CH 35 - #onethingafteranother
#onethingafteranother
Madison
I was sitting on the toilet and had just wiped myself when I realized I should’ve already started my period. I had never been late. Because my cycle had always been so accurate, I hadn’t ever used birth control. I knew exactly when I ovulated, when to have sex, and when not to.
After washing and drying my hands, I pulled up the calendar on my cellphone to count back the days, my stomach dropping when I realized that the night Luke and I had sex in the hay loft, I was primed for getting pregnant.
I had just lost track of my cycle because of everything going on between Luke and me.
I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be pregnant. God, please, no.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I shook my head. This couldn’t be happening to me. What a nightmare it would be if I really were pregnant with Luke’s baby. I had to find out for certain, but I wouldn’t be able to until tomorrow. It was too late to go to Walgreens for a test.
Needing to calm myself, I took two of my stress gummies and crawled into bed. While waiting for them to take effect, I dared to open my photo app on my cellphone and look at my photos of Luke. I’d snapped so many of them while I was with him. We’d taken some together, too.
My favorite was of us riding Casper, with Luke sitting behind me as I sat on the saddle, holding up my cellphone for our selfie. Luke was leaning his chest against my back, looking over my shoulder, smiling, his cheek pressed to mine, his eyes sparkling. Mine were too. We were so happy.
Having seen enough, I turned off my cellphone, grabbed my extra pillow, hugged it to me, and cried, missing my cowboy.
THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up early and went to the bathroom. When I pulled down my panties to use the toilet, I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I saw the spots of blood. I’d started my period. My only guess as to why I was late was that I had been stressing over everything falling apart with Luke.
It was lunchtime now. I was on a break after working online for a few hours. Bella was in her bedroom, playing with her toys. She had always been so good about entertaining herself.
I had just picked up my turkey sandwich from its plate when my cellphone chimed on top of my dining room table.
Meredith: Are you and Bella still coming over on Saturday to grill out with Tanner and me?
I typed, “Yep,” then backed it out, replacing it with “Yes.” One way or another, I was going to break the habit of speaking like Luke. Each time a word of his came out of my mouth or through my fingertips, it set me back.
Meredith: Janie from high school and her little girl, Chloe, are coming over, too.
Me: Bella will love playing with Chloe again. Will anyone else be there?
Meredith: Maybe Tanner’s coworker buddy, Seth. He’s trying to clear his Saturday schedule.
Me: What can I bring to the cookout?
Meredith: Just you and my precious niece. We’ve got everything to have a good time.
Me: Okay.
Meredith: Apart from all of this, how are you doing?
Me: With?
Meredith: The situation with Luke.
Me: I’m fine.
Meredith: Sure about that?
Me: I have good and bad days.
Meredith: Which kind is this one?
Me: Good.
Meredith: I’m happy to know that. I’ve been really concerned about you. I know your heart is broken.
Me: It’s my own fault. It won’t happen again.
After I finished eating my lunch, I went to the living room and sat on the couch to catch up on the news on TV. So much craziness was going on in the world. It didn’t take long before I’d seen enough. It was draining.
I had just grabbed the remote to turn my TV off when a commercial came on, making me take notice immediately. It advertised the ranches in Texas, inviting people to visit to see what the cowboy life was all about.
I kept watching as my heart beat fast, wondering if there would be a segment about the Culberson Ranch where Luke had gone to work.
Then, lo and behold, it came on, stealing my breath away, but not due to the image of the ranch’s big, gated entrance.
It was due to Luke’s image, the second in a carousel of photos.
It showed him on a wild horse, breaking it in.
I continued sitting on my couch, motionless, my eyes glued to my TV as the commercial went on, highlighting Luke in a video interview.
A woman asked him about his horse training history, where he was from, and so on.
Seeing him in motion and hearing his deep voice, I covered my mouth, choked up.
I hoped his heart was doing better than mine.