Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
DANA
I gazed at Emily, hair mussed and a sleepy smile on her face, lying next to me. My heart felt on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
“That was incredible,” I murmured, after we’d lain in silence for a while. I trailed a finger down her cheek.
“It really was.” Emily smiled.
I traced my finger across her jaw, then raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re attracted to women?”
Emily laughed. “Impressive deduction skills.”
I grinned. “You know what I mean. I Googled you, and the results only mentioned you dating men.”
Emily slid her hand over my side and rested it on my hip. “I worked out that I was attracted to women as well in my early teens, but I kept it close to my chest. I’ve had a few experiences with women, but nothing serious.”
I frowned. “Why did you keep it close to your chest?”
Emily wriggled forward so she was only inches from my face, her breasts grazing mine.
“To be honest, it just seems like the easier option. Since I’m attracted to men too, why open myself up for discrimination?
I grew up in a Catholic neighborhood and witnessed a lot of homophobia.
My parents and Lucia are fine with me being pan, and I think things are changing, even in Dyker Heights, but it has definitely made me reluctant to publicly date women. ”
I slipped my arm under Emily’s and wrapped it around her waist. “You’d think a place called Dyker Heights would be embracing lesbians and other queer women with open arms.”
Emily laughed. “It was named after the Van Dyke family, not lesbians unfortunately. And it’s not just Dyker Heights. Being a queer—even minor—public figure can attract a lot of negative attention from some parts of the internet. Why put myself through that?”
I readjusted my head on the pillow. “I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable being yourself.”
“Yeah. I’ve generally made peace with it. But every so often I’ll encounter a woman, like a smoking-hot, wood-chopping farmer, and I’ll have regrets.”
“A smoking-hot, wood-chopping farmer, eh? Was that just a hypothetical example or…”
Emily leaned in and kissed me through her smile.
“What do you think?” she asked, pulling back, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “The other thing was kids. I’ve always wanted them, and it just seems so much more straightforward—and cheaper—dating men if you want a family.”
So Emily wanted kids too.
I ran my fingers down the curve of Emily’s smooth back. If I was bi or pan would I make the same decision? From a societal perspective, yes it would be easier to date men. But women were just so… good. I couldn’t imagine swearing off dating women altogether.
Emily wriggled slightly. “What about you? Are you out publicly? It never came up in conversation, but I guess I wondered.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I came out to my family as a lesbian when I was seventeen and had a couple of girlfriends in my twenties. Thankfully, my family was fine. And I’ve been pretty lucky. The area I grew up in is quite progressive, so I didn’t have to deal with much homophobia.”
There was the odd look or a drunk guy at a pub yelling something incoherent but clearly derogatory when Kelsey and I walked in holding hands, but I’d always been able to just shake it off. If someone was ignorant enough to be homophobic, I didn’t care what they thought.
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
Emily’s eyes, lit by the soft light of the flames, found mine.
I tried to imprint every freckle, every feature, to memory. An invisible string tugged at my heart. Emily would be gone tomorrow, and who knew when I’d see her again. Whenever it was, it was unlikely to involve her lying naked in my bed.
“I’m going to miss you.”
Emily pressed her lips together. “I know. It sucks, but it’s probably for the best that I’m leaving tomorrow and then we’ll have some time apart. If this had happened earlier in my stay, I’m not sure I would have had the willpower to keep it to a one-time thing.”
“Me either.”
God, that would have been torture, spending all that time with Emily, the memory of our incredible night fresh in my mind, knowing she didn’t want to pursue anything. It was still going to be torture, waking up tomorrow and knowing this wouldn’t happen again.
Emily stifled a yawn.
“I guess we should get some sleep,” I said reluctantly.
“Hey…” Emily said, propping herself up.
“Mmm?”
“Can I kiss you one last time?”
In answer, I cupped her jaw and gently pressed my lips against hers. Emily’s mouth parted and I shut my eyes as the kiss morphed from tender to passionate, pushing all thoughts of tomorrow out of my mind.