Chapter 7
Chapter
Seven
AISLING
“You need to get out of the house,” Frankie says as she plays with the edge of Cormac’s blanket I laid out in my backyard. The kid loves to roll around and crawl in the grass.
Nine months ago, Cormac came into this world, filling a void I didn’t know I had. He’s the happiest baby I’ve ever seen, and every time I see his big green eyes smiling at me, it makes my heart whole and break at the same time.
Hash never responded, and I stopped trying.
There’s only so many times you can reach out to someone with no answer in return before you just look like an idiot.
Frankie said I should pop up at the clubhouse or their bar and tell him in person, but I didn’t see the point.
I know he got my text messages. I heard his response loud and clear.
He wanted nothing to do with me or the little man who is a spitting image of him.
“I do get out of the house,” I respond, knowing it’s a big fat lie as I crawl over to Cormac and place him back on the blanket. It’s a game he and I play. He loves to crawl away and gives a full baby belly laugh every time I catch him and bring him back.
“Work doesn’t count.”
“How does work not count? I literally have to leave the house to go to the salon.”
“You know what I mean, babe. You need to get back out there.” Frankie frowns. “I’m worried about you. It’s just you and Cormac in this house alone.”
“And that’s how I like it. I don’t need a man here fucking shit up. I like the little life I’ve created.”
“I’m not saying it’s bad. I just don’t want you to wake up in twenty years and wish you would have gotten back out there and found your person.”
“I don’t need a person to be happy,” I say defensively as I try not to get pissed off.
Cormac isn’t even a year old. It’s not like I had men lined up and down the street begging to take me out when I was nine months pregnant, let alone after I gave birth.
Hell, I’m still a solid twenty pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.
I’ve given up on losing it. “I’m done putting myself out there.
I have more important things to worry about now, especially with Cormac’s first Halloween coming up.
I want it to be special. If someone comes along, I’ll see where it goes.
But right now, I’m good with just going with the flow. ”
Frankie looks at me through lowered lids, silently calling me on my lie. She knows I’ve just been going through the motions.
“Yeah, about that. I saw this fall festival called Rhythm and Brew that looks like the cutest fucking thing in the world. It’s in a small town, so it will have the cutest vibe. I was thinking it would be fun to take a girls’ trip, with Cormac, of course, and relax. Maybe do a little shopping.”
A festival could be fun.
It would kick off Cormac’s first fall in a fun way.
“When and where is it?”
“Hickory Hills, Georgia. It’s this weekend for Labor Day.”
Do I want to go to Georgia? I’ve seen pictures people have posted online from this festival every year, and I’ve always wanted to go. Plus, I do need to start taking Cormac out more and getting him acquainted with society.
“Alright, I’m in.”
Frankie and I checked into the roadside inn, Ramblers’ Rest, in Hickory Hills, and I have to say this town looks like it was taken right out of the show, Gilmore Girls, and placed in Georgia.
I’m in love.
The leaves are faintly starting to change, making it picture-perfect. The only thing I’m missing is a hot apple cider spiked with rum in my hand. Cormac has been screaming to be let on the ground ever since he laid eyes on the grass.
“Okay, admit this place is adorable,” Frankie says as she walks alongside me while I push Cormac in his stroller.
“The pictures I’ve seen online don’t do this town justice,” I agree as I take a deep inhale, breathing in all the fall smells that I don’t get to smell back in Ravenna Heights.
It’s not that we don’t have a fall season; we do, sort of. Call me crazy, but there’s a difference between small-town air and bigger-city air. Small-town air is just more… peaceful and clean. Almost cozy in a way.
“Want to check out some vendors? I want to buy my nephew something sweet.” Frankie leads the way down the sidewalk.
My favorite thing about festivals like this is seeing what every vendor offers.
I love shopping small, and some of them are so creative it blows my mind.
I could never make half of this shit. I can barely keep a plant alive.
The day passes by in a blur. We shopped, snacked on various foods that were being offered, and found some apple cider. Everyone here has greeted us with a smile on their faces, like they’ve known us their whole lives.
For once, I didn’t think about Hash. I don’t know how to feel about it.
It wasn’t until we were back at Ramblers’ Rest and I was lying in bed, thinking about the day with Cormac sleeping next to me in his pack n play.
I can’t help but think about how much I wish it were him lying beside me.
How much I wish it were him here to share all the firsts with Cormac and get to see his face light up because he’s seeing the world for the first time.
Frankie’s right.
I need to get on with my life. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen him. If he hasn’t reached out by now, it’s never going to happen.
How do you move on from someone who you felt in your soul was meant to be there for life?