Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
T heir flight was delayed, which meant they took off around 3:00 p.m. instead of noon and arrived in Montana much later than expected. It was cold, with dark, ominous skies full of snow-filled clouds. Fitting, Vivian supposed, for what was to come.
She had no idea whether things would go off or go well.
“You okay?” Dallas asked as they pulled up in front of the Founder’s Cabin. She’d insisted on coming out right away. Mostly because she was afraid that if she didn’t, she’d lose the nerve she’d built up in Belle Adair—which had been slowly leaking from her like air from a balloon.
“No.” Vivian glanced at him and attempted a smile before turning to face the cabin. “He’s home.” She was adult enough to admit that she’d half hoped they would find the place empty, but with soft light falling from the windows and two vehicles parked off to the side, it was apparent the home was occupied.
“I don’t recognize that jeep,” she said, eyes on the black Cherokee parked beside an older Ford F150.
“I believe Manley has a lady friend.”
“What?” She shot a look at Dallas, surprised.
“He’s been spending time with Taz Pullman’s mom, Martha.”
“Oh.” Shit. Yes, she’d heard rumblings of the same thing. “Great.” Panic began to gnaw at her. In all the scenarios that had run through her mind, not once did a stranger factor in. “I don’t know if I should…if I can…I mean, maybe I should come back.”
Her thoughts faded away as the door opened, and a woman stepped onto the porch. Attractive. Slim build. Silvery-blonde hair that fell around her shoulders. She peered out at them and then said something over her shoulder just as her father appeared.
“We can leave right now if that’s what you want,” Dallas said, his quiet strength flooding her with much-needed warmth.
Her world narrowed then. It contracted into something small. Something manageable.
“I can do this,” she whispered, reaching for her seat belt and then the door handle.
“Do you want me to come inside with you?”
“No.” Vivian turned to Dallas, her heart so damn big, it hurt. “Knowing you’re out here is enough. But I need to do this on my own.” She held his gaze for a heartbeat and then slid from the truck. She didn’t feel the shock of cold or the brisk wind on her face. She walked up to the cabin and stood on the first step.
“Mrs. Pullman,” she said, clearing her throat. “I need to speak to Manley.”
Her father was dressed casually in jeans and a gray sweatshirt with her brother Cal’s name and a bunch of tour dates across his chest. She’d seen him at her sister’s wedding, so the fact that he looked healthy and well shouldn’t be a surprise, and yet it was. In her mind, he was still the rail-thin, mean drunk with dark-ringed eyes and words that cut like broken glass.
“Vivian.” Martha Pullman slowly nodded. “Let me get my coat and purse.”
Her father remained silent, his face half-hidden in the evening twilight. When Martha appeared again, she was swaddled in a large red-and-beige checkered coat and winter boots, with a weekender bag tossed over her shoulder. She kissed Manley on the cheek, made her way down the stairs, then paused. Her gaze was direct, yet Vivian couldn’t get a handle on her.
“I’m glad you’ve come. Your father has been ready for this for a long time.” Martha Pullman took another step, but stopped once more. She looked at Vivian. “He’s not as strong as he appears.”
A flame of anger woke inside her, but Vivian managed to keep it small. This woman cared about her father—that much was clear. And she from little she knew about her, she was a nice lady. Martha didn’t deserve all the things that sat inside Vivian, waiting for their chance to be free. Dark things. Mean things.
So, she said nothing, and when Martha finally moved toward her jeep, Vivian turned back to her father. He stood aside to give her space to get inside the house. So polite.
It’s now or never.
Vivian squared her shoulders and climbed the rest of the stairs. She kept her eyes straight ahead and walked inside. The first thing she noticed was that the cabin was no longer the bare-bones structure from her past, with holes in the roof, broken windows, and crap scattered everywhere. It was a home with nice furniture and art on the walls, and there, in front of the fireplace, was the biggest dog she’d ever seen. She took a closer look, realizing it wasn’t a dog after all, but a wolf.
“Penny can be strange with people she doesn’t know. Don’t take it too personal.”
The sound of her father’s voice made her feel like she was underwater. He sounded the same, but without the hard edge of anger and denial that used to coat his words.
Vivian slowly removed her jacket and folded it. After a few seconds, she raised her head and met Manley’s gaze. His life was lived across his face. It was in every crevice and wrinkle and line. It told a tale of hard living. His eyes, however, were clear and direct.
“I knew there’d come a day when you needed to say some things.”
“And you don’t?” she replied.
“I do.” Manley Bridgestone was nervous. Off-kilter. His hands were fisted at his sides and his body was ramrod straight. “But you deserve the chance to say what you need to say first. And after, if you’ll let me, I’ll have my piece.”
Vivian studied him for a few seconds. This wasn’t a version of Manley Bridgestone that she was familiar with.
“That’s very accommodating of you.” Her words were sarcasm-heavy, but her father only nodded in return.
Nervous herself, her mind moving pieces so fast she needed to take a moment, Vivian walked past her father and stood in the middle of the cabin, gaze moving over every inch of a home that looked like it housed love. Family. She noticed a small table near the fireplace, and, wary of the large animal who watched from her perch on a giant bed, she moved toward it and stopped, heart in her mouth as she looked down at the photos displayed there.
One in particular caught her eye, and she blinked away tears as she grabbed it for a closer look, her fingers trailing over the image of a little girl in pigtails astride a white pony, with a smiling man at her back.
“You can do this, sweetling. I’ve got you.” His voice echoed in her mind.
“I remember this day.” Her words were wooden, full of memory.
“Your fourth birthday.” He was closer, only a few inches away, and she looked down, not wanting him to see the pain on her face. When she could, Vivian looked at her father.
“Mom said I could have a pony when I was old enough to take care of it. Said I had to be at least six or seven. But I wanted one so bad, and she wasn’t happy when you showed up at my party with Snowy.”
“No,” Manley said softly. “I caught hell for it later.”
“I bet you did.”
A heartbeat passed. Maybe two.
“I remember riding around the paddock on a horse that belonged to me. I felt so lucky. I knew Snowy was a bit wild, but you were there, at my back, so I wasn’t afraid. I felt free and safe with you there. I was happy. We all were.” She exhaled. “Until we weren’t. Until we went from a happy family to something else entirely. Mom died, and everything changed.”
Her father never looked away. His eyes shimmered with tears.
She fought the images and memories in her mind. Not wanting to see them or go back there, but knowing she had to push through.
“You were a mean drunk. Your words cut sharper, deeper, than any knife I could ever hold in my hands, and you liked to use them. God, how you threw them at us.” That anger inside her was stoked, and she made no effort to hide it. “You were cruel and selfish, and I spent so much time trying to be away from here because I didn’t want to exist in a world without Mom.” Her voice trembled. “Didn’t want to exist in a world that only had you in it. I acted out. I projected all the darkness inside me and didn’t care who got caught with the shrapnel. I was as mean as you were, and sometimes I was just as drunk. Or high. But then I got involved with someone who saw past all the bullshit, and even though the two of us were volatile together, we found some kind of happiness. He didn’t take my crap. He knew what I was living through.
“But then I got pregnant at the worst time ever. He and I weren’t in a good place, and you…” Her voice broke, and she slowly exhaled, fighting like hell to keep her shit together. “Those things you said that last night were sharper than any you’d thrown at me before. They cut deeper. They infected. They killed whatever kind of love I had for you. For this family. So I left and ran away. I stopped fighting for the only man who could make me halfway happy. I stopped thinking that I belonged to anyone. My world became about survival. About me. And I had a baby.”
She turned away from Manley, no longer able to look at him. The tears that had been threatening coursed down her face, and she swiped at them, trying her best to keep it together. “I had a daughter, and another family raised her as their own because I couldn’t. She’s beautiful and smart, and she reminds me of Mom. So much.” Her voice caught. She shuddered. “She’s everything I would have wanted, and I couldn’t keep her. For a lot of reasons. The biggest one being that I was a pathetic, sad, angry version of you. Thank God, I was strong enough to realize it. Strong enough to give her a fighting chance. Strong enough to give her up.”
“Vivian.” Manley’s voice wavered so badly, she winced. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sure you are.” She turned back to her father, uncaring of the tears or pain written across her face. “All drunks who find their way back to a sober life are sorry. What they don’t realize is that sorry isn’t enough. Not really. Because sorry doesn’t wipe out the darkness. It doesn’t make the pain go away. Maybe one day, it will lessen.” She shrugged. “I came here to forgive you. Some part of me knows I have to, because I’m done living with all this weight. Done living with the sins of your past. I want to be happy. I want to live with the man who makes me happy, and I hope like hell he’s willing to deal with this version of me until I can forgive you and become someone else. Someone better.”
She covered her hand with her mouth, fighting so hard to get the words out. After a few moments, she spoke softly.
“I’m not there yet, but maybe one day I will be, and when that happens, I’ll let you know.”
She didn’t give him a chance to say another word. She walked out of the Founder’s Cabin and into Dallas’s warm truck, where the maelstrom of tears and emotions cracked her soul wide open.
Dallas held her until there were no tears left, then quietly buckled her in. He turned the truck around, and they left the Founder’s Cabin. She didn’t care where they were headed.
As long as she was with him.