CH 47- #fulldisclosure
#fulldisclosure
Madison
Songs: “Intoxicated” by Warren Zeiders, and “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum
I had just turned around from closing the ranch house’s front door after Luke left when my sister walked up to me, grinning.
“So, did you have fun with Luke?” she asked.
“Too much.”
“What do you mean?”
“Meredith, we kissed twice. We were in his kitchen, talking, drinking whiskey, and listening to country music when a song came on about a man and a woman coming back together to work things out. Luke asked me to dance, and I gave in. One thing quickly led to another and…” I shrugged.
“That sounds like a lot of fun to me.”
“It felt so amazing in the moment, but now—”
“Don’t you even start going down that pathway. Just let things keep happening between you and Luke.”
“As much as I don’t want it to be, it’s a dead end with us living so far apart.”
“Do you not realize that man would do anything for you? He would do anything to make you his forever. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at you over the past two days. He loves and adores you so fucking much, Madison, even with all the pain that’s happened between you and him.”
“I know, but he will never leave the Texas Panhandle, and I don’t care to leave Dallas permanently.”
My sister side-eyed me. “I think you do, but you’re just too scared to make the leap.”
“Say I move my entire life to this ranch, and Mom decides she doesn’t want it anymore. What am I supposed to do with myself, but more importantly, Bella and Beau?”
“Luke would take care of all of you in a heartbeat.”
“And we just keep moving from ranch to ranch over the years? What kind of life is that?”
“The cowboy one. Your cowboy’s life. You are still so in love with him, like he is with you.”
“I’ve never denied that I am, but I simply cannot see how this could work between Luke and me. I want roots somewhere. I don’t want to move my children around. I want them to grow up in one last place.”
“Mommy, you’re back!” Bella said, smiling, running up to me and hugging my waist.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Where’s Luke?”
“At his cabin.”
“Where is it?”
“On the ranch, a little way down the road from where we are.”
“Can I see it?’
“Um, maybe. Where’s your brother?” I had to distract my girl.
“He’s playing with GiGi and Uncle Tanner in the living room.”
“Have you had fun with them?”
Bella nodded, smiling again. “GiGi made me crème br?lée.”
My dad’s favorite.
“Really?”
“Yep.”
She’d adopted Luke’s lingo, too. God.
“Was it yummy?” I asked.
“So yummy! I like the crunchy top the best.”
So did my dad.
“Sweetheart, go back to the living room. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay.”
I kissed her, then she skipped off. I looked back at my sister.
“Bella would stay here from now on, and Beau belongs in this part of Texas because he is his daddy made over,” she said.
“I know that all too well.”
“So stay. Make a life with Luke.”
I stared at Meredith while steadily choking up.
“Come here,” she said, hugging me to her.
“I’m so torn.”
“I know you are.”
“I’m so fucking scared too.”
“What are you scared of? The purest love a man could ever give you is waiting at your door if you’d only open it.”
“If I did, I fear Luke would realize I’m too much for him. He would become frustrated and disillusioned with me, wishing he’d picked a woman from around these parts. It would probably be Sierra, and then I’d have to kill and bury her and disappear from civilization with my two beautiful children.”
Meredith chuckled. “Would you just shut up and accept what fate is desperately trying to show you?”
“You believe in that?”
“I do, because of Tanner. He is my fitting puzzle piece who came out of nowhere.”
“Luke told me that he and I were puzzle pieces earlier.”
“I wholeheartedly believe you two are. My city-living sister, who’s a country girl deep inside because of our dad, fell in love with a sexy country boy-slash-horse trainer from Amarillo.”
I stared at Meredith, thinking about what she’d just said. “Would you please keep an eye on Bella and Beau for me for a little while longer?”
A smile stretched across my sister’s pretty face. “You’re going over to Luke’s again, aren’t you?”
“Yep.”
“I’ll happily watch your sweet babies all night for you if you’d like.”
“I won’t be gone that long, but if Beau gets fussy before I get back, there are two bags of my milk in the refrigerator for him.”
“I’ve got it covered. Now go.”
* * *
As I approached the front door of Luke’s cabin, I heard music playing inside.
I stood on the doormat, listening to Warren Zeider’s song “Intoxicated.” After knocking three times, Luke opened the door a few seconds later.
He had changed into a T-shirt and gray sweatpants.
And damn, the way those sweatpants were hugging not only his long, muscular legs but his crotch.
“Hi,” I said, nervously smiling.
“You’re back.”
“I am.”
He glanced at my lips. “Come in.”
He stepped away from the doorway. I stepped through it and stood a couple of yards away from Luke as he closed his door. He turned around and faced me. We stared at each other, our gazes locked, “Intoxicated” continuing to play.
“You kissed me to this song while we were on our official first date,” I said.
“That’s why I’m playing it. I relive our best moments all the time.”
“I do too.”
“Do you have a favorite moment?”
“They’re all my favorites.”
“There must be one that stands out.”
I looked Luke up and down. “There is.”
“Which one?”
“You know which one.”
“I do, but tell me anyway.”
“When we had sex the first time. It started as soon as we came inside your cabin and stood right here, then carried over to your bed.”
“It was an unforgettable first date with you.”
We grew quiet, but kept looking at each other, Luke’s eyes flickering.
“Why did you come back over?” he asked.
“Because.”
“Because why, Madison?”
“I-I want you. I want to be with you.”
“You want to have sex with me?”
I nodded, my pulse racing.
“When things heated up between us earlier, you stopped it and thought it was best to leave.”
“I know.”
“Why the change?”
“I just need you. I need to fall into your strong arms and feel your body all over mine.”
He searched my eyes. “You need a sexual release.”
“It’s much more than that coming from you.”
“When was the last time you had an orgasm?”
“It’s been months.”
“So you got yourself off. What did you think about while you were doing it?”
“You. When was the last time you had an orgasm?”
“A week ago, while I was taking a shower.”
“What did you think about?”
“You, of course.”
“I cried after I came,” I admitted.
“So did I because there’s no substitute for being with you.”
“I feel the same way about you. I have missed you so much, Luke.”
He stepped over to me, keeping his eyes steady on mine. “You know exactly how much I’ve missed you.”
“I do.”
“Here’s what I’m going to do to help you out this evening. I’m going to reenact what I did for you when we stood beside my truck in the Midnight Rodeo parking lot that you don’t remember, but I told you about the next morning.”
“What about your gratification?”
“Touching you that intimately again will help me plenty.”
Just then, “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum began playing on Luke’s speaker system. We kept looking at each other.
“I swear, the timing between you and me and music, Madison.”
“And I swear, the number of times I listened to this song over the past year and bawled my eyes out, so tempted to contact you.”
“I’m here now, and so are you, baby.”
I gasped internally when I heard him call me that again. Then he put his big hands on my shoulders, gently turned me around, pulled my body against his, and smelled my hair.
“I’m already drunk on you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I am on you too.”
As the chorus of Lady Antebellum’s song began playing—“It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call, but I’ve lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without. I just need you now.
”—Luke unsnapped and unzipped my blue jeans, reaching beneath my lace panties next and touching my clit.
I sighed, leaned my head against his shoulder, and closed my eyes as he began arousing me.
Circle after circle that he rubbed on the top of my clit, I melted into him even more as he held me tighter.
“Look at me, Madison.”
I met his fiery gaze as pleasure took over my body, making me moan and even weaker in the knees.
As soon as my orgasm ended, I started crying.
Luke pulled his hand from my panties, zipped and snapped my jeans, then picked me up and carried me to his couch.
He sat with me on his lap, his arms cradling me, and my face buried in the crook of his neck as I bawled.
“Let it all out,” he said, rocking me and kissing the side of my head.
After several minutes, I calmed down and looked at Luke.
“Oh, God, I made a snotty mess on your T-shirt,” I said.
“It’s alright, Madison. It doesn’t bother me.”
We searched each other’s eyes, and Luke then asked me what I had let out emotionally.
“Everything from what you and I have been through to Ty giving up Bella to me losing my dad. I haven’t allowed myself to cry much about him because I was scared it would consume me.
”Luke nodded, wiping my cheeks. “It’s important to let yourself grieve.
When a wave of sadness hits you, I know it feels like it’s going to drown you, but it won’t.
I promise you’ll come back to the surface and breathe again. Little by little, those waves lessen.”
“But do they ever go completely away?”
“Nope, but they’re manageable with time. Your dad will always be part of you and with you.”
I looked over Luke’s handsome face with that scruff around his lips and along his chiseled jawline.
“When I was a little girl, I think I was around five, I found a feather in my parents’ backyard and kept it.
Over the years, so many have shown up on my path, and I grabbed them all.
You should see my collection. I have feathers from a dove, a cardinal, a bluejay, a hawk, and a raven.
You name it. My dad told me they’re winks from God, letting me know I’m not alone.
When I got older, my dad told me—and not to sound morbid—that he would bring me feathers after he went to heaven. I’ve yet to see one.”
“You will. It’ll probably happen when you least expect it.”
I gazed into Luke’s eyes, feeling so understood and at peace. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For what you did for me here on your couch and over there,” I said, pointing toward his entry hall.
“You’re welcome.”
“I should probably get back to our little boy.”
“Alright.”
“What are you going to do after I leave?”
“Pour myself another glass of Buffalo Trace, sit on my front porch, and watch the sun set while thinking about you.”
“Would you explain something to me?”
“I’ll certainly try.”
“Why has it been so extraordinarily easy for you and me to slip back into how we were with each other last year? We were the best of friends and lovers. With all the pain between us, I would have never imagined this happening.”
Luke held my face in his warm hands. “It’s been easy because your soul and mine are intertwined, and they always will be.
What I felt toward you from day one, I’ve never felt toward another woman.
Madison, I need you to really hear me. I love you with everything I am.
You came into my life like a little Texas tornado and upended my entire world for the better. You were my missing half.”
I couldn’t have stopped the quivering of my chin if I’d wanted to. “I love you so damn much.”
“I love you more. Now get back home to our boy and our girl.”