Chapter 53
Guinevere
M y mom cries as she hugs me. I squeeze her back, trying not to laugh at the fact that she cries every single time I go back to campus as if I won’t be back.
She pulls back, leaving her hands on my shoulders as her eyes look over my face. I give her a small smile.
“Mom, I’ll be back in five months. And I’ll come visit,” I tell her. She tilts her head to the side and scoffs.
“That’s what you said last time.”
She’s not wrong. I did tell her before the Fall semester started that I’d come home every other weekend. But my classes got harder, and I had limited time to get things done, plus I didn’t feel like driving the two hours home.
“I promise I will.”
A knock on the door has us pulling away from one another before it flies open and Damian barges in. He’s gotten a haircut since the last time I saw him so his blonde hair is no longer hanging in his face. Instead, the sides are shaved down, and the top is a bit longer. He looks good.
“Oh, Gwenny! Your ride is here. Are you ready to get back to the big El?” he shouts. I roll my eyes.
“I’m driving you,” I deadpan as I grab my bags off the floor. I hear Sammy running down the hallway and he runs into Damian, almost knocking him over.
Since girls night, Sammy has fallen in love with Damian, and their relationship is actually pretty cute.
Damian leans down which gives Sammy the perfect opportunity to give him tons of kisses.
“I’m gonna miss you, buddy,” Damian says before he stands.
My mom chuckles before turning back to me.
“Call me if you need anything, sweetie,” mom squeezes my upper arms with a sad smile. I nod.
“I will, mom. Love you.”
“I love you, Gwenny,” she tells me as I walk to the front door, patting Sammy on the head before Damian and I head out.
—————————
The drive back to campus wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Winter break went by a lot quicker than anticipated, but part of me is happy to be back on campus.
Although everywhere I look reminds me of green eyes, dark hair, and the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen. I still haven’t talked to him, even though I unblocked his number and have almost sent a hundred different texts before deciding against it and erasing the whole thing.
I’m being a coward. I know I should just reach out to him, but I can’t handle being hurt by him again. If he confirms everything Amy told me, I don’t think I’d survive.
But what if he tells me none of it was true? What if Amy was truly just a jealous bitch and told me they slept together to get me out of the picture? Would I take him back? Would he even want me back after I left him without an explanation and told him never to talk to me again?
What if I see him on campus, or on our way to classes? What if we have a class together? All the what ifs are driving me insane. I’ve been sitting in my room going through every single scenario possible and every one of them makes me question if I should just leave and go home. See if I can take the rest of my classes online or some shit.
But I’m not going to let him affect me that way. I’m going to suck it up, hold my head up high, and act like I’m not completely crushed by the only man I want.
I got an email from Professor Whitely this morning asking for me to come in to see her tomorrow morning before going to my first class. I’m not sure what she’d want me to come in for considering I’m not even her student anymore, but I can’t say I didn’t miss her. She’s the only professor on this campus that I’ve ever actually liked.
“Bitch?” I hear a voice call from the hallway. I wide grin spreads across my face as I jump off my bed, tossing my phone to the side to run out into the hall.
Lainey stands there, her red hair now a shade of dark purple, wearing a black mini skirt and a bright pink crop top with a huge smile on her face to match mine.
“Bitch!” I run to her with my arms open, smashing into her, and we hold onto each other for a few minutes, squealing with excitement as if we hadn’t seen each other at least five times during the break.
Lainey grabs a strand of her purple hair and twirls it around her finger. “Like the new hair?” she asks, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously. I reach up to run my fingers through it. The under part is darker than what’s on top, and it makes for a nice contrast. It looks great on her, and I think it fits her personality so much better than the red.
“I love it. It’s so you,” I say, and her smile grows. I look out into the living room, but I don’t see Ellie or Haley. “Where’s Haley and El?” I know they drove together, so she has to be here somewhere.
“Hal texted the group chat and said she’d be coming tomorrow. She doesn’t have classes tomorrow. And El is at the Elite mansion. Something about having to talk to Holland,” Lainey shrugs. My heartbeat picks up and my skin crawls at the mention of the mansion. Ryker is probably already back, and the reality of seeing him makes me nauseous.
Fuck, this sucks.
“Speaking of the mansion, have you talked to Ryker yet?” she asks as she searches my face. I shake my head and she groans. “Gwen, you have to talk to him. You go to the same school. You live on the same road for Christ’s sake. You’ll run into him eventually, you know.”
“I know, Lain. I just… I don’t know what I’d even say at this point. It’s been weeks since we’ve spoken and he probably hates me for leaving and not letting him explain himself,” I whine. “Maybe I’ll just drop out and move to Canada.”
“You hate the snow, and Canada gets a lot of it,” Lainey says pointedly. She has a point. “Just talk to him.”
I groan exaggeratedly before walking into the living room and plopping down on the couch. Lainey follows and sits down next to me.
The front door swings open and Ellie walks through. We lock eyes and squeal before running into each other’s arms.
“Hi!” Ellie’s sweet voice chimes.
“Hi!” I grin. Seeing Ellie and Lainey has already made me feel so much better. They’re like a breath of fresh air after weeks of drowning.
“I missed you,” Ellie says. She’s been stuck at home dealing with some family issues which she hasn’t disclosed with the group yet, but we’re not going to push her to tell us if she’s not ready to share.
“I missed you too,” I throw my arms around her shoulders in another hug, and she giggles.
My head peaks up to the open door behind her. My heart freezes in my chest and my throat tightens at the sight of Ellie’s brother standing in my doorway. I haven’t seen any of the guys since the end of semester party and I wasn’t expecting to see them so soon.
“Hey,” Holland says softly, as if we’re friends. I pull away from Ellie giving her a wary expression. She gives me a sheepish smile. I look back at Lainey who just shrugs, clearly unaware of whatever is happening right now.
“El… why is he here?” I ask cautiously, gesturing to Holland who looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here.
Before Ellie can answer, Holland speaks up. “Inviting you ladies to a back-to-school party tonight at the Elite mansion,” he says with a cocky grin. Hell to the no. I am not stepping foot in that house. Not after what happened last time.
“Absolutely not,” I say, taking a step back as Holland invites himself in. He shakes his head knowingly as if he assumed that would be my answer.
“It’s less of an invite and more of a demand,” he says in a gruff tone. I cross my arms over my chest.
“A demand from whom?” I ask, although I already know the answer.
“Just be there. Ten p.m.,” he orders, as if I’ll listen to him.
“And if I’m not?” I challenge.
Hollands lips lift into a knowing smirk, and it makes chills run down my spine. “You will be.”
With that, he moves past his sister and out the door, shutting it behind him.
My blood boils and I can feel the rage sinking in. Who does Ryker think he is? We haven’t spoken in weeks and now he’s demanding me to come to his house for a party? And he didn’t even have the decency to ask me himself.
The freaking nerve.
He can’t actually think that I’ll show up. He’s not that dense. Well, maybe he is.
My thoughts run back to the night of the end of semester party when Amy decided to blow up my life.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blindside you. I'm Amy, by the way. Ryker and I have been hooking up for a while. I think he might even want to make it official.”
“Ryker likes to keep his options open. He always has, and you don’t strike me as the kind of girl that likes to have casual relationships.”
My skin crawls at the memory and my eyes begin to water. Shit, I don’t want to cry anymore.
Ellie walks over to me, setting her small hand on my arm.
“I’m sorry, Gwen. He didn’t give me a choice. He just followed me over,” she tells me, her voice genuine.
I nod. I know she wouldn’t do anything on purpose, I’m just… I don’t know, taken aback, I guess. I wasn’t expecting Holland to be here, and I definitely wasn’t expecting to be invited to a party where Ryker will be tonight.
Lainey hops up from the couch and heads to where I stand. She reaches out and slams her hands down on my shoulders making me look at her. She gives me her best serious expression.
“We are going to that party, and you are going to look hot as fuck. Ryker is going to regret ever fucking with you,” she assures me, but I’m not so sure about this plan, and Lainey can see that. “Trust me. Everything is going to fine. And if not, I’ll kick him in the balls.”
I giggle at the thought of Lainey kicking Ryker in the balls. I kind of feel like doing it too, but I won’t.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea…” I say apprehensively. Ellie stands next to Lainey, and I feel like I’m being lectured.
“We’ve got you, Gwen. We always do,” she tells me with a sweet smile.
I sigh heavily, knowing there is no way I’m getting out of this. “Fine. Okay, we’ll go. But I’m not staying long. I just want to get a drink,” I tell them in a serious tone, widening my eyes like a mother would do if they were scolding their child.
“Yay! Okay, we have two hours to get ready. Get your ass in the shower. I’ll pick out the hottest outfit I can muster,” Lainey orders like she’s a drill sergeant. I laugh at the seriousness in her tone.
“Okay, okay,” I say as I saunter off to my room feeling nervous and uneasy.
This is not going to end well; I just know it.
—————————
I adjusted my dress that Lainey picked out for me for what feels like the hundredth time, my fingers trembling slightly. Lainey and Ellie flanked me on either side, their supportive smiles doing little to calm the storm inside me.
The Elite mansion looks more intimidating than it’s ever been as we stand and stare at it. I haven’t been able to bring myself to go in yet, but Ellie and Lainey don’t seem to mind.
Laughter and music spill out into the night, and already drunk partygoers stumble around the front yard.
“Are you ready?” Lainey asks, her voice gentle but I can hear the concern in it.
I take a deep breath, my heart pounding. “No, but I don’t think I’ll ever be. So let’s get this over with,” I say, putting on a brave face as I stand up taller and push out my chest.
The dress is a dark green color, with a plunging neckline that stops just above my belly button, and it’s so short, I’m convinced my ass is hanging out of it. The black heels I wear have straps that go up my calf.
Lainey did a smokey eye look for my makeup and added some dark red lipstick to stand out. My hair is down in curls so it cascades over my shoulders and back.
I feel sexy, and I haven’t felt sexy since… since I was with Ryker.
My chest tightens but Ellie squeezes my hand reassuringly. “We'll be right here with you the whole time, and we can leave whenever.”
As we step inside, the strobe lights and smell of booze hits my nostrils, and the sea of familiar faces does little to ease my anxiety. I scan the room, looking for the man who summoned me here, but I don’t see him yet. A wave of temporary relief washes over me.
“Let's get a drink,” Ellie suggests loudly over the music, leading us to the kitchen. I nod numbly, trying to steady myself.
She stops abruptly in front of me causing me to run into her back.
“El? What’s-” my voice drops off as I find what she’s looking at.
Ryker stands in front of us, his black hair a bit longer than before, curling at the ends. He’s in his signature black t-shirt and black jeans with combat boots .
He looks delicious, and my heart begins to feel like it’s going to burst. I wasn’t expecting to find him this soon. Did he see us walk in?
Ryker’s eyes darken and I watch his hands clench into fists at his sides. A shiver runs down my spine and my pussy clenches at the way his green eyes look me up and down.
“You want us to stay?” she whispers in my ear. I swallow hard and take a deep breath before shaking my head. I need to do this alone. “Remember, the balls.”
Lainey gives my hand another squeeze before grabbing Ellie and pulling her out of the kitchen.
There’s a long silence between us and I can feel the tension building in the large kitchen. Before I know what’s happening, Ryker is in front of me, grabbing my elbow firmly and pulling me away from the curious stares of the partygoers, and pushing me into a dimly lit room off of the kitchen.
The heavy oak doors swing shut behind us, cutting us off from the music and laughter of the party. My heart is on overdrive and the anxiety in my body is making my skin tingle. I don’t even know how to feel right now, and it’s beyond frustrating. He’s beyond frustrating.
Ryker's breath is ragged, his eyes dark with a mix of emotions. I’ve seen him angry; I’ve seen him calm, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.
“You left,” he starts, and my eyes shoot to his. That’s the first thing he chooses to say to me? “You left, and you didn’t even give me the chance to explain,” he grits out.
“What was there to explain, Ryker?” I snap back as anger begins to surpass the anxiety I was feeling just moments ago.
“I could have told you the goddamn truth!” he yells, frustration clear in his features. I scoff, shaking my head. “Do you really believe I’d cheat on you?”
I stand my ground as Ryker takes a few steps in my direction. “Why shouldn’t I believe it? I knew I was never going to be enough for you. I was stupid to think you could want only me.” I turn around to head for the door because this isn’t going anywhere, but Ryker’s large hand grabs my wrist, pulling me back .
“You know, I've never had to beg or grovel, but I'll be damned if I let you walk away without hearing me out,’ he seethes before taking in a calming breath, his eyes softening just a touch. “I wouldn't do that to you, Gwen. You have to know that.”
I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know what to say. This whole situation has been a huge fucking shitshow and I hate Amy for putting these thoughts in my head. I was fine. We were fine.
“How could I know that? Before me, you were known for one-night stands and hookups. Why would I be any different?” I ask, my vision becoming blurry as tears threaten to spill. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep them from falling.
His eyes flash with rage, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “That’s not fair. You can’t use my past against me. You know I’m not that same guy you ran into months ago,” he growls.
I cross my arms over my chest timidly. I know it’s not fair for me to bring up the past. I know he’s different now, but it’s hard to trust that he won’t miss that life one day.
“How do I know you won’t get tired of me?” I ask, my eyes welling with fresh tears.
“Because I fucking love you!” he yells frustratedly. “I knew you were different from all the other girls because you didn’t care about who I was or what I could do for you. You argued with me, you challenged me, you made me question everything I thought I knew, and I hated you for it. But it was never really hate,” he moves closer to me and I flinch slightly before his warm hand lands on my cheek.
His face softens and my pulse races. Ryker loves me?
“I've loved you since the moment you showed me you wouldn’t put up with my shit. And I can't stand the thought of you thinking I would ever do something to hurt you.”
Ryker's eyes blaze with a fierce intensity as he walks me back until I’m pushed up against the wall. His hand reaches above my head as he uses it to hold himself up while his other hand still rests on my cheek.
“You want an explanation? Fine. But you're going to listen, and you're going to believe me, Gwen.”
He knows I love it when he’s demanding, and I don’t want to be distracted right now. I’m still so confused and so hurt, but the way he’s looking at me right now has me forgetting what I was even mad about.
“Amy and I fucked, yes. But it was way before I even knew you. She’s been obsessed with me ever since, stalking me, and she must have seen us together. She lied to you, Gwen. I was with Pat at an Elite meeting the night before the party. I haven’t been with anyone else since I met you. I have not and will not ever betray your trust like that.”
He pushes his body flush against mine, and my breath hitches as I feel the rigid length of his arousal pressing against my stomach. Holy shit, I’ve missed that.
Amy lied. She was jealous and she lied to me to get me away from Ryker. I didn’t even give him the benefit of the doubt. I just believed her and left. Oh my God, I’m a horrible person. How does Ryker not hate me right now?
“She… lied?” I ask, my voice shaky as I hold back tears. Ryker caresses my cheek softly, his features gentle as he nods.
“Yes, Rebel. She lied,” he tells me, wiping away a tear that I hadn’t realized had fallen. “Shh. Why are you crying?”
I try to look down so he doesn’t see more tears spill out, but he holds my head in place, forcing me to look at him.
“Why are you crying, Gwen?” he asks again, this time more commanding.
“I’m just… I’m so sorry, Ryker,” I say, giving up on trying to hold my tears. They stream down my cheeks as Ryker’s face drops.
“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything,” he says.
“I left. I believed Amy and I left without giving you a chance to defend yourself. I hated you for weeks. I hated you because I thought you’d betrayed me. I hated that I loved you, even when I’d thought you’d cheated,” my voice shakes, and I try to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
Ryker’s head tilts slightly as his brow furrows. He searches my face before tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Loved?” he asks. My lips turn up into a small smile .
“Love,” I say, and a huge grin takes over Ryker’s hard features. “I love you, Ryker.”