Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
R en and I had been working together for weeks and the song was coming together nicely. I thought so, at least. Ren would continually shake his head and insist that we re-do this part or switch around that part.
I would have gotten annoyed at him for being so nit-picky, but I wanted our song to succeed just as much as he did. I accepted that he was going to have higher standards than most people. The kind of stuff I composed for college classes wasn't nearly professional enough for someone like Ren to put his name on.
"What about this?" I asked, placing the bow in position on the neck of my cello. I played the piece again, slower this time and in a different key. Ren's eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously, throwing his pencil to the side and throwing his arms around me. I jumped back, startled, bow screeching across strings.
"That's it!" He placed a quick kiss on my lips, causing a flush to rise to my cheek. "That's perfect. Just like that. Now do it again."
And they said Kell was the demanding one.
"Can we stop for today?" I asked. "We've been at this for hours."
"Hours?" Ren turned to look at the clock in surprise. "It's past ten!"
"Yeah. I'll need to start heading home if I want to get enough sleep."
Ren's eyes narrowed with a brief flash of heat. I knew exactly what he was thinking. I blushed and looked down at my instrument.
We hadn't had a repeat of that one afternoon on his sofa yet. I'd been too busy with final exams and composing our new song, and Ren was busy getting ready for his next tour. We hadn't had much free time to ourselves.
In fact, I'd had the strange feeling that we were acting more like colleagues than boyfriend and girlfriend. He greeted me in the morning with a kiss, held my hand throughout the day, and drove me home every evening with a goodnight make-out session at my front door, but we hadn't gone on any dates. We hadn't had dinner together or gone to the movies. I hadn't properly introduced him to my friends yet. I'd never stayed over at his place and he'd never stayed over at mine.
The longer we went without doing anything intimate, the more I wondered where our relationship was going.
Surely Ren couldn't be sick of me already?
Then he said the words I'd been anticipating for a month.
"Why don't you spend the night?" He tried to keep it casual, but I could sense the tension behind his words. "It's getting late and I just live around the block. Tomorrow's the weekend. You don't have class."
My heart jumped at the offer, excitement and nausea both rising up inside me. I hadn't been able to stop thinking of that afternoon, about Ren's body, Ren's fingers…
I suppressed a shiver of delight at the memory. Ren was starting to look worried the longer I went without responding.
"Sure. I'd love to." I gave him a tentative smile that he returned with a slightly wicked grin.
"Awesome. I'll tell the driver to come around."
We were only a few minutes away from his place, yet he still got driven home. It was weird having a chauffeur drive me around everywhere, but I had to admit it was convenient. Luckily, Ren mostly used discrete black vans. Limos were reserved for those special nights when Feral Silence went out partying—which turned out to be pretty often, despite what Ren said about being too busy for that kind of thing.
"It's mostly PR," he said when I asked about it. "We need to be seen in the right places with the right people."
I almost scoffed. I certainly wasn't the right people. The guys still invited me out with them a lot, which warmed my heart even though I couldn't take them up on it very often. Working on a song with Ren had put me behind in my schoolwork.
"Can't you just submit yours and Ren's song for grading?" Kell had asked. "Releasing a professionally published work should give you an automatic pass."
I laughed. "If only it worked like that."
I did wonder, though—would my professors be impressed with my part-time job? Or would they be upset that I was wasting my time working on rock music , no matter how classical the final version may end up being? Temsah had already commented quite a few times on my lack of discipline lately. I could tell he was losing patience.
That was why I'd been keeping it a secret, not telling anyone what I'd been doing evenings and weekends. Nat and Jen just assumed I was spending all my time with Ren, which was partly true, but we certainly weren't doing what I'm sure they thought we were doing.
We packed up our instruments in anxious silence. The both of us knew exactly what was going to happen when we got to Ren's apartment. My stomach was full of nerves, butterflies flitting around. Last time had been wonderful. Would it feel the same way a second time?
I fiddled with my bow, pretending to struggle with clipping it into place, trying to stall. I was nervous. I didn't have a lot of experience, but I was positive someone as sexy and famous as Ren had an abundance of it. Would I be any good? Would he be disappointed?
"Ivy? You ready?"
He sounded almost as nervous as I felt.
Something in my head clicked.
I was being ridiculous, doubting myself again. Why was I always so insecure? Ren and I had already had sex…sort of. He'd been between my spread legs, his fingers deep inside me. I'd stroked his cock until he came. Ren was my boyfriend. My sexy, talented, rock star boyfriend.
Out of all the girls in the world, Ren had chosen me.
A slight giddiness began to well up inside my chest. I turned around to face him, trying to hold back a grin.
"More than ready."
Ren kept up the light chatter as we drove the few minutes to his place. The traffic was nonexistent at such a late hour, so it didn't take long. My nerves barely had time to start acting up again.
I was going to be confident and self-assured if it killed me.
When we arrived at Ren's apartment I busied myself with hanging up my jacket and storing my cello in his closet for safekeeping. He got to keep his instruments in the recording studio, but I was forced to carry mine around.
Well, not exactly. Ren refused to let me carry it whenever he was with me. He would just take it from my hands and heft it over his shoulders, ignoring every word of protest that came out of my mouth.
"You want something to drink?" he offered, ever the polite host.
"Sure. A coffee maybe?"
I'd need it if we were going to stay up all night.
My stomach did flips at that thought. Luckily, Ren was already in the kitchen and didn't see the flush on my face.
My phone pinged and I pulled it out of my pocket, giving it a furtive glance. The girls were probably wondering if I was coming home or not. It was from Jen.
Hope you and Ren are enjoying yourselves. ;) Wish him Happy Birthday from the two of us!
My eyes lit up. I had almost forgotten Ren's birthday. Of course two fans of Feral Silence would remember.
That giddy feeling came back. I was ready.
Before Ren had left five years ago, I'd been planning to give him a gift for his eighteenth birthday. I'd been secretly crushing on him but was never able to ask him out or tell him my feelings.
Then I got an idea. I would be bold. I would get tickets to a show by our local symphony orchestra. I would ask Ren to go with me.
I had researched all the shows that were playing. I remembered Ren talking about his favorite pieces and made sure some of them were going to be part of the performance.
I used some of the money I'd saved up from my after-school job. I had no hobbies aside from cello, so it wasn't like I had anything else to spend my money on. Besides, the tickets weren't all that expensive. It was more about the thought I put into it.
I was quite pleased with myself for having come up with the idea. Of course, I wasn't going to call it a date. God, no. That was too forward. But going to a concert with a boy who I happened to consider a friend was a step in the right direction.
But I'd never managed to give him those tickets. Ren turned eighteen and disappeared.
"Here you go. One coffee, extra milk with one sweetener." Ren must have been paying attention all those times I'd poured myself a coffee during long nights of composing. He sat down on the sofa next to me and placed the mug in my hands, his fingers lingering on mine, that soft touch sending heat straight to my core.
"Thanks." I took a small sip, eyeing Ren over the rim. It was too hot to drink, so I put it on a side table to cool.
How did one go from casual chatting to making out? What was the protocol?
I also hadn't forgotten about those tickets. Should I wait? I didn't know what his plans were. Would he have to get straight to work? There might not be a better time. Besides, it was almost midnight. "I have something for you."
He looked surprised, but pleased. "Really? I was going to tell you that I have something for you. Let me go first." Ren hurried to his bedroom, where I heard him rummaging around.
I was confused and intrigued. It wasn't my birthday. What could the occasion be? My purse was on the other side of the apartment, on a table near the front door. I was about to go up and retrieve the envelope when Ren came back with a small box covered in red gift wrap.
I took it from his hand, weighing it silently. It was light. My heart thumped. Was it some sort of expensive jewelry? I swallowed nervously, a sick feeling sinking into my stomach. It was too soon in our relationship for that, wasn't it? I didn't want him spending money on me like that. I felt almost guilty. I didn't want him to think he had to buy me expensive presents to keep me around. Besides, jewelry was for anniversaries and other special occasions.
"Tomorrow is exactly three months since I first saw you at that concert," Ren said with a grin, looking at me expectantly. "I wanted to celebrate somehow. I was going to wait, but," he shrugged. "Tonight is close enough."
"Ren…" I trailed off. What if it was something crazy, like a ring? Was I going to have to turn down the gift and give it back? I carefully peeled the paper back, being meticulous about it. I was working out what to say in my head if it ended up being too extravagant a gift.
I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I also couldn't accept something ridiculously expensive. Our relationship was already too one-sided. He had all the power and status. I didn't want to tip the scales even further.
My mother always did say I was too independent and stubborn for my own damn good.
The box was small and square. Not a ring box, thank god. I lifted the lid.
It was a key. I looked up, realization dawning on me.
"It's a key to my apartment," Ren said, even though he didn't have to explain. Tears stung my eyes. I blinked them back, not wanting to get emotional on him. "We're always so busy, I thought it might be a good idea if you could come over whenever you wanted. We could see each other more." He took my hand and looked earnestly into my eyes. "I don't want the only time I see you to be when we're working."
My heart beat madly, a sweet ache thumping in my chest. The gesture touched me. Ren really did want me to be a part of his life. But was it too soon for this?
"Thank you," I whispered, not wanting to speak any louder in case my voice wavered. "But we haven't even—" I cut myself off, nearly biting my tongue.
"Haven't what?"
"Um."
Ren ran his fingers through my hair, his thumb stroking my temple, running down my cheek to my neck. The tips of his fingers played lightly with the hollow of my throat. "We haven't what, Ivy?"
"You know," I whispered.
He leaned forward to press a kiss on my lips. I returned the kiss, soft at first, but neither of us pulled back. Instead, he wrapped one hand around my hair and tugged me closer.
I'd been thinking about us intimately for weeks. Months. Since the very first night I'd seen Ren again. I breathed in deeply through my nose, taking in that earthy, masculine scent. He licked at my lips, urging me to open up to him. A thrilling spark went up my spine as our tongues brushed together.
The taste of him, the smell of him, was enough to bring a pulse of liquid heat throbbing between my legs. I felt overwhelmed, adrift, like I was on the verge of drowning and I knew the only thing saving me was Ren. Ren's taste. Ren's touch.
The kiss grew deeper, harder, fiercer. It felt like I couldn't get close enough, couldn't get deep enough. I wanted to crawl into the embrace of his strong arms and never come out.
His lips left mine, leaving me breathless. He continued down my neck, leaving a trail of small nips and bites. Not hard enough to leave a mark, just hard enough to make me whimper.
"Ren—" I gasped. I couldn't stop the shifting and bucking of my hips, unconsciously trying to move closer to him, needing to feel him between my legs.
Ren placed two hands on my hips, gripping tight, calming my writhing and wriggling. The heat of his fingers nearly seared me to my very core.
When I was finally still and unmoving, he took the hem of my dress in his hands, giving me a questioning look. I nodded and let him pull it off me in one sweeping motion. I was left in my bra and panties. I didn't feel exposed or self-conscious. I only felt eager, excited.
My turn.
I took hold of the first button on his shirt and pushed it through the hole slowly. I moved down to the second, then the third, trailing my fingers along each inch of smooth skin I revealed. I took my time, savoring it. The muscles in Ren's chest rippled and flexed at my light touches.
I reached the last button. His shirt parted, toned abs on display. The line of hair leading from his navel to his belt buckle nearly made me whimper. I pushed Ren's shirt off his shoulders, letting it flutter to the ground. I hesitated for a moment before reaching for his belt.
Ren took my hand in his before I could start undoing it. He pressed a kiss to each of my fingertips, then took my hand and led me to his bedroom. I was too nervous, too full of anticipation, to really examine the room, but it looked as homey and well-lived in as the rest of his apartment. A king size bed took up almost the entire space.
Ren gently laid me down on the mattress. I settled back into the pillows, my nerve endings tingling with anticipation. He slowly climbed on top of me, making sure to keep his weight on his hands to keep from crushing me. He reached behind my back and unsnapped my bra, removing it to bare my breasts to the cool air. His eyes burned into me as he gazed at them. The look in his eyes made my nipples peak up, flushing pink.
He lowered his head to suck one into his mouth, licking at the sensitive nub, nipping lightly with his teeth. I let out a surprised gasp as he switched sides and applied the same attention to the other.
When he had me moaning, he hooked his fingers under the elastic of my panties and tugged. I lifted my hips so he could draw them down my thighs, down my legs, until they were freed. He let them drop to the floor.
He knelt over me then, using his knees to spread my legs wide, looming over me. I tried to clamp my thighs shut reflexively, but he simply put his hands on my thighs and kept them spread open. He trailed his hands up and down my inner thigh, examining the most intimate part of me with a heated look. I blushed, starting to feel nervous now that I was bared to him completely.
Ren brought two fingers to the valley between my legs, exploring lightly, circling my entrance. I bit my lip to muffle a cry.
"Already so wet for me," he breathed. The words should have made me feel self-conscious, but that hungry look in his eyes, turning almost dark and wild, made me shiver with delight. Then he plunged two fingers into me and my eyes squeezed shut. A stifled cry of pleasure finally left my lips.
"You want me, Ivy?" Ren asked, voice low and fierce. "You want this?"
"Y-yes," I gasped, grinding my hips against his hand, wanting more. He thrust into me once me.
"You want me inside you?"
"Yes!" I opened my eyes in time to see his eyes flash with an almost wild look. All thoughts of shame left me. His fingers had me squirming and panting, had me trembling and shaking. "Please, Ren!" I couldn't wait any longer.
He unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, standing up for the few brief moments it took to kick them off. Then he was standing next to me, his thick length already hard and weeping at the tip.
I reached for him without thinking, wrapping my hand around him. He let out a hiss of pleasure, his cock throbbing and pushing in my hand. I stroked him, mesmerized by the silken skin covering his steel-hard length.
"S-stop," Ren grunted. I pulled away sharply, worried I'd done something wrong. He climbed over me again and kissed me. "You're too good at that."
I flushed with pleasure and returned his kiss, acutely aware of his cock pressing into my hip. I hadn't forgotten the ache inside me.
Neither had Ren.
He shifted his body until he was between my spread legs, until the tip was just barely grazing my entrance.
"Tell me." His tone was deep and strained, as if he was holding onto his control with the barest of threads. "Tell me, Ivy."
"I want you," I breathed.
Ren took both my hands, twining my fingers with his. Then, with one forceful motion, he planted them beside my head, pressing them down into the mattress.
"Tell me what you want me to do to you," he murmured. He trailed his lips down my neck and squeezed my fingers. "I want to hear you say it."
"I—" I gasped and turned my head, knowing what he wanted me to say, but too embarrassed to speak the words.
He nuzzled the hollow of my throat and bit down lightly just under my jaw. My whole body jolted in surprise, then melted down into the bed as the brief pain turned into pleasure. The ache inside me grew stronger, hotter. I felt wetness drip down my thighs. It coated the head of his cock, making it slick. Making him ready for me. Making me ready for him.
"Tell me," he commanded. "I want to hear it."
I mumbled the words, almost a whisper.
"Again." He flexed his hips, bringing himself closer to me, his blunt cockhead just barely nudging into my entrance, parting my folds. "Tell me again, Ivy."
I couldn't take it anymore. The desire rising inside me was too intense, the need too powerful.
"Fuck me," I moaned. "Please, Ren, I need you to fuck me."
He entered me in one long, slow thrust, letting out a hum of satisfaction as he slid inside. I choked back a cry as his cock pierced me, spreading me open. The feel of Ren burying himself inside me, of his cockhead dragging against my inner walls, was at once both sweet and painful. The pain only made the ache inside me grow to a fever pitch.
That ache ravaged me, an unquenchable thirst. I tossed my head back and forth and clung to Ren, squeezing him with my thighs, digging my nails into his back. I bucked my hips almost violently, needing more, needing that sweet ache to be sated.
"Ren, please!"
He growled as his lips descended on mine, swallowing the words. He gave me what I begged for, pulling out almost completely, then slamming himself back inside. The jolt of pleasure nearly sent me over the edge.
"Harder!"
Ren cursed under his breath as he thrust again and again, over and over. Small whimpers and choked cries left my lips in a never-ending litany, nearly mindless with pleasure.
"Fuck, Ivy," Ren groaned. "You're killing me with those sounds."
I bit my lip, swallowing hard to choke back the noise.
"No. I want to hear you. Let me hear you, Ivy. I want to know how much you want this."
I let myself go, not holding back, crying out, eyes wide, tears streaming down my cheeks. I'd never felt anything as good as what Ren was doing to me. Every piercing thrust, every forceful slam, brought me closer and closer to my peak. I was almost there, I could practically taste it. I just needed— a little more?—
Ren placed his thumb over my clit and pressed down hard, rubbing in circles.
I flew apart, white sparks filling my vision, pleasure exploding through every nerve. I heard myself shriek, felt my fingers and toes curling, felt myself clamp down on Ren's cock, rippling and squeezing tight. Ren's cock hardened even further inside me. He let out an answering cry as I felt his cock twitch and pulse. He spent himself inside me, liquid warmth coating my insides. My back arched up, eyes rolling back in my head as I nearly blacked out.
When my senses returned, I found Ren panting in my ear with soft, shuddering breaths. My own chest was heaving, trying to take in the precious air I'd neglected during my orgasm. My lungs burned and my muscles ached. My head was swimming, and my cheeks were wet with tears.
I'd never been happier in my life.
I uncurled my fingers from Ren's back, feeling the indentations my nails had left on his skin. I buried my head in his neck.
"Sorry," I murmured.
Ren let out a huffing laugh and cupped the back of my head, nuzzling into my hair.
"For what?"
"I hurt you. My nails?—"
"Ivy, I guarantee you, the last thing I'm thinking about are a few scratches."
"What are you thinking about?" I asked tentatively. I didn't want to be needy, but I wanted to know.
"I'm thinking how hot and sexy and perfect you are."
The praise filled me with pleasure almost as great as the one he'd just given me. "You're hot and sexy and perfect, too."
I could still feel him inside me and flexed experimentally. He hissed, half pleasure and half pain. The slow removal of his cock, that delicious drag against my inner walls, had me moaning again. I tossed my head back and squeezed my eyes shut, still breathing heavily.
"You okay?" Ren asked, concerned.
"More than okay. That was—" I didn't have words for what that was. "It was great." I felt stupid for saying it, but I didn't have the brainpower to come up with anything better.
"You're great," he said with a grin in his voice. Ren gathered me up in his arms and rolled us on our sides to stare at each other. His eyes were still wild, full of fire, but slowly softened with every second. "You're more than great." He placed a soft kiss to my lips, pulling me close. "You're amazing.