Chapter 24
Chapter
Twenty-Four
HASH
Ileave my room with Aisling in my bed, ready to kill someone. The guilt is almost too much to take as my throat feels like it’s closing in.
I jog down the stairs, passing Trick and Scotch, who are lounging on the couch, ignoring them when they ask how Aisling is doing, and head straight for the basement, knowing Cyrus keeps his bag down there.
Turning on the speaker, I wait for my phone to connect before I hear Here To Stay by Korn blasting through the speakers.
I walk right up to the bag and land a hard punch.
And another one.
And another one.
I increase speed as I alternate hands, not stopping even when I can feel my knuckles crack open. My chest is rising and falling rapidly. I can’t catch my breath. I don’t know if it’s from this or the guilt eating me alive.
A roar is echoing throughout the basement over the music. It isn’t until Cyrus’s hands grab my shoulders that I realize that roaring is coming from me.
“Brother, what the fuck?” Cyrus asks, looking concerned as he looks between me and the red streaks of blood on his white bag.
I yank my shoulders out of his grasp, my attention never leaving the bag as I swing again.
“Tell me what the fuck is going on!” Cyrus yells over the music as he tries to grab me again.
I dodge him, moving around the bag as I keep punching.
“It’s my fucking fault. It’s all my fucking fault!”
“What’s your fault?” Cyrus yells, looking a little frantic that he can’t stop me.
My knuckles are burning as I feel the skin rip open more. Blood is dripping onto the ground with each punch I throw.
“What the fuck is going on down here?” Cain yells as he comes down the stairs and stands next to Cyrus, taking in the scene in front of him.
“If it weren’t for me, she would never have been in this world. I should have just left her the fuck alone. Fuck, I should leave her alone now!” I yell, hitting the bag harder. I grit my teeth against the pain. I deserve it. Every fucking ounce of it.
“Why do I have a feeling this shit just got worse?” I barely hear Prez ask Cyrus over the music.
I grunt as I throw one last punch before I lean my forearm against the bag, resting my head on it as I try to catch my breath.
The music turns off, making the room go silent.
“Tell me what happened,” Cain demands.
I exhale loudly as I push off the bag, turning to face them. “When Aisling woke up, I asked her to tell me what happened between the time I hung up the phone with her and we got there.”
They both nod their heads, waiting for me to continue.
“She told me he broke into her place and beat her fucking ass to deliver a warning to the club.”
“The fuck?” Cain growls at the same time Cyrus’ face hardens.
“Told her the Dirty Devils’ days are numbered in Ravenna Heights.”
“Did she say what he looked like?” Cain asks, his voice laced with anger.
I can barely shake my head; I’m so mad. “He was wearing a ski mask.”
“Of course he was. Fucking pussy.” Cyrus spits.
“What about any identifiable markings, like a tattoo or some shit?” Cain asks as he crosses his arms and widens his stance, his face hard as stone.
“She didn’t say. I’ll ask when I go back up.”
“Who would know about her, though? The only time you guys have been seen out in public since you found out about Cormac is at the Bella Vita, right?” Cyrus asks.
I try to get myself to focus, but I can’t. “I think so,” I end up saying because I can’t think about anything other than Aisling getting her face beat in because of me. “Fuck!” I roar, swinging around and landing another hard punch to the bag, the slap echoing throughout the room.
“Is Doc still here?” I hear Cain ask.
“I think so,” Cyrus answers.
“Have him wrap up his hand. Aisling doesn’t need to see that shit,” Cain tells him before turning his attention to me.
“And you.” He points at me. “You need to get a lock on this shit. It’s not going to help us or her if you can’t keep your head on straight.
Your kid doesn’t need to see that shit either. ”
My nostrils flare as I nod my head, not trusting myself to answer. He’s right. I need to get a lock on it.
“I need to go for a ride. Clear my head,” I finally say as I move to head upstairs.
“At least clean the blood off my bag first, fucker,” Cyrus demands, his hands on his hips as he looks at the bloody mess.
I toss him a rag. “You’ve got two hands.”
Cyrus catches it midair. “Next time I need something cleaned up, you’re doing it.”
“I think we’ve cleaned up enough of your messes. This one doesn’t even make a dent,” Cain tells him. “Go on your ride. Evan is making her lunch right now. She’s safe here.”
I sigh as I nod.
I know she’s safe here.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is she isn’t safe with me.
When I got on my bike, I didn’t have a place in mind of where I wanted to go. I just knew I needed to ride. Feel the wind on my face. Knowing I have no responsibilities. No one relying on me.
Usually it works.
Except this time, I have a woman and son waiting on me.
How do I stay in their lives when I know they’ll always be in danger?
My subconscious must have been thinking about Aisling because before I know it, I’m pulling into the parking lot of the bar she and I would get drinks at before Cormac.
Before everything went to shit.
Back when everything was normal and there was no pressure of life closing in.
I park my bike and head inside, taking a seat at the bar.
I ordered an old fashioned, the same drink I would order when Aisling and I would sit up here and close it down.
I swirl the ball of ice around, watching the brown liquid move with it before I down it and flag the bartender down for another one.
“I can tell just by looking at a person that they’re having a rough time, and you, my friend, look like fucking shit.” A female voice sounds in my ear, and she takes the empty seat next to me.
“Delaney,” I greet as I stare straight ahead at the wall in front of me, my tone low and uninviting.
“Why are you here of all places and not at DD’s?”
“Because I didn’t want to run into anyone I know and have to talk to them,” I answer, not keeping my annoyance out of my tone.
Delaney let out a light laugh. “Sorry to crash your party.”
She doesn’t sound sorry at all.
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re right, I’m not.”
The bartender comes down to our end and takes Delaney’s order, leaving us as quickly as he came.
“Why are you here, Hash?” Delaney asks after she takes a sip of her drink.
“The same reason you are.” I tip my drink toward hers in emphasis.
I can feel her staring at me, and knowing Delaney, she isn’t buying my shit.
“You acting like I don’t know you is wounding me.” She holds her hand over her heart, feigning being hurt. “Tell me what’s really going on. I won’t blab. Scout’s honor.”
I snort as I bring my glass to my lips.
“Didn’t know they let chicks into boy scouts.”
“They made an exception because I’m fucking awesome.” I can feel her smirking.
“I’m just having a drink, girl,” I tell her, hoping she’ll drop it.
“Bullshit, Hash. If you were just having a drink, your ass would be parked at DD’s. Now, let’s cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on.”
I set my rocks glass down on the bar as I sigh. This would be my fucking luck.
“I’m not telling you anything. Evan will know about it before I even make it back to the clubhouse, and I don’t need more shit piled on top of the shit I already have going on right now.”
“I swear, Hash,” Delaney tells me.
Something about her tone makes me finally turn my head to the side and look at her. The bullshitting sarcastic look she usually has plastered on her face is gone, and in its place is a serious one that’s hanging on to my next word.
“I’m sure Evan has told you about Aisling,” I say because I know how these bitches talk.
“Actually,” Delaney smirks, “she hasn’t yet, but Wren did. Matteo told her all about what had happened at Bella Vita. It’s about time you got a girl.” She playfully shoves my shoulder.
“Yeah, well, she deserves better than me,” I admit out loud, turning forward to face the bar again.
“Oh, come on.” Delaney rolls her eyes. “If everyone thought they were okay with who they were with it wouldn’t work out. Once you become comfortable in a relationship, shit falls apart. Do you want me to be straight up with you?”
“Does it matter if I say no? You’re going to tell me anyway.”
“Damn right.” Delaney smiles. “I’ve known you a long time, Hash. Never in that time have you been even slightly attached to a girl. That tells me that this woman means something to you. You’re probably going to feel like you don’t deserve her for the rest of your life. Do you want to know why?”
“Why?” I swallow, not sure where she’s going with this.
“Because that’s love.”
Her answer feels like a sock to the gut.
I told Aisling I loved her on the phone when I was racing to her place. She hasn’t brought it up since. I wonder if she even remembers.
“Love is raw, Hash. If you’re thinking she deserves better than you, then you’re doing something right because you’re going to work every day to show her that you love her. And she’ll do the same. You’ll see.”
“Jesus.” I let out a gruff, humorless laugh. “When did you become so poetic?”
“What can I say?” Delaney shrugs. “I’m a poetic bitch.”
“You’re something,” I mutter. “Why are you here and not at DD’s?”
Delaney groans as she downs the rest of her drink. “This is so embarrassing, but since you spilled your guts, I’ll spill mine. I was supposed to have a date here, but I think I got stood up.”
“You think or you did?”
“I’ve been here for two hours, so I’m going to just call it and say I did,” Delaney says, sadness lacing her tone.
“Well, he’s a fucking idiot.”
“Thanks.” Delaney gives me a sad smile. “I’m thinking dating isn’t really my thing.”
“Dating isn’t anyone’s thing.” I laugh. “Who fucking dates anymore?”
Delaney studies me as she sucks on her straw. “You and Aisling didn’t date?”