2. Chapter 2
The frat house throwing the party was only a short walk away. A real blessing, considering the awkward silence stretching between me and Connor.
He didn’t even look at me when I joined him downstairs. Or rather, didn’t look me in the eye. I did get a once-over and, what my ego would like to believe, an appreciative raise of eyebrows before he set off towards the house.
Not that we had anything to discuss regarding what had just happened. Right? It was completely innocent.
The longer we walk in silence, the more I wish he would say something annoying to get my mind off it.
Or just say anything. My brain isn’t used to silence.
So it was currently filling it with questions like Did I enjoy bending over for him?
If he kept looking at me like that, would I have gotten an actual boner?
I shake my head. Nonsense.
I’m straight.
He’s straight.
Wait.
Is he?
My thoughts come to a halt trying to remember if I’ve ever seen Connor with a chick.
The more I rack my brain for this information, the more I feel a sense of panic overcoming me.
Somehow the thought of Connor not being straight makes it hard to breathe.
The way he looked at me back in the dorm room flashes before my eyes.
A shiver runs through me and settles in my gut.
“Did you forget something?”
His voice cuts through the existential crisis in my brain. I had stopped in the middle of the pathway. He’s looking at me like I’ve grown a third head, head cocked, eyes narrowed and hands in his pockets, and the only thing I’m able to come up with in my mind is Have you always been so hot?.
“No. Sorry,” I manage to mumble and will my legs to move again. Deep inside I’m grateful for Connor’s general aloofness because he doesn’t press the issue.
I follow behind him, even though I could easily catch up. The problem is that now I’m suddenly very aware of how good his ass looks in those jeans. The way that shirt hugs his torso. The confident stride. And how it would feel to run my fingers through that thick, dark hair and —
Relief washes over me. That’s it! A vague memory of him telling another guy in class how he hated that his ex-girlfriend always wanted him to style his hair it a certain way.
I found it so ridiculous back then that I couldn’t help laughing, which earned me a glare.
Which might’ve been our first interaction.
Connor isn’t gay. I’m safe.
I stop in front of the door to the house, physically feeling my brows come together into a frown without my intention. Safe from what?
I wouldn’t care if he were gay, right? Then why do I feel so relieved?
I think I’m starting to get it… it’s like that look back in the room was just me imagining things, and also, sadly, meaning that I have zero chance with him.
Wait a moment. Why would I be sad about not having a chance with that arrogant oaf?
Seriously, why am I all of a sudden doing so much introspection when I barely did any all of last year?
“See ya later.”
I turn towards him as he waves me off and walks towards a group of classmates who are waving at both of us. Before I get the chance to say anything, two girls who seem vaguely familiar come up and start congratulating me for the last game and batting their eyelashes at me.
Right, get your head in the game, Ray. I need to get laid and stop thinking crazy stuff.
***
Two hours later, I give up.
No matter how many bodies I had grinding against me while dancing, nothing stirred. That’s one way to ruin a party.
I make my way towards some of the guys on the team, who are chatting loudly about the upcoming games, and plop down next to them on the couch.
“What’s with the doom and gloom, man?” Eddie, one of my guys, asks as soon as I let out a dramatic sigh.
“Nothing, just tired,” I dodge the question. “The real doom and gloom are those passes you made last week.”
This gets them riled up, even if it’s obvious I’m pulling his leg over a moment’s misjudgment, but it stops them from prying further into why I have a rain cloud above my head.
The guys finding out I can’t get it up would do worse to my reputation than losing a game.
Man, even losing nonstop all season would be better than my limp dick.
I rub a hand over my face in frustration. I need to figure out a solution to this. Fast. Preferably one that doesn’t involve going to a doctor.
It pisses me off that my thoughts keep circling back to the only two signs of life my downstairs buddy gave in the past weeks, and they both lead to the same person.
For a hot minute, I almost thought Connor’s attitude was what did it for me.
Maybe I’m suddenly into mean girls. But after flirting with a couple of those tonight, it definitely isn’t that.
If anything, they annoyed me and made me roll my eyes so hard I could almost see my brain.
“Anyone seen that walking ice block around?” I find myself asking.
“Connor?” Eddie turns to me, and I nod. “I think I saw him outside talking to some guy on the track team. They seemed pretty close.”
The way he wiggles his eyebrows and laughs when he says the last word makes time stop around me. Connor. With a guy. Close.
“I need to ask him for the room key, I forgot mine,” I quickly say as I stand up.
“Easy, tiger!” The boys burst into a fit of laughter. “You know he only has eyes for you.”
I flip them off, ignoring the sound of high-fives and slaps, and try to look like I’m in a rush as I make my way outside.
There’s plenty of people in the backyard, but I see no sign of him.
I might not be on my best game, but I know what that means.
I take a tour around the house, looking for spots where two people might sneak off to.
As soon as I round a corner and see them, I hit the brakes and sneak back the way I came.
The guy Connor is talking to is definitely giving him bedroom eyes. And touching his arm. I want to go over there and smack his hand away.
Connor is holding a soda can in his hand and looking at him with the same casual detachment that he uses for everyone.
The guy is into him, but Connor clearly doesn’t reciprocate.
That should be enough for me. I got fired up for nothing.
It’s all in my head. I need to head back before they see me hiding like a creep and spying on them.
Then Connor lets out a sigh, something between boredom and exasperation. The look in his eyes changes, and I find myself glued in that spot. The guy stops talking too, looking at him expectantly.
Connor lifts his hand and slides it up the guy’s side, along his shoulder, and buries it in his hair, making his head tilt up and his eyes widen as big as mine.
A smirk forms in the corner of my roommate’s mouth as he presses into the dude, forcing him to back up until he hits the wall.
Their hips come flush together, and I don’t miss the whimper from that bastard’s mouth.
I’m staring at the scene in front of me, my legs frozen and unable to move.
Connor has this guy pinned to the wall with almost no space left between them, his hand still locked in his hair, with an aura of dominance that leaves no room for air in my lungs.
For a sec, I wonder if he’s going to kiss whoever that dude is.
And once again I find myself angry at the thought.
I’ve never seen Connor be affectionate with anyone.
Not even me. Not that I wanted him to. Of course I didn’t.
The thought of seeing him in such a way with a random guy made my blood boil.
A low moan brings me back to the present.
He might not have kissed him, but he was certainly grinding against him.
His hips moved with determination, but his eyes retained their coldness.
My traitorous mind conjures an image of me in that guy’s place.
I’m taller than Connor, so he wouldn’t be able to tilt my head up, but he still could grab a handful of my hair and back me into a wall if I let him.
He could grind against me and reach up and kiss my jaw.
Like that lucky fucker is trying to do right now to him.
Connor suddenly steps back, a reproaching look in his eyes. That shocks me out of my daze, and I bolt back inside the house before he notices me.
Me and the massive boner in my pants.