30. SOPHIE
SOPHIE
The food is still warm when I let myself into Siena and Matti’s apartment, a ceramic pot of ribollita tucked against my hip and a bag of to-go boxes from the Arsenal in my other hand.
Siena invited me over for girls time, but that usually happens anywhere but her house. I guess with the war on, she needs to take precautions, though, so I’m here with enough food to get her, Matti, and Emilia through the next week.
Turns out ‘girls time’ wasn’t really what she needed.
What she needed was to get me here.
When I make my way from the kitchen to the living room, Vin is standing at the wall-length windows looking 40+ stories down into the lobby of Dragovari Tower. He’s holding Emilia against his chest, and I stop short.
One hand is splayed wide across her back, a forearm braced under her, his chin tipped down to look at her. Emilia, for her part, is fisting the collar of his shirt with both hands, staring up at him with adoring eyes.
I know that feeling, baby girl.
A sense of familiarity moves through me and I press it back down before it can show on my face. I turn to Siena and open my mouth to speak but she holds up one finger to stop me.
“I know what you’re thinking, and I’m sorry.” She doesn’t sound sorry. She crosses to Vin and lifts Emilia from his arms. ”But you need to hear him out.”
“That’s not for you to decide, Siena.” I’m angry, really freaking angry. Why does everyone think they know what’s best for me?
“I know. I know what I’m asking.” There’s genuine worry on her face, and it throws me off. Who is she worried about? Me? Vin? “Just hear him out. That’s all I’m asking. Please.”
“Sophie.” Vin drops his gaze to the floor and looks up at me through his eyelashes. Dang. It. “Please.”
Again with the please. I roll my eyes and turn back to Siena. “I’m only doing this for you.”
She smiles. “Thank you.” As she takes Emilia into the back of the penthouse, she says over her shoulder. “You two don’t do anything disgusting on my couch.”
I stare at the doorway for a moment before turning back to Vin.
“I don’t know why she would say that,” I say carefully. “I definitely haven’t told her anything that would make her think that we are together in any way.”
“I have.”
I freeze. “What do you mean?”
He moves toward me slowly, his hands loose at his sides, his eyes fixed on my face.
“We had a long talk the other day,” he says.
“I told her that I’m in love with you. I told her I’m not marrying Ashlyn.
” He stops close enough that I have to tilt my chin up to look at him.
“The fact is I’m not marrying anyone unless I marry you.
You are the only woman in this world that I trust with my life.
” He pauses, and clears his throat once.
He almost glances away, but he holds my gaze. “And with my heart.”
He reaches out tentatively and pulls me into him. It feels like it’s happening in slow motion: the warmth of his hands on my waist, his hard chest and arms wrapping around me. I press my palms flat to his chest to keep some distance between us.
“Not marrying Ashlyn puts everyone in danger.” What I’m saying is true but I’m not sure why I’m the voice of reason here.
If it weren’t for Siena, I wouldn’t be here at all.
This isn’t my place. “They will go to war, and they will have every right to. You took their sister’s virginity then walked out on her. ”
“You can be mad at me for a lot of things, Soph.” Vin lets me step back but holds me in place firmly by my shoulders. “But that’s not one of them. I never fucked Ashlyn. We set it up to look that way. She didn’t want it any more than I did.”
He holds my gaze without flinching, but everything I know about him, everything he’s told me about himself, everything I’ve seen makes that implausible to say the least.
Vin leans in toward me, but I step back, hands still pressed to his chest.
“Why would you do that? She’s beautiful. She was going to be your wife. It secured an alliance that would set your family up for decades. And you’re hardly averse to having sex with beautiful women, Vin.”
“Sophie, Ronan is her brother and my best friend. He wanted us to be together, wanted this to be the way we secured the alliance because I was dragging my feet stepping in as boss officially. It was important for Ashlyn to fulfill her family’s request for her.
It was important for me to maintain the appearance that we were—I needed time to think, Sophie. ”
He bows his head.
“The truth is, I’m a shit boss. I didn’t come up with a way to avoid going to war and still get to be with you.
” He lifts his gaze back to meet mine, his dark and fiery.
“But at the end of the day, there’s nothing I won’t do to be with you.
Including go to war. You’re fucking mine, Sophie.
I don’t want anyone else. I haven’t been with anyone else since you. ”
He pulls me closer to him and again, I press my hands against his chest. This time he doesn’t let me step back. “Vin—”
“It’s not the Irish guy, is it?” His expression darkens. “Because I can handle that problem within the hour.”
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s no one else. It’s… it’s you.”
“What do you mean? Baby, I’m right here.” His voice almost cracks and he grips my shoulders tighter, bringing his forehead down to mine. “I’m begging you. I will do anything to fix things with you. I need you back, Sophie. I need you.”
I close my eyes for just a moment. The weight of his forehead against mine. The warmth of his hands.
“That’s the problem,” I say quietly. “You can’t have me back because you never had me to begin with, remember?
You always made it clear what position I held in your life.
You never wanted to get married, never wanted a relationship.
And when I thought that maybe you were changing your mind, that you saw me, that you wanted me—” A sob slips out before I can catch it.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, gripping my shoulders tighter and kissing my forehead before pressing his forehead against mine again.
I shake my head and step back. “But it was never really me. What you liked was using me. You liked having someone to cook for you. A warm place to come while you were bored and hiding out. That’s not what a marriage is.
I’m not interested in signing up to be your free use slave for the rest of my life. ”
“That’s not what I want.” The urgency in his voice is something I’ve never heard from him before.
“Sophia, don’t get me wrong. I want to bend you over the kitchen counter and fuck you while you cook every day for the rest of my life.
But I also want to help you accomplish your dreams. I want your advice when I’m struggling.
I want to watch you breastfeed our babies.
” He drops to his knees in front of me—actually drops to his knees—and wraps his arms around my waist squeezing me tight. “I want so many babies with you, Soph.”
The words hit me like a physical object. I’m stunned. Stunned but solid.
“I don’t believe you,” I say. “You were very clear the whole time. You know who you are,Vin. Everyone knows who you are.”
“It was never about being against marriage.” He draws a long breath.
“It was me thinking I’d never find anyone I trusted.
Someone who—” He stops again and steels himself, then looks up at me from his knees.
”Someone who genuinely loved me. Who didn’t want me for my position.
Didn’t want me for the money. Didn’t just want to fuck me.
Someone who loved me for me, who needed me to love them. ”
My throat tightens. “That’s what we all want, Vincenzo.
I know I love you. I’ve never pretended otherwise.
But I have no reason to believe that you ever loved me.
Not really. You might have loved how I made you feel, but all those things you said to me.
The way you treated me.” He shudders. “If you loved me, you could never have hurt me like that. And for all I know, you said all the same things to Valentina outside my restaurant the other day.”
I try to pull away from him. He doesn’t let go.
“Fuck Valentina.” The words come out like a growl. ”It’s you and me, Sophia. Always and only you and me.”
“Vin—” I can’t listen to this, but he won’t let go of me.
“The way you close your eyes when you eat something you love. The way you patiently explain things that I don’t want to understand. The way you make everyone around you feel special.” His jaw tightens. “I want to be the man who makes you feel special.”
I close my eyes, steeling myself against his words. I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know why he’s doing this. And even if he means every single word, one thing remains unchanged.
“I wish you were,” I say softly. “And for a minute, I thought you could be. There were moments when you made me feel like I was the only woman in the world.” He rises to his feet like he’s going to pull me into his arms again, but I raise my hand.
“But when all was said and done, you’re the man who made me feel worthless.
You took all the worst things I think about myself and confirmed them.
You broke my heart, Vin. And then you left me. ”
I’ve had a year to make peace with these words, and they still stick in my throat. “My husband would never do those things.”
I watch those words hit him hard. Pain shutters through his expression, and he reaches for my hand.
“I’m so sorry, Sophia.” His voice is hoarse. “You’re right. I don’t deserve you.”
‘Sorry’ is not a word I ever expected to hear from Vin Demonio. I can feel that he means it. I love him for it, I do. But I don’t trust him.
“I didn’t say you’re not deserving,” I say carefully. “You are. It’s just that I can’t—”
“I know.” He bows his head. “Please don’t say it again. I can’t hear those words again.”
I nod and slide out of his grasp, turning towards the door. Hurting him is not what I want. But I can’t let him hurt me again.
“Sophia.”
I turn back to him. His head is still bowed, his hands loose at his sides.
“My father’s funeral is a few days from now.”
My chest tightens. Ah, that’s what this is about. “Would you like me to handle the food, Vin?”
He looks up at me. “That’s not what I was going to ask.” He crosses to me and takes both my hands in his. “It’s going to be a hard day. You’ve already done more for me than I have any right to ask, but if you would be there—just be there, nothing else—it would mean everything to me.”
I look at our hands. The scars on his knuckles. The way he rubs his thumbs gently over my skin.
“Be there how? What do you want me to do?”
“Just be there.” His voice drops. “Just be near me. It’s going to be a shitty day, but everything is better when you’re with me.”
“I don’t know, Vin.”
He squeezes my hands. “Please, Sophie I’m begging you. I can’t do this without you.”
The silence hangs heavy between us. Then I nod, and is eyes light up. “It doesn’t mean anything, Vin,” I say quickly. “It’s one day. I’ll be there, but that’s it.”
“Thank you.”
It sounds genuine, and I drop my gaze to our hands, watching as he lets me go. When I reach the door, I look back and see Siena in the hallway with Emilia. She nods once, very small, and I smile softly and wave at Emilia.
I let myself out into the hall, closing the door behind me with a breath of relief. Waiting for the elevator, I try to bring my heart rate back to a normal level.
It’s just one day. I can survive one day. Right?