CH 33- #gone
#gone
Luke
Song: “Without You” by Warren Zeiders
I watched Madison rush out of the barn. I couldn’t understand why she left me as she did, without saying anything.
We had just had incredible sex. Her willingness to be with me again made me believe our relationship was on the mend after the hellacious night at Midnight Rodeo.
I was obviously mistaken, but I would keep trying to make things right with Madison.
I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t let her and Bella go back to Dallas tomorrow.
After closing up the barn, I got in my truck to go to my cabin. As I passed by the ranch house, I spotted Madison pacing back and forth across the front porch, talking on her cellphone. She looked in my direction, then turned away.
I still didn’t feel that I was wrong for getting upset about her dancing with Justin and the other man.
The way I handled it was wrong, though. I shouldn’t have said what I did, like I shouldn’t have brought Sierra into the mix.
I let my emotions get out of hand, which wasn’t like me, but with Madison, it was a struggle to keep myself in check.
She made me feel things so strongly. I loved her.
I knew she still loved me, too, despite her telling me she hated me.
If that were true, she wouldn’t have had sex with me.
One thing was certain about her: she was tough.
When she slapped my face, I was shocked, of course, but I also saw stars.
Then, when Madison fought to get away from me as I carried her over to the hay, I had to hang on tight to her.
There was no question of her temper being as fiery as her red hair.
I wanted to talk to her and apologize for everything, but I knew it was best to leave her alone tonight.
I planned to text her first thing in the morning.
Hopefully, she would be open to sitting down with me to work out these matters.
Fingers crossed, we’d be able to, and it would make Madison want to stay in Amarillo with our little angel.
THE NEXT MORNING
Me: I know it’s really early, but can we please talk?
I waited for Madison to text me back. After fifteen minutes, she still hadn’t replied, so I called her and got her voicemail. Feeling more and more uneasy with every passing second, I got in my truck and drove to the ranch house, my stomach dropping when I saw that Madison’s BMW was gone.
Walking up the front porch steps, Mrs. Livingston opened the door.
“Hey, Luke,” she said, her eyes sad.
“Hi, ma’am. I came here to talk to Madison, but her car isn’t here.”
“She drove back to Dallas with Bella last night. Charles and I begged her not to, but she wouldn’t listen.”
I took a deep breath and shook my head.
“What happened between you and her last night?” her mom asked.
“We got into an argument in the barn about the Midnight Rodeo mess, then we, um… I can’t say it.”
“I can. You and Madison had angry sex, didn’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am, we did. I thought it meant that our relationship was on the mend.”
“Before Madison left, I asked her if she was going to Dallas for just a week or two to get her head straight, then coming back here because of you. She told me that you and she are over.”
I swallowed hard, my heart racing. “That’s news to me.”
“I’m so sorry, Luke. I really believed you and Madison had something special.”
“We did. I wanted to marry her. I just had to talk her into moving here first and thought I almost had.” My eyes were stinging now, and the lump in my throat kept getting bigger.
“Oh, sweetheart, please don’t cry or I’ll cry, too,” Mrs. Livingston said, placing her hand on my arm.
“I love your daughter so much, and Bella.”
“I know you do.”
“In the middle of my argument with Madison last night, she told me that she hated me, then we were intimate. Do you think she really does hate me?”
“No, I think she hates herself for falling in love with you. Understand that at the moment you two met, her world began changing. She did, and for the better, her dad, sister, and I believe. But Madison constantly struggled to reconcile her life in Dallas with being here and having a serious relationship with you. She never could quite see how it could work.”
“It could’ve worked. I would have done everything within my power to make it—to make Madison and Bella happy.”
“I don’t doubt it.”
I wiped my eyes. “Ma’am, I apologize, but I need to go. I need to drive around for a while and think. My world has been ripped apart.”
Mrs. Livingston hugged me as I patted her back. When she looked at me again, she gave me a sympathetic smile. “If Charles or I can do anything for you, don’t hesitate to let us know. Okay?”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
I went back to my truck and left the ranch, heading to US 287.
When I reached it, I drove south through the panhandle for about an hour, then turned around to go back to my cabin.
I had just parked in front of it when “Without You” by Warren Zeiders came on my radio.
I didn’t need to listen to it, but I had to, although I knew it would make me hurt even more about losing Madison.
The intro lyrics—“If it ain’t your eyes looking in mine, any other green is a wasted time.
If it ain’t your heart beating in a dark mine, might as well stop; should’ve never let it start.
You’re the only story written in my stars.
”—immediately got to me, making me take deep breaths, trying not to lose my shit.
But when the chorus began playing, I did.
Hearing, “I’ll love you today, I’ll love you tomorrow.
Wherever you go, my love’s gonna follow.
Never held a ghost, but I’ll figure out how to, if you left me a world without you, without you.
I’ll never love again, I’ll never love again,” tore me up.
The only other time I’d cried this hard was when my dad died.