Chapter Thirty-Eight Seattle
Piper walked out of the Four Seasons in downtown Seattle at ten-fifty and didn’t make the decision until he was in the Uber. The decision had been made somewhere else, with some part of Piper he didn’t have control over and he had stopped trying to negotiate with the other Piper.
The stadium had been a cathedral of pain three hours ago and now it was just a structure.
A side door under the west end of the building was propped with a folded towel and a Post-It note. The rain had stopped as Piper got out of the Uber.
The air was cold but smelled fresh. Piper pulled the door open as he grabbed the towel and stepped inside. The post-it stuck to his finger as he opened the door. He looked down, last time, I promise xx -N. Piper folded it and put it in his pocket.
The hallway lights were half-out.
He walked into the athletic trainer’s wing, down the corridor from the hydrotherapy room, past the cold plunge.
The sauna door was closed with the light on. Piper approached, and peeked into the small window on the door.
He stopped, Noah was smiling at him through the window.
He was sitting on the upper cedar bench in a white towel with his forearms on his knees and his body coated with sweat, every muscle glistening with perspiration.
He closed the door behind him. There was no lock. Noah looked at him. “Piper.”
“Noah.”
“I wasn’t sure you would come.”
“I wasn’t either. You beat my fucking ass today, but congrats on making the playoffs, it was always gonna be you,” Piper said as he took his hat off.
“Take the rest of it off,” Noah replied.
He pulled the hoodie over his head. He stepped out of the sweats. He looked at Noah while he was doing it, and Noah held his eyes. There was a folded towel on the lower bench and Piper wrapped it around his waist.
“This is fucking stupid,” Piper said.
“Yeah.”
“You know it’s stupid.”
“Yeah.”
“Why are we doing it then?”
Noah stood up.
“I don’t know. Ask me in ten minutes.”
“Don’t,” he said quietly.
He wasn’t sure what he was asking Noah not to do.
Noah walked across the room and grabbed the back of Piper’s neck, hard, and the kiss left Piper numb. This kiss was somebody who had won a football game three hours ago and had been thinking about the man who lost it since the final whistle and was not going to be gentle about any of it.
Piper put his hands on Noah’s chest, not to stop him, to hold him there, and Noah took both of Piper’s wrists and pinned them to the cedar wall above his head with one hand, and he didn’t pull away.
“You left me,” Noah said, into Piper's ear.
“I know.”
“You read me a fucking press release.”
“I know.”
“Say it again.”
“I know.”
Noah kissed him again. Harder now.
This was not the sex they had been having.
This was not grief. This was something else, something neither of them had planned to have.
They were not going to talk.
The sauna was 180 degrees. Their bodies were hot and starting to perspire. Piper’s wrists were above his head, and Noah’s mouth was at the base of his throat, and the door could be opened by anyone who tried, and they both knew that, and yet they did not stop.
Noah kept Piper’s wrists pinned above his head with one hand and worked his fingers around Piper’s nipples as his cock pulsed hard enough that it hurt.
Noah’s mouth was on his neck. Noah’s teeth on his collarbone.
The wood at Piper’s back was hot enough to hurt, and Piper didn’t care, because he felt alive.
Noah said, quietly and viciously, “You don’t get to do this to me and then disappear.”
“I know.”
“Say something other than I know.”
Piper said, “I never wanted to.”
“Didn’t want to what?”
“Disappear, to leave you.”
Noah looked at him.
“Then why did you?”
“Because…”
“Because why, Piper?”
Piper closed his eyes. “Because I didn’t know what else to do. Because he can hurt you. Because if I stayed with you, he would end both of us, and at least this way…”
“At least this way what?”
“At least this way he only ends me.”
Noah stopped. He was still holding Piper’s wrists. Piper could feel the pulse in Noah’s thumb.
Noah said, “That is the stupidest fucking sentence I have ever heard come out of your mouth.”
“I know.”
“I will never let him end you.”
“Noah, Jayson is a monster. You haven’t experienced monsters like I have.”
Noah looked at him. “You don’t know that. Piper, I can’t lose you.”
Then Noah kissed him again, and this time it was not angry. This time it was tender.
Noah let go of his wrists, and Piper’s hands came down and gripped Noah’s back so hard his fingernails left marks, and they went down onto the lower bench with Noah on top and the towel lost somewhere on the floor and the heat in the room making them sweat more with every movement.
Noah licked his fingers, pushed Piper’s knees up, and opened him right there on the cedar bench, massaging his asshole slowly.
He was watching Piper’s face and letting him feel every inch of his finger slowly entering his hole.
The stretch felt different in the heat. Piper bit down on the inside of his cheek to stay quiet.
His hands were in Noah’s hair. His cock leaked slow and heavy onto his own stomach.
Noah pushed a third finger in and Piper’s back came off the cedar and he grunted.
“Shh. I only gave the maintenance dude two grand to leave me alone in here.”
Piper laughed.
“Quiet.”
Piper stayed quiet. He stayed quiet while Noah pushed in slowly, inch by slow thick inch of his cock, and Piper felt his ass stretching open around him, he felt the hot wood against his shoulder blades, felt Noah sliding into his already-wet hole, felt the exact second Noah hit the end of his asshole and held.
Noah stayed still once he was in, looking deeply into his eyes, breathing with him, waiting for Piper’s body to decide what it was going to do.
Piper’s body decided to let him in.
Noah started to move.
Piper felt Noah moving inside him slow and deep and deliberate and the thing in his chest cracked further; Piper started to cry without knowing he had started.
He didn’t stop. He didn’t wipe his face. He didn’t close his eyes. He let Noah see him cry while Noah was inside him, which was the thing the room was asking of him.
Noah saw. Noah kept moving, slow, the same rhythm, no slowing down to ask if he was okay, because Noah understood that Piper was not asking for rescue. Piper was asking to be witnessed.
Piper was crying because this could not happen again, and Noah was still moving inside him anyway.
He said it twice into Noah’s shoulder, a word he had never said in his life in a sexual situation, a word that was not dirty talk because neither of them was trying to be cute.
He said, “Stay.”
“Stay.”
He wasn’t angry with Noah.
He was angry with himself, and Noah was the only person in any geography available to him who he could be angry in front of without it ending his career. Noah was letting him put his forehead hard against Noah’s shoulder and grab Noah’s hair at the back of his neck.
Noah said it back into his ear, quietly, once.
“Stay.”
Noah came inside his ass at the same time a large stream of cum came out of Piper's cock, painting the wall of the sauna. Noah kept pushing the cum deeper and deeper into his ass. Then he stopped moving. Neither of them moved.
***
They lay on the lower cedar bench in the heat. Piper’s head was on Noah’s chest. Noah’s hand was on Piper’s back.
Piper said, into Noah’s chest, “Can I tell you something I have never told a soul?”
“Tell me anything.” Noah kissed Piper’s forehead.
“There is a cage in a basement. At one of Jayson’s friends’ houses.”
Noah stayed put.
Noah’s hand on his back held Piper tighter. His breathing changed slightly.
Piper let it all come out. It had been in a basement at a house in Hillsborough, not Atherton. Steel bars. A mattress pad on the floor. No pillow. A bottle of water. Nothing else.
Jayson had walked him down years ago. Still in the suit from dinner. He had pointed at the cage and said, kneel, and he did as he was told.
Jayson had closed the door and turned the key and put the key in his pocket. Then Jayson had walked back upstairs.
Piper had stayed kneeling in that cage for hours. He could not check the time, because everything with a time was taken from him. He had counted ceiling tiles. There were thousands. He had worked out the math of the floor space and the cubic space and the likely weight of the cage.
Jayson had come back in the same suit. He had unlocked the cage. He hadn’t said anything. Jayson had indicated that Piper should turn around and face the bars. Jayson had taken his trousers down.
The sex happened through the bars.
Piper had gripped the cold metal with both hands. The bars had dug into his hip bones. Jayson had worked him open with minimal lube.
Piper had bitten down on the inside of his own arm hard enough to bleed.
He hadn’t made a sound. Making a sound at his friends’ houses had been the thing Piper learned not to do in year two.
Jayson had fucked him hard making the metal dig further into Piper’s hips with every thrust. The cock had been pressing against his prostate and his body did what his body did when it was stimulated.
Then Jayson came and put his pants back on. He had patted Piper’s shoulder once before he left. He had looked at the cage before he had gone back upstairs.
Piper had stayed in the cage until morning. Cum had leaked out of him onto the mattress pad. He hadn’t cleaned it up. He hadn’t moved. He had stayed because Jayson had not told him he could leave. The door was open, but the order had not been given.
A housekeeper had found him at six the next morning and not looked at him. She had set a towel and a bottle of water by the door and left. Jayson had come down later and told Piper to clean up and be in the car in twenty, and had left again.
Piper said, into Noah’s chest, “That was one of the years I told Vivienne I was overtraining.”
Then Noah said, quietly, “How many times did that happen?”
“I don’t count.”
“Piper.”
“I don’t count on purpose.”
“Okay.”
“I am telling you because you asked why I think he’ll end me if I stay with you.”
“Okay.”
“That is why.”
Noah’s hand on his back pulled Piper closer in.
Piper said, eventually, “This can’t happen again.”
“I know.”
“Really can’t.”
“I said I know.”
“I mean it.”
“I heard you.”
“You’re going to respect it.” Piper looked into Noah’s eyes with seriousness.
“I’m going to respect it.”
Neither of them moved.
After a minute, Piper said, “Do you believe that?”
“No.”
“Do I?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Noah’s hand on his back stayed put.
Piper sat up. It was time.
He found the towel on the floor. He wrapped it around his waist.
He went to the small shower and turned the water on cold and stood under it. When he came out, Noah was dressed.
He stood near the door with his hand on the door knob and was not looking at him on purpose.
“Go first,” Noah said.
“Okay.”
“Don’t text me when you get to the hotel.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t text me again.”
“Okay.”
Noah opened the door. The hallway was empty.
Piper stepped out.
He walked the corridor in the half-lit stadium with his sweats back on and his cap back on and his body still carrying the heat of the room.
He went out through the side door. The air outside was cold and tasted like rain.
His Uber was two blocks away. He walked the two blocks without being recognized.
He got in the car and the driver drove to the hotel.
He lay on the bed, tears flowing. His breathing was erratic.