Chapter 13
Ellie
The hot water cascades over my skin while the scent of my shampoo and body wash wraps around me.
It was a long day, and I’m ready to lay down and go to bed.
After Jamie left me in the auditorium reeling from our conversation, I sat alone in the quiet, dark room for an hour before finally heading home.
“Because I’m going to do everything in my power to make it impossible for you not to.”
What the hell does he mean by that? Why does he want me to forgive him so badly? He didn’t care how I felt back then, why would he care how I feel now?
The questions swirl around in my head like a tornado. Could I even forgive him? I mean, I can already feel my resolve cracking just from being around him. What does that say about me?
I’m weak. I’m weak and stupid and I know if he continues being in my orbit, I’m going to fold and I will forgive him.
Even if I do forgive him, I won’t let him in again.
I need to get through this semester without any hiccups.
He is an unexpected hurdle that I need to face.
Maybe if I do forgive him, he’ll leave me the hell alone and the weight that feels like a constant reminder of him will be gone.
I can move on and focus solely on what I came here to do which is direct this show and prove to myself that I can do this.
Jamie Patterson is not going to get in the way of my dreams. I will not let him dictate my thoughts. Even though that’s exactly what he’s doing right now. He’s gotten into my head and he knows it.
He was so close. So damn close to me today, and I could feel every fiber of my being clawing at me to reach out and touch him. Feel him. Every part of me wants to say fuck it and forget about our past.
I haven’t been that close with a man in forever, and I’d forgotten how good it feels to have someone so close to you.
We never touched. His hands were gripping the desk on either side of me, his face was inches from mine, but we never touched.
I could feel the tension between us, which means he felt it too.
I don’t know what had gotten into him. This whole time he’s been keeping his distance, yet he came to see me after practice to what? To tell me that he knows I’ll forgive him? He really is a cocky asshole, isn’t he.
Frustrated with myself for the thoughts and feelings overtaking my body, I scrub my skin a bit too hard in hopes that the feeling will take away the dull ache between my legs as I think of Jamie.
I lay wrapped in my towel on my bed as a scroll through my phone, stopping to watch a few silly videos here and there. The screen lights up with Lainey’s picture as my phone vibrates in my hand.
“How goes it, Professor Monroe?” Lainey asks with a teasing lilt to her voice. I chuckle before rolling my eyes.
“Just peachy,” I say sarcastically.
Her face twists in question. “Did that asshole Patterson do something? Are you okay?”
“He didn’t do anything. Not yet at least. He’s just…” I trail off, trying to think of the right words.
“Don’t let him get into your head, Ellie.” Too late.
“I know, I’m not. He’s just everywhere and it’s getting difficult to avoid him,” I explain. “He showed up at my rehearsal today.”
Lainey’s eyes widen. “For what reason?”
“He said he was passing by,” I shrug, twirling a piece of wet hair around my finger nervously. “He told me he knows I’ll forgive him.”
She scoffs. “He what? Why would he say that? There’s no way in hell you’re going to forgive his stupid ass.”
My eyes dart away from the screen and I feel my cheeks heat as Lainey glares at me through the screen. I can’t lie to her, and I don’t know if what she says is true.
“Ellie Monroe. You are not going to forgive that man, right? He may be a hot hockey player, but he hurt you. He does not deserve your forgiveness. You’re too good for him,” she declares.
I know she's right. I know what he did, and I know the pain he caused. I just… he seems so different from the boy I knew. Sure, he’s still cocky and a bit arrogant.
He knows how to push my buttons and what to say to get me riled up.
Jesus, I don’t even know why I’m entertaining this.
“I know, Lane. I know. He’s just… I don’t know.”
“If you say different, I’m going to slap you,” she warns. “He is no different than when he left you without a word. You may not have kept up with his hockey career, but I did. He’s an asshole on and off the ice. He is an arrogant jerk, and you are better than that.”
She’s obviously right. I’m not stupid, I know it would be idiotic of me to think that Jamie is a ‘changed man’ but honestly, people can change.
Hell, I know I’ve changed since I was eighteen.
I’m not that quiet, na?ve little girl anymore.
I know what I want, and I go after it. I don’t let anyone walk all over me, even if I am a bit of people pleaser.
Despite what my brother may think, I am capable of standing up for myself. I am perfectly okay with telling someone to back the hell off if I don’t enjoy their presence.
However, even when I’m telling Jamie to leave me alone, deep down, I don’t think I mean it.
“I know,” I agree with her, knowing this conversation isn’t going anywhere. I love my best friend, but sometimes I feel like her strong opinions make it hard for me to talk to her.
She wouldn’t understand the conflict I’m having because she’s the type of person to cut you off if you cross her. She’s not weak. Not like I am. “I’m gonna get to bed, Lane.” ‘
Lainey nods. “Okay, Ellie Bear. Remember you’re a boss ass bitch and you are better than him. Love you,” she says before hanging up and leaving me in the quiet of my bedroom.
Groaning, I flip onto my side and shove my face into my pillow before letting out a small, muffled scream.
I’m frustrated with myself and with Jamie and with this whole situation that could have been avoided if I had just told Dean Ashby I couldn’t do this.
But where would that have gotten me? I’d be back in New York trying to make it as an actress without a steady income.
At least I’m doing something here. I feel important, and these kids seem to enjoy having me around.
A soft knock on my door has me jumping up so fast I swear I gave myself whiplash.
I check the time on my alarm clock on the nightstand.
It’s 10:30pm. Shit, did Jamie hear me scream?
I thought I’d masked it pretty well with the pillow.
I didn’t even know he was home. Damnit. Do I answer or should I just pretend I’m asleep?
Pretend you’re asleep, Ellie. Do not open the door. Do not open the…
Before I can stop myself, I’m up out of bed and heading for the door.
I hesitate for a split second, taking a deep breath and trying my best to make it look like I’ve been sleeping.
I grip the handle and pull the door open slightly, revealing a wet haired Jamie.
His eyes roam up and down my body as if he’s assessing me to make sure I’m unharmed.
“I, uh… I thought I heard a scream. Are… are you okay?” he stutters, his gaze locking onto my face. He looks worried, but uncertain too—like he’s not even sure he has the right to ask.
“A scream? No, I didn’t hear a scream,” I lie, leaning against the doorframe with what I hope looks like nonchalance. God, I’m an idiot.
His eyes shift, dropping briefly to my chest before slowly drifting back up to my face. “I was asleep.”
His head tilts, brows knitting together as a smirk tugs at his lips.
“You were asleep,” he repeats. I nod.
“I was.”
He crosses his arms, his veiny, muscular arms, and my attention snags on them far longer than it should.
“In a towel?” he asks. Heat floods my face.
I glance down, suddenly aware of my bare legs and the white towel wrapped around me—one I’m only now realizing I’ve been clutching tightly shut.
“It’s a new sleep trend,” I mutter. “Very breathable.” God, Ellie. Stop talking.
His lips twitch, like he’s fighting a smile. “Very breathable,” he repeats. “I’ll have to try it sometime.”
“You should,” I say quickly.
He laughs under his breath, shaking his head. “So let me get this straight. You were asleep, not screaming, and just happened to wake up… like this.” He gestures up and down my body.
“Correct,” I nod, knowing I’m full of shit and he knows it. His eyes flick to the towel again, then back to my face.
“You know, most people put on clothes when they answer the door.”
“Most people don’t expect surprise wellness checks in the middle of the night.”
He hums, clearly enjoying my embarrassment far too much. “Right…” he says skeptically.
“Yep.”
He grins. “Alright,” he says, lifting his hands in surrender. “No scream, no emergency. Good to know.”
He turns to leave, then pauses, glancing back over his shoulder.
“But if you do scream,” he adds, smirk firmly back in place, “I’ll come running.”
“Please don’t,” I shoot back.
His grin widens. “No promises.”
When he’s finally down the hall and tucked away in his room, I shut my door behind me and slowly fall to the floor. What the actual hell just happened? Was he being flirty? Of course he was, Ellie. You were in a towel in front of him.
How did I not realize I was still in a freaking towel? I’m never going to live that down. He is never going to let me forget this.
After quickly getting dressed and ready for bed, I lie down and wait for sleep to overtake me.
I’m half asleep when I hear another soft knock on my door. What the hell is it now? Before I can get up, my door slowly creaks open and Jamie slips in. The room is so dark, I can barely make him out, but I can feel the mattress sink as he sits next to me.
“What are you doing? Get out of here!” I tell him, but he doesn’t move. He just sits there; his gaze locked on mine.
“Ellie…” he rasps, almost like he’s in pain. Like he can’t control himself. My heart hammers in my chest and the room spins as his body heat radiates into me. The smell of his soap and shampoo overtake my senses as he leans down, his face coming into focus.
“Jamie… what are you—” he stops my question, smashing his lips against mine and my body feels like it’s on fire. All of my nerve endings are firing, and it feels like an electric current is surging through me. Holy hell. Jamie Patterson is kissing me.
Why is Jamie Patterson kissing me? And why the hell do I not want him to stop?