SEVENTEEN
DEVON
It’s quite possible I’m never going back to work again. Or to my apartment. Or to the city in general.
Because that would mean leaving Sam’s house. It would mean taking my eyes off him even briefly. It would mean taking my eyes off Eli. Off my mate and my little one.
Our little one.
It would mean doing anything other than sitting on a porch swing during a sunlit morning, holding my mate while he feeds our little one.
And that’s simply not happening.
Sam is leaning against me in yesterday’s plaid pajama pants and no shirt, a green and purple quilt thrown over his shoulders as Eli drinks from him. He said it was easier like this with no shirt in the way, and the quilt keeps him warm enough in the faint, early morning chill.
His hair smells like strawberries, and now mine does too since I used his shampoo. Or maybe it’s just his scent, so deeply intertwined with mine that everything smells sweet. We barely had time to wash up and towel off before soft whines alerted us to a waking Eli.
I can’t stop looking at him—in his light-yellow onesie, his cheeks pink, his big eyes peering up at Sam.
He has my eyes. This small, precious creature is mine.
I can’t believe he’s mine.
And yet.
And yet I feel no panic, no doubt, no uncertainty. The truth of it pulses in my chest, leaving no room for anything else but fierce protectiveness.
How am I supposed to breathe properly from now on, knowing something so perfect and so vulnerable exists in the world?
Who am I kidding? I haven’t breathed properly since the first time Sam smiled at me.
I don’t need it anyway. My breath, my heart, my life—it all belongs to them now.
“Does it hurt?” I ask, nodding towards his chest when Sam’s eyes flick up to mine.
They twinkle with mischief.
“You mean when he does it, or when you do it?”
God, I love it when he’s playful, even while he’s blushing.
“Both.”
“It used to hurt more when he was feeding exclusively from me. But now he’s both breastfed and bottle-fed since he’s staying with my parents when I’m at work, so it’s given me a bit of a break.
” His warm chocolate-brown gaze is all I see when he adds softly, “You’ve never hurt me though.
You’re always so careful and gentle. You make me feel really good. ”
How is it possible to want someone like this? To have this kind of burning need to consume, and please, and take, and worship that never quiets down, that never goes away, just simply lies in waiting for more, always more?
I was inside him not too long ago. I watched him lick me, take me down his throat, swallow every inch of me until I thought I was going to come in seconds. We fucked on his couch until I thought I was going to die from the pleasure I felt with him.
But hearing him say he feels good with me? Watching him glow with quiet contentment while he cradles Eli protectively in his arms?
It undoes me completely.
I lean in to kiss his soft curls, and he presses further into my embrace.
“Were you scared, Sam?” I ask, because I have to know. “After that night.”
He’s silent at first, breathing evenly while Eli waves his tiny fists around.
“Yeah.” He nods, voice soft, shifting just enough so he can face me.
“I don’t know what happened, Devon. I wasn’t in heat, but I must have been closer than I thought.
I just didn’t realize how close.” His eyes are open and vulnerable as he looks at me.
“I never would have asked you to… to breed me if I’d known.
” He swallows, and something in my chest clenches tightly.
“I found out I was pregnant weeks later when my heat never came, and I decided to do some routine checks.”
I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him—finding out he was carrying a strange alpha’s baby, having to handle everything all on his own.
His eyes flutter when I stroke his face, and he hums softly as I caress his skin.
“You are amazing, you know that?” I murmur, injecting my words with every ounce of pride I feel for him. “Look at him, Sam. Look what you made.”
He gives me a watery smile, his freckles scrunching on his cheeks, dancing in the pale sunlight.
“You wanna know something?” he says when I release him, dark brown eyes boring into mine.
“Even though I didn’t know what was happening, I was so relieved when my heat didn’t come after our night together.
I-I loathed the idea of having to spend it with someone else. I didn’t want anyone touching me.”
The thought of another alpha servicing Sam during his heat has the possessive beast inside me roaring with rage, something cold, ruthless, deadly spreading through my veins.
“That will never happen,” I vow. “I will take care of you. For as long as you’ll have me.”
He chews on his lip, warmth and simmering heat staring back at me.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
“Please do.”
He nods, smiling as he shifts Eli, holding him against his shoulder, and patting him gently on his back.
“What do you want to do today?” I ask, reaching for the cup of coffee on the short side table, and taking a sip.
Mmm… Perfectly sweet.
Sam gives me a knowing look, chuckling when I roll my eyes at him.
Okay, I know that what I drink is barely coffee. Sue me.
He likes it too, now, so he can’t say anything.
“Spend time with you,” he says simply, and fuck, I think soon I’ll be the one blushing.
“I think you owe me something,” I tell him seriously.
He frowns adorably in confusion.
“What?”
“You never took me grocery shopping.”
His eyebrows climb high as he blinks, his mouth opening before a startled laugh slips out, the sound making Eli look curiously at his daddy.
He’s so cute I could eat him.
“You really want to go grocery shopping with me?”
It’s that faint hint of disbelief still lingering somewhere deep inside him that I’ll do anything to erase. That tiny spot in his mind and his heart that still hasn’t realized that he’s not alone anymore in this.
That now that I’ve found him, I’m never letting him go.
“I want to do everything with you, Sammy,” I tell him calmly, sincerely. “In fact, let me tell you what we’re going to do.”
He chuckles at my tone, but his eyes are soft. I know he likes it when I’m a little bossy.
He nods for me to go on.
“You will hand Eli over to me while you have your coffee and eat your breakfast, because you haven’t done either yet.
Then when you’re done, we’ll get ready, all three of us, and we’ll take your car to the grocery store because yours is the only one equipped to drive Eli anywhere until I can get mine set up for him too.
” My voice turns hoarser at the look in his eyes.
“We’ll make a grocery list so we don’t forget anything, preferably with things I can use to cook an easy dinner for you tonight.
A list that at some point we’ll conveniently misplace, which may result in us buying all sorts of snacks we shouldn’t be buying. ”
Sam’s breathing changes, his expression one I can’t look away from. His hand finds my thigh, his fingers bunching the material of my sweats, and I cover it without a second thought.
“And then what?” he asks with a rasp in his throat that matches mine.
“Then, we’ll come home, and play with this little guy, and you’ll show me how to entertain him because I have a lot of catching up to do, and I want him to like me.”
His eyes are shiny when he smiles and whispers, “I can do that.”
“Good. That’s good.” I squeeze his hand on my thigh.
“And in the afternoon, we can walk around, and you’ll show me your beautiful garden, and your neighborhood.
We can watch the sunset on your porch, eat dinner, watch the movie we didn’t watch yesterday.
Though we’ll probably end up doing other stuff, since apparently, couches just do it for us. ”
He laughs, and I swear, the sound travels from his body to mine in tiny vibrations. So much so that I lean in to taste it on his lips, to see if it tastes of the same happiness I feel.
“And tomorrow,” I murmur quietly, “we can do the same things, or completely different. It doesn’t matter. As long as I’m with you. With both of you.”
He exhales shakily against my mouth, but his voice is steady when he speaks, his gaze piercing.
“I love you.”
The words burrow under my skin, merging with my blood, carving themselves into my bones, and my eyes powerlessly slip shut as my forehead touches his, and he sighs.
“You’re my heart,” I say, and I know he’s smiling even though I can’t see him.
I press one last kiss to his temple before I pull back and extend my arms.
“Hand him over to me, and we can get this date started.”
The beaming smile on Sam’s face is enough to make me believe that one day, I may come to deserve them.
My chest puffs with satisfaction when the warm bundle in my arms immediately settles against me. His little head turns, and he buries his nose in my T-shirt, scenting me.
Does he know who I am?
Do I feel as familiar to him as he does to me?
He coos softly, and his eyes close, and, somehow, I’m supposed to function after this like a normal person.
But Sam knows. It’s all there, in the warm, understanding look he gives me.
“Date, huh?” he asks casually as he bites into his muffin, but his twinkling eyes betray him.
“Well, if you think about it, it covers all important bases; walk, sunset, dinner, a movie.”
“Making out on the couch.”
“Definitely can’t leave that one out.”
He keeps a straight face for all of two seconds before he cracks up, shaking his head while he brings his own mug to his lips.
“Technically, we’ve already made out on the couch today. Did you forget?’ he quips.
I stare at him hard, hard enough that he flushes, his cheeks flaming when I lean closer.
“This morning will stay seared in my brain for as long as I live, beautiful,” I whisper in his ear, and he trembles visibly. “You’re the hottest fuck of my life. I see your lips stretched around my cock every time I close my eyes.”
He peeks at me, biting his lip and smiling like an imp.
A gorgeous, shy imp.
“Maybe you’ll get a repeat tonight. Especially if you wear these sweats.”
I groan loudly. Eli protests. Sam laughs.
“You will pay for this,” I tell him, voice low, pure gravel.
“Promises, promises,” he mumbles, tucking his head against the side of my neck.
This man, I swear.
“You’re lucky that my hands are very busy, and that I really want to do everything I told you, Sammy,” I grumble, kissing his red curls.
He’s quiet for a moment before he says, “You do, don’t you?” He lifts his head and looks at me. “You actually want to do all this.”
I know he’s not just talking about this date, or this weekend, and I know he must be scared.
I’m scared too. There’s a reason I’ve kept everyone at arm’s length for years.
I’m terrified of something happening to Sam, to Eli, but—
But I cannot lose this—him, them—because of fear.
I won’t.
“I’ve never wanted anything more.”
He kisses me then, and he’s as sweet as that first night, when I saw him in the low, amber lights of the hotel bar, staring into his drink, and trying to contain his yawn.
When he fell asleep on my chest, and I kept running my fingers through his hair, counting his freckles for a long time before sleep claimed me too.
He’d felt like home.
And now he is.