Chapter 45
Guinevere
T he Elite mansion is full of rowdy, drunk kids and the vibes are unhinged. Everyone is excited to be leaving for winter break, and it shows. I’ve never seen the mansion this packed. It’s like a can of sardines.
I’ve been looking for Ryker since I walked in, but I can’t even see in front of me because of the bodies at all sides of me. I hold Lainey’s hand as Ellie holds Lainey in a human chain as we weave through the people. Damian follows closely behind me. When I look back, he is scanning the room as if he’s looking for someone, but I don’t know who he’d be looking for.
When we finally make it to the kitchen, Ellie grabs us all some drinks. She hands Lainey and I seltzers and then gives Damian a beer. We clink our drinks together in the air.
“Cheers!” we say in unison.
Half an hour later, I still haven’t been able to find Ryker, and I’m beginning to have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Where is he?
I’m starting to feel a buzz, and I’ve only had two seltzers. Lainey is ahead of Ellie and I by at least three drinks, so she’s having a blast as she dances with one of the Elite freshmen. I think his name is Teddy. He’s sweet, and it doesn’t seem like he’s been totally corrupted by the Elite yet.
Teddy is handsome. He has dirty blonde, shaggy hair and warm brown eyes that made you feel safe and comfortable. I’m not worried about Lainey dancing with him, although I have feeling someone won’t be happy about it if he sees her.
But Holland hasn’t spotted us yet. He’s too busy talking to Mason and Patrick. Where is Ryker?
Is he okay? Is he with another girl? Did he decide I wasn’t what he wanted? Am I not good enough?
No, that can’t be what it is. He was just texting me about wanting to fuck me. He wouldn’t do that to me. Not after everything we’ve been through. Right?
I don’t like where my thoughts are going. I hate feeling insecure and questioning myself. I promised myself I’d never let a guy make me feel like this again, and here I am, at a party that’s supposed to be celebrating the end of the semester, worrying about Ryker and how he might be over me.
Taking a deep breath, I try to center myself. I take another sip of my seltzer and distract myself by watching Lainey and Teddy dance.
In my periphery, I watch Damian take a swig of his beer as he stares at something in the distance, or someone.
I follow his line of sight and land on Allie Moore, his partner from out literary criticism class. My eyes narrow as I look back at him.
“You like her, don’t you?” I ask, knowing he’ll most likely deny it. Damian hates talking about his feelings. He hasn’t had a girlfriend since high school, since Mikayla DeSantis broke his heart.
Damian was completely in love with the girl, and they dated for a while, but one day she decided she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and broke up with him. The next day in school, she was walking hand and hand with Paul Hayes, the star of our high school’s hockey team .
He's sworn off relationship since then, only having casual hookups and one-night stands. I’ve tried to tell him that not all relationships end up that way, but he didn’t want to hear it.
But I haven’t seen him look at a girl this way since Mikayla.
Damian scoffs. “No?”
I raise my eyebrows, trying to hide the smirk that’s spreading on my lips.
“You totally do,” I say, and even in the dimly lit room, I can see his face turn bright red. “Aw, Damian. You have a crush!” I playfully slap his arm as he shakes his head and looks at me.
“I do not like her,” he lies through his teeth, causing me to roll my eyes. Why can’t he just admit he has feelings for her?
“Dude, you’ve been watching her all night. When she danced with Eric Kastle, you looked like you wanted to murder him. You like her.”
“Drop it, Gwen. Allie doesn’t even see me that way,” he says, and I swear he sounds disappointed. His shoulders stiffen and he stands up straighter.
“How do you know? Have you asked her?” I wonder.
“No, of course not. But she doesn’t look at me like she wants to fuck, so I know she isn’t interested,” he explains, shrugging his broad shoulders. I want to hit him.
“Just because she doesn’t look at you like she wants to jump your bones, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Not everyone only thinks about sex, Damian. Go ask her out,” I urge.
“Ask who out?” Ellie chimes in. I didn’t even know she was listening. Damian sighs loudly, finishing off his beer.
I knew getting Damian to admit he has feelings for a girl would be like pulling teeth, but a small part of me was hoping that he’d break down a bit easier.
“He likes Allie Moore, but he won’t do anything about it,” I explain. Ellie jumps up and down with a squeal.
“Omg, I knew you had a heart. Go ask her. Allie is so sweet!” Ellie’s smiling face looks from Damian to Allie, who is dancing with a group of her friends. Her auburn hair looks dark under the dim light of the room, and I can see why Damian would like her. She seems like fun.
Damian rolls his eyes, and I can tell he’s breaking down. He looks back at me, his face softer and more vulnerable.
“Are you sure she’ll like me?” he asks, and my heart squeezes. That bitch Mikayla really messed him up. I hate her. The thought makes me want to find her and punch her in the face. Damian is too good, too pure to think that he’s not worth more than meaningless sex with random girls.
Placing my hands on both of his biceps, I look him right in the eye.
“Damian, you are by far one of the best guys I know, and you deserve someone just as amazing as you are. You deserve to be happy. If Allie doesn’t see it, someone else will. But I think Allie will feel the same way you do,” I assure him. “Just go ask her to dance. What’s the worst that can happen? She says no?”
Damian lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Exactly. That’s the worst thing that could happen. If she says no, I’ll have to find the nearest cliff to fling myself off of. I’d have to transfer schools,” he panics. I squeeze his arms.
“Stop. It’ll be fine. She’s not going to say no. Now go,” I order, pushing him toward the dancefloor. He gives me a death glare before turning around and hesitantly walking to Allie.
When Damian approaches, Allie stops dancing and smiles at him. I don’t hear what they say, but Allie must have said yes, because when the next song starts, they’re dancing together. I melt when I see the smile on Damian’s face.
“You go, bestie,” I whisper to myself, a proud smile on my face. It falls when my stupid brain remembers Ryker hasn’t come to find me yet. Damn you, brain. Damn you.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as Holland approaches Ellie and I, his eyes glued to Lainey and the guy she’s dancing with. Here we go.
“What is she doing?” he seethes. Wow, subtle.
“Dancing,” Ellie says pointedly. Holland’s eyes narrow but don’t move from Lainey as she grinds her ass against Teddy.
“I see that. Why is she dancing with him?” he asks menacingly. I shrug .
“He asked her. Teddy’s nice.”
“Yeah well, he just wants to get in her pants,” he accuses. I stifle a laugh at his obvious jealousy.
“Why do you care?” Ellie questions her brother. His shoulders straighten and his face looks defensive.
“I just don’t think she should be dancing with him,” he goes back to watching and I watch him, seeing the exact moment he decides he’s going to do something about it.
“Fuck this,” he says, storming over to Lainey and pushing Teddy backwards. He grabs Lainey’s arm and pulls her back toward us. Lainey’s face is furious as she fights with Holland, trying to get out of his grasp.
“What the hell, Holland?” she hisses. He lets go of Lainey’s arm, taking a step closer to her.
“You needed a break,” he claims. Lainey’s nostrils flare with anger. Yeah, she’s pissed.
“Who says?”
“I do.”
She takes a step forward until their faces are inches away from one another. Ellie and I exchange a wary look, waiting to see what Lainey’s going to do. She doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do, and Holland is on thin ice.
“Fuck you, Monroe.”
Lainey disappears into the sea of people, leaving Holland standing here with an angry glare on his face. A minute later, Holland storms off in the opposite direction.
Man, I feel bad for them since they’re going to have to put up with each other for another year.
Reality sets back in as I remember the fact that Ryker still has not made an appearance.
“You okay?” Ellie asks over the music. I nod, not wanting to explain the worry I’m feeling over not seeing Ryker yet.
“Yeah, just a bit warm. It’s really hot in here,” I lie. Ellie nods in understanding.
“It is. Do you want to step outside? I’ll go with you,” she offers, her eyes sincere.
“No, it’s okay. I have to go to the bathroom,” I tell her .
“Okay. I’ll be here. Text me if you need anything,” she smiles sweetly, and I glance over to Lainey and Damian one more time before heading for the stairs.
I don’t have to pee, but I needed an excuse to go look for Ryker. Since I haven’t seen him downstairs, maybe he’s upstairs in his room or hanging out in the living room. But why wouldn’t he text me to let me know.
The music pulsates through the walls, and the sound of the crowd dissipates as I make my way up the stairs. I walk into the living room to find it’s empty. My shoulders slump and I let out a sigh.
Okay, so he’s not there. Maybe he’s in his room.
Walking down the hall, I find Ryker’s room and open the door slowly. Peaking inside, I realize he’s not there either. What the hell?
Anxiety ripples through me as I pull out my phone to send a text to Ryker.
Hotshot ??
Me
Where are you?
I shove my phone back into my pocket and begin to head for the bathroom to check myself. I’m sure I look like a mess since I’ve been sweating from the heat downstairs.
When I turn the corner, I bump into someone. God, I really do have a habit of running into people.
I’m surprised when I look up to see a girl I recognize.
I recognize her blonde hair and large hazel eyes framed by thick lashes as her lips twist in a mischievous smile. Jealousy surges through my veins as I remember her talking to Ryker in the library during our first session.
I don’t really know what they were speaking about, but Ryker seemed really uninterested in the conversation, and she seemed butthurt over it.
“Oh, hi,” the girl purrs, her voice low and smoky. “You must be Gwen. ”
My heart stutters. “Y-yes, I am. Do I know you?” I try my best to sound confident but I’m doing a shit job at it.
The girl laughs, and it’s a sound that sends a shiver down my spine. “Not yet, but I certainly know you. Or at least, I know who you're looking for.” Her gaze flicks over my shoulder, and her smile turns bitter. “Ryker, right?”
I feel a rush of embarrassment that this girl has seen right through me. Am I that obvious?
“Yeah… Do you know where he is?” I’m not sure why I’m even asking her. But she might know something about where Ryker is right now.
The girl steps closer, her perfume intoxicating, and goosebumps run down my arms as she whispers in my ear.
“Oh, I don’t know where he is right now. But I do know where he was last night,” she says ominously. My eyes narrow, and my heart picks up speed. What is she talking about? “He really likes it when you do this thing with your tongue while you, well, you know. I mean, you must know,” she shrugs, and the bitter smile turns into the bitchiest smile I’ve ever seen.
My heart feels like it stops all together. I picture Ryker's face and his easy smile, remembering the way my pulse quickened whenever he was near.
I trusted him, and I'd allowed myself to hope that he felt the same way about me. Now, all I feel is the sting of betrayal, a bitter taste in my mouth.
The girl must see the effect her words have on me because she takes a step back, her expression transforming into one of false empathy.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blindside you. I'm Amy, by the way. Ryker and I have been hooking up for a while. I think he might even want to make it official,”she smiles, and I have a strong urge to slap her across her bitchy face.
I feel a rising sense of anger as I look into her hazel eyes. “Why are you telling me this?”
Amy's eyes flash with a mixture of emotions, what looks like regret, resentment, and something like satisfaction.
“Because I’ve seen you two around campus together, and it looked like you were getting a little too comfortable, so I wanted you to know the truth. You seem like a good girl, and I wouldn’t want to see you get crushed by a guy like Ryker,” she explains, not sounding the least bit sincere.
My mind is reeling, and I feel nauseous. I let my guard down, I let myself feel, I let Ryker make me look like a fucking idiot. Why would he do this?
Amy's eyes darken. “Ryker likes to keep his options open. He always has, and you don’t strike me as the kind of girl that likes to have casual relationships,” she says, her eyes wandering down my body and back up to my face.
“Are you okay?” Amy asks, her voice turning soft as my ears begin to ring. “Look, I didn't come here to ruin your night. I just wanted you to know the truth. Ryker's a manwhore, and I didn't think it was fair for him to lead you on.”
I know she doesn’t actually give a shit about me or my feelings. She only wanted to rub it in my face that Ryker has also been sleeping with her. “Thanks,” I say, barely audible as I turn and head down the steps, my heart heavy and my thoughts racing.
I need to get out of here, to escape the stifling air of deception that now seemed to permeate the party.
As I walk toward the front door, Lainey and Ellie find me, their eyes wide with concern.
“There you are!” Lainey exclaims. “We've been looking everywhere for you. Ellie said you went to the bathroom, but you’ve been gone a while.”
I take a deep breath, steeling myself. “I want to leave,” I state.
Lainey and Ellie exchange a confused glance. “Why? What happened?” Ellie asks.
I shake my head, not wanting to reiterate what just happened upstairs with Amy. I just want to go home and finish packing. I need to go home.
“Nothing, I just… I need to go. You guys stay, have fun,” I tell them. Their expressions are a mix of worry and hesitation. “Seriously, go. I’m fine,” I send them a fake smile before I turn around and head out of the Elite mansion without looking back.
How could I have been so stupid? I knew who Ryker was before getting involved with him. I knew he’d break my heart.
Why did I let him?