Chapter Fifty
Mila
Something is off.
I’ve felt it ever since Everett returned from moving Gabi.
I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, but he’s different somehow.
Quieter. Broodier. He doesn’t laugh as easily.
He doesn’t talk as much. He seems tired and withdrawn.
He doesn’t tease me like he used to. Sometimes, I feel like he’s reluctant to meet my eyes.
My brain jumps to conclusions. I must have done something. I must have scared him off. Or maybe he just changed his mind about me.
Maybe he’s realized I’m a lot. Maybe the emotional meltdowns have worn down his patience. Maybe, the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes I’m not what he wants. He’s regretting telling me he loves me. He doesn’t want me to move back.
He’s pulling away.
I know the signs.
As soon as I have the thought, I tell myself to stop being paranoid.
Everett is nothing like any of the men I’ve dated before, and he’s certainly not like the one I married.
And it’s not like he’s ghosting me. He still returns my texts and FaceTimes me at night.
He still kisses me like he means it, holds me close after sex, and tells me he loves me.
And he promised to always be honest with me. To never leave me in the dark, wondering where I stand.
He’s worried about lots of things—his mom, his sister, the farm, the town—and I can’t always expect to be his top priority. That’s not how a healthy relationship works.
At least, I don’t think it is. I’ve never been in one, so I don’t know for sure.
But I do know that I’ve been ambushed by heartbreak before, and by Thursday afternoon, I’m a bit of a wreck. I’m leaving Monday. I haven’t told my mother or the department head about moving back to Hart’s Landing yet. I haven’t mentioned it to Jess.
Am I protecting myself? Hedging my bets?
I lie awake in bed every night, going over and over conversations we’ve had. Replaying our time together. Obsessing over what I might have done or said that triggered this change in him.
And I just don’t know.
I’m grateful for the lunch I have planned with Gabi at the diner this afternoon. As a surprise for her, I invited Yasmine to come along. The three of us keep talking about getting together but haven’t made it work yet. It’ll be like old times.
Just the distraction I need.
Yasmine and Gabi are already in our booth when I arrive. “Sorry I’m late,” I say, sliding in next to Gabi like I’ve done a thousand times before. “My mother always finds something that needs to be done right when I’m trying to leave the house.”
“That’s okay.” Yasmine smiles across the table at us.
“Surprise!” I say to Gabi, gesturing at Yasmine. “I thought it would be fun for all three of us to have lunch.”
“Great idea.” Gabi smiles, but she seems on edge. She’s been silent in the group chat lately, too.
For a moment, I wonder if something is wrong with Mrs. McKean, and they’re keeping it under wraps. Could that be what has Everett so tense? But why wouldn’t he open up to me about it?
No. Whatever is going on with him has to do with me. I’m sure of it.
The server appears with menus, and we laugh about how a lot of things have changed in Hart’s Landing but the food at this diner isn’t one of them. We order milkshakes, burgers and fries, and reminisce about old times.
Eventually, even Gabi seems to relax. “Remember when we laughed so hard our milkshakes came out of our noses?”
Yasmine points a fry at her. “Was that the night you wore those crazy high heels and tripped coming back from the bathroom?”
“No, it was the night Ladybug ripped her pants climbing over the fence.”
“Oh right!” I laugh, reminding myself to stay in the moment with my friends and stop spiraling about Everett. “Why were we climbing a fence again?”
“They’d finally fenced off the old foundry site. We were outraged.”
“That’s right,” I say. “Speaking of which, the site is going to be cleaned up and turned into a green space.”
“I heard about that!” Gabi says. “They’re going to make the old offices into a community center or something?”
“Yes. Town council approved it last night.”
“Are you helping with the project?” Yasmine asks me.
“Sort of.” I shrug. “Everett thought I’d be good at helping to convince the Harts to fund it.”
“Um, Everett thinks you’re good at everything,” Gabi says wryly.
Heat flushes my face, and I look down at my menu.
“So give us the scoop.” Yasmine’s eyes glow brightly. “How’s it going with you two?”
“Good, I think,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ears. “In fact, I’m— I’m probably going to move back here.”
Yasmine squeals and claps her hands. “Yay! I was hoping!”
“Wait, why only ‘probably’?” asks Gabi, her face concerned. “Everett told me this morning you’d decided to move back for sure.”
“Yeah, I guess I’m just nervous to commit to it out loud.
” I laugh nervously. “It’s such a major thing, to move in order to be with someone.
And I don’t have the best track record where relationships are concerned.
My perception can be really distorted. So while there’s a part of me that says this thing with Everett is the real deal and I don’t have to worry, there’s another part of me that says I don’t know shit about what’s real, because I’ve been wrong about it every time.
And making this move could be a giant mistake. ”
“You’re not wrong,” says Gabi, putting a hand on my arm. “Everett is crazy about you. Trust me.”
“Thanks. Things have felt a little off this week, so I appreciate that.” I shrug. “Maybe it’s just me overthinking.”
Gabi opens her mouth like she might say more, but Yasmine jumps in with a question. “So, Gabs, what are you going to do now that you’re home?”
“I need to figure that out.” Gabi picks up her water. “I’m not sure yet.”
“God, it’s so good to be with you guys.” Yasmine puts a hand over her heart. “I was so scared we’d never be friends again.”
I smile across the table at her. “I was, too. But maybe the lost time will help us appreciate each other more.”
“I know we keep saying this, but we need to find Rachel. Get all of us back together again. I think Ladybug would love that.” Yasmine touches the charm dangling beneath her throat. “Gabi, do you still have your necklace?”
“Huh?” Gabi stares at Yasmine. For a second, she looks pale.
“The ladybug charms we all wore.” I touch mine too. “Do you still have yours?”
“No,” she says, setting her glass down. “I lost it.”
Her hand is shaking.
After lunch, I check my phone again but Everett hasn’t called or texted. My last message to him—Want to grab dinner later?—hangs there like an ugly shower curtain. I wish I could unsend it.
Back at home, I find the house empty, which means my aunt must have taken my mom out for lunch or some shopping. It’s a relief. I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with her right now.
I decide to stress-clean my bedroom. I start with Beatrix’s litter box. Throw my sheets in the laundry. Haul the vacuum and a box of cleaning supplies up the stairs. Dust the furniture. Wipe the mirror over my dresser. Wash the windows.
I open my closet door and thumb through the hangers, reorganizing everything by color. I pair up my shoes and set them in a neat row. Dropping to my knees, I take a rag damp with glass cleaner and rub the mirror, careful to avoid the phantom graffiti left by my friends so many years ago.
Gabi’s volleyball number. Rachel’s toxic boyfriend. Yasmine’s campaign against Ripley.
Ladybug’s existence.
Choked up, I press my fingers to her name. Close my eyes and drop my chin. Tears prickle behind my eyelids, and I try to blink them away.
That’s when I see it.
Wedged against the doorjamb at the very edge of the carpet. Something gold.
Fishing it out with my thumb and forefinger, I lift up a delicate chain. Leaning forward, I feel around until my fingertips find the missing piece.
The ladybug charm.
Confused, I slip the charm back on the chain and cup it in the palm of my right hand. Stare at it. Then I glance in the mirror. I’m wearing the ladybug necklace Stevie found in the alley. The one with the repaired clasp. The one I thought was mine.
But this one in my hand… It has to be mine. It must have come off while I was getting dressed for work That Night, and I was so worked up about having to kiss Everett that I didn’t notice.
So whose necklace am I wearing?
Rachel’s charm was on a bracelet. Yasmine still has hers. And Gabi—
I lost it.
Air leaves my lungs in a sickening rush. The room spins. Sweat breaks out on the back of my neck.
I think it was a woman. I thought I saw long hair.
Clambering to my feet, I shove the necklace in my pocket, race down the stairs, and run out of the house.
I knock on the front door of the McKean house, the sound of my knuckles on the wood drowned out by the drumming of my pulse in my head.
There has to be an explanation. Gabi could have lost her necklace behind the bakery another time, right?
But I saw it on her that morning at the foundry site. I remember it specifically, because she’d just put her hair up, and—
The ponytail holder.
Gabi borrowed my ponytail holder after I took out my bun. She made a comment about it being one of the fancy ones.
My stomach churns.
The door opens, and Mrs. McKean smiles at me, then opens her arms. “Mila! What a nice surprise!”
“Hi, Mrs. McKean.” I’m swept into her embrace. It’s soft and warm and welcoming. It’s the kind of hug that says she’s genuinely glad to see me.
The kind of hug I’ve never gotten from my own mother.
My throat clenches up, and I will myself not to cry. I’m a mess already.
“Are you looking for Everett or Gabi? Everett is out in the orchard somewhere, so I can’t help you there, but Gabi is upstairs.”
“I’m looking for Gabi, actually.”
She steps aside and gestures toward the stairs. “Go on up,” she says with a laugh. “I’m sure you remember the way.”
“I do, thank you.”