Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
I ran back down to the party, leaving Nathan in bed and looking befuddled for the second time since we'd met.
My heart pounded, and it wasn't solely from the surprise of being walked in on.
What the hell was wrong with me? I'd allowed my thoughts to wander to entirely inappropriate places.
Yes, I had fun being around Nathan, and yes, he was a great guy. But that was it. That had to be all it was.
I couldn't allow it to be anything else.
But the aching feeling in my chest remained. Nathan had opened himself up to me, and I to him. The way he'd stared into my eyes and whispered my name, the soft touch of his fingers against my skin, the way he'd confided to me all the things he couldn't tell anyone else…
My heart thumped a heavy beat.
It had to have just been the alcohol, right? There was no way we would have said the things we had if we'd both been sober.
But even as I told myself that, I knew it was a lie. We'd barely touched the bottle of rum he'd brought with us.
I found myself back in the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of something dark amber along with a plastic cup. I headed toward the back of the mansion as I poured myself what I hoped was a few shots of liquor. I needed something to dull my rising panic.
"Hey," a voice said behind me in a low tone.
I started, nearly splashing the alcohol down the front of my shirt. Julian held his palms up, as if to show he meant no harm.
"Didn't mean to scare you," he said.
"You're like a cat," I accused.
The corner of his lips turned up, then fell, his expression turning serious.
"What's up with Nate?" he asked with no preamble.
"What do you mean, what's up with him?" I asked, heartbeat still pounding.
"He's acting weird," Julian said.
"He's been acting totally normal around me." Up until a few minutes ago, at least.
"Right," he said. "Around you. Around us, he's weird. All shifty. Distant. Gael tries to pry it out of him, but he's tight-lipped. We're…"
Julian trailed off, looking uncomfortable. He shifted his eyes until they were looking at a point over my shoulder.
"We're worried," he said, almost under his breath, as if the words were being dragged out of him and he didn't want anyone else to hear.
Julian flicked his eyes back to mine, looking at me expectantly, but I didn't say anything, just took a sip of my drink.
I knew he must have been talking about Nathan's sick mother. He clearly hadn't told anyone about it.
Julian and I stared each other down, neither of us saying a thing. There was a heavy weight to his look, like he was trying to pull the answers out of me. I had a feeling this guy could handle silence for longer than most people before starting to feel awkward.
He was also probably used to winning staring contests, because the man was intense . He'd seemed dispassionate and almost uncaring during the game, but there was clearly more to the guy than I'd originally thought. Although he might play it cool on the outside, there was a fire inside him, just waiting to be unleashed.
The contrast was oddly intriguing.
I held my own, even though the intensity of his gaze was unnerving. He broke first, which I had to assume didn't often happen, because his eyes narrowed at me, looking almost impressed. He nodded.
"Fine. You don't have to say. But if he's confiding in you…" Julian eyed me carefully, as if studying a specimen under a microscope. "You must be pretty special."
He grabbed a bottle of vodka from the counter, gave me one last penetrating look, and ambled out of the kitchen.
After he'd gone, I clutched my cup tight, feeling my tense shoulders relax. Being interrogated like that hadn't done anything to soothe my nerves. I took another chug of my drink.
After only a few wrong turns, I finally made it to the back yard where, just as I expected, a dozen or so partygoers were lounging in a vast in-ground pool.
Without letting myself think twice, I shimmied out of my jeans and t-shirt, and laid them across a reclining chair with my purse, leaving me in my swimsuit. I knew a few of my scars would be on display, but they were small and faded enough no one would think twice. I could have gotten them from any sort of accident as a kid.
"Hey," a woman's voice called out. "Becca, right?" Jessie waved at me as she treaded water in the deep end of the pool. "Come on in, the water's amazing."
I tiptoed toward her in bare feet and gingerly sat on the edge of the pool, setting the bottle and cup next to me. I lowered my feet into the water and flinched. Jessie laughed and floated over to me.
"Too cold?" she asked.
"I'm sort of a wimp," I admitted. "I prefer my swimming pools to feel like a bathtub."
Jessie rested her arms against the edge. "It's not so bad once you get used to it."
"How's Gael feeling?" I asked, kicking my feet around in the water and taking a sip of my drink. It burned less than last time, instead leaving only a warming path through my insides.
"Doing well, considering he almost busted his head open," she said matter-of-factly. "But he tore a hole in Cameron's ceiling, so he's pleased with himself."
"Do I want to ask why the bassist of Cherry Lips has a rivalry with the bassist of Darkest Days?
"Cam's an obnoxious asshole," Jessie said with a grin. "He thrives on pissing people off. Gael gets riled up too easily. It makes him an easy mark."
"I thought your boyfriend actually seemed pretty easygoing," I said.
"He's also got an enormous ego," she said. "He hates not having it stroked."
"He and Nathan are pretty similar, then."
But I couldn't help remember the way Nathan had talked about his solo songs. He'd compared himself to his lead singer Cerise and said he'd never be as good as her. Maybe Nathan had a big head when it came to some things, like his guitar playing, but he did have moments of self-doubt. He wasn't the complete narcissist everyone thought he was.
Jessie noticed me going quiet and examined me with a careful eye.
"So you're the girl who's been hanging out with Nathan all the time lately?" she asked.
"I wouldn't say all the time," I replied. "But yeah, we've been hanging out. Why?"
"I've just never seen him with the same—" Jessie cut herself off, eyes going wide as she snapped her mouth shut with a flush.
My chest clenched with hurt. I looked down at my toes in the water, distorted by the waves, and fisted my plastic cup.
"Never seen him with the same girl twice?" I finished for her.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want to rub it in your face or anything."
"It's fine," I said. "I'm aware of his reputation."
It was true: Nathan's playboy ways were well known. At first, that had been a comfort. Playing around with a rock star meant no strings, just fun. There was no risk of getting attached.
But now…
I took a large gulp from my cup.
"I've been worried about him," Jessie said. "I know he has to be feeling like a third wheel."
I hummed noncommittally, not wanting to betray Nathan's trust and blab his innermost thoughts and feelings, even if Jessie had hit it on the nose.
"When he mentioned he was doing this soaring thing with a girl, I was pretty happy," Jessie continued.
"It's called zorbing," I said.
"Weird," she replied. "But I was glad to see him actually doing stuff with someone, instead of just spending it in bed."
I didn't tell Jessie there has been some of that, too.
"You seem like a nice girl," Jessie said after moments of silence. "I don't want to see you get hurt."
I frowned. "You think he'll hurt me?"
"Not on purpose," she replied. "But guys like Nathan?—"
Before she could finish her thought, a streak of red came flying down from the sky.
"CANNONBALL!"
A guy somersaulted from the roof into the pool, landing with a large splash, sending water everywhere.
Everyone sitting around the pool shrieked as the spray hit us, soaking our clothes and getting into our eyes. A mop of bright red hair surfaced with a cheeky grin.
"Your turn next, Jessie!" he crowed.
"You're a lunatic, Cameron Thorne!" she yelled and sputtered as she swam over to him, splashing him back with her kicking feet.
"You're just too chicken," he taunted.
"No, I'm just not an idiot," she shot back.
I watched the two of them fight with each other and took another drink. My cup was almost empty, so I poured another generous amount from the bottle.
I didn't want to think about Jessie's words, but they echoed in my ears anyway.
Guys like Nathan…
What exactly did that mean? Rich guys? Famous guys? Rock stars in particular? Cocky playboy in general?
Jessie knew Nathan a lot better than I did. Did she know something about him I didn't? In what ways might he hurt me? Did she think he was just playing me? Was he just saying what he thought I wanted to hear to… what? Get me into bed again?
The longer I sat there, sipping at my drink, the more my head swam with vague, half-formed worries.
I hadn't wanted to get attached, but the thought that Nathan might not have been sincere with me made the ache in my chest swell until I thought it might rise up out of my throat and make me sick.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, not wanting to think about it anymore. I gulped down what was left of my drink and swung my feet out of the water to stand.
I swayed slightly, the world going wobbly, before I righted myself.
So what if Nathan had been playing me? It didn't matter. He didn't matter. This was all just fun. Right? I'd had enough of being cautious. I wanted to live life, to experience all the things I'd missed out on. It wasn't like I'd been looking for anything long term. Even if I had, I knew better than to get seriously involved with someone like Nathan. He'd be the first to tell you he was irresponsible, after all.
More laughing and splashing came from the direction of the pool, where Jessie had been joined by others, some of them chiding the redhead for his cannonball stunt.
An idea came to me. I squinted at the rooftop. There was a ladder trellis of ivy climbing up the wall. I stumbled over to it and began the climb. I didn't have to make it to the actual rooftop. There was a balcony only two floors up. My foot got caught and I almost tumbled down, but I steadied myself. I let out a giggle, although it wasn't really funny.
When I finally got to the balcony, I looked out over the back yard, trying to mentally calculate how many feet down the pool was. My head went fuzzy. Well, whatever. That Cameron guy had done it. So could I.
I stepped closer, and gripped the railing, ready to heave myself up and over. I lifted one foot.
"Whoa!"
Arms caught me around the waist, pulling me back. I flailed in surprise.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Nathan asked over my shoulder.
"Cannonball," I said. I could hear my own voice was slurred.
"I'm not letting you throw yourself off a roof."
"You let me throw myself down a hill," I replied stubbornly.
"You were encased in a giant bubble," he pointed out. "I don't want you breaking your neck."
I grumbled and tried breaking myself out of his grip, but my limbs were heavy and slow to respond.
"Let's get you home and sober you up," he said.
"I'm sober," I protested, but gave in, letting him take me back inside through the balcony entrance.
"Exactly how much have you had to drink?" Nathan's arm was around my waist, half-holding me up on my shaky legs.
"Um…" I began to count on my fingers, but got distracted by a hangnail on my thumb, which all of a sudden seemed extraordinarily interesting.
"Never mind," he said. "You take a seat here. I'll go find your clothes and purse."
He settled me onto a love seat. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, trying to make the earth stop spinning so quickly.
I felt a hand stroke through my hair gently. I turned my face toward it, settling down into the soft cushions.
A familiar scent filled my nostrils. I inhaled deeply. Something smelled of sandalwood, like a rich forest but sweet at the same time. Nathan's scent. It reminded me of all those times he'd put his arms around me and held me close.
Those memories, along with Jessie's words, swirled around in my head, blending into each other, turning into a confusing whirlwind and making my head ache.
I frowned and burrowed deeper into the softness of the sofa cushions, letting my mind go dark and quiet.
The last thing I remembered was a pair of strong arms gathering me to a warm chest and a pair of lips pressing a soft kiss on the top of my head.