Chapter 18 #2
“I’m working for him in exchange for your brother’s debt being paid. But I had to do something else to ensure your continuous protection. I won’t lose you, Keira. Not now, not ever. And…well, technically, I haven't done it yet, but I promised I would as soon as possible.”
“What is it, Damon?” Her voice is shaky, and I bet she thinks I’ll have to kill somebody.
“I need to get married.”
Silence settles over us.
“To who?”
I can’t believe she just asked me this. Does she expect me to marry someone else?
“To you, of course. We’re getting married…soon. Very soon. You will officially be mine, and everybody in the world will know it.”
She twists in my arms, breaking my tight grip. Her movement causes the lights to turn back on, and it’s then I see the horror in her gaze.
“You’re not serious, right? You didn’t actually tell your family you would marry me, did you?” She seems upset. The look in her eyes tells me so. How can she be angry with me after I’ve given up everything for her? After all I’ve done to protect her? It pisses me off.
“I can’t believe you’re fucking mad over this. I did this for you, Keira. For us. It was either marry you or worry my family might kill you. Is that what you want? Would you rather die than marry me?”
I don’t want to hear her response.
I twist away from her and shove out of bed. My head is clouded. I’m not thinking straight. I run my fingers through my hair and tug on the strands, willing my mind to work. When I turn around to face Keira, she’s sitting up in bed with the comforter pulled to her chest, her eyes full of worry.
“No. That’s not what I want, Damon. I don’t want you tied to me forever—not when you can’t tell me you love me.”
I want to laugh. Actually, I want to destroy this fucking room and all its contents. But I’m tired…so fucking tired.
My gaze drops to the mattress, and I see blood. It sticks out on the white bed sheets, and I nearly vomit on the floor realizing I’ve truly become a monster.
I fucked her hard enough to make her bleed. If I was Keira, I’d hate me too.
I wouldn’t want to be married to a monster, but she doesn’t have a fucking choice—and neither do I.
Keira’s eyes follow mine, and the horror in her gaze mirrors my own. She hides her facial expression as soon as she realizes the way she’s looking at me, but not fast enough. I’ve seen it, and I’ll do anything in my fucking power to make certain she doesn’t have to look at me that way again—ever.
I can’t do this.
I can’t lose her.
I don’t deserve her.
But I don’t care if I deserve her.
She’s mine and always will be.
I walk into the attached bathroom and turn on the water in the garden tub, making sure it’s the perfect temperature before I pour in the bath salts. When I walk back to the bedroom, Keira is still sitting right where I left her. Her eyes lift to mine as I enter the room.
Her expression is inscrutable. I pull the comforter from her grip and reach for her naked body.
I pluck her off the bed, cradling her to my chest. She’s a little tense, and I hate that I’m the reason.
Holding her in my arms, I’m reminded of how little she weighs and realize I sent her upstairs without dinner.
Fuck, this whole marriage thing isn’t getting off on the right foot. Bringing her into the bathroom, I lower her into the hot water.
“Can I leave you here a few minutes? I need to get you something to eat.”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll be here when you get back” She seems surprised, maybe even astonished, that I’m going to get her some food in the middle of the night. She better get used to it.
If she’s going to be my wife, I’m going to take care of her any way I possibly can.
Leaving Keira behind to enjoy her bath, I pull on some shorts and head downstairs. Walking through these hallways in the middle of the night awakens feelings I thought I had buried long ago.
Picking up my pace, I make my way to the kitchen and head straight for the fridge without bothering to turn on the light.
I find some leftovers—a few pre-made sandwiches and some fresh cut fruit. I pull out a small tray from the cabinet and pile it on. It’s so fucking weird that nothing seems to have changed.
Every item in the house is in the same location. Just as I close the fridge and place two bottles of water on the platter, I hear it: a faint cry echoing through the house.
For a moment, I panic, thinking it’s Keira, but then I realize it sounds more like a child…a baby even, and I pause. My ears strain to hear more cries, and I turn my head toward where I think it’s coming from.
Then it stops.
Shaking my head, I take the platter and make my way upstairs.
I must have had a little more to drink than I thought.
A baby? In this fucking house? That’s hilarious.
I push the stupid thought away, and by the time I enter the bathroom, the tub is filled all the way. Only Keira's head is above the water.
I set the tray down on the counter and pick up a sandwich. Kneeling beside the tub, I hold it in front of her mouth, urging her to eat. She eyes it curiously before taking her hands out of the water to grab it.
“No, I’ll feed you. Your hands are all wet and soapy.
Plus, it’s the least I can do after...” my voice trails off.
I know she came. I felt her pussy gripping my cock, but it doesn’t make the fact that I treated her as badly as one of my fucking lays back at the strip club, or how I treated her after dinner. She means more than that to me.
“Please stop. It’s okay, Damon. It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it too.” She smiles softly and lets her hands fall below the water while she opens her perfect mouth to take a bite. Her pink tongue darts out over her bottom lip, and I want to kiss her instead of feed her right now.
“If you don’t like this, I brought a variety of foods you can try.”
“I see that.” She smiles while chewing. “This is really good. I like it.”
I feed her the whole sandwich, bite after bite, and I don’t know how, but my cock starts to harden all over again. I had no fucking clue feeding someone could be so erotic.
But, fuck, it is. The way her plump lips form around the bread, grazing my fingers…it’s so fucking sexy. I want to fuck her again. Now.
I tamp the need down, though, and grab the bottle of water, twisting off the cap. I hand it to her and watch her finish almost the whole bottle.
God, I am horrible. Clearly, she was hungry and thirsty. I should’ve taken care of her needs before taking care of mine, and for that, I am a prick—a big ass prick.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I was a selfish prick tonight. I should’ve made sure you had food and water sent up.” I lean over the tub and press a soft kiss to her forehead. “It won’t happen again.”
Keira sighs, sounding as if she’s enjoying the luxury of being pampered, and I must say, I’m enjoying it too.
I grab a washcloth from the cabinet under the sink, then kneel back down beside the tub. She rests her head on the rim and stares at me in awe as I take the cloth and start to wash her body.
She closes her eyes and lets out a low moan, sounding as if this is the best thing she’s ever felt. I will have to make note of the things she enjoys so I can do them more often.
As I wash lower down her belly and between her legs, I am extra careful my movements are slow and graceful. I watch for any signs of discomfort. Her eyebrows pull together, and her delicate features tense up as I brush the washcloth over her thigh.
She is trying to hide that I hurt her, and I don’t understand why—not when we both know I see it. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, and she whines when I go over the sensitive area.
Seeing the pain in her eyes makes me want to stab myself in the heart a hundred times.
She is so fragile—so fucking innocent in every way—and I took her like a fucking savage.
I tore her from the inside out, making her bleed.
My insides feel like they’re being ripped from my body.
I should’ve stopped. I should’ve taken her slower.
I should’ve prepared her. Made her come once or twice.
But I was so caught up in the need to make her mine, everything but my lust for her slipped my mind.
“It’s okay,” she tells me, as if reading my mind.
Her words make it worse. She is trusting me with everything—with her life, her body, her heart.
And I’ve done nothing but fail her. It’s me who’s responsible for her safety now.
Me who’s supposed to make sure no one hurts her.
Above all, it should never be me that hurts hers.
I slow my movements and pull the washcloth from the water.
There’s a red tinge on it, and I squeeze my eyelids shut, tossing the fucking thing over my shoulder.
“It’s not okay, and it won’t happen again. It shouldn't have happened at all. And it will not happen again.” I say it more to myself than her. She doesn’t control my body, or my fucked up mind, so it’s not her fault I lost my cool.
“But I want it to happen again.”
I shake my head, the frustration in me mounting.
“You don’t mean that, Keira.” I run my knuckles along her cheek, feeling how fragile her skin and bones are beneath my touch.
I’ve killed people. I’ve bathed in their blood, but when I’m with Keira, I want to forget that part of myself. I want to cherish and hold her.
I stare down at her. “You don’t have to pretend with me. I’ll protect you no matter what, no matter how. You don’t have to pretend you like being hurt because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared,” she admits with a shy grin.
“I just…I want you to be satisfied, and I want to be the one satisfying you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to go somewhere else for your needs—even more so now that I know we’re getting married.
I want to be able to take whatever you give me… whenever you want.”
“Is this about what Hayley said? Did she tell you I didn’t want you? That’d I’d leave you?” Anger doesn’t even begin to describe how I am feeling.
“Listen to me, Keira.” I grip her chin firmly now.
“Don’t fucking believe a single word she says.
She’s no one. A fucking whore. And not that it matters, but this has nothing to do with being satisfied.
I was satisfied making love to you. I was satisfied fucking you…
being inside you. Hell, I was satisfied just with the simple fact that you let me touch you. ”
Her eyes fill with tears. “But there’s a difference between all those things and tonight. The difference has everything to do with me and the fact that I let my anger get out of control. I let it cloud my thoughts and my judgement. And I took that anger out on the one person who didn’t deserve it.”
I feel my own eyes begin to water, but I blink the emotions away. “I hurt you, and I’ll never let myself get that out of control again. I’ll find another way to manage, but it won’t mean fucking you when I’m that far gone.”
She gives me the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen, and I lean down and press my lips against hers tenderly.
My heart starts beating out of my chest, and the pain of what I did pumps through my veins.
I knew when she first told me she loved me I loved her too.
I was just too weak...to consumed with fear to say it.
But after tonight, I won’t hold back anymore. I let the words fall helplessly from my lips. “I love you, Keira. And I cannot wait for you to become my wife.”