Round Forty-Four
ROSE
Watching the clock is an exercise in insanity.
Being watched by Cliff only makes my trip to the asylum worse. Faster. Scarier.
And jumping every time the door opens downstairs, the bell above jingling to the same frantic beat as my heart, is what’ll be the end of me, I’m certain of it.
“I know you’re my boss and I kind of depend on keeping my job, but I swear to God, if you don’t stop side-eyeing me, Clifford, I’m gonna head straight on over to the pound and adopt a giant, starving, aggressive attack dog and let him have his way with you.
” I slam the filing cabinet closed and turn just in time to catch him spinning back around in his chair. “You’re not sneaky, ya know!”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He sets Poppy on his desk and slides off his chair, onto his knees on the floor, until the tip of his nose touches the tip of hers. “I’m just spending my time with Poopy over here.”
“Her name is Poppy! And you had that weird vibe from that guy yesterday and snitched to Ollie. Now he’s feeling weird vibes, which means I’m feeling weird vibes. And really, it’s just…” I run my fingers through my hair and groan. “It’s unnecessary. All of it.”
He sets his arms on his desk and peeks over his shoulder at me, his eyes dim with regret. “I didn’t mean to cause a fuss, I swear. I especially didn’t mean to upset you. I just felt a certain way and wanted to run it by Ollie.”
“If it were something, my phone would’ve rung by now.
Which means it’s not something. It’s nothing.
It’s just a guy who was looking for a contractor, and a contractor who worries a little too much because he’s nice and kind and a really awesome boss.
” I exhale a noisy, heavy breath that shrinks my chest. “I appreciate your concern. Really, I do. But Jesus, it’s like you drove a big ass truck over to Ollie’s place and dumped a stinking pile of manure on his living room floor.
Except the pile isn’t manure. It’s anxiety.
It’s a fear of walking in front of the windows.
It’s nerves every time the phone makes a sound. ”
My phone trills on my desk, vibrating against the hardwood and driving home how utterly cruel and devious the universe’s timing truly is.
Stuck where I am, I gulp and stare across at the flashing device.
My hands shake. My knees knock. My vision turns blurry, but I slide it across to Cliff and whimper.
“I’ve got it.” He surges to his feet and stalks across the office, standing over the phone without touching, his neck folded and his eyes focused on the screen. But then I catch the twitch and sway of his Adam’s apple. His lips folding in that way we do when we want to moisten them.
Worse, his eyes come back to me.
And I know. God, I know.
“It’s Billy,” he rasps, picking up the device and swiping to answer.
He doesn’t place the call on speaker, which is a kindness, really.
Instead, he brings it to his ear and rumbles, “This is Rose’s phone.
Cliff speaking.” And then he listens. And nods.
Answers with yes and no when it’s appropriate.
“I’ll let her know. Yeah.” He nods and meets my eyes.
So sad. So sorry. “Yeah. As soon as I can. You’ll call Ollie? ”
“Oh God.” My feet come unstuck, so I stride all the way to the top of the stairs, shaking my head and dragging my fingers through my hair. Then I turn back again and inhale a crackling, aching breath. “Just say I ran away. Tell them I left Plainview weeks ago and you don’t know where I am anymore.”
He ends the call and perches on the edge of my desk, his gentle stare enough to undo me. To break me. To hurt me, far more than if he were angry. Or laughing. Or literally any emotion besides the one he’s currently wearing.
“I don’t remember him.” I stride back to his desk and snatch up Poppy, hugging her to my chest like she’s more than just a small ball of fur.
She’s my shield. She’s my safety. “I don’t remember him or where I came from or how I got here.
But I remember accepting that this is my life now.
My happy life with Ollie. And with you. And Eliza and the twins and Franky and Alana and—”
“You are not a child, Rose.” He moves across and stops in front of me. Crowding me into stillness. “You are not mentally incapable. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do. Ever. And that includes going with someone who did or did not know you in the past.”
“I don’t want to.” Fat tears swell and swim in my eyes. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You don’t have to.” He hooks his hand over my shoulder and tugs me in for a hug.
It’s kinda like how Ollie does it. It’s tender and wrapped in kindness.
But he’s not Ollie. He doesn’t wield the same magic Ollie wields, which makes him a wall to lean against. Not a hug to lose myself in.
“Billy wants you to come down to the station. There’s a guy there who thinks he knows you. ”
I choke out a groan. “I don’t want this.”
“Billy said he’ll call Ollie and have him meet us at the station.
You’ve done this before, right?” He pushes me back, his hands on my shoulders, and searches my eyes.
“You go in, you check the guy out through the one-way glass, and Billy and Ramone will ask him questions. You’ll get a look at him long before he even knows you’re there, and then you and Ollie can decide what happens next. ”
“What if this is the one?” I whimper. “What if he actually knows me?”
“That’s a good thing, sweetheart. Getting the answers doesn’t mean you have to act on them.
Knowing where you came from doesn’t mean you have to go back.
Information is always a good thing.” He drags his knuckle beneath my eye and sweeps up a stupid, fallen tear.
“Freedom of choice is your right. If you get a look at him and decide you wanna walk away, then that’s what you do. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing.”
“Then I just won’t g—”
“But I think you owe yourself the chance to hear what he has to say, even if he tells Billy and Billy tells you. It’s important you have all the information available to you.
Now come on.” He releases me and grabs my phone, offering it across, then he slides his wallet into his back pocket, his phone into the front, and snatches up a set of keys before he scoops up his hat.
“I’ll drive you over and deliver you to Ollie myself. ”
“He’s working.” I sniffle and drag my feet. If I walk slowly enough, whoever is at the station might grow bored and simply leave. “Ollie has to stay at the hospital.”
“You know as well as I do he’s gonna figure something out and get his ass to the station anyway. And until he does, I’m gonna stay with you.”
“But then no one will be here to watch the office.”
He chuckles, laying his arm over my shoulders and tugging me along.
“What’s gonna happen? Bandits will sweep through and steal yesterday’s leftover cake?
Cold coffee? My magazine collection?” He playfully wrinkles his nose.
“They’re not even nudies, Rose. They’re fight magazines, and last month’s edition featured Tommy on the cover.
It’ll be tough,” he mock sighs, leading me down the stairs and through the front door.
“But if the worst happens, I’ll rebuild.
Tommy probably bought a hundred copies anyway, ‘cos he’s vain like that.
If I ask nicely, I’m sure he’ll hook me up.
Might even whack a signature on it for me. ”
“You defer to humor when you’re nervous.” I stare down at my feet as he leads me toward his truck. “It’s obnoxious.”
“Nervous?” He swings the passenger door open and laughs, the sound verging on maniacal.
“Who’s nervous? Not me! I’m just delivering one of my best friend's girlfriend to the police station while she cries and begs me not to. Nothing to see here.” He helps me up and scoops my leg inside, then he slams the door and snarls. “Nothing wrong here! Nothing at all.”
“Rose!” Ollie beats us to the police station, despite the hospital being further away than my office and needing to find someone to cover his shift.
As soon as Cliff and I move through the front doors, he springs away from the receptionist’s desk, his chest and shoulders surging with adrenaline.
He strides along the hall with long, floor-eating lengths and crashes against me hard enough to steal my breath and make Poppy meow her displeasure. But he wraps me up and holds me close.
If he didn’t, I’m not sure I could stay standing.
“What did he say?” Sniffling, I lay my ear over his pounding heart. “Is it the guy from yesterday? Does he know who I am, or is he full of shit like the other times?”
“I don’t know.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head. To my forehead. My temple, as he roughly shoves me around. “I only just walked in.”
“I figured we’d wait till you got here,” Billy murmurs, coming to a stop on Ollie’s right. “No need to repeat myself.”
“W-where is he?” I search the wide entryway. The reception desk. The office space behind it. “Can he hear us?”
“Nah. He’s in an observation room, just like all the other times.
Come on.” Billy turns on his heels and starts away, confident we’ll follow.
He passes Tania’s desk, then moves into the main section, where several more officers sit and pretend not to stare.
He meets up with Ramone outside the room we’ve used every other time, then, opening the door, he strides in and turns back to watch us enter.
Me. Ollie. Poppy.
Cliff stops in the doorway, too polite to infringe. “I’m here if you want my support. Or I can leave, if you’d prefer privacy.”
Ollie pulls me under his arm, plastering me against his side. But he glances down and searches my eyes. “It’s your call, babe. Always.”
“He can stay. You can stay.” I swallow and meet Cliff’s gaze. “If you wanna.”