Round 53
ROUND FIFTY-THREE
ROSE
I slide out of Darcy’s car after dinner, careful to ignore his extended hand, but without being too obvious about it. Because his offer is gentlemanly. And my refusal is bordering on rude.
But I just… I don’t want to hold his hand. It’s as simple as that.
I rub my arms to battle the goosebumps smattering across my skin, and I look toward Ollie’s house, the soft light burning in the windows. The flicker of a television from inside, promising that when I get in there, it’ll be warm and welcoming.
“I’m sorry if it felt like I was interrogating you tonight.
” I start across the lawn, my fiancé walking beside me all the way to the porch steps.
“My brain’s bursting with questions I want to ask, and every time I get an answer, that only leads to another question. It’s a lot to fit in to one evening.”
“It’s no problem at all.” He places his hand on the small of my back, guiding me up the steps and across the wooden porch.
“I didn’t come to Plainview expecting a quick fix, and even if I wished for it, I’m realistic enough to know my presence alone isn’t likely to instigate a romantic declaration and a sudden restitution of your memories.
It would’ve been cool,” he chuckles, coming to a stop at the door and turning to face me.
“Like in the classic love stories, where love conquers all. If seeing me helped you remember, then I would’ve been honored and thrilled.
” Determined, he takes my hand, sandwiching it between his palms. “But since it didn’t, I vow to keep coming back, day after day.
If you allow it, I’ll be here for you. I’ll answer every question, and if this is our reality forever, if your history is lost to the deep, dark recesses of your mind, then I’ll do what I did the first time.
I’ll date you. I’ll convince you to love me how I love you, and someday, I’ll ask you to marry me.
Again.” He folds a little closer, lowering until his eyes are level with mine.
“I’m not afraid of this, Rose. From the first time I saw you, I knew we were meant for each other. ”
Releasing a soft, nervous exhale, he inches forward with puckered lips and a clear target.
He’s going to kiss me. Oh, God! He wants to kiss me.
I turn and present my cheek, taking a step back to keep the contact of his lips on my skin as brief as possible. Then I startle as Ollie swings the front door open and fills the doorway with his broad body.
“You’re back.” He thrusts Poppy into my arms, forcing me to catch her or risk dropping her to the porch, then he grabs my biceps and tugs me his way. Smiling, he brings not-very-friendly eyes to Darcy. “I worried you’d driven off with her.”
Darcy chuckles, uneasy and fake as hell.
Scratching the back of his neck, he looks at the cat.
At me. At Ollie. Stepping back, he approaches the very edge of the porch and sets his hand on the railing.
“I had a good time, Rose. Thank you for coming out.” He dips his chin at Ollie.
“Thanks for giving her medical clearance for the evening, Doctor Darling.”
“No problem.” He hooks his finger in the back of my jeans, pulling just hard enough to tell me he’s not letting go. “See you around, Bisek.”
“I’ll come back at eleven tomorrow, okay, Rose?” His eyes shimmer with pain. With a little embarrassment. With rejection, because I’m not ready to be the woman he thinks I’m supposed to be. “Hopefully the weather is nice.”
“Okay.” I drag my bottom lip between my teeth and nod. “I’ll see you then.”
I remain exactly where I am, warmth radiating off Ollie’s broad chest and pulsing against my back, and though it feels like a lifetime, I maintain my position and watch Darcy slide into his car and back out of the driveway.
Then Ollie yanks me across the threshold and surprises a yelp from the base of my throat. Maneuvering me out of the way of the door, he slams it with a final crack and crowds me against the wall, his hand flat beside my face.
His breath feathering against my tongue.
His eyes, burning into my flesh.
He doesn’t lean into me. He doesn’t touch. He studies my lips, but he doesn’t kiss.
“I know it’s not logical.” His voice crackles and breaks, like he’s forcing every word over rough sandpaper.
“I knew he’d bring you back, since… duh, kidnapping is a crime.
But I was worried you were never coming home.
” He draws a heady, noisy breath. Then he releases it again and searches my eyes. “You okay?”
I nod, holding sweet Poppy to my chest so her rhythmic purr becomes my touchstone.
“Did you feel unsafe?”
“No. He was a gentleman.”
His pulse slams against the side of his neck, furiously fast, even if the rest of his body remains perfectly still. “You’re meeting up again tomorrow?”
Shame lashes across my stomach, like I have something to feel guilty for.
Like I’ve done something wrong. “He offered to catch up again, because I still have questions. He suggested dinner, but I didn’t…
I don’t…” I lick my lips, dropping my gaze.
“I’ve spent so much time over the last few months waiting for you to finish work, just so I could be with you again.
I’m committed to hearing Darcy out because knowing who I am matters, and knowing where I came from is important.
And he told me a lot…” Tears fill my eyes, burning and itching as I bring my focus up again.
“A lot. Things that are devastating and all-consuming and interesting. But I couldn’t stop wishing I was here with you.
” I sniffle and swipe my nose, my breath coming out on a hitched, shaking exhale.
“I found out tonight I had a brother. A big brother who was protective and amazing and brave. He was a smartass,” I snicker, watery and weak.
“He fought and died for our country. I found out I’ve traveled a lot.
I’ve been to Paris and Rome and Saint Petersburg.
I’ve swum amongst the corals on the east coast of Australia, and walked the entire length of China’s Great Wall.
I like to travel,” I murmur. “Darcy said I was at my happiest when I got to explore somewhere new. He said there wasn’t a plant I couldn’t bring back from the dead, and there wasn’t a household task—one typically expected of a man—that I couldn’t do myself. ”
“Like finishing a deck?” he rumbles. “In the snow.”
I choke out a laugh and wipe the fresh tears from my eyes.
“Exactly. Like building shelves for my greenhouse. Like building a greenhouse from reclaimed wood and stones and whatever other materials I could find. He said I always wanted a pet, but we were away from the house for so many hours every day, I never truly committed. Instead, I spent a couple of weekends every month volunteering at the pound, just so I could walk the dogs and pat the cats. And I guess I had a lot of Poppy’s fur on my shirt, because after a little while, Darcy started sneezing a lot.
He’s allergic. I was learning all of these things about myself, and I was paying attention, I swear.
But there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t wonder what you were doing.
Or if you were sad. I wondered if you were mad at me, even though you said you weren’t.
I wondered if you would drop by the restaurant, even though you said you wouldn’t.
I was sitting across from this man who knows everything about me.
He’s the key to my past, to my entire adult life, but I wished I were sitting across from you.
So when he asked to do it again, and the idea of spending another evening with him gave me a stomachache, I countered and offered lunch.
Daylight. Safe. I wouldn’t lose time with you, since you’d be at work anyway, and it meant I could spend hours with him and still make it home for dinner. ”
“This is toxic.” His eyes flicker between mine. Searching. Probing. His bicep bulges in my peripherals, but still, he doesn’t touch. “He’s your fiancé, Rose. I’m just the guy who put a couple of stitches in your ribs and shared my jelly cups with you.”
“I want to sleep in your room tonight.” I sniffle and choke on my breath, aching and desperate.
Because looking at Ollie makes me feel guilty, like I’m betraying Darcy.
But being with Darcy makes me feel guilty too, because I feel love in my heart…
but it’s not for the man whose diamond ring sits prominently on my bedside table.
“Not to have sex or anything. It’s not…” I shake my head. “I’m not…”
“I get it.” He cups my face, dragging the pad of his thumb beneath my eye to collect fallen tears. “It’s okay, Rose. I understand.”
“I’m sorry this is all so messy.”
“It’s alright.” He slides his hand down and wraps his fingers around mine, twining them together and stroking a soothing pattern against my wrist. Then he steps away, flipping lights out as we go and leading me into the hall. “What did you learn about yourself tonight?”
“That I like to paint and draw, which I suppose isn’t all that surprising, since I was drawing Liam a lot.
” I cuddle Poppy against my neck, nuzzling her close until her contented purrs vibrate all the way to the base of my soul.
“He said I’m a fixer, always trying to please everyone else, even at the cost of my own happiness. ”
Ollie snorts, soft and breathy, and leads me through his bedroom door. “I could’ve told you that.”
“He said I was a bit of a nerd. I read a lot and stayed current with world events. I was political and didn’t mind discussing politics at the dinner table.”