Chapter 12
INSTEAD OF TAKING her inside, James waited until they were out of sight, then found a quiet corner of the grounds with trees thick enough to hide them from view of anyone passing by.
Hannah had never been so grateful to hide.
She had overreacted, especially without more information, but knowing that did nothing to calm her racing heart.
Finding a stone bench nestled between some shrubs, Hannah sank onto it and wrapped an arm around her middle as she tried to breathe. The day had been going so well, and then Mr. Davies went and ruined it.
“Hannah?” James crouched in front of her, his face twisted in worry. “What can I do?”
Oh, the man was too sweet, and Hannah treasured his kind demeanor. “I don’t know,” she whispered. Her gloves were too constricting, and she peeled them from her hands with trembling fingers as she fought to calm herself.
“Will you tell me what happened?” He looked down at her hands, brow furrowing, then slowly reached for one of them and wrapped his equally bare fingers around hers. His hold was so gentle.
Too gentle. Hannah squeezed his hand, taking strength from him. “It was Mr. Davies. When he said…”
James exhaled slowly. “He said his mother is trying to arrange a match for him.”
“What if I am meant for Mr. Davies and not you?” She shuddered at the thought and wrapped her other hand around the back of James’s.
If ever she was being too bold, it was now.
She had no understanding with James, but all morning, her heart had been drawing closer to him.
“I don’t know if we can delay the truth like we want to.
And…” Swallowing, she wondered if she could even say her next thought out loud.
If Mr. Davies truly was her mother’s match for her, Mother would be so disappointed if Hannah chose someone else, regardless of what she said.
“I am not ready to lose this,” she whispered to their clasped hands.
“Is your mother adamant that you accept her choice for you?” James asked quietly.
Hannah shook her head, unwilling to look at him. She could hear his dismay in his voice well enough. “She says she wants me to be happy, but I want her to be happy too. Once I marry, she will be alone in the world, but if I were to marry the son of her dear friend…”
“She would not feel so alone,” James finished for her. “If it helps, my mother is endearingly sweet and would befriend yours in a heartbeat if it came to it.” He was quiet for a moment, then he said, “But if your mother has chosen Mr. Davies for you, that likely means Miss Tate is meant for me.”
As an ache settled in her chest, Hannah met his gaze. There was something new in his voice, a sorrow that seemed to come from deep inside him. “There is more,” she guessed on a breath.
He nodded. “My mother told me that the woman she wishes for me to marry is in need of financial security. That was why I panicked the other night; if I choose a match for myself instead of doing my duty, I will likely be condemning her to poverty unless there is someone else who could give her a good life.” He grimaced.
“I cannot in good conscience leave an innocent person in need through my selfishness.”
Of all the reactions to a proclamation like that, Hannah shouldn’t have felt hope burst to life inside her.
Anyone in such a situation deserved her pity and empathy.
But… “James,” she said, squeezing his hand between hers, “when my father died, my cousin inherited everything.” He didn’t seem to understand, frowning at her, and Hannah took a breath to steady herself.
“Will you sit with me?” she asked, nodding to the space on the bench.
He did so without pulling his hand free, sitting close enough that their shoulders pressed together. “Continue,” he said and smiled softly.
“My cousin has a family of his own, and he is a distant enough relation that we never met him before my father’s death. He is not a cruel man, but the allowance he has given my mother and me is barely enough for us to live on.”
James’s eyebrows jumped high on his forehead. “You are in need of money?” he said with enough excitement that Hannah actually laughed.
“Yes,” she said, biting her lip, “though I don’t usually consider that a good thing.”
He winced. “No, of course not, but that means—”
“I would not say I am in dire straits, but my mother has been pushing for me to marry so I have stability in my life. Financial security.”
“Financial…” His eyes lit up, and he pressed his free hand to her upper arm as he grinned. “You’re saying we still have a chance?”
Hannah nodded. “I would like to think my mother would accept my choice if it was different from what she planned, but this would all be easier if I didn’t have to disappoint her.”
Pressing his lips together, James fought another smile as he studied her. “Did you just call me a disappointment?”
“No!” She touched her palm to his face, and her stomach swooped when he leaned into her touch. “I don’t think you could ever be a disappointment, James. Not to me or anyone else.”
“Hmm.” Moving his hand from her arm to cover the one she held against his cheek, he gazed into her eyes for a long time, like he was trying to find something in them.
“I have always felt duty-bound to the people around me. I have never resented my title or responsibilities, and I am glad I can be helpful to others, but…” His fingers curled around her hand, and he pulled her palm to his lips.
“I can’t say that I’ve ever felt like I do enough.
Like I am enough. And then you came along. ”
Hannah leaned closer, desperate to hear what he had to say.
“You never asked anything of me,” James said, almost whispering. “You have always seen me as I am, even when you knew nothing about me.”
“I still know little about you,” Hannah admitted, but smiled to tell him that that didn’t change anything. “But I want to know you, James Hartwell. I want so badly to believe I am meant to be with you and that fate brought us together despite our stubborn hearts.”
“Fate,” James agreed, “or our mothers. Both are equally meddlesome. As it happens, I want to know you as well, Hannah Faircott.” He slipped his fingers free of hers to brush the hair at her temple, and then he trailed his fingertips down her cheek and along her jaw, eliciting a shiver throughout her body.
“You have already bewitched me, and I can only imagine how long it will take to learn every part of your soul.” His thumb brushed her lips, and Hannah thought she might catch fire.
Emboldened by his nearness, Hannah asked the question she most wanted answered. “Would you choose me, James? No matter the truth of our impending matches?”
He exhaled shakily and leaned so close that his forehead touched hers. “I think I was ready to choose you the moment we met at the harvest ball. Would you forgive me for missing our dance and for every mistake I am sure to make in the future?”
“Yes,” Hannah whispered without hesitation.
James’s response came in the form of a kiss. It was the barest touch of his lips on hers, light enough that she almost thought she imagined it, but it still sent a rush of happiness through her and made her feel as if she were engulfed in sunlight. She had never felt so adored and wanted.
“I…” James whispered without pulling back. “I shouldn’t have…”
“Yes, you should have.” Hannah lifted her chin and pressed her mouth to his again, desperate for more.
With her eyes shut tight, Hannah lost herself in that second kiss.
James was far less hesitant than before, and his lips explored hers while his hand slid to the back of her neck to keep her close.
She had never felt so weightless, like she was up among the clouds, and she clung to James to keep from floating away.
As long as he kept kissing her, Hannah could keep feeling so happy.
“Ahem.”
They startled apart, both turning to see Mr. Everett standing only a few feet away with his eyes wide and his eyebrows high.
“Oh!” Hannah gasped, pressing a hand over her mouth as the reality of what they had just done washed over her like a wave of frigid water.
James stood and held a palm up as he approached his friend. “Everett, we were—”
“Enjoying yourselves, clearly,” Everett said, smirking. “I’m not here to judge either of you. But you should know that your mother is on the hunt and only just behind me.”
Hannah met James’s glance with her own as she lowered her hand. “Whose mother?” she asked weakly. Her face was surely crimson with how hot it burned.
Everett chuckled. “Both of yours, technically. But—”
“James!” A woman rounded the trees that had kept them hidden and froze, taking in the sight.
Her eyes lingered on Hannah for a moment, then fixed on James.
Thank goodness James had put some distance between himself and Hannah, or things might have looked worse than they already did.
“I have been searching everywhere for you.”
“Miss Faircott was in distress,” James said. There was far more strength in his voice than Hannah thought she could muster at the moment, and she hoped his confidence would help the situation. “I thought she could use a moment in the shade, away from prying eyes.”
Lady Hartwell huffed. “Alone?” She looked at Hannah again, narrowing her eyes. What did she see? “Are you all right, dear? You look rather flushed.”
The only sound Hannah managed was a sharp exhale.
“You have been looking for me?” James asked, touching his mother’s elbow.
She nodded, and it seemed to take her a good deal of effort to turn her attention to her son. “You have avoided things for long enough, James, and you must allow me to introduce you to Miss Tate before she has to wait any longer.”
Hannah exhaled again, only this time she felt her body deflate as all of the air left her lungs. Miss Tate. There it was, then. James was not meant for her, and she could see in his eyes that the realization had hit him too. She also saw fear, and Hannah could easily guess what caused it.
Miss Tate was in dire straits and needed someone like James to rescue her.
And he had told Hannah himself that he was the sort of man who did his duty.
If he chose Hannah as he said he would, that would leave Miss Tate in an untenable situation.
Could he carry that guilt for the rest of his life?
Could Hannah? She was not so poor that she was desperate.
“Come,” Lady Hartwell said, gesturing for James to follow her.
James’s eyes were on Hannah, and his mournful expression tore a hole through her heart. “What if…” he started but couldn’t seem to finish that sentence.
Hannah shook her head at him. She couldn’t selfishly let him abandon Miss Tate when there was a chance the woman was worse off than Hannah would ever be.
When his mother gestured again, James followed her out to the lawn with a prolonged backward glance.
Leaving Hannah alone.
Well, alone save for Mr. Everett, who frowned at her and took a step toward her. “That was not how I anticipated that would go,” he murmured. “Are you well, Miss Faircott?”
Hannah didn’t know how to feel. “Thank you for arriving when you did, Mr. Everett. To think if Lady Hartwell had found us first…”
“Perhaps you would have been happier with the outcome if she had.” Clearing his throat, Mr. Everett offered his arm. “Your mother is looking for you as well, Miss Faircott, as I said.”
“She is likely intending to pair me with my match,” Hannah said with a heavy sigh. “Would it make me a terrible child to run away and never look back?”
He snorted a small laugh. “It would make you human, I can say that much. Maybe it won’t be as bad as you are thinking.”
How could it be better when James was not meant to be by her side?
It was one thing to tentatively hope for a chance with him, and another to lose it for certain; she could see no way for everyone to win, and she could not bear to be the cause of someone else’s unhappiness.
“Could I ask you a question, Mr. Everett?” Hannah asked as she slipped her arm through his.
He kept her steady as they returned to the main gathering on the lawn. James was nowhere in sight, though Hannah continued to search for him as they walked.
“Ask anything you’d like, Miss Faircott. I am, as my aunt often tells me, painfully transparent.”
“Do you think a person can fall in love after only moments?”
Mr. Everett paused, looking down at her with a furrowed brow.
“You love James.” He did not pose it as a question.
“And I’m almost certain he loves you as well, though the fool likely isn’t brave enough to admit it to himself yet.
” He nudged her forward again, smiling now.
“And to answer your question, I don’t know.
For myself, love has never been a goal of mine, but I always hoped James would be more fortunate than I have been. ”
Though Mr. Everett’s eyes lingered on Louisa Denham in the distance, Hannah felt her heartache too acutely to give his attention to the young woman much thought.
Hopefully he and Louisa would reconcile their differences eventually.
“Perhaps he would have been if our circumstances had been more aligned,” she murmured, wondering if James would be happy.
Mr. Everett patted her hand. “Don’t give up hope just yet, Miss Faircott. James is unerringly loyal, but I like to think I taught him a thing or two about being stubborn. This isn’t over. Ah, Mrs. Faircott! I have found your lovely daughter, just as I promised.”
Hannah was far from ready to face her mother, but there she was anyway.
Just behind her stood Mr. Davies and a woman who looked very much like him, and both ladies were beaming as if this was the happiest day of their lives.
Hannah took a deep breath to soothe her nerves and repeated Mr. Everett’s words in her mind.
This isn’t over.