TWELVE
DEVON
Sam’s scent lingers long after he’s gone. Long after I’ve driven him back to the company so he can get his car and go home.
My bedroom still smells like him. Hell, my whole apartment smells like him, and we only left the bed to shower and get coffee, along with something to eat.
And yet it feels fucking deserted now that he’s not sitting cross-legged next to me, sipping the coffee I made for him; now that he’s not pitter-pattering softly across the floor to look at the rain falling outside my window, wearing nothing but my T-shirt and a smile; now that he’s not sleeping in my arms.
I sit on the couch, bracing my forearms on my knees, my head hanging between my shoulders.
“Hey. Where did you go?”
He noticed it.
He feels it when my mind takes me away from him, when it drags me to places, I don’t want to go, when it fills with voices screaming at me to let him go because he would be better off without me, far away from me. Somewhere he won’t get hurt because of me.
I don’t want to let him go. Not when I just found him. Not when I’ve barely had a glimpse of what it feels to be happy.
My phone rings from the coffee table, distracting me from the heaviness in my chest. But a smile slips free, when I see the name flashing on my screen.
“How is my favorite little brother?”
Warm laughter spills in my ear.
“That would actually mean something if you had more than one,” Angel quips, and I know he’s beaming in the brilliant way he always does.
“Even if I had more than one, you’d still be my favorite.”
“If you had more than one, you’d tell us all the same thing. You’re too much of a sweetheart not to,” he says, tone so fond it makes my throat tight.
“Tell me what you’ve been up to, Angel.” I can do nothing about my rough voice. Hopefully, he won’t call me out on it. “How are classes going?”
“Oh, they’re sooo great! We’re working on acrylics and clay modeling right now. The projects are kind of kicking my butt, but I love them so much. I might have pictures for you at some point. At least, when I stop wearing most of the paint and clay.”
“Uh oh.” I chuckle at his excitement, loving how light and bubbly he sounds. The way he deserves to be all the time.
“Yeah.” He sighs. “There were incidents, but I think I’m on the right track now.”
“That’s good to hear. And you’re okay, right?” Fuck, I can’t not ask him. Not when I’m always so goddamn worried about him.
He’s quiet for a beat before he answers.
“I’m okay, Devon,” he says softly. “Really.”
Relief floods my chest.
“Good. That’s good. So, nobody’s giving you trouble?”
He hesitates for a second too long.
“Angel?”
“Okay, there might have been a teeny, tiny thing. But I took care of it,” he rushes to reassure me.
“What teeny, tiny thing?” I grit out, blood already boiling, and contemplating getting on the first plane down there.
“It was nothing. There was this guy in one of my classes, and he thought it’d be fun to mess with me, so I accidentally whipped him with my cane.”
I blink, instantly deflating.
“You whipped him with your cane.”
“Accidentally.” He huffs, and for the life of me, I feel a smile twitching back to life.
“How did you accidentally whip someone with your cane?”
“Well, I was walking by, and this stupid fucker was saying stupid shit, and my cane accidentally veered way off to my right, and whipped what sounded like his shin. I don’t know if it was his shin for sure, but it was a very satisfying sound, so it could have been.
” He snickers. “God, I wish I could have seen his face when I strolled ahead, throwing a casual ‘oops, didn’t see you there,’ over my shoulder. ”
Pride and love swell in my chest in equal measures, but before I can say anything, he goes on.
“I’m fine, Dev,” he murmurs calmly. “You believe me, right?”
“Yeah.” The word is hoarse, but I realize I mean it. My baby brother is fine, and it’s all I want. “I believe you.”
“Okay,” he says, pleased.
“Can you aim for the head next time?”
He cracks up, and I laugh with him.
“I can definitely give it a shot.”
Background noise filters through the call.
“Where are you?”
“In this really nice park near the apartment,” he says. “I think it has a lot of trees because the rustling of the leaves is really loud sometimes. There’s a little bench in the shade that I like a lot.” I can feel his smile through the phone. “What about you? Are you at work?”
“Actually no.” I lean back, sinking into the cushions of the couch. “I took the day off. Spent it at home.” With the most perfect omega in existence.
“I’m sorry, what? It almost sounded like you said you took the day off.”
Here we go. “Angel—” I exhale, but he cuts me off.
“Are you sick? Is that it?”
“No, I’m not sick.” Just goddamn tired of everything.
“So, you voluntarily took the day off. Wow. I never thought I’d see the day,” he chokes out, and I sigh, shaking my head even though he can’t see it. “Hey, all jokes aside, it was about time you got some rest. You’ve been working like a maniac since forever.”
He’s right. I don’t even remember the last time I didn’t stay at work long past everyone else had gone home, let alone take the whole day off.
And to have Sam take charge, and reschedule everything just because I told him I wanted to get out of there and be alone with him did something to me I’ve never felt with anyone else.
I wanted to let him take care of it all.
I wanted to let him take care of me. Him. Only him. I wanted his care more than I’ve ever wanted anything else. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone else’s. To feel like I could stop thinking, and turn my mind off, even if it was just for a little while.
“Yeah, it was a nice change,” is all I say, smiling to myself at the thought of red curls, mahogany eyes, and a myriad of freckles.
“So, what else is new with you? Tell me everything!” he chirps excitedly.
Sammy. That’s the only thing new with me. The only thing worth in my life in a very long time.
The words are out before I can stop them.
“I… met someone.”
Angel is silent, nothing but the whooshing of the wind, and distant laughs and murmurs coming through his end.
“Really?” he whispers, his voice so small and goddamn hopeful, it makes my heart squeeze.
Because he knows. He knows I never let anyone get close to me. He knows I don’t want anyone close to me.
I never let Sam get close either. He just did. A casual encounter that never felt casual but achingly familiar from the very first look, the very first touch.
He sank beneath my skin one soft greeting, one warm smile at a time, but deep down, I felt who he was to me from that first night. From the moment I caught his scent. From that first, flustered blush.
I have to swallow thickly before I can answer.
“Yeah. Really.”
“That’s—That’s so amazing, Devon. Oh my God, what is he like?” He sounds so happy, I can’t help the stupid grin on my face too.
“He’s kind, and smart, and beautiful.” My pulse thunders just remembering what having him in my arms is like. “And he’s mine, Angel. He feels like mine.”
Angel’s shaky exhale bleeds in my ear.
“I’ve never wanted to be able to run around without falling to my death in the first five seconds like I do in this moment. Or be there to hug you. Yeah, that would be even better, damn it,” he grumbles, but the hiccup in his voice betrays him.
It’s the same one choking me right now, rendering me incapable of speaking.
He’s happy. This little ball of sunshine is happy for me, even after I failed him in the worst possible way. In a way I’ll never forgive myself for.
“I want to know everything,” he whisper-shouts. “Where did you meet him?”
Low lights. Soft music. Freckles dancing as he tried to smother his yawn.
I smile to myself.
“Uh, well, it’s a long story, but he’s been my assistant for the last couple of months.”
“Off-limits. Nice.”
Gross understatement, but it’s pretty fucking clear no rules apply to him. They could never apply to him.
“I want to ask him out.” The words fall out of me with no warning, no preamble. But they burn with a quiet yearning that leaves me almost breathless in its intensity.
“Then you should,” Angel says, his tone both gentle and fierce.
The earlier tightness in my throat comes back with a vengeance, and I know I must be quiet for too damn long when he speaks again.
“You deserve this, Devon.”
My heart stutters, my hand gripping the phone so hard it’s a miracle it doesn’t crack.
Because no, I don’t. I don’t deserve any of this, but I want it anyway.
God, I want it, and him, so much.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat, trying to make is sound somewhat normal. “Anyway, enough about me. Tell me more about your projects. I promise I will pretend to understand what you’re talking about.”
A chuckle, followed by a small sigh, reaches me.
He doesn’t push me to have the same conversation we’ve had before, and I’m grateful for it. He just launches into a fully-detailed account of heavy-bodied acrylics, and I listen to him talk, picturing him smiling on a bench under the shade of a tree somewhere.
Soon enough, I’m smiling along with him, promising to call him with anything ‘new and exciting’ before we’re hanging up.
It takes me a while to fall asleep that night, my chest fluttering at the thought of a date with my sweet omega. I shake my head at myself, burying my smile in the pillow that still smells like him.
Like a schoolboy with a crush.
***
Sam is in my office when I get to work the next morning, leaving files on my desk, and for a moment, the need to sidle up behind him, and wrap my arms around him slams into me so hard, it makes my steps falter.
He glances up when he hears the click of the door, a smile already in place. But his smile trembles when I do exactly what I imagined, leaning in and nuzzling his nape, and I know the small gasp he lets out will run under my skin for the rest of the day.
“You seem well-rested,” he whispers breathlessly, pressing his back deeper against my chest, tilting his head to give me better access.
“I had a nice nap yesterday.”
His eyes are sparkling when he peeks up at me over his shoulder.