Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
W e both sat quietly as Nathan pulled away from the parking lot. As we made our way back onto the road, his eyes kept flicking to me. My face still felt flushed and the nervous tension in my bones made me jittery. I tapped my fingers against my thigh in a staccato rhythm.
Nathan reached over and placed his large palm over mine, stilling it.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"Not your fault. I should have known. I can't even handle amusement park roller coasters," I joked weakly.
Nathan squeezed my hand and returned his attention to the road.
When I noticed the route he was taking, I spoke up.
"Can you take me back to your place?" I asked.
He looked taken aback, before nodding. "No problem."
"I don't want to go home right now." Not feeling like the way I did. My mom would take one look at me and know something was wrong. "I just?—"
"You don't need to explain," Nathan said.
When we arrived at his apartment, he situated me on his living room sofa. He draped a small throw blanket over my lap and went to get me a bottle of water from the fridge.
"You're a good nurse," I said as I took the bottle. He'd even unscrewed the cap for me.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I flashed him a smile I hoped wasn't as forced as it felt. "I'm fine." I tucked my clammy hands under my thighs so he wouldn't see them shake.
He took a seat next to me on the sofa.
"You want to explain to me what happened back there?" he asked.
"I guess I'm not used to the extreme sports adrenaline thing," I said. It wasn't a lie.
Nathan still looked concerned.
"I knew it would be exciting," I continued, "but I didn't realize it would be so?—"
"Heart stopping?" he filled in.
I stared at him, examining his expression, but from the wry smile on his face, he was only joking. I breathed a little easier. The last thing I wanted was for Nathan to start suspecting.
"I guess this means no more extreme sports," he said.
"No." I surprised myself even as I said it. "I had fun. I think I just need to mentally prepare myself for something like that beforehand."
"Makes sense. This kind of thing is new to you. Good thing we didn't start off with sky diving."
"No way," I said. "I have limits and that's one of them. Throwing myself down a hill is one thing. It's an entirely different thing to throw myself out of a plane and plummet to earth."
"You'd have a parachute," he said.
"And with my luck, it would be the one parachute that malfunctions. Nope." I shook my head vehemently. "Never doing it."
"What about indoor skydiving?" he asked. "You don't actually board a plane. It's just a giant wind tunnel. Or rock climbing. You're strapped into a harness the whole time. Those don't sound so bad, right?"
"You're like the connoisseur of extreme sports."
"It's like I said. I'm just looking for the same rush I get when playing on stage."
My shaky hands were steady now, my hands less clammy. Talking with Nathan calmed me with every minute.
"What's it like, being on stage?" I asked.
His eyes lit up the way they had when he'd talked about zorbing. This time though, the fire inside them burned even brighter, his eyes taking on an almost manic glint.
"There's nothing better," he said. "All those fans cheering me on, feeling the music in my bones, pulling magic from the strings of my guitar…" He closed his eyes and made a noise in the back of his throat. "It's so much better than those adrenaline rushes. It's even better than sex sometimes." He peeled his eyes open and grinned at me. "Sometimes."
"Good to know our little rendezvous ranks up there among skydiving and concerts." I pulled my hands out from under my thighs and grabbed the bottle of water for another swig. "But playing on stage can't always be great. What about in your early days when you weren't that good? What if you're playing to a tough crowd and they boo at you?"
Nathan shrugged. "It's happened before. You learn to push through it. You can't please everyone, but as long as we can make our hardcore fans happy, it's all good."
"That's a very zen way of looking at things."
"You sound surprised."
"You just seem like one of those live-in-the-moment kind of people."
"Is that bad?"
"No. I wish I could be more like you. You've only got one life to live. Might as well live it doing what you love."
"Do you not love what you do?" he asked.
"I like working at the pet shop. I love working with children. But—" I hesitated, wondering how much to tell him. "I've just missed out on a lot of stuff, that's all."
"Overprotective parents," he nodded in understanding.
"Yeah," I said, although that was only half the story.
"You're an adult. You can do anything you want."
"Within reason."
"Fuck reason," he said. "What's one thing you've always wanted to do that you never have?"
"I don't know. Lots of stuff."
"Pick one," he urged. "It doesn't have to be crazy. It just has to be something you'd regret not doing on your deathbed."
I through back to all those long days in my youth when I had nothing but time to think about all the things I'd never have a chance to do.
"I've never gone to one of those teenaged house parties," I finally said.
A sly grin creeped across Nathan's lips. "A house party?"
"You know the ones in the movies?" I continued. "The rich kid's parents are away and everyone gets loud and drunk and someone swings from a chandelier and people smash glass tables and there's always a pool out back that someone jumps into from the roof?"
The more I spoke, the wider his grin spread.
"I know exactly the kind of rager you're talking about," he said.
"And let me guess. You know exactly how to throw one? Why am I not surprised."
"Rock stars know how to party." He pulled out his phone and thumbed rapidly. There was a reply within seconds. He turned his phone around to show me the screen with a date and a time. "Your wish is my command."
"You've planned a raging party in the five seconds it took to text?"
"I didn't have to plan one myself," he said. "I know a guy. Hope you're free that night."
The quirk of his lips and deep blue eyes were earnest and hopeful.
"I'll make it," I promised.
How could I say no? I'd told Nathan one of my wishes and he'd made it come true within minutes. It was such a sweet gesture, something I was beginning to realize wasn't out of character for him.
Even as my heart swelled, a small part of me couldn't help but worry.
I'd thought I'd be safe, having a fun night with someone like Nathan. I'd thought he was the love 'em and leave 'em type.
But for some reason, he wanted to spend time with me. Running into each other at the pet shop and at the hospital was a coincidence, but there was no real reason for him to invite me back to his mom's house, or why he'd convinced me I had to go zorbing with him, or why he'd invited me to go to a rock star party.
Was it just because he was lonely? Was I just an entertaining, temporary substitute for his best friend? Or was there something else behind his actions?
There was something thoughtful about Nathan Walker. Something genuine. He liked to tease and play around, but there was more to him than that.
The way he'd cradled my face and looked at me with concern, the way he'd taken my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, the way he'd taken me back to his place and helped calm me down…
Something inside me couldn't help but respond to that show of kindness. Of care.
Even as he took the empty water bottle from my hand and offered to drive me back home, a pang of anxiety hit my chest.
I wanted to spend more time with Nathan, too. I had fun with him. I enjoyed getting to know him.
I liked him.
The thought made my heart clench, in an entirely different way, but the panic was the same.
I liked Nathan Walker.
Which meant I was in a world of trouble.