”
A giggle erupted from her. “I see.”
“You like?”
“I don’t usually like any reference to my Celestial heritage, but in this case it’s actually cute. I can work with it.”
“That’s very honest of you. And open.” I gestured at the holoscreen. “Unlike some other things you’re doing.”
“I’m not spying. Just checking in.”
“I only thought the latter. But it’s the fact that you’re checking in secretly.”
“You know well how Kai is. How Vorzyr is, too, now, right?”
“I do know Kai extremely well and I’ve got a handle on Vorzyr as well, yeah. You used to know Kai, and you’re trying to gauge Vorzyr. But you’re not doing well with determining correct details about either of them.”
Instead of being pissed that I was calling out some deficiencies, she asked me, curiously, “What do you mean?”
I gestured at the space in front of her. “May I?”
“Sure.”
I sat down and crossed my legs in front of her, matching her positioning. “It would really help, more than you can possibly imagine, to let Kai know that you’re checking in on him.”
“He’ll run a mile with it.”
“Maybe he should. And maybe it’s time for you to let him.”
“He almost died because of me. Because of what I am.”
“It wasn’t because of you. But either way, he’s not gonna stop now where that test and the whole Celestial complications of it all are concerned.”
“He has to. I have the test.”
“Do you really think Kai didn’t have a backup plan in place when he let you take it?”
She cursed and scrubbed her hand over her face. “He’s maddening.”
“Yeah, he is. But he’s also got a whole other amazing side to him. And you don’t know the root of his maddening side, because the two of you were estranged by the point it manifested.”
“Do you know?”
“I do. The question is, are you ready to listen?”
She only hesitated for a couple of moments, before nodding. “Yeah. I am.”
I shifted my weight a little and settled in, then explained, “When Kai was younger, he was exceedingly arrogant when he realized how powerful a sorcerer he was, and had the potential to become. He wasn’t always careful, as a result.”
“I remember that aspect, yeah.”
“But you don’t know what stopped him from being like that.”
“I figured it was natural maturity.”
“Nope. It was something much more… impactful, something he obsesses over to this day, something that he likely always will.” I took a breath, then went on, “In their determination to reel Kai in and have him be more careful and far less reckless with his magic, his parents told him about the time that Draco rose. When he first rose.”
Realization shone in her eyes as she made the connection. “At the Maven Coven.”
“Right. That his parents headed. They were there right when that thing attacked. Two of the most powerful magic-wielders in the world and there was nothing they could do to stop Draco. He completely transcended their power. And they nearly died as a result. They used that story with a focus on your mom who was struggling with her power at the time, as a lesson about reckless power usage and the risk of corruption or losing control. But the lesson that Kai took from it was that his parents had almost died because they hadn’t been powerful enough, because these uber powerful beings were descending everywhere.
And that was when his obsessive need to obtain magical knowledge was born.
Kai came to believe that it was that knowledge that would bring about true power, that could counter greater magical might even. ”
“Wow, that’s a traumatizing story to tell a child.”
“To be clear, Kai loved you for who you were. He cared about you as a person. But after hearing that story, he did think that the two of you would set out on the knowledge quest together, yeah. But then you took that turn, shut down and pulled away.”
She grimaced. “And now he was hurt by something out of his control, something he didn’t have the power to prevent or to protect himself from.”
“Exactly. So he’s not gonna stop. And Vorzyr neither. He’s linked to this. You saw him impact Celestial power… there’s something major going on there. Plus, you know, the two of them have formed a friendship. As strange and as worrying as it may be, it’s also kind of sweet.”
“And you’re immersed in both of them.”
“Yeah.” I reached out and carefully took her hand.
“And also you. I get it, you see. I get your point of view more than I can properly express. That fear that comes along with your abilities and what you are is the same fear that lives in me. It rules so much of my life. I’m trying to push it now, though, this last year.
But it’s hard and it’s even terrifying at times.
As it is for you. I think, maybe, if we did it together, two people who understand that terror, that it could benefit us both.
” I sighed. “Either way, neither of us can run from it any longer, can we? Me, because soon I’ll be out of the protective and controlled environment of the Academy to help keep me in line and focus.
And you because of the Celestial issue going on and that test, reaching magical maturity and all that. ”
“You knew about this similarity between us for the last three years since we’ve been here, so why didn’t you approach me before?”
“The same reason you didn’t approach me. Well, aside from your loner tendencies, of course.”
“Kai.”
“Yeah.” I smiled with amusement. “Funny now that it’s him actually drawing us together.”
“Okay, I hear you. You’re right.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Things are no longer sustainable as they currently are.”
“They’re gonna need your help and you could really do with theirs as well.”
She gave my hand a squeeze, then surprised me as she leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I whispered between the small space between us.
“Doing this. Coming to me.”
“Thanks for watching my back. But, just so you know, Kai’s using a holoscreen on me as well, so you’re both kind of pulling double duty.”
“I’ve seen Vorzyr watching out for you as well. He actually got in my way a couple of times.”
“And let me guess, you both pretended you weren’t doing what you were doing, then went your separate ways?”
“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”
“Not when so much fear is involved. And not just from your end, which is bad enough. Vorzyr is afraid of pushing you like Kai does, because he doesn’t want that same relationship with you.
While Kai is a dirty sex fiend, for Vorzyr it’s about connection, not the rush of pleasure or chasing release.
He craves a deep bond. It’s why he’s drawn to you.
Actually, with what he was able to pull off against Celestial magic the other night, it suggests it’s even more than that. ”
“Wow, you’ve really been doing a lot of reading people.”
“I had no choice with all this bullshit going on.”
She sank back on her hands with a heavy sigh. “I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt Kai.”
“I know. He told me what you said outside Polaris.”
“Huh, that’s a little awkward.”
“It’s a lot more awkward because ever since he told me about the three of you getting it on, all I’ve been doing is picturing my missed part in it.”
“I thought you already scratched that itch with Kai and Vorzyr? Or, began to, anyway.”
“I did. I’m talking about you.”
“Oh.”
“You don’t always need somebody to take the lead over you in a sexual situation, you know that?
I thought that, too. And, actually, so did Kai.
But when I was with Vorzyr, it was a whole different dynamic, more balanced, you know?
He can withstand my allure, sure, but I didn’t feel it any stronger than I would when I had Kai take full control when we were fucking around.
What I’m saying is, it should be the same for you, as the problem is so similar in nature. ”
“When I was with that Ancient vampire my first time, it was me taking control. I thought it would be better if I did, because of my consuming power issue.”
“Really? Even though you were a virgin and had no idea what you were doing?”
She chuckled. “It was messed-up, for sure. But taking control didn’t help. I still exploded and almost killed him and decimated half the club in the process.”
“Right, so from then on, you thought you always had to be the submissive in a sexual situation?”
“Yeah. And, I like the freeing feeling that comes with it, too, to be honest.”
“It’s not just about the submission of it, or even the degradation. It’s actually Kai. The way he is, the way it feels with him.”
“It is?”
“Trust me. Unquestionably.”
“His energy in a sexual situation,” she murmured to herself.
“That’s exactly it. Well put.”
“Huh, definitely something to chew on. All of this is.”
“And a lot to act on, hopefully?” I put to her.
She stared at me, or perhaps through me.
For a long time.
And then she rose to her feet.
Frowning, I looked up at her, feeling the conviction radiating off her.
A little smile curled her lips, breaking through her reservations and taking power, as she said, “You’re right. About all of it. The time has come to act.”